entertaining the only kid at a reception....

RachelR1977+RB

I had an idea, but I don't really know the best way to do it, and figured I'd get your opinions because i'm sure this isn't a unique situation by any means.

My FI has a 9 year old daughter who is going to be in our wedding.  She's the only kid invited to the wedding & reception (they're in the same building).  My FI and his ex do not get along. at all.  Plus his daughter (man, I gotta learn all these abbreviations) is an only child.  The wedding is about 2.5 hours away from where she lives with her mom.

I don't want her to get bored/super lonely at the reception, so I figured that it might be fun for her to invite a friend.  So here's the question - this is going to be a kid that i've never met, my FI has never met, and we aren't going to be meeting her parents or anything, it'll just be like getting invited to go along to a party, i guess - how do we deal with the invite?  Like, should we send an invite?  She's just nine, so i'm not sure if between now and march she'll even have the same friends or anything. I was figuring that we'd just let her ask one of her friends like, whenever, and then bring her along (her grandparents are bringing her along with them in the am of the wedding & then they're all going back home afterward).  Maybe just give her an invite to then give to whatever friend she brings?

has anybody had this come up before?  obviously I have ZERO experience with kids. (i know, it's SO HARD TO TELL) [edited b/c i got the time/distance wrong, whoops]

thisismynickname2

That's really nice of you. Why doesn't your FI just tell her she can bring a friend? Let her think of who to invite, your FI can check with that kid's parents, let them know about the grandparent arrangement, etc?

AddieCake

Tell her she can bring a friend, and then ask friend's parents if he/she can attend.

[Deleted User]

RachelR1977+RB said:

I had an idea, but I don't really know the best way to do it, and figured I'd get your opinions because i'm sure this isn't a unique situation by any means.

My FI has a 9 year old daughter who is going to be in our wedding.  She's the only kid invited to the wedding & reception (they're in the same building).  My FI and his ex do not get along. at all.  Plus his daughter (man, I gotta learn all these abbreviations) is an only child.  The wedding is about 2.5 hours away from where she lives with her mom.

I don't want her to get bored/super lonely at the reception, so I figured that it might be fun for her to invite a friend.  So here's the question - this is going to be a kid that i've never met, my FI has never met, and we aren't going to be meeting her parents or anything, it'll just be like getting invited to go along to a party, i guess - how do we deal with the invite?  Like, should we send an invite?  She's just nine, so i'm not sure if between now and march she'll even have the same friends or anything. I was figuring that we'd just let her ask one of her friends like, whenever, and then bring her along (her grandparents are bringing her along with them in the am of the wedding & then they're all going back home afterward).  Maybe just give her an invite to then give to whatever friend she brings?

has anybody had this come up before?  obviously I have ZERO experience with kids. (i know, it's SO HARD TO TELL) [edited b/c i got the time/distance wrong, whoops]

Ask the grandparents if they are up for watching two girls.  Ask the daughter who she'd like to invite.  Ask the parents if this is okay.  If it's two hours away, I might not let my kid go, so you might want to have the option of inviting the parents who you don't know, or have a backup friend or two in case friend one has other plans or has parents who think this is a bad idea.  Let grandparents and girl's parents make arrangements if all is well.

jacques27

Echo PP's.  However, I would maybe have a back-up plan.  Does mom have custody most of the time - would all the friends be 2.5+ hours a way?  You're basically strangers to any of these potential friends, unless she has a BFF who you (well, FI) already know and/or the friend and her parents spend a lot of time with her and the grandparents - I don't know of any parents amongst my friends and family who would let a nine-ish year old go with basically strangers to a wedding with their friend two and a half hours away.  Local wedding maybe, but not one 2.5 hours away.  Certainly ask, but I'd hate to see her get her hopes up and then be disappointed. 

I take it she doesn't have any cousins on either side of the family?

