Advice on hosting a lot of out of town guests

Dandy317

Hello everyone - I hope this is the proper category to post in.

Five years ago I moved to South Carolina and fell in love with a born and raised local boy. Literally his entire family lives within 50 miles of us. My family on the other hand is almost completely on the west coast (including both my divorced parents) with the exception of some cousins in Florida. Also our wedding party with be 10 people (5 and 5) with 4 of my girls coming from the town I grew up in, roughly 3 hours by plane.

Our plan right now is to have my bridal party stay at our house for that weekend (if they want to stay on air beds - we have a small 2 bedroom) but I was hoping to get some advice/stories about hotel blocks and what to invite people to while they're in town. Should I try and divide my time to spend a few hours with everyone; try to get everyone together for meals or maybe the rehearsal dinner...?

And should I expect everyone who comes in to rent cars or would it be expected to provide hotel shuttles or a transport service? We haven't booked a venue yet but our favorite is about 45 minutes from the major airport/larger towns.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated!!

southernbelle0915

When guests are invited to an OOT wedding, they're on their own for lodging, transportation, food...basically all the costs of travel. Anything you decide to provide is nice, but not necessary.

A hotel block is a good idea. Just call a few local hotels and ask about a courtesy block.

Personally, I wouldn't put up a bunch of people trying to get ready for a wedding in a 2br place... No way! Let them stay at a hotel where they'll be comfortable and you'll have some solitude in your home

lnixon8

Dandy317 said:

Hello everyone - I hope this is the proper category to post in.

Five years ago I moved to South Carolina and fell in love with a born and raised local boy. Literally his entire family lives within 50 miles of us. My family on the other hand is almost completely on the west coast (including both my divorced parents) with the exception of some cousins in Florida. Also our wedding party with be 10 people (5 and 5) with 4 of my girls coming from the town I grew up in, roughly 3 hours by plane.

Our plan right now is to have my bridal party stay at our house for that weekend (if they want to stay on air beds - we have a small 2 bedroom) but I was hoping to get some advice/stories about hotel blocks and what to invite people to while they're in town. Should I try and divide my time to spend a few hours with everyone; try to get everyone together for meals or maybe the rehearsal dinner...?

And should I expect everyone who comes in to rent cars or would it be expected to provide hotel shuttles or a transport service? We haven't booked a venue yet but our favorite is about 45 minutes from the major airport/larger towns.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

BOX

I read the bold as "barn raised local boy" and lol'd.

I agree with southernbelle-it's one thing if it's your MOH or a sister staying at your house but otherwise don't offer your place. You will be busy enough with everything else and hosting a reception. I wouldn't want anyone over that couldn't take care of themselves.

Rehearsal dinner is a good way to catch up but when people travel for weddings they know your time before and after the reception is limited.

Maggie0829

Lodging is the responsibility of the guests.  Hotel blocks are great but make sure with the hotel(s) that you work with that you do not have to pay for any of the rooms before hand.  Meaning if all the rooms don't get booked then too bad for you and you are out $X amount.  I would try and do at least 2 room blocks at two different hotels with differing price points.  This gives your guests some options.

As PP said, inviting all your OOT guests to your RD is a great way to spend a bit of extra time with them.  But they know that you will be busy and don't have hours upon hours to see them.

As for your BMs, I would not have them stay at your place.  That will be a lot of people in one place and all trying to get ready at one time, plus you trying to do any last minute wedding stuff.  Just thinking of it stresses me out.

holyguacamole79

I agree with PPs about not putting up a bunch of people in a 2 bedroom place.  For our wedding, my parents & sister stayed at our house the night before & the night of the wedding.  BUT, we have a 3 bed / 2 bath house.  They were all comfortable.  It was still a bit crowded, though.

Hotel blocks are super easy.  Just contact the hotel and see what their policy is.  We had a Courtyard by Marriott reserved and they were great to work with.  

Regarding transportation - I've always assumed when I go to OOT weddings that I'm on my own for transportation.  I have good friends in Ohio, & when I go to weddings there for them, I either get a rental car or arrange for a mutual friend to help me out.  I never look to the couple.

