Bridesmaid dress and sister woes

*Barbie*

Heffalump said:

FWIW, I like the gray dress better on her, too, but I'm not the one wearing it.  And she clearly prefers the beaded one.  It's not at all unreasonable for the bride to have the final say, I'm just questioning whether it's worth all the drama.  IDK, you mentioned breast cancer, chemo, radiation (good luck, BTW), and you're planning a wedding on top of it--I'd be tempted to say "Wear what you want, I have enough on my plate right now."

I agree with @Heffalump - I feel like the grey dress is more flattering on her. The beaded dress just looks like an oversized sack. 

Your sister sounds like she was being bratty, but you were also sending mixed signals. (Yes it's ok, no it's not...). If you approved it and she loved it, why did she even continue to try on dresses? I'd be crabby AF after 20 dresses, so I can get her frustration in that situation. Cancer or not, I'd have had a hard time not decking my sister if she put me through that. 

I hope your treatments go well. 

loggersdaughter92

First of all, go you for having a back bone! Granted, throwing her out of the wedding over a dress is harsh, but I feel like you were making an "empty threat" to get your point across that her behavior was unacceptable. I've had to threaten to throw my own sister out of my wedding because she is turning into a "maidzilla" and acting like my wedding is about her! There's no time for that!

And honestly, it's the bride'so choice. My soon to be sister in law has picked out that bright red dress that's all cotton and is going to show off every fat roll I have, but hey, it's her wedding, I'll wear the dress.

I feel like a more constructive way to solve the problem would have been to tell her since your SIL has already purchased a dress in a certain style and cloth, you would like your sister to dress somewhat similar. If she didn't like the gray dress, you guys could have left and tried shopping another day when you were both refreshed.

If you've already purchased the dress, well she needs to suck it up. It's not her wedding.

Heffalump

loggersdaughter92 said:

First of all, go you for having a back bone! Granted, throwing her out of the wedding over a dress is harsh, but I feel like you were making an "empty threat" to get your point across that her behavior was unacceptable. I've had to threaten to throw my own sister out of my wedding because she is turning into a "maidzilla" and acting like my wedding is about her!

So you're repeatedly threatening to toss your sister out of your WP as some kind of punishment for behavior that you don't like?

knottie2b256f5c2ae42586

@loggersdaughter92If you don't like your sister's behavior, then don't do wedding stuff with her. I know that's easier said than done, but it would potentially solve the problem.

thespeshulestsnowflake

tiffanyess said:

There, EVEN MORE BLURRED for her pleasure.

Can I just point out that you didn't blur your face or the person next to you in either picture. Mirrors.

loggersdaughter92

@Jax43615 and everyone else, I feel as if I should clarify: my sister, whom I'm usually very close with, has been a pill since day one. Her behavior has been very similar to what this poor lady's sister is doing to her. She had been making snarky comments and putting us down because we live in the country and want a very simple, country wedding. She lives in the city and likes everything big and bold. The first big mishap was the downright rude comments she made about my fiance's half sister when she looked over our guest list and saw she was invited. The second major offense was she threatened to not make the cake (after she begged us to let her do it) because she didn't like who my fiance chose as his best man and she didn't want to walk with him. After that fit, I told her if she didn't like it, I could choose a new maid of honor because she was making things way more complicated than they should be.

So, I would think that this lady has every right to be upset with her sister and tell her if she is going to be dramatic every time she doesn't get her way in her sister's wedding, she can just watch it with the rest of the guests.

Again, my sister is my best friend, but planning a wedding has brought out different sides to BOTH of us.

holyguacamole79

loggersdaughter92 said:

@Jax43615 and everyone else, I feel as if I should clarify: my sister, whom I'm usually very close with, has been a pill since day one. Her behavior has been very similar to what this poor lady's sister is doing to her. She had been making snarky comments and putting us down because we live in the country and want a very simple, country wedding. She lives in the city and likes everything big and bold. The first big mishap was the downright rude comments she made about my fiance's half sister when she looked over our guest list and saw she was invited. The second major offense was she threatened to not make the cake (after she begged us to let her do it) because she didn't like who my fiance chose as his best man and she didn't want to walk with him. After that fit, I told her if she didn't like it, I could choose a new maid of honor because she was making things way more complicated than they should be. So, I would think that this lady has every right to be upset with her sister and tell her if she is going to be dramatic every time she doesn't get her way in her sister's wedding, she can just watch it with the rest of the guests. Again, my sister is my best friend, but planning a wedding has brought out different sides to BOTH of us.

