Attire & Accessories Forum

Matron of Honor Dress

So, my sis will have had a baby 6 weeks out from my wedding. Since we first started talking about my wedding, she makes comments about how she can wear something different since she's matron of honor. Totally fine. I originally wanted everyone to wear something different. Feel comfortable, buy something you think you'd actually wear twice. The color scheme is neutral, pick a winner! I was told I needed to give them more direction than that, so I picked 4 or 5 dresses from a line and said "go forth, try on, find something you like!" I should mention that I'm overseas and can't be with my girls to try on dresses, which is difficult. One of the girls helped narrow down the colors in the dress brand to a light, soft peachy/blush color, a "mocha" color and a light creamy/bronze color. Everyone went separately and wound up picking the same dress style, so I cut out the color no one wanted, and have 4 girls, 2 in one color, 2 in the other. My sister makes 5, so I said wear whatever. My sister looked at that designer online and was like "they're all open back, I'll have too much back fat, I won't be able to wear a bra " and I said, fine, pick something else, just keep it a neutral tone. You don't even have to pick the same brand. She says, "that's just not as easy as you think it is. Why don't you have the girls wear the same things and I'll wear something different." And I'm like," go find something different, you don't have to pick this brand!" So she goes, tries on lacy dresses of that brand (my dress is all over lace), which doesn't even come in the same colors as the rest of the dresses anyway (which i informed of both before her shopping trip and during) - and her options are ballet slipper pink, white, turquoise blue, and dark grey. Apparently she's about to cry over how post pregnancy fat she's gonna be and nothing fits and on and on and this is the only dress that works. My mom is sending me texts the next day trying to convince me to let her wear the pink dress. I'm like, she could literally have picked any damn dress in the store she didn't feel ugly in, and she chose only to try on the designer that she knew she didn't like the backs of dresses of, and then wants to wear the only dress that either a) isn't even close to anyone else's or b) looks like mine. Then, she sends me an email (which is very uncharacteristic of her) explaining that she understands that I gave her a choice, but it's just not that easy and someday I'll understand and we'll all just have to agree to disagree and she'll just pick one of the dresses from the same line that matches the other girls. I'm just confused. Am I being bitchy here? I don't feel like I'm being bitchy. I've told her like 4 times to go try on literally anything and find a color somewhere between cream and mocha, any brand, I don't care, whatever she feels comfortable in. I've suggested having back panels sewn into the dresses that show her back, on me, and she says that won't work. She says "it's not that easy" but I know exactly what store she's shopping in. Another bridesmaid sent me a picture when I said, "pick a neutral color" of about 50 dresses in blush/cream/ivory neutral tones (she was making me narrow the playing field!). I know my sister only tried on the one brand I continuously told her not to try on. And the only thing she comes up with is a lacy dress that looks like my wedding dress that comes in white pink and blue. I don't like pink, and it was the color of her bridesmaid dresses. It almost feels like she's creating difficulty where there doesn't need to be. Help! She just sent me this email, and I don't know what to do with it. Sympathetic? Just move on and chalk it up to pregnancy brain on her part? I'm getting angry with the situation so I don't want to respond. Can someone unbiased shed some light here? Please tell me if I'm being the asshole. Our relationship tends to be that I'm the pushover little sister and she is often the bossy Let-me-tell-you-what-to-do type, so I feel like I'm letter our dynamic influence this situation. ok, I'm down now. Looking forward to your thoughts.

Re: Matron of Honor Dress

  • First, take a deep breath. Second, I would suggest telling her "Sister, for the bridesmaids dresses please choose any dress you want in beige, cream, mocha [insert other colors], from any designer, in any style or price range that you want. Here are some designers (give her some links to the other designers or stores that might have a good number of options) that you may want to look at. Please get one by Wedding Date".

    Sounds like she's making more trouble than there needs to be. You're giving her tons of options, and letting her pick something that is in her price range that makes her comfortable, that's great. You may want to suggest she can even wait until after the baby is born to shop so she'll have a better idea of what she will feel like? At the end of the day if she chooses not to get a dress that's on her. You gave her specifics, tell her them again and leave it at that.
    SP29JediElizabeth
  • holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 a taco truck in Houston member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Add0707 said:

    So, my sis will have had a baby 6 weeks out from my wedding. Since we first started talking about my wedding, she makes comments about how she can wear something different since she's matron of honor. Totally fine. I originally wanted everyone to wear something different. Feel comfortable, buy something you think you'd actually wear twice. The color scheme is neutral, pick a winner! I was told I needed to give them more direction than that, so I picked 4 or 5 dresses from a line and said "go forth, try on, find something you like!" I should mention that I'm overseas and can't be with my girls to try on dresses, which is difficult. One of the girls helped narrow down the colors in the dress brand to a light, soft peachy/blush color, a "mocha" color and a light creamy/bronze color. Everyone went separately and wound up picking the same dress style, so I cut out the color no one wanted, and have 4 girls, 2 in one color, 2 in the other. My sister makes 5, so I said wear whatever. My sister looked at that designer online and was like "they're all open back, I'll have too much back fat, I won't be able to wear a bra " and I said, fine, pick something else, just keep it a neutral tone. You don't even have to pick the same brand. She says, "that's just not as easy as you think it is. Why don't you have the girls wear the same things and I'll wear something different." And I'm like," go find something different, you don't have to pick this brand!" So she goes, tries on lacy dresses of that brand (my dress is all over lace), which doesn't even come in the same colors as the rest of the dresses anyway (which i informed of both before her shopping trip and during) - and her options are ballet slipper pink, white, turquoise blue, and dark grey. Apparently she's about to cry over how post pregnancy fat she's gonna be and nothing fits and on and on and this is the only dress that works. My mom is sending me texts the next day trying to convince me to let her wear the pink dress. I'm like, she could literally have picked any damn dress in the store she didn't feel ugly in, and she chose only to try on the designer that she knew she didn't like the backs of dresses of, and then wants to wear the only dress that either a) isn't even close to anyone else's or b) looks like mine. Then, she sends me an email (which is very uncharacteristic of her) explaining that she understands that I gave her a choice, but it's just not that easy and someday I'll understand and we'll all just have to agree to disagree and she'll just pick one of the dresses from the same line that matches the other girls. I'm just confused. Am I being bitchy here? I don't feel like I'm being bitchy. I've told her like 4 times to go try on literally anything and find a color somewhere between cream and mocha, any brand, I don't care, whatever she feels comfortable in. I've suggested having back panels sewn into the dresses that show her back, on me, and she says that won't work. She says "it's not that easy" but I know exactly what store she's shopping in. Another bridesmaid sent me a picture when I said, "pick a neutral color" of about 50 dresses in blush/cream/ivory neutral tones (she was making me narrow the playing field!). I know my sister only tried on the one brand I continuously told her not to try on. And the only thing she comes up with is a lacy dress that looks like my wedding dress that comes in white pink and blue. I don't like pink, and it was the color of her bridesmaid dresses. It almost feels like she's creating difficulty where there doesn't need to be. Help! She just sent me this email, and I don't know what to do with it. Sympathetic? Just move on and chalk it up to pregnancy brain on her part? I'm getting angry with the situation so I don't want to respond. Can someone unbiased shed some light here? Please tell me if I'm being the asshole. Our relationship tends to be that I'm the pushover little sister and she is often the bossy Let-me-tell-you-what-to-do type, so I feel like I'm letter our dynamic influence this situation. ok, I'm down now. Looking forward to your thoughts.

    Out of curiosity, how far along is she? I bet hormones are playing a part here (not saying she's right / wrong).
    charlotte989875
  • labrolabro Hotlanta member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers


    Ok, I really had to get that out of my system after that block of text.

    I would say, just stop worrying. Tell your sister to pick whatever dress she wants as long as it's within x range of colors and leave it at that. Don't worry about designer, don't worry about the fabric (don't worry, a lace pink dress isn't even going to come close to being comparable to your lace bridal gown). Emphasize you want her to look and feel beautiful on your wedding day and it doesn't matter to you what dress she chooses as long as she is happy with her choice. Tell her not to worry about the other bridesmaids either. They've already chosen their dresses/colors and it's unfair to turn around and make them change what they're doing based on what she wants.

    Depending on when the baby is born, your sister may or may not feel up to even participating so I seriously wouldn't pressure her on this. The baby could come early, or he/she could be 2 weeks overdue! She may have a c-section, she may give birth vaginally, you just don't know at this point. What I can say is my sister had her baby via c-section and she was definitely up to participating in a wedding at 4 weeks post-partum, but that isn't necessarily the case for everyone. As far as dresses, she probably would've been able to fit in something that fit her around when she was 6-7 months pregnant so that may be the best time for your sister to shop (I have no idea how far along she is right now).



    SP29spockforprez
  • I can understand why she is feeling stressed or self-conscious about it, but I think she is being a bit over the top, because there is nothing YOU or your other bridesmaids can do to fix it.

    All you can do is continue to repeat, "Please choose a dress in one of the following colours X,Y,Z. I do not care what designer it is, or what store you get it from. The other women have already picked their dresses so I will not ask them to change them, but I do not care if yours matches theirs or not".

    Considering she will have no idea what size she will be when your wedding comes around, I would also encourage her to just let it go for now and pick something off the rack in a neutral colour a couple weeks before the wedding. 
  • Thanks everyone. She's a little over 4 months now. It's kiddo #3, so she already knows it' be a planned c 6 weeks ahead of time. We only have a 7 month engagement, and we're close to the 6 month mark, so it's pretty important that everyone else order a traditional bridesmaid dress ASAP for alteration time, so yes, it is unfair to try and make them change. That's a helpful point. I will suggest to her that she just try something off the rack after she delivers. I'm sure she'll come up with a reason why that's a terrible idea too. I guess I'll just reiterate all the options she has and move forward. Oh, and breath :)
    SP29JediElizabeth
  • Yep, just lay out the options for her and tell her you look forward to sharing the day with her, and leave it at that. 
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