Regarding seeing people - don't over-exert yourself.  The rehearsal dinner is a good time to mingle with those at your RD.  My OOT Ohio friends all came in for our wedding.  It wasn't in the budget for them to come to the RD, so I stopped by the hotel the night before the wedding and had a drink with them (I was staying at that hotel myself, so it was quite convenient).  Our wedding was over Super Bowl weekend, so we hosted a small get-together at our house that Sunday evening.  My friends from Ohio stayed an extra day, and a few of my husband's friends in from Austin stayed and joined us.  It was a nice way to hang out with our friends.  

labro

Both families were entirely OOT with the exception of some members of our BP, and my parents and siblings....everyone else traveled.

First and foremost, keep in mind this is all optional, OOT guests are entirely responsible for their own lodging, meals, car rentals, entertainment, etc. outside of the wedding and you don't have to handle any of this. Here's what we did -
- Coordinated complimentary blocks at 3 hotels (3 different price points) in order to give all of our OOT guests an option on where to stay. 2 of the 3 offered free shuttle service to the wedding venue.
- Provided a welcome bag for each booked room that included free information on the area (where to eat, where to shop, things to do, etc.) that we received from our local tourism bureau. I also slipped in a short letter with a brief reminder of event times/location for the wedding just in case.
- Hosted an open house/spaghetti dinner one night at our home for H's OOT family that arrived a couple days before the wedding (about 30 people over the course of 4 hours). We 100% chose to do this ourselves and if it hadn't jived with the pre-wedding schedule, it would not have happened.
- Invited H's parents, sister, and his grandfather to stay at our house. But these people all definitely qualified as able to take care of themselves...I don't think I would have had my OOT bridal party staying over.
- Invited our OOT family to the RD. Which I'm really glad we did. At wedding itself it was next to impossible to talk to everyone for any real length of time. You're just TOO busy!
- My mom hosted a brunch the next day for her family/my dad's family and we attended that as well. Again, it was nice to be able to spend time with people. Later in the day we got together again with H's family that was still in town and did some things with them.

lyndausvi

I had a 100%  OOT wedding (including us).  Thing we did were:

My parents rented a huge beach house.   Slept 17 people (in real beds).  All my siblings, their spouses and kids were there.  Along with one BM and her husband.   (plus me).      We stocked up the house with food and beverages.   We arrived on Wednesday (others on Thursday) and it was basically an open house.  As guests came into town they stopped by had a drink or too.   Sometimes breakfast, lunch, snacks.  Whatever.

On Wednesday night we went out to dinner with some people already in town (8 of us).  We decided to pick up the tab at the end of the night.   Then they came back for after-dinner drinks.

Thursday - People kept popping in and our of the house.  So we just entertained them with the snacks and beverages we had purchased.  

Thursday night -    DH cooked dinner for 50-60 people at the house.   DH then met up with friends in Atlantic City.

Friday - We had a golf tournament.  I think about 60 playing golf.  While golf was on the guests, my dad picked up lunch.      DH then took some of his WP members and some friends from the island out for more food (these guys can EAT).     Oh, we also had breakfast waiting at the house available for some of the golfers before they headed out.  (the house was the meeting place, so random people popped it and grabbed some food).

I took most of my BMs members, another friend and my mom to get mani/pedicures (my SILs and MIL  were not in town yet).  Then I took all of them, plus my 2 SIL's and 2 nephews out to lunch.  

Later that night we had an open house at the rental.  At 6pm the WP, parents, siblings, SO's of the WP were there for a casual dinner/gifts/thank yous.

  Then after 8pm everyone else was invited to stop by for drinks and snacks.     Over 100 people stopped by at some point.  

Wedding day -   Breakfast available.    Ordered pizza's for lunch. There were snacks around too.   It was all casual because appointment times were all over the place.   We just made sure there was food around for the WP members.

We provided transportation for all guests from the 2 hotel blocks and 1 other location that was central to where a few others booked rooms.


