MOH and Pregnant BM Question

nerdwife

Okay, two questions:

1. My little sister (19 y/o) is my MOH. She is very excited and in her excitement told me that she thinks MOHs get different bouquets and dresses. While a little miffed that she quickly made this about her, I got over it and decided to do whatever. If it makes her that happy to have some different flowers and a different dress, then fine. I talked to a potential florist and he picked flowers for a slightly different bouquet, no problem. My question is about the dress - is it typical (or acceptable) for MOH to be wearing something different than the rest of the BMs? How different? Like a different dress, different color, etc.? If she ends up with a different color, do we match the best man to her instead of to the rest of the BMs/GMs?

2. My SIL, who is a bridesmaid, is pregnant - yay! She's very early, only like six weeks, and she asked if we could go dress shopping soon so she can get a dress before she gets big. She's due about two months before the wedding. I immediately told her she can wear whatever she wants - completely different dress, maternity type dress, literally whatever. She insisted that she wants to get the same dress as everyone else and just do it soon while she's at her regular size. This is her first kid. I mentioned that she might be putting too much pressure on herself to lose a lot of weight in two months with a newborn, but she didn't seem to care. Do I just go along with this (i.e., have her get the same dress as everyone else), or do I privately talk to her about this again (we only talked about it with my family around at the time they told us that she's pregnant) and like either make sure she's sure or try to convince her to do differently? I just really do not want my wedding to be something stressful for her and I'm worried she's a little too optimistic about what will happen once the baby comes. But I also don't wan to be condescending - she's a grownass woman and if she wants to get the dress soon and at her current size, then so be it. Has anyone dealt with this before?

Thanks as always for your help!

ETA: One problem with getting BMs dresses ASAP is my sister in out of the country for a month and I do not think she will like it if I shop for dresses without her. As far as pregnancies go, will SIL still be about her same size in a month (so about 10-11 weeks into her pregnancy)? Or do I really need to go like ASAP and tell my sister I don't have a choice?

ILoveBeachMusic

The MOH being dressed differently is not a common thing anymore but it does happen. She can be in a different color of the same dress or a different dress altogether as long as it matches in formality to the other dresses. I would keep the best man dressed like the other groomsmen.

As for your SIL, I would reiterate that you want her to be comfortable. Depending on her size and how easily she looses weight she could be at pre pregnancy weight after two months especially since it is a first baby but I wouldn't count on it. 10-11 weeks along for first pregnancies don't usually have a big size change. Again that depends on her. Just follow her lead and if she really wants to get a dress now, let her. She can always buy something after the baby arrives if she needs to do so.

STARMOON44

I don't think the groomsmen should ever match the bridesmaids anyway. Very prom.

CMGragain

We had a similar timing with a bridesmaid's pregnancy at daughter's wedding.  While the lady had no problem losing the weight and regaining her figure, she forgot to make allowance for breast feeding.  Her boobs were huge compared to her pre-pregnancy figure.  We had to buy a fill-in swatch of fabric so she didn't like like "stripper bridesmaid".

How would a groomsman "match" a bridesmaids?  The groomsmen aren't wearing dresses, are they?

msuprincess04

You could just go shopping with your SIL. Get an idea on styles and colors you both like, and wait on actually ordering till your sister is around and gets to go shopping too.

nerdwife

STARMOON44 said:

I don't think the groomsmen should ever match the bridesmaids anyway. Very prom.

CMGragain said:

We had a similar timing with a bridesmaid's pregnancy at daughter's wedding.  While the lady had no problem losing the weight and regaining her figure, she forgot to make allowance for breast feeding.  Her boobs were huge compared to her pre-pregnancy figure.  We had to buy a fill-in swatch of fabric so she didn't like like "stripper bridesmaid".

How would a groomsman "match" a bridesmaids?  The groomsmen aren't wearing dresses, are they?

At all weddings I've been to, the groomsmen wear the same color tie or some other accent that matches the bridesmaids' dress color. I assumed this was a thing at all weddings, but I guess I am mistaken? This is interesting. I love finding out that I don't have to do certain things...

kvruns

I think this is a great reason to go with non-matching dresses in a similar color. That way your MOH can have whatever style she thinks makes her stand out as MOH more and your pregnant friend has a backup in case the original dress she orders doesn't fit (meaning it would be likely easier to get a last minute blue dress or red dress if hers ends up not fitting post-pregnancy than it does to get style # 123456 in a short time)

kvruns

nerdwife said:

STARMOON44 said:

I don't think the groomsmen should ever match the bridesmaids anyway. Very prom.

