We set a "date" but we are not engaged yet...

[Deleted User]

Although I do not consider myself engaged, the definition of the word is "an agreement to be married," and that is exactly what happened.
I am not planning a wedding. I am not announcing this everywhere. Outside of this thread, I give all my energy, motivations, thoughts, etc. to nursing school. I honestly just came here for support and I feel as if  I just got cross-examined over technical terms. I wanted to tell the community about this (because to me it is happy news; neither juvenile nor insignificant) and to find other ladies who are/were in my situation. I even put this in the "not engaged yet" boards for that very reason. If you look at the original post, I never said "do you think I am engaged or not?" and that very point has been the focus of this whole thread.
I am appreciative of all the nice post and people who have given me advice. Thank you.

[Deleted User]

speakeasy14 said:

@wink0erin @alpacina jackpot? Holy quote trees. This was a tough one to read on mobile. Either you're engaged or you're not. There is no in between. Don't start planning until both of you agree that you're engaged. My boyfriend and I have had the same conversations. It's perfectly healthy to have these kind of conversations with your significant other to make sure you're both on the same page. The catch is that I didn't go off and start talking about my dream wedding, because talking about the future does not mean I'm engaged. You're about to start nursing school. This is going to be an incredibly stressful time in your life. Save all your energy for that.

As I have stated, I do not consider myself engaged and I have not started any planning. I just have been to this one venue for many years (a few times a year) and always have seen myself getting married there. Nothing is serious or set in stone. I never even called the place or asked about weddings there. I just saw from their website that they do weddings (but I looked at that years ago.)
I am in nursing school now so I really don't have the time for any planning. It is the most difficult and most rewarding thing I have ever done and I put all my energy into it. I could go on and on about how much I love nursing, but this is not a nursing website

bethsmiles

Nobody said that your happy news was juvenile or insignificant, stop over-reacting. If you had lurked here at all you would have realized this was the sort of response you would get. Again, it's awesome that you had a great talk with your SO and you are both on the same page about marriage. But from your post it comes off like just because of this conversation you are ready to jump over into engaged mode, when you relationship isn't there yet.

There are a lot of women on this board who have been exactly where you are and are giving you advice based on their experiences. No one told you to leave because you aren't engaged, they just told you to slow your roll because you came on here saying "OMG I'm not engaged but we know when and where we're getting married" which if you had lurked at all you would have known is just not the vibe this board has. We focus a lot more on enjoying our relationships as they are (not inventing silly titles like pre-engaged), having awesome adult conversations with our SOs about our relationships and where they are headed (which you did, and again which is great), and putting our focus on non-wedding related things so that we don't go BSC while waiting to get engaged.

I suggest lurking for awhile (maybe start with the post at the top that says "New? Read this first!), participating in some of the daily threads, and getting a feel for the board.

tigerlily6

@Knottie80688739, I have expressed my congratulations to you, and mean them sincerely. As I said in an earlier post, I remember the giddy "woo! we're getting married!" stage, whether it is labeled engagement or not yet. And I remember a huge part of that is just wanting to scream to the world about it, because it is exciting and weird all at once. It's a good time!

Down the line, you may be wanting to scream more... due to frustration with friends/ family/ venues/ planning ideas/ etc, and needing a place to get advice or poll for public opinions. 

Folks here can be blunt and honest, but that is a good thing. Nearly all of them are concerned about giving good advice to new brides-to-be though,  and even it can come off harsh at times, I think in a world of flowery princess-planning where friends and family may simply just pass the buck and say, "it's your day, do what you want", it's nice to get straight and direct answers when you are trying to figure out opinions and etiquette. I know I have already been helped a ton by the ladies here, and it has been a breath of fresh air to have a honest forum for idea checking.

You got to take all opinions, whether online or not, with a grain of salt, especially when it comes to things like when or where you declare you are engaged. I think most folks here are happy to know you are/ will be engaged, they just were confused by your choice to wait on announcing it to friends and family, but will announce it here. But that's us. When it comes to this, you are living your life and know the ins and outs of how it works better than us, so you do you. I hope you stick around and can help contribute to wedding planning discussions, because you sound like you have a lot of things in order, and it would be great to hear how things develop!

ETA to add some clarity/ fix spelling. 

[Deleted User]

tigerlily6 said:

@Knottie80688739, I have expressed my congratulations to you, and mean them sincerely. As I said in an earlier post, I remember the giddy "woo! we're getting married!" stage, whether it is labeled engagement or not yet. And I remember a huge part of that is just wanting to scream to the world about it, because it is exciting and weird all at once. 

Folks here can be blunt and honest, but that is a good thing. Nearly all of them are concerned about giving good advice to new brides-to-be though,  and even it can come off harsh at times, I think in a world of flowery princess-planning where friends and family may simply just pass the buck and say, "it's your day, do what you want", it's nice to get straight and direct answers when you are trying to figure out opinions and etiquette. I know I have already been helped a ton by the ladies here, and it has been a breath of fresh air to have a honest forum for idea checking.

You got to take all opinions, whether online or not, with a grain of salt, especially when it comes to things like when or when you declare you are engaged. I think most folks here are happy to know you are/ will be engaged, they just were confused by your choice to wait on announcing it to friends and family, but will announce it here. But that's us. When it comes to this, you are living your life and know the ins and outs of how it works better than us, so you do you. I hope you stick around and can help contribute to wedding planning discussions, because you sound like you have a lot of things in order, and it would be great to hear how things develop!

I really appreciate this comment because I am not used to people being blunt and honest and I didn't know if it was something about me specifically, the word engagement or something else. I was not trying to come off like I was over-reacting before, maybe it is because I have an exam tomorrow and am very stressed out about it.
Thank you again.

tigerlily6

Hang in there! Take a break from The Knot til after the exam, study, and get a good night's rest! You've got a solid guy who loves you very much, you are clearly very in love with him, and you also seem to be in love with your school, which is great. Life is good. Relax. Make yourself a cup of hot tea and toast to your future, because it sounds bright. 

wink0erin

@speakeasy14 @alpacina All the fun happens when I am busy with work

@knottie80688739 Slow your roll and enjoy your relationship and life as it is right now. Trust me, if you start thinking too much about it you will possibly end up frustrated over not having a proposal in the time frame you hope for, or over some arbitrary deadline in your head. Just enjoy each day, good luck with school, and don't think about weddings. Having a thought like "Oh a fall wedding would be grand" or "hey that venue is nice" or attending a friend's wedding and thinking "That's a neat idea" isn't a problem... but trying to narrow things down will only cause a ton of unneeded stress. Just relax and you'll be all good. Congrats on having a successful convo with your BF!