I am a Bridesmaid Dealing with an ungrateful Bride

Jen4948

I once did attend a bridal shower at a restaurant, but it seemed odd to me because that was the only time I have ever attended one not held at someone's home.

banana468

FWIW, I have attended a couple showers in restaurants.   They were larger and were often for "both" sides of the families.   They often used a private room and were lunches with a mimosa.

I've also attended church hall / rented room showers.   My own baby shower was in the community center building at my MIL/FIL's condo.   It was for something like 60 people (seriously - huge - moms went loco for the first grandbaby) and they brought in food and drinks instead of using a house.   We were the only ones using the space though so it was pretty convenient and easy to access.   As I see more family members age, it can be easier using a facility with handicapped access compared to homes that aren't so easy to maneuver.   But all of that comes at a cost and is at the HOSTS' discretion.   The guest of honor gets to smile and STFU. 

lyndausvi

Showers in my world are at people's homes or maybe a church hall or similar DIY type place.    

Restaurants do not automatically make parties "better".  Mostly it's only makes them more expensive for the hosts.

FWIW - my shower was at my sister's house.  For the record my sister is loaded. She can afford a restaurant, but why?  Her house is awesome and comfortable.  More intimate setting than sitting at a long table on a restaurant chair.

aurianna

One of my bridal showers was at a restaurant. About 10-14 guests if I recall. We were just at a big set of tables in the back corner of the restaurant near the patio. It was very nice.
My other bridal shower was in my mother-in-law's home. It was also very nice.

The bigger point, of course, is when these were both offered to me, in neither case did I say "Showers aren't supposed to be held in that location. I'm ungrateful and spoiled. Poo-poo, poo-poo."

LD1970

Every single one of the many, many showers I have attended, including my own, have been at nice restaurants.  My sister's had 61 guests attend and mine was 40 guests.

Even in the context of that experience, had my friends and mother chosen to throw my shower in a living room with cheese and crackers, I'd have been JUST AS GRATEFUL and JUST AS HAPPY and would have had JUST AS GOOD A TIME.

tigerlily6

In the 6 weddings I've been a BM in, only one of those had a shower at all (it was in a local hall). Do I think showers are fun? Yes!  Am I having one for my wedding (to my knowledge)? Nope. And that's 100% okay. BMs and most other guests live far away, plus both FI and I have been on our own a while and have all the towels, bedspreads, and kitchen appliances we will need. Same story for most of my shower-less friends mentioned above. They still got married, we all celebrated with them, and everything was great.

Your friend needs to take a chill pill and be thankful she is getting any shower at all. I agree with the PPs -- this friendship does not sound like a mutually supportive one. Take care of yourself, I hope you feel better, and if I were you, I would consider stepping down. Bride can go to a restaurant, sit in a corner booth, and throw confetti up in the air upon herself. 

ETA 'cause I'm mad at this bride. 

Sherbie25

Maggie0829 said:

First, what the F*#& are you do printing, assembling, and addressing HER invitations?!  Like, what the hell?

As for the shower your "friend" does not get to dictate where a shower is held. Period.  She sounds like an ungrateful bitch and I would not be throwing her any type of shower whether it be at your home or a restaurant.  I would also not be doing anything else at all for this wedding.

Amen!

Knottie1452198848

So she has not said anything to me about the shower. If she did ask I would explain that I can't afford to throw her a shower.
Found out tonight she wanted me and the othe BM at the second dress fitting tomorrow. I texted bride that I have to work tomorrow at my second job. Her reply was "if you have to work, work". 

MesmrEwe

Yea - the only time I was NAF of the shower location was when my brother was building his house and it was an excuse to hand everyone willing/able a hammer/nailer/etc....  But really - a lot of the showers in our family happen at the recipient's house (with others fully hosting it for them!) because it takes having them figure out all the transportation logistics out of the picture.  The only shower not held at someone's house were work showers and if they weren't held on-site they were held at a restaurant. 

IMO the bride should have been over there at your house helping with those invites or hire someone professionally to make them.  You were very generous to make them, but it sounds like it's time to stand up for yourself when you're asked for more.  Right now, your financial situation doesn't allow for added expenses, and it really is o.k. to say no and elaborate if you need to on things.

SP29

Knottie1452198848 said:

So she has not said anything to me about the shower. If she did ask I would explain that I can't afford to throw her a shower.
Found out tonight she wanted me and the othe BM at the second dress fitting tomorrow. I texted bride that I have to work tomorrow at my second job. Her reply was "if you have to work, work". 

Uh yeah, you do have to work! It's how one makes a living to afford the things they want, such as you know, paying for your own wedding .

Was this HER dress fitting? Why do you need to go to a dress fitting? 

CMGragain

My daughter didn't get a shower because no one offered.  She had the good manners to not be disappointed.  No one accompanied her to her dress fittings.  I was the only one who was with her when she chose her dress.  For her bach party, she and a few bridesmaids (not all of them) met at a bar, and everyone paid their own tabs.  I volunteered to address her invitations because I had the time and good handwriting.
Drop this spoiled, entitled "friend" like a hot potato as soon as the wedding is over.

drunkenwitch

Knottie1452198848 said:

So she has not said anything to me about the shower. If she did ask I would explain that I can't afford to throw her a shower.
Found out tonight she wanted me and the othe BM at the second dress fitting tomorrow. I texted bride that I have to work tomorrow at my second job. Her reply was "if you have to work, work". 

Well, how dare you prioritize keeping a roof over your head and food on your table over her special day. Don't you understand it's the absolute most important special day ever in all of space and time and you should totally do everything asked (read: demanded) of you?*

*I miss being able to put my sarcasm in pink comic sans