Pre-wedding Parties

B-party/MOH vent (long)

This is just a vent; there's nothing I can do and I really hate to complain about anyone throwing a party for me so I just need to get the annoyance off my chest. :) Thanks peeps.

I am very lucky to have four great bridesmaids who have offered to host a shower and a b-party for me. My MOH wanted to plan the b-party and the other BM's are planning the shower. For the most part I have not been involved and it's been smooth sailing. 

My MOH and I have been kind of drifting apart for awhile and I haven't talked to her about anything related to the wedding or b-party in months. I'm not a big drinker and definitely not a party or dance type girl, and all I really want to do is go out to eat hibachi and anything else is just gravy. So, to be honest, I wasn't really worried about whether the party happened or not and didn't plan to push for more info from MOH or check in on her progress. The shower is the same day so if nothing got planned I was just going to suggest that the group head out for hibachi after the shower and then spend the night with my cousins (who are bridesmaids).

The last I heard from MOH, she was on board with hibachi and was planning a trip to an "escape room" type event where you have to solve puzzles, etc. to get out. We chatted about this and I said my only concern is that I have somewhat of a bossy personality type that gets a lot worse under stress, and I was concerned about getting frustrated or stressed and yelling at someone at the party haha, not a good look. She said not to worry about that, it's really fun and everyone works together, so I said that sounded fine to me and let's go for it. That was the last I heard.

Yesterday I got a text from one of the bridesmaids who asked about how the b-party planning was going. I said that I didn't know what was going on but the last update I had was the above, and she said she would reach out to MOH and get more info. Great! Thank you ladies!

A while later I get a text from the BM that says, "MOH said you told her you don't want to do the escape room because you have to climb up on top of things." Okay... 1. I said I was fine to do the escape room; 2. that stuff about climbing literally never was said, at all - we never had any kind of conversation at all about anything to do with climbing; and 3. I had no idea there was even any kind of climbing or physical activity involved. I spent a decent amount of time on the company's website and I didn't see any of the usual disclaimers about disabilities, proper attire, good health, etc. Granted, if the climbing thing is true then yes, it's probably not a good idea for me, but to make up a conversation out of nowhere is bizarre.

So BM says that MOH told her she was thinking of a trip to a local (non-hibachi) restaurant and going to play games at Dave and Buster's. Not sure if D&B is a nationwide chain but it's basically an arcade game sports bar. MOH and I went there together when we were coworkers, for a work outing. I had a good time and everything, but that was at 1pm on a weekday, not a Saturday night. Don't get me wrong - I love to (and frequently do) go to Buffalo Wild Wings and drink beer, eat wings, and watch football, but that's not really what I was going for with a big group of girls for my bachelorette. So at this point I'm a little peeved about the hibachi thing since that was the only thing I wanted and communicated very clearly, and disappointed about possibly spending the night in a place I wouldn't enjoy very much. AND I'm irritated because I don't like being the go-between and getting involved in the planning. It's super awkward for me.

So I told BM I wasn't sure about Dave and Buster's and rattled off a few other options MOH and I had discussed before, like a wine and paint night, going to a movie, having a girls' night in, etc. BM said she'd talk to her. OK GREAT. 

I hear back from BM AGAIN (ARE YOU SERIOUS PLEASE STOP) and now, MOH says that I told her I didn't want to do a wine and paint night because my other friends did that for their bachelorette parties. What the crap? I specifically mentioned that as something I would love to do!!

I have NO IDEA why my MOH is lying and making up all this shit that I supposedly said to her. I don't know if maybe she just hasn't planned anything so is getting defensive and coming up with excuses (because my other BM's are super organized and have had the shower planned for several months), or she thinks all my ideas are lame and wants to plan something with herself in mind, or what. I'm extremely irritated by the bizarre lying and by being put in this awkward in between position where my bridesmaid is trying her best to help make it something more enjoyable for me without edging in over the MOH's plans.

I had more than enough so I told bridesmaid to please drop it and let MOH plan whatever the hell she wants. I don't care enough to continue getting involved. If nothing happens, then we're a go for impromptu hibachi night. If something gets planned, great, I will go graciously with a smile and do my best to have a wonderful time with the women who love me. Just please leave me alone about it! 

Phew. That was a lot. Thanks for listening. :) 
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Re: B-party/MOH vent (long)

  • Wow.  I hope your MOH doesn't plan anything so you can have the hibachi night you want!  Reminds me of my friend's birthday, we all knew she hated bowling and when the friend throwing her the party asked what she wanted, she essentially said anything but bowling.  So naturally, the host brought her to...A bowling alley!  She was a good sport about it but everyone could see she was disappointed and was forcing herself to try to have a good time.  I hope you do not go through the same for your bachelorette.
    spockforprez
  • Yeesh, what's going on with her? I like wings too but hibachi > wings for sure! (Side note: I actually had to Google hibachi, I call it teppanyaki!)

    Just to add to @missfrodo 's hen party story, one of my bff's got married years ago (I was a bm) and her sis and cousin planned the hen. I tried to help but they didn't like any of my ideas. They wanted us all to dress up, and the theme they landed on was that everyone had to dress as barbie dolls. Like cowgirl barbie, malibu barbie etc. When I suggested that my girl had always been a tomboy and never, ever liked barbies the response was 'yeah, but its not really about her'. Lol, wut?!

    Sometimes people can just go a bit nuts with the pressure of planning these things I think. I hope you get your teppanyaki in the end!
                 
    JediElizabeth
  • Is it possible she's making all this shit up to throw you off her scent, because she's actually planning you the best damn hibachi b-party EVAR?  I'm just gonna go with that.

    If this turns out to be true I will really like this girl!
                 
    JediElizabethsparklepants41InLoveInQueens[Deleted User]
  • spockforprezspockforprez Virginia
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    Thanks, all! 

    Is it possible she's making all this shit up to throw you off her scent, because she's actually planning you the best damn hibachi b-party EVAR?  I'm just gonna go with that.
    Haha, maybe. I wish! I doubt it, because bridesmaid knew I was irritated and I don't think she'd be the type to keep picking at me with MOH's "false" info, lol. But, maybe you're right  B)
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  • thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 City By The Lake
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    So... I was once a BM in a wedding where something like this went