CMGragain said:

We had a similar timing with a bridesmaid's pregnancy at daughter's wedding.  While the lady had no problem losing the weight and regaining her figure, she forgot to make allowance for breast feeding.  Her boobs were huge compared to her pre-pregnancy figure.  We had to buy a fill-in swatch of fabric so she didn't like like "stripper bridesmaid".

How would a groomsman "match" a bridesmaids?  The groomsmen aren't wearing dresses, are they?

At all weddings I've been to, the groomsmen wear the same color tie or some other accent that matches the bridesmaids' dress color. I assumed this was a thing at all weddings, but I guess I am mistaken? This is interesting. I love finding out that I don't have to do certain things...

matching/coordinating accent is fine and I think makes sense. Our GMs had ties that included a shade of blue similar to the BMs. You also see vests in coordinating colors which is fine and doesn't have to look prom-like.

Maggie0829

nerdwife said:

STARMOON44 said:

I don't think the groomsmen should ever match the bridesmaids anyway. Very prom.

CMGragain said:

We had a similar timing with a bridesmaid's pregnancy at daughter's wedding.  While the lady had no problem losing the weight and regaining her figure, she forgot to make allowance for breast feeding.  Her boobs were huge compared to her pre-pregnancy figure.  We had to buy a fill-in swatch of fabric so she didn't like like "stripper bridesmaid".

How would a groomsman "match" a bridesmaids?  The groomsmen aren't wearing dresses, are they?

At all weddings I've been to, the groomsmen wear the same color tie or some other accent that matches the bridesmaids' dress color. I assumed this was a thing at all weddings, but I guess I am mistaken? This is interesting. I love finding out that I don't have to do certain things...

This is pretty normal.  It isn't so much as matching the BMs, but more matching the colors you picked for your wedding.  So if your colors are navy, blush and ivory and your BMs are wearing navy dresses, the guys could wear navy ties or even blush ties.

nerdwife

kvruns said:

I think this is a great reason to go with non-matching dresses in a similar color. That way your MOH can have whatever style she thinks makes her stand out as MOH more and your pregnant friend has a backup in case the original dress she orders doesn't fit (meaning it would be likely easier to get a last minute blue dress or red dress if hers ends up not fitting post-pregnancy than it does to get style # 123456 in a short time)

Yes, this makes sense. The one thing is that our colors are fall colors + dark purple and the dresses are going to be dark purple. The reason I was going to pick a specific dress (that comes in a variety of necklines/styles like halter, strapless, etc.) is because I feel like if I say "dark purple," the colors that the girls come back with may clash. I could say something more specific like "eggplant," but still, they might come back with shades. Best way to handle this?

Maggie0829 said:

nerdwife said:

STARMOON44 said:

I don't think the groomsmen should ever match the bridesmaids anyway. Very prom.

CMGragain said:

We had a similar timing with a bridesmaid's pregnancy at daughter's wedding.  While the lady had no problem losing the weight and regaining her figure, she forgot to make allowance for breast feeding.  Her boobs were huge compared to her pre-pregnancy figure.  We had to buy a fill-in swatch of fabric so she didn't like like "stripper bridesmaid".

How would a groomsman "match" a bridesmaids?  The groomsmen aren't wearing dresses, are they?

At all weddings I've been to, the groomsmen wear the same color tie or some other accent that matches the bridesmaids' dress color. I assumed this was a thing at all weddings, but I guess I am mistaken? This is interesting. I love finding out that I don't have to do certain things...

This is pretty normal.  It isn't so much as matching the BMs, but more matching the colors you picked for your wedding.  So if your colors are navy, blush and ivory and your BMs are wearing navy dresses, the guys could wear navy ties or even blush ties.

Okay, yeah, this makes more sense. They are the general wedding colors (like, the flowers and whatever centerpieces we do, too). Thanks for clarifying!

charlotte989875

You could give them a color swatch of the exact color you like and a particular fabric to ensure they get the same color.

Maggie0829

@nerdwife - you don't even have to pick a specific dress.  I would find a designer that you like, that has dresses in your BMs price range and then tell them that they can pick any dress from X designer in Y color and Z fabric.  That way they aren't limited to one dress with 3 or so necklines, but rather all the dresses from that designer as long as they meet your requirement.  Also, this way they can purchase the dress from wherever they want (online, in-store, etc).

nerdwife

Maggie0829 said:

@nerdwife - you don't even have to pick a specific dress.  I would find a designer that you like, that has dresses in your BMs price range and then tell them that they can pick any dress from X designer in Y color and Z fabric.  That way they aren't limited to one dress with 3 or so necklines, but rather all the dresses from that designer as long as they meet your requirement.  Also, this way they can purchase the dress from wherever they want (online, in-store, etc).