WP members -  We were all over the place on helping.

Bought all the GM's attire.
Allowed the only non-family BM stay at the house at no charge
I picked up the manis and pedis
I picked up my non-family's hair

All but 3 of our WP members were family.  Our parents were generous and picked up some costs for the family WP members.   Including dresses and hotel.   The non-family GMs stayed across the street from our rental house.  Pretty sure they didn't pay for any food or drinks for the 4 days they were there.

Yes that was long, but just wanted to show you some ways to entertain your OOT guests.   

OliveOilsMom

One thing to point out, is that if you do decide to have OOT guests at the RD then it is on you and your FI to fully host the event.  So if you want this giant RD, then you need to pay for it.  Some people come on this board and want to have a giant RD, but have the attendees pay for their own meal.  However, if you have the smaller RD, then spread by word of mouth that you & FI will be at x bar having a drink, it is implied that anyone who comes to that will pay their own way.

I also think it might be a bit much having all those people staying at your 2 BR apartment.

As for how far guests should travel.  I don't think there is really a guideline as to how far you should have your wedding from the local airport.  But as a hostess, I would try to minimize my guests travels as much as possible.  While traveling 45 minutes from the airport to the hotel may not be a big deal, but then adding in another 30 minutes from the hotel to the venue may be.  If you can have your entire wedding centrally located to the hotel (or hotels) with the room blocks that would be best.  It might be possible for your guests to use a shuttle of some kind from the airport to the hotel, instead of renting a car.

A friend initially wanted to have a beach wedding.  But her now H's family was spread out all over the country and would be flying in.  The venues for the beach wedding were about 2 hours from the airport.  Instead, she decided to have her wedding in the city attached to the airport (Philly).  So guests did not need to rent a car, they just took a taxi or shuttle from the airport to the hotel.  Once at the hotel, all wedding things were within walking distance to the hotel.

CMGragain

It is really very simple.  When you invite people to your wedding, you are inviting them to attend your wedding - just that.  It makes no difference where they come from.  Having hotel blocks available is a nice convenience for OOT guests, but not necessary.
Expect a lot of declines from guests who are from far away.  At daughter's wedding in Maryland, only two OOT guests from our side came.  One family from Iowa, and one person from Arkansas.  Grandparents didn't come because of the distance.

lyndausvi

CMGragain said:

It is really very simple.  When you invite people to your wedding, you are inviting them to attend your wedding - just that.  It makes no difference where they come from.  Having hotel blocks available is a nice convenience for OOT guests, but not necessary.
Expect a lot of declines from guests who are from far away.  At daughter's wedding in Maryland, only two OOT guests from our side came.  One family from Iowa, and one person from Arkansas.  Grandparents didn't come because of the distance.

I invited 174 people.   147 came.  This was an OOT wedding for the entire guest list and most hotels required a 2 night minimum.   ETA - and 2.5 hours away from a  major airport

Point is:


(your mileage may vary)

VicTim328

I've been an OOT guest at several weddings, and 80% of my guests will be OOT.

One wedding had 3 roomblocks with hotels that were no more than 2 blocks away from the venue.  No shuttle was needed.  One of the hotels allowed them to use a conference room the morning after to host a panera breakfast.  It was great.  No means necessary, but it allowed the families of the B&G to catch up a little more.

Another one I've attended had a shuttle provided from the local county's tourism office.  The venue was at a county park, so there was some set-up that allowed them to make their venue "donation" and also get the shuttle for a minimal fee (around $300).

If the airport is 45 minutes away, I don't see that as much of an issue.  I can't remember the last time I traveled that the hotel was less than 30 minutes away... Definitely contact local hotels nearby and see what they offer.  There may be a shuttle for the airport or a shuttle for your venue.

We have 3 hotels in our roomblock at various price points.  Our venue is about 40 minutes from the airport at one of the hotels.  The operator of the hotels offers free shuttle to/from the major airport in town.  Our guests can choose to use it or not. If they opt to stay at one of the other resorts, it is about a $5 cab ride between hotels.  We are leaving their transportation to the event up to them.

