When having major issues with your spouse who do U seek advice from-SORRY this post wasn't clear be4

NAJ

When your having major issues are you close to your parent, in-laws friends or family to talk to or a therapist or no body.??

ShesSoCold

NAJ said:

When your having major issues are you close to your parent, in-laws friends or family to talk to or a therapist or no body.??

randomslove

I talk to my mom and my mother-in-law for relationship advice. Otherwise, I mostly do research and try to find some professional opinions. I live several states away from any family, so I don't have much of a support system-- mostly just my FI.

Jells2dot0

It depends on the problem.

littlemushroom

Depends on what the issue is. I would talk to my parents, my BFF, my husband, a therapist or a friend depending on what was going on.

NAJ

When discussing the issue is any topic on the floor for discussion?

 I pretty much like to keep my business to myself but at times needing some serious advice

climbingsingle

It depends what the issue is. 

thefanciestbeckler

If you like to keep your business to yourself, I'd recommend a therapist.

lyndausvi

They have all the answers.

tigerlily6

My dog. He usually suggests I take a walk with him, and he is usually right -- it helps.

arrippa

Wine. It usually has all the answers.

NAJ

Topics that are serious: Other Women, Children, Drugs Drinking OR Finances

thefanciestbeckler

arrippa said:

Wine. It usually always has all the answers.

FTFY.

lyndausvi

NAJ said:

Topics that are serious: Other Women, Children, Drugs Drinking OR Finances

Honestly.  I find this to be a strange first post question.    It sounds like you are doing research.


I have yet to find anyone who as the answer to every single major question out there.   Like others it depends on the topic.   

STARMOON44

NAJ said:

Topics that are serious: Other Women, Children, Drugs Drinking OR Finances

Well, I don't discuss other women, drugs, or drinking with romantic partners because I don't maintain relationships with people with whom these issues are present. Children I discuss generally with friends, and finances I discuss with a) anyone I'm sharing expenses with, b) my best friend, and c) a paid financial planner.

But, do tell, what is your actual issue?

NAJ

My sister came to me but wasn't sure whether she wanted to share something with our mother who she's very close to but didn't share with me so I she asked the question so I figured many couples have an opinion on this question.. Not strange at all to ask

thisismynickname2

I talk to my husband, my best friend, and my parents. Every single person is different because they all have different relationships with different people in their lives. 
I have never pursued therapy and have never felt the need. Some of my friends have pursued it. DH pursued it while his first marriage was failing and after went alone for a little while too. 
I usually try to talk to someone who specifically has gone through what I have the issue with. Therefore, I go to my parents a lot. 

tigerlily6

Okay, for serious convos:
Other Women: As in your guy going after another woman/women? I'd be talking straight to him about it, with choice words. And possibly an attorney.
Children: Hopefully talking about any issues with them (health or behavior or having them) with their father first. But I also plan to seek lots of advice from my mom and his when we get to that point. 
Drugs and Drinking: If it's a friend or family member struggling with them, then I would want to talk to them. And have them speak to both their regular physician and a therapist. If it were me realizing I had a problem, I would go to FI, my siblings, and a select group of close friends. 
Finances: Once again, I'm going to FI first. We've been practicing budgeting everything together through our engagement, and it has come down to some awkward convos (everything from "oops, honey, I overspent on Starbucks again this week" to "who will be the main bread winner for the next year? Next five years? Once we're both out of school?" etc). But they are good to have and make us feel secure knowing we are working towards the same goals/ can find compromises on some things.

Maggie0829

NAJ said:

My sister came to me but wasn't sure whether she wanted to share something with our mother who she's very close to but didn't share with me so I she asked the question so I figured many couples have an opinion on this question.. Not strange at all to ask

So she asked you if she should talk to your Mom about something but she wouldn't tell you what that something is.  If you couldn't give her an answer, how are we suppose to give you an answer?

Everyone is different.  Everyone has a certain person they go to depending upon the issue at hand.  Since you don't know what the issue is with your sister then it will be really hard to give you an answer.  Heck even if we knew the issue we still couldn't give you an answer.  I would just tell your sister to trust her instincts about who to talk to whether it be you, your Mom or someone else.

holyguacamole79

If there was a problem, yo, I'll solve it

Check out the hook while my DJ revolves it

hellohkb

My mom, FH, my aunt, a few select friends. Though I agree with others, depends on what the issue is.

labro

Dear Prudie answers all of my toughest questions.

http://www.slate.com/articles/life/dear_prudence.html

charlotte989875

My H and my sister, and SIL. Rarely my parents bc I don't have a great relationship with them/they tend to overreact to things.