This sounds like a really good idea. Thanks so much!

OliveOilsMom

Do you have a David's Bridal near you?  I would be inclined to tell your BMs buy any dress from David's in Eggplant (or whatever they call the color).  This would have two purposes.  One your MOH could buy a coordinating shade of purple from there in a similar styled dress (if you want to go this route) and two your pregnant BM can buy a dress whenever she wants.  She would also have the opportunity to shop off the rack after the baby is born.  And if she does get her dress now, which I would advise against - but she seems to have her mind made up, and it ends up not fitting, she may have more options on how to get a dress in her size post-baby.  Most DB dresses come in super fast, even if you have to order it.  And if its in stock in your color and style, you walk out with it.  I have also ordered a BM dress from their online store and it came in very promptly.

frenchiekin

nerdwife said:

STARMOON44 said:

I don't think the groomsmen should ever match the bridesmaids anyway. Very prom.

CMGragain said:

We had a similar timing with a bridesmaid's pregnancy at daughter's wedding.  While the lady had no problem losing the weight and regaining her figure, she forgot to make allowance for breast feeding.  Her boobs were huge compared to her pre-pregnancy figure.  We had to buy a fill-in swatch of fabric so she didn't like like "stripper bridesmaid".

How would a groomsman "match" a bridesmaids?  The groomsmen aren't wearing dresses, are they?

At all weddings I've been to, the groomsmen wear the same color tie or some other accent that matches the bridesmaids' dress color. I assumed this was a thing at all weddings, but I guess I am mistaken? This is interesting. I love finding out that I don't have to do certain things...

Spoiler alert to the bolded:  you really don't HAVE to do anything (besides host well, but things like WP aesthetics have nothing to do with hosting properly).  There are things that are common, like the matching you pointed out - but these aren't actual rules.  You can do whatever you want, within reason and taking your WP's budget and comfort into consideration.  

To echo a PP, I agree that you should pick a designer within the BM's price range, pick a color, a length and a fabric, and let the girls pick whatever style they want.  We did that and my BMs were so thankful that they each got to pick something they were comfortable in.  The groomsmen don't need to *match*, per se.  Our colors were navy, berry tones, lavender and gold.  The girls wore lavender dresses, and the guys wore navy suits with white shirts, navy ties, no vest.  Their boutonnieres were a dark purple that matched the BM bouquets.  Coordinated, but not matchy... and no stress trying to match an exact shade with a dress and a tie.

I'd let your SIL make her own decision here.  Maybe ask the dress shop (privately) if you can order in extra fabric in a short time frame IF after the baby is born her dress doesn't fit - then at least you know there's a backup plan if you need it.

Ghostie625

I've been to weddings where the MOH was dressed differently and ones where all BMs matched. There is no right or wrong in that regard, as long as everyone complements each other.
For my wedding all bridesmaids and my two MOHs are all in the same dress and same color. You can do it whatever way you want. (BTW we ordered from David's and the dresses all came in very quickly.)
My groomsmen will be in black tuxes with black vest and tie and a pocket square that matches BM dresses. FI will be wearing same tux as GM but with an ivory vest/tie instead of the black. So you can match the guys to your BMs but it certainly isn't necessary.
As far as shopping- as long as you know your bridesmaids' budget there is no need for everyone to shop together. I went with my two sisters. They have very different body types so I picked a dress that flattered both of them, knowing it that if it looked good on both of them it would look good on any of my BMs. Once the dress was picked the other ladies went to Davids on their own to try on and order the dress. If you only want to specify a color/fabric it's even easier.
As far as your pregnant BM, I expect the seamstress at the store will suggest she order up a size just in case, as it is much easier to take a dress in than let it out, but in the end she can order whatever size she prefers. I would not wait until after she has the baby to order because dresses are sometimes discontinued- so if you have everyone else order the same dress now, it may not still be available by then.

nicoalann

I was a bridesmaid for a friends wedding, and I was pregnant at the time. Luckily she chose a dress that had an empire waist before she even knew I was pregnant. Which made things easier.