We are also considering a dessert party for our OOT guests and VIP's the night before the wedding, but won't decide until we have a final count for RSVP's.

My best friend is also getting married soon.  Her family is local, but her FI's isn't. They have roomblocks near the airport that provide a shuttle to/from, and are using a local shuttle service to/from venue.  It's still a 25 minute drive from the hotels to venue.

The biggest thing is to try not to play travel-agent for everyone. I would more than likely avoid hosting entire BP at my home.  If there was one person that it was a financial issue for, it would be different.  There's a lot that goes on, and the guests usually understand that their time with you is limited.

holyguacamole79

Also, H & I created a custom Google map that we shared with our guests that showed various locations (hotel, church, reception venue, grocery store, airport, etc).  If anyone wants me to send them the link, I can.  It was really easy to create and share.

MandyMost

One OOT wedding I went to had the hotel block(s) in a major city (i.e. people could just take a taxi from the airport), then had a shuttle to take the guests about an hour to the wedding/reception site and back at the end of the night. Of course guests could drive, too, if they wanted, but I think virtually everyone took the shuttle. This made it super convenient for the guests--no one had to rent a car, and no one was stuck staying in a small town with nothing to do, as the hotels were in the major city.

Most wedding with lots of OOT guests I've been to have had events aside from the wedding/reception itself so the couple could spend more time with their traveling friends/family. For example, one wedding had a women's luncheon for all the female friends/family the day before the wedding (since people didn't fly in for a shower/bachelorette). No presents, of course. Most have had either a huge rehearsal dinner (essentially like a reception the day before the reception!) or planned a place for drinks the night before. And just about all have planned a brunch the morning after. 


People have always been 100% responsible for their own lodging and travel plans for every wedding I've been around. 

SP29

An OOT wedding is really the same as an in-town wedding, however there are some extras, as posted above, which are considerate, if you can swing it.

The only guests required to be invited to the RD are those involved with the rehearsal and their SOs. Some couples will choose to increase the guest list of the RD to OOT guests- which is entirely up to you. The RD is still a fully hosted event.

You are not required to spend "extra" time with any guests- you've invited them to your wedding, when they come/leave and what they do with the rest of their time is up to them. Now, if you WANT to do something, that is entirely your choice. Some options are hosting an open house event, where people can stop by for drinks and snacks, or telling guests that you'll be at X bar at Y time if they want to come (in the second case, you would not be required to host).

Room blocks are a nice option. 2-3 hotels, where you are able to reserve X number of rooms for Y price (for your guests), and the rooms are let go Z days prior to the wedding. Beyond providing this information to your guests, either via an invitation insert or wedding website, it's up to your guests to book, or not book, by the release date.

I would also re-consider offering to have so many people stay at your home- unless you *really* want them there. It is considerate of you to offer, particularly if you know it may be a financial strain, but it will be close quarters and you may have lots of stuff to do- do you want to feel like you have to entertain these guests? 

When I got married, my BM came from OOT and she stayed at my mom's house in my brother's room. She came in 2 days before. I spent as much time with her as I could, while still doing wedding stuff (she came with me to a few places), but at the same time, she could stay at my mom's and watch TV or whatever, and still have someone to talk to. 

You are not required to provided transportation- leave that up to your guests to figure out. If most of your guests were staying at one hotel, and your venue was a ways away, it would be considerate to have a shuttle, but with more than one hotel you would have some logistics to figure out- will the shuttle go to all the hotels? How often? Not every guest wants to leave the reception at the same time.

As for venue, I think it wise to consider your guests and travel. With a lot of OOT guests, a venue that is close to the city (i.e. close to the airport or major highway, close to the hotels) is ideal, but you still have your local guests to consider. I would strongly recommend having your ceremony and reception at the same venue. Guests may be OK driving 45 mins to the ceremony and back, but then having another drive between the ceremony and reception, which potentially makes the drive back to the hotel even longer, is less than ideal. If you are getting married in a church, consider using the basement hall for the reception. If not, look for a venue that will allow you to do both (most will).