Those who actually eloped...

softkittywarmkitty

How did your family and friends react? We've had major setbacks and decided to push our wedding a year and lately we've been talking about either eloping just the two of us or just inviting my family and his close friends who are like family to him. Money is super tight and most likely will be for a while...I am,looking for another job, and he is talking to the VA about job placement (he is 90% disabled from his time in the Navy and can't do they physical jobs he's used to.)

Jells2dot0

Everyone was super supportive of us when we told them- surprise! - we're married!

However, our circumstances may be a little different. When I got engaged to my first husband, I made it clear I wanted a private destination wedding. Just him and I. My parents are divorced, as were his, and my parents despise one another. I didn't want any family drama. My mom and grandmom were crushed, though. I am an only daughter. So, we had the big, traditional wedding and it was a disaster. My dad was an asshole and I divorced two years later.

My H was also married previously and had a large traditional wedding. He hated the whole idea of a big wedding and never wanted to do that again. Plus, he's older than I am by 17 years and felt silly having a traditional wedding. So, when we got engaged, we knew the wedding was going to be on our terms: private and somewhere far from home. Everyone knew we were engaged, so my parents made it clear that they didn't want to relive my first wedding. H's parents are older (late 70s at the time), couldn't travel and had eloped when they married. The only issue was my H's kids, but they are adults and have their own lives.

That was wordy, but my point is that no one was particularly interested in us having a traditional wedding. We travel extensively and would go on exotic trips and each time, people thought we'd come back married. Finally, we did! There was not one person who put us down and if they had, that is their problem, not ours. We did things our way and we didn't break any etiquette that could cause hurt feelings because we didn't invite anyone or take anyone's money. If this is your first wedding, though, I'd probably go the route of having a private DW rather than eloping. The difference is people knowing about your plans versus not. Then, you won't completely blindside people. I'd also recommend that you both have to be fully onboard with eloping if you are keeping things small and scaled back. A lot of people regret not having family there or not having a larger wedding and that is what leads to PPDs. Even though it was just the two of us, we married on a beach on a private island in Australia. We hired a photographer and it was every thing we ever dreamed of. So, no regrets at all.

princessleia22

I didn't officially elope, but had a small destination wedding with just immediate family and close friends (25 people).  Some of my extended family and some friends were slightly disappointed that they couldn't be there, but overall they were very understanding and supportive of our choice. Most of our family and friends knew in advance that we never wanted a large wedding.  When we got engaged and actually started planning for our small wedding, my parents were actually surprised because they thought that we would just elope and they would get a phone call one day saying "surprise, we're married".  So, they were prepared for the "we eloped" phone call, but very pleased to be included in our day.

softkittywarmkitty

It's my first wedding his second. My parents have been divorced for 34 years and haven't been in the same room since. My dad and my relationship is strained and I dislike his girlfriend. FI does not talk to his immediate family....I encourage this, they are terrible people. My mom and my Aunt would be upset I think. I'm the last to marry...I will be 38 FI 39. But they couldn't afford to travel to a DW...coming from NJ to TX is a strain for them.I just want a stress free day. Still kicking around ideas....it seems something simple doesn't happen when most of your guests are scattered around the country.

Jells2dot0

softkittywarmkitty said:

It's my first wedding his second. My parents have been divorced for 34 years and haven't been in the same room since. My dad and my relationship is strained and I dislike his girlfriend. FI does not talk to his immediate family....I encourage this, they are terrible people. My mom and my Aunt would be upset I think. I'm the last to marry...I will be 38 FI 39. But they couldn't afford to travel to a DW...coming from NJ to TX is a strain for them.I just want a stress free day. Still kicking around ideas....it seems something simple doesn't happen when most of your guests are scattered around the country.

Agree. We were in the same boat. We were living in AZ. My family is on the East Coast. My brother and mom hate to travel. My dad...well, you know. H's family is in in the midwest. I mentioned above they had travel problems. H's brother won't travel either. They all live 3 hours from a major airport, so traveling there is never easy. I did not want to get married where I grew up. It was a giant logistical nightmare so we just solved the problem for everyone! 

thisismynickname2

I didn't elope, but I sure as heck wanted to. But, any time I'd talk about "the future" with friends or family and say I just wanted to elope, I'd get some version of, "Ohhh... nooooo I want to see you get married!"

Ugh.

So I think you just have to go off and do it. Like pulling off a bandaid. Everyone who might be bent out of shape about it needs to build a bridge and get over it. Based solely on your comment that money is super tight, I'd wager that you're better off truly eloping than even trying to host a tiny wedding (even tiny weddings come with drama!)- but only you can truly make the judgement call.