That said, as an only child who was taken to many grown-up events, she'll live.  It wasn't that bad and I know being an only child I got along well with grown-ups.  I always had a book with me to keep me entertained wherever I went.  I'm sure she'll be bringing things with her to keep her occupied for the five hours in the car anyway. 

If you really think she'll be that bored, you could always make her a package of things to keep her entertained.  If nothing else, it'll give her something new to do in the 2.5 hours on the way back.  Get the latest book in a series she likes to read, maybe buy a journal and some colored pencils, or a little game/puzzle book, a little craft kit that's not messy. 

lyndausvi

I think your heart is in the right place, however considering your location is 2.5 hours away and you do not know any of the kids I think it's a bad idea.   

Not many people are going to allow their kid to travel 2.5 hours away with people they do not know to a wedding for people they also do not know.    That is also a lot of responsibility for the grandparents.   

Jen4948

It's a nice idea, but it probably wouldn't work in practice if your wedding is taking place 2.5 hours away from where your SD-to-be lives, you and her friends and their parents are not acquainted, and family members would be expected to supervise them.

I would have a discussion with her and your FI about the wedding and work out another solution together.

kmmssg

I also think your heart is in the right place but as a parent (and grandparent) I would not let my kid go 2 1/2 hrs away with people I don't know really, really well.

Will there be a lot of family there that she knows?  If you are having dancing she might just be cutting the rug all night anyway.

You can always ask if a friend will come, but just be prepared that there are parents who would not allow that to happen.  One other thing to keep in mind is most 9 yo kids are fine being away from the parents, but I know a couple of them who can't spend the night at someones house!  You don't want a kid who all of a sudden isn't comfortable with the situation.  I think most would be ok, but there are those who wouldn't.

wink0erin

It's a nice idea, but I think you would be better off not worrying about it. She will likely hang out with her grandparents and she's old enough to not need constant entertainment. You could find out her interests and give her a little gift that could keep her occupied in the meantime if you want. 

I was the only kid at my cousin's wedding when I was 5 years old, I hung out with my aunts and my dad and my other cousins (who were all much older, mid to late teens). I had a great time. Didn't need any activity kits or other kids around to have a good time. 

RachelR1977+RB

thank you guys so much for the advice!  you know, I never considered that the kids parents might not let their kid go with to some random wedding 2.5 hours away.  


I wish that my FI got along (at all) with his ex - that would make this SO much easier - I would just invite them to the wedding (she's been remarried for a while).   But since they can't even have a conversation without yelling at each other (fun times) that makes this more difficult.  As I said, I just don't have enough experience with 9 year olds to know how to keep them entertained. (i'm learning tho!)

anyway - i appreciate the help ya'll are the best

mntravelingmama

Your step-daughter will be fine. I hope that in time her parents can put their feelings aside and raise their daughter with graciousness.

MairePoppy

I just went to a wedding where the groom's 9 year old daughter was the only child in attendance. She had a very important role in the wedding - flower girl. She ate dinner at her grandparents table and spent the rest of the evening dancing with the bride, groom and bridesmaids. She was very clingy with her dad, which he and new SM handled with patience and humor. 

TBH, I wouldn't have let any of my children attend a strangers wedding 2 1/2 hours away. If the friend's parents agree, you or your fi should make an effort to meet her parents or at least talk to them over the phone. I wouldn't send an invitation to the friend, since she's actually a guest of your FSD. 

[Deleted User]

What about just making a bag of things to do that day. Wrap them up as presents. What kid doesn't like getting presents?  Coloring books, some new crayons (avoid markers so she doesn't ruin her dress by mistake), maybe some legos. A small puzzle. Check out the toy store for travel games. Especially ones that she can play by herself. Don't forget some snacks for her like pretzels or fruit snacks (they won't make her fingers or clothes dirty) and bottled water (again, won't stain anything if spilled) so that way if she gets hungry along the way, she's got something to keep her tummy happy. She'll be busy getting ready to be in your wedding and at some point doing photos. So while she's doing that, her friend will be bored. Once the music starts at the reception, pull her out for a few dances and chances are, she will be just fine.