I'd recommend your sister find someone she trusts and can confide it. That is really going to depend on her and her relationships.

madamerwin

I'm a really private person, so there are very few people I would trust with anything super personal. I talk to my H about most issues, I often consult my dad about things that are stressing me out (money, health) because he is really great at bringing me back down to earth. If it's about issues with my H, a therapist is really the only person I would talk to - personally, I feel like any major issues between spouses should be confidential, and I would not feel comfortable talking to anyone but a therapist about them. Occasionally I will talk to my sisters. But really, like PPs have said, it completely depends on what type of issue it is.

themosthappy91

NAJ said:

My sister came to me but wasn't sure whether she wanted to share something with our mother who she's very close to but didn't share with me so I she asked the question so I figured many couples have an opinion on this question.. Not strange at all to ask

NAJ, I don't mean this to be disparaging at all but is English not your first language? I'm finding your questions and responses on this thread to be confusingly phrased and I think I'm not the only one.

Honestly I think your best bet to get helpful responses from this board is to tell us the full story- what is your sister's issue and why is she unsure about whether she wants to talk to your mom about it?

ericasm0703

Not quite sure what you're really asking, but for me (and clearly many others) it all depends on the problem, and I'm not one to talk about my problems. I see some really messed up stuff sometimes at my job, and there's just certain things I want to protect my family from; those are the things that I talk to therapists about. For almost everything else, I talk to my fiancé and my mom.

NAJ

Sorry for those who answered to the post, I forgot to mention in the initial post it is an issue with her spouse and who to seek advice from, sorry for not clarifying

If you didn't understand the post then sorry for the misunderstanding of the question

kmmssg

I have 3 sons-in-law.  I have told everyone of my still married daughters that they need to keep their serious marriage business between their husbands and a therapist.

I told them they are most welcome to come to me anytime for advice but to remember that if something is wrong I now know about it.  If their husband has done something terribly irresponsible or worse, they need to understand that they may get to a place where THEY will forgive them, but I might not.  Hurt my girls, I'm a mama bear.

Now - abuse, addiction/alcoholism, gambling addiction, etc - I told them they should come to us so we can get them out of there if that is what they need.  I grew up around all of that except the gambling addiction and I would want to help my girls ASAP.  

I think it is very important to consider how going to someone close to you may permanently change the relationship.  If your sister isn't in danger maybe she would consider counseling.

madamerwin

kmmssg said:

I have 3 sons-in-law.  I have told everyone of my still married daughters that they need to keep their serious marriage business between their husbands and a therapist.

I told them they are most welcome to come to me anytime for advice but to remember that if something is wrong I now know about it.  If their husband has done something terribly irresponsible or worse, they need to understand that they may get to a place where THEY will forgive them, but I might not.  Hurt my girls, I'm a mama bear.

Now - abuse, addiction/alcoholism, gambling addiction, etc - I told them they should come to us so we can get them out of there if that is what they need.  I grew up around all of that except the gambling addiction and I would want to help my girls ASAP.  

I think it is very important to consider how going to someone close to you may permanently change the relationship.  If your sister isn't in danger maybe she would consider counseling.

And this is the major reason I do not talk about marriage problems with anyone but a therapist and my husband. Once you tell someone private details of your life, you cannot un-tell them. I would never want anyone in my family to think less of my husband because of whatever crap we fight about and/or the things that bother me.

CMGragain

God.

tigerlily6

I'm assuming she is not needing to talk about being in an abusive situation of any kind, or else you would be getting her out of there based on what she's told you. If there is any abuse or threat thereof, physical or emotional, she can and should try to reach out to any nearby friend or family member she can to find safety and support. 

If it is a less dangerous, but still difficult situation, then yeah, I think PPs have covered it. It will ultimately be up to her and what kind of relationships she has with certain friends and family members. Moms and dads can be great sources of comfort, but also may hold grudges, as has been said. So can some best friends. If she is concerned about his behavior or health (drinking/drugs, gambling, severe depression, etc), it might be worth reaching out to some of his friends or family if she feels close enough to them and if he needs extra support. If she thinks he may be cheating on her, and he is not abusive, then she needs to confront him about it, directly. And then bring in others (like a pastor or therapist or lawyer) as she feels right.