Just to give you an idea, I gained about 45-50 pounds since her wedding throughout my pregnancy and haven't lost any . I just tried on the dress (yes, it's still sitting in my closet lol) and it still fits except for around my boobs (the bust was the only fitted part of the dress), and I haven't lost any of the weight yet. So if I had to wear it again, it'd be pretty easy to add some ribbon/eyelets to close it off in a "corset lace" kind of way. 

Kind of like this...



Then she doesn't have to listen to anyone doubting her losing the weight (I've only ever met one person who was able to get back to her pre-baby weight that fast lol)... but if she hasn't lost her baby weight by then she doesn't have to worry about buying a whole new dress.

ShesSoCold

nerdwife said:

STARMOON44 said:

I don't think the groomsmen should ever match the bridesmaids anyway. Very prom.

CMGragain said:

We had a similar timing with a bridesmaid's pregnancy at daughter's wedding.  While the lady had no problem losing the weight and regaining her figure, she forgot to make allowance for breast feeding.  Her boobs were huge compared to her pre-pregnancy figure.  We had to buy a fill-in swatch of fabric so she didn't like like "stripper bridesmaid".

How would a groomsman "match" a bridesmaids?  The groomsmen aren't wearing dresses, are they?

At all weddings I've been to, the groomsmen wear the same color tie or some other accent that matches the bridesmaids' dress color. I assumed this was a thing at all weddings, but I guess I am mistaken? This is interesting. I love finding out that I don't have to do certain things...

I know it seems odd when you first think of it, but you don't have to do anything, really. You have to actually get married, give people a place to put their ass and something to put in their mouth. That's pretty much it.

nerdwife

ShesSoCold said:

nerdwife said:

STARMOON44 said:

I don't think the groomsmen should ever match the bridesmaids anyway. Very prom.

CMGragain said:

We had a similar timing with a bridesmaid's pregnancy at daughter's wedding.  While the lady had no problem losing the weight and regaining her figure, she forgot to make allowance for breast feeding.  Her boobs were huge compared to her pre-pregnancy figure.  We had to buy a fill-in swatch of fabric so she didn't like like "stripper bridesmaid".

How would a groomsman "match" a bridesmaids?  The groomsmen aren't wearing dresses, are they?

At all weddings I've been to, the groomsmen wear the same color tie or some other accent that matches the bridesmaids' dress color. I assumed this was a thing at all weddings, but I guess I am mistaken? This is interesting. I love finding out that I don't have to do certain things...

I know it seems odd when you first think of it, but you don't have to do anything, really. You have to actually get married, give people a place to put their ass and something to put in their mouth. That's pretty much it.

Yeah, I definitely understand that the only thing I have to do is host everyone properly (and we are). What I meant was more that some of these things just literally never occurred to me - like I've only ever seen weddings done X way, so I assume that X way is the only way. I've only been to a few weddings and was never a person who had like a dream wedding in mind or looked into anything before I got engaged, so it's mostly just me floundering and being like oh wait, this is a thing? And this is not a thing?

ShesSoCold

nerdwife said:

ShesSoCold said:

nerdwife said:

STARMOON44 said:

I don't think the groomsmen should ever match the bridesmaids anyway. Very prom.

CMGragain said:

We had a similar timing with a bridesmaid's pregnancy at daughter's wedding.  While the lady had no problem losing the weight and regaining her figure, she forgot to make allowance for breast feeding.  Her boobs were huge compared to her pre-pregnancy figure.  We had to buy a fill-in swatch of fabric so she didn't like like "stripper bridesmaid".

How would a groomsman "match" a bridesmaids?  The groomsmen aren't wearing dresses, are they?

At all weddings I've been to, the groomsmen wear the same color tie or some other accent that matches the bridesmaids' dress color. I assumed this was a thing at all weddings, but I guess I am mistaken? This is interesting. I love finding out that I don't have to do certain things...

I know it seems odd when you first think of it, but you don't have to do anything, really. You have to actually get married, give people a place to put their ass and something to put in their mouth. That's pretty much it.

Yeah, I definitely understand that the only thing I have to do is host everyone properly (and we are). What I meant was more that some of these things just literally never occurred to me - like I've only ever seen weddings done X way, so I assume that X way is the only way. I've only been to a few weddings and was never a person who had like a dream wedding in mind or looked into anything before I got engaged, so it's mostly just me floundering and being like oh wait, this is a thing? And this is not a thing?

Oh yeah - I meant that in more of a "I know I thought the same thing" rather than telling you.

I've never once seen a head table with dates. It's always been "just a thing" that never even occurred to me until I came here. Uneven sides? Mind blown. It's kind of cool though, to realize you don't have to do all that horseshit.