Jen4948

Erikan73 said:

What about just making a bag of things to do that day. Wrap them up as presents. What kid doesn't like getting presents?  Coloring books, some new crayons (avoid markers so she doesn't ruin her dress by mistake), maybe some legos. A small puzzle. Check out the toy store for travel games. Especially ones that she can play by herself. Don't forget some snacks for her like pretzels or fruit snacks (they won't make her fingers or clothes dirty) and bottled water (again, won't stain anything if spilled) so that way if she gets hungry along the way, she's got something to keep her tummy happy. She'll be busy getting ready to be in your wedding and at some point doing photos. So while she's doing that, her friend will be bored. Once the music starts at the reception, pull her out for a few dances and chances are, she will be just fine.

9 year olds aren't going to be interested in coloring books.  That's better for 5 and 6 year olds.

If she needs to bring toys, surely she can bring her own?

SP29

Jen4948 said:

Erikan73 said:

What about just making a bag of things to do that day. Wrap them up as presents. What kid doesn't like getting presents?  Coloring books, some new crayons (avoid markers so she doesn't ruin her dress by mistake), maybe some legos. A small puzzle. Check out the toy store for travel games. Especially ones that she can play by herself. Don't forget some snacks for her like pretzels or fruit snacks (they won't make her fingers or clothes dirty) and bottled water (again, won't stain anything if spilled) so that way if she gets hungry along the way, she's got something to keep her tummy happy. She'll be busy getting ready to be in your wedding and at some point doing photos. So while she's doing that, her friend will be bored. Once the music starts at the reception, pull her out for a few dances and chances are, she will be just fine.

9 year olds aren't going to be interested in coloring books.  That's better for 5 and 6 year olds.

If she needs to bring toys, surely she can bring her own?

Or grown adults

I dunno, I used crayons at the restaurant for years, if they were around. I think the point is though, provide some quiet and easy to pack activities for FSD. 

Jen4948

SP29 said:

Jen4948 said:

Erikan73 said:

What about just making a bag of things to do that day. Wrap them up as presents. What kid doesn't like getting presents?  Coloring books, some new crayons (avoid markers so she doesn't ruin her dress by mistake), maybe some legos. A small puzzle. Check out the toy store for travel games. Especially ones that she can play by herself. Don't forget some snacks for her like pretzels or fruit snacks (they won't make her fingers or clothes dirty) and bottled water (again, won't stain anything if spilled) so that way if she gets hungry along the way, she's got something to keep her tummy happy. She'll be busy getting ready to be in your wedding and at some point doing photos. So while she's doing that, her friend will be bored. Once the music starts at the reception, pull her out for a few dances and chances are, she will be just fine.

9 year olds aren't going to be interested in coloring books.  That's better for 5 and 6 year olds.

If she needs to bring toys, surely she can bring her own?

Or grown adults

I dunno, I used crayons at the restaurant for years, if they were around. I think the point is though, provide some quiet and easy to pack activities for FSD. 




I don't think anyone of any age would have a problem with crayons or markers, but I do think that kids older than about 6 would consider themselves too old for coloring books. A pad of blank paper would go over better.

Moppet82

Jen4948 said:

Jen4948 said:

Erikan73 said:

What about just making a bag of things to do that day. Wrap them up as presents. What kid doesn't like getting presents?  Coloring books, some new crayons (avoid markers so she doesn't ruin her dress by mistake), maybe some legos. A small puzzle. Check out the toy store for travel games. Especially ones that she can play by herself. Don't forget some snacks for her like pretzels or fruit snacks (they won't make her fingers or clothes dirty) and bottled water (again, won't stain anything if spilled) so that way if she gets hungry along the way, she's got something to keep her tummy happy. She'll be busy getting ready to be in your wedding and at some point doing photos. So while she's doing that, her friend will be bored. Once the music starts at the reception, pull her out for a few dances and chances are, she will be just fine.