@loggersdaughter92 , I'm genuinely confused .... in your other post, you made a reference to your FSIL, then you said your sister later on.  Are there 2 women giving you issues?  

glasgowtolondon

If your sister threatened not to make your cake because of someone included in your FI's side of the WP then wouldn't it have been better for you to say 'no problem, we understand that you can't make the cake' instead of threatening to throw her out of the wedding? I mean, she begged you to let her make your cake - you didn't ask her to as you say above. Why wouldn't that be the logical response, why would your response be so dramatic?

Eta: ugh, spelling is beyond me today

Heffalump

holyguacamole79 said:

loggersdaughter92 said:

@Jax43615 and everyone else, I feel as if I should clarify: my sister, whom I'm usually very close with, has been a pill since day one. Her behavior has been very similar to what this poor lady's sister is doing to her. She had been making snarky comments and putting us down because we live in the country and want a very simple, country wedding. She lives in the city and likes everything big and bold. The first big mishap was the downright rude comments she made about my fiance's half sister when she looked over our guest list and saw she was invited. The second major offense was she threatened to not make the cake (after she begged us to let her do it) because she didn't like who my fiance chose as his best man and she didn't want to walk with him. After that fit, I told her if she didn't like it, I could choose a new maid of honor because she was making things way more complicated than they should be. So, I would think that this lady has every right to be upset with her sister and tell her if she is going to be dramatic every time she doesn't get her way in her sister's wedding, she can just watch it with the rest of the guests. Again, my sister is my best friend, but planning a wedding has brought out different sides to BOTH of us.

@loggersdaughter92 , I'm genuinely confused .... in your other post, you made a reference to your FSIL, then you said your sister later on.  Are there 2 women giving you issues?  

The way I read this (which could be wrong) is that her SIL is the one who moved her own wedding without the OP's permission and is thunderjacking the wedding with a second baby, and the OP's sister is the one whom the OP threatens to "demote" (deMOHte?) whenever she steps out of line. 

Neither of them sound like great candidates for a bridal party right now, but I'm just some dummy on the internet, so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯.

YogaSandy

glasgowtolondon said:

What's done is done as far as what should or should not have been said. If you are really unhappy with the beaded dress and she is really unhappy with the grey one then you need to organise another shopping trip on a day where things are a little more calm. In my opinion the beaded dress does little to flatter her, but she obviously doesn't feel that way. If it is out, then the grey one has to be too or ot sounds like you will have more drama.

Talk to her about what she likes in a dress and give your input on what you want and see if you can come to a compromise together. Eg. sister: I like beading, you: I would like tulle, compromise: light beading on a tulle skirted gown. For example, not to sound patronising or anything. Maybe a little bit of calm dialogue before shopping could help you both get on the same page.

For what its worth, OP, your sister doesn't have to help with anything in your wedding. That's your responsibility along with your FI, no one elses. Please don't make that a reason why she needs to wear the dress you want her to.

I am just guessing here (as someone who has had life long body image issues, even at 113 lbs). The beaded dress covers more. There is less cleavage. She said she looked fat in the grey dress and hated her arms. I would NEVER wear a dress for anyone (not even my own sister) if I completely hated my body in it. If I just didn't like it, fine.

This is the reason I told all my BM to get whatever kind of black Dress they wanted. I knew (assumed maybe wrongly) three had little body issues. One had a chest reduction and still hated "tight" clothing, one was way more conservative in her style, and one was my 13 year old sister - who, because of dartings and alterations, wouldn't have been able to fit the same "adult dresses" as everyone else. Also, everyone was able to buy in whatever price range they wanted (I think one for hers on sale for $30) and in their comfort zone. And I had to worry about nothing.
Of course relationships are more important than pictures, but I will still add that my pictures turned out amazing.