Location, location, location

[Deleted User]

Sorry in advance for how long this is!

My fiancé is from Santa Rosa, California and just about all his family in friends either live there or within an hour's drive. We also both live there now. I am from Laguna Beach, California (a nine hour drive from Santa Rosa), and my immediate family still lives there. I also have close friends and more distant family scattered all over the country. So here's where things get a little more complicated: 

My fiancé's parents have offered to let us use their home (where my fiancé grew up), a lovely 12 acre ranch in the outskirts of Santa Rosa, as our venue. We are both recently out of college, and this would be an inexpensive option for a rustic and homey event. We are most likely going with it for our ceremony and reception.

Our wedding will not be until spring or summer of 2017, and my immediate family and best friends will of course be there. However, I don't envision many of my distant family being willing or able to travel for the wedding, mostly due to expenses (even with the long notice), and we are likely to end up with a big wedding that is mostly his family and friends.

We have already discussed this, and we are both a little bit at a loss for what would be the best option. Has anyone else ran into a similar problem? Would going through with the inexpensive venue be best, even under these circumstances? Is there anything I can do to better accommodate my out of town relatives and friends?

holyguacamole79

Knottie1450640540 said:

Sorry in advance for how long this is!

My fiancé is from Santa Rosa, California and just about all his family in friends either live there or within an hour's drive. We also both live there now. I am from Laguna Beach, California (a nine hour drive from Santa Rosa), and my immediate family still lives there. I also have close friends and more distant family scattered all over the country. So here's where things get a little more complicated: 

My fiancé's parents have offered to let us use their home (where my fiancé grew up), a lovely 12 acre ranch in the outskirts of Santa Rosa, as our venue. We are both recently out of college, and this would be an inexpensive option for a rustic and homey event. We are most likely going with it for our ceremony and reception.

Our wedding will not be until spring or summer of 2017, and my immediate family and best friends will of course be there. However, I don't envision many of my distant family being willing or able to travel for the wedding, mostly due to expenses (even with the long notice), and we are likely to end up with a big wedding that is mostly his family and friends.

We have already discussed this, and we are both a little bit at a loss for what would be the best option. Has anyone else ran into a similar problem? Would going through with the inexpensive venue be best, even under these circumstances? Is there anything I can do to better accommodate my out of town relatives and friends?

Your FILs are very gracious to let you use their property.  

From what you've said, it sounds like the relatives / friends you're concerned about  are in various parts of the country, so there really isn't a good way to accomodate all of them.  If you had the wedding in New York to accomodate the friends/family there, the friends/family in Chicago will still be in the same predicament.  

My suggestion is to have the wedding at your FIL's property.  Once you get a budget and guest list, send a save-the-date to those in the other parts of the country and hope they can find a way to make it.

MobKaz

Knottie1450640540 said:

Sorry in advance for how long this is!

My fiancé is from Santa Rosa, California and just about all his family in friends either live there or within an hour's drive. We also both live there now. I am from Laguna Beach, California (a nine hour drive from Santa Rosa), and my immediate family still lives there. I also have close friends and more distant family scattered all over the country. So here's where things get a little more complicated: 

My fiancé's parents have offered to let us use their home (where my fiancé grew up), a lovely 12 acre ranch in the outskirts of Santa Rosa, as our venue. We are both recently out of college, and this would be an inexpensive option for a rustic and homey event. We are most likely going with it for our ceremony and reception.

Our wedding will not be until spring or summer of 2017, and my immediate family and best friends will of course be there. However, I don't envision many of my distant family being willing or able to travel for the wedding, mostly due to expenses (even with the long notice), and we are likely to end up with a big wedding that is mostly his family and friends.

We have already discussed this, and we are both a little bit at a loss for what would be the best option. Has anyone else ran into a similar problem? Would going through with the inexpensive venue be best, even under these circumstances? Is there anything I can do to better accommodate my out of town relatives and friends?

Sometimes the best financial situation does not solve the problem, but ends up creating new ones.

I'm not sure you can guarantee that your immediate family and best friends will "be there".  Spring/summer of 2017 is a long way off, and many things can change between now and then.  Family dynamics, finances, employment, or relocation can all factor into attendance at the wedding of anyone.

How will YOUR family perceive this inconvenience?  Will anyone read it as any type of deliberate "slight" to them?  Regardless of rationale, it will at least look unbalanced/unfair as to costs incurred to attend the wedding on this ranch.

Does this ranch offer inside options if weather does not cooperate on the day of the wedding?  Have you thought about things that will be necessary to hold a large event at this ranch, such as catering, seating, restrooms, and parking?  Is there affordable and ample lodging nearby for the OOT guests that would be attending this wedding?  Is it far from the airport?

Many people will actually consider an OOT wedding, so to discount guests that have to travel is not always a sure bet.  How do you think YOU will feel on your actual wedding day if most of your family is not in attendance?

It sounds as if you plan on going forward with this option even though it does not appear you have considered other venue options.  You do not mention whether you have discussed this with your parents.  Are you and your FI paying for your own wedding?  If that is the case then you obviously can do as you see fit. 

[Deleted User]

Thank you so much! The engagement is relatively recent so we have not had the time to process all of our options. By immediate family I mean my parents and their SOs, my brother and my best friend who I will eventually ask to be MOH, so I would certainly hope they'd make being there a priority
I don't think any of them would be offended if they had to travel for the wedding, but my more distant relatives would probably use it as a fair reason to not travel. They just want what is best for Jordan and I. I am sure we will discuss more options for venues, but as of right now, it makes the most sense. Thanks again

holyguacamole79

OP, I see you also posted this on another board.  When you post the same question on multiple boards, it's best to put "XP" in the title.

[Deleted User]

So sorry! This is my second day on The Knot, still learning Thank you

Jen4948

Before you make a decision, consider the logistics of the ranch as @MobKaz suggests, and then you might discuss it with VIPs.  If a nine-hour drive is really too much for them and/or the logistics aren't going to work, then I would graciously thank your FI's family but explain that you've given it a lot of thought and while you love the idea of getting married at the ranch, you also need to accommodate the needs of VIP guests who can't travel there.

CMGragain

At daughter's wedding, only my sister and sister-in-law's family came.  We offered to pay expenses for the Grandparents, but they didn't want to travel.  They lived in Iowa, and the wedding was in Maryland, where we had lived for 30+ years.
You can't be sure who will accept and who will decline.  Just choose your venue and hope for the best.

lyndausvi

We lived in the islands.  DH's side is from Long Island, NY, my side mostly DE/PA area, but parents lived in the mid-west and had family and friends living all over.

We picked South Jersey because it was within driving distance of most of our guests.     Some people (including us) had to fly.  Others drove from OH and Fl.   We had about an 82% acceptance rate.   That was everyone being OOT and the only kids invited were my nieces and nephews.


When you and your partner come from different areas someone is going to be inconvenienced.   It's just a fact of life.

kaos16

Certainly look into the logistics of having the wedding at the ranch.  My family owned a 20 acre farm until recently.  We discussed having our wedding there in 2012.  By the time we would have paid for a tent, catering, bathrooms, dance floor, seating for the ceremony and reception, linens, etc. . . . it actually became less expensive and less stressful to hold the wedding at a venue.

justsie

I agree with PPs but would also like to add that sometimes "property" weddings can cost as much as an existing venue so just be aware of that. The cost of renting everything and trucking it in can sometimes mean no savings, so I'd do some price checking for how much it would cost to bring in tables, chairs, bathroom facilities etc if price is a big part of your decision!