9 year olds aren't going to be interested in coloring books.  That's better for 5 and 6 year olds.

If she needs to bring toys, surely she can bring her own?

Or grown adults

I dunno, I used crayons at the restaurant for years, if they were around. I think the point is though, provide some quiet and easy to pack activities for FSD. 

I don't think anyone of any age would have a problem with crayons or markers, but I do think that kids older than about 6 would consider themselves too old for coloring books. A pad of blank paper would go over better.

33 years old, and I still enjoy coloring.  And not just on blank paper or with the new adult coloring books, either; I would be elated if someone gave me a Disney coloring book like I had when I was younger!

banana468

I think a packet of stuff that you know she likes can work well.   They also now have "grown up" coloring books so that could be something that she likes where colored pencils are used vs. crayons and Frozen pictures. 

The other thing to consider is that at 9, she may want to try to feel grown up.   So you may want to give her the option of doing things with the grown ups as well.    Maybe try to make sure that the food offered is up to her liking and see if she has a favorite top 40 tune so she can get up and dance with the group.

With that age, I think the important thing is that you're giving her some choices in her fun. 

lyndausvi

DH just bought himself a coloring book last week.   It's marketed for adults.    Coloring is therapeutic for him.

Jen4948

Maybe a crossword or other kind of puzzle book would work.  Those can be fun.

lembaslover

I totally asked my husband for a Harry Potter coloring book for Christmas! Unfortunately it was back-ordered so I'm still waiting on it... 

lightningsnow

Jen4948 said:

Erikan73 said:

What about just making a bag of things to do that day. Wrap them up as presents. What kid doesn't like getting presents?  Coloring books, some new crayons (avoid markers so she doesn't ruin her dress by mistake), maybe some legos. A small puzzle. Check out the toy store for travel games. Especially ones that she can play by herself. Don't forget some snacks for her like pretzels or fruit snacks (they won't make her fingers or clothes dirty) and bottled water (again, won't stain anything if spilled) so that way if she gets hungry along the way, she's got something to keep her tummy happy. She'll be busy getting ready to be in your wedding and at some point doing photos. So while she's doing that, her friend will be bored. Once the music starts at the reception, pull her out for a few dances and chances are, she will be just fine.

9 year olds aren't going to be interested in coloring books.  That's better for 5 and 6 year olds.

If she needs to bring toys, surely she can bring her own?

Um... yeah... my 8 year old goddaughter still loves coloring books though she'd prefer Avengers over Frozen but you can't speak for every child at that age.

And I'm 27. Give me a kid's coloring book and I'll have a field day. With so many little ones in my family, coloring books are awesome fun.

holyguacamole79

We teach Sunday school for 7-10 year olds. We give them crayons and coloring sheets to keep them entertained as the other students are arriving. They all seem to like it.

My mom bought me & my sister coloring books for Christmas. We sat at the kitchen table and colored for quite some time.

At 9, she'll likely bring what she wants to keep herself occupied. Our 7 year old niece brought her Kindle to our wedding and put it away once she realized there were other kids there.

MairePoppy

@Jen4948 , seriously, you should try coloring. I'm not going to say how old I am, but I love a good coloring session. Barnes and Noble and Amazon has a great selection of adult coloring books. 

http://www.amazon.com/Vintage-Women-Adult-Coloring-Fashion/dp/1944633006/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1451342029&sr=8-1&keywords=adult+coloring+books+of+womens+fashions

holyguacamole79

I'm 36 and just finished this

AddieCake

If the child in question is OP's fiancé' daughter, surely they know what kinds of toys and things she likes to keep her occupied. 

luckya23

Buy her an ipad/tablet for wedding day entertainment.  It counts as a thank you gift, right?  Maybe save it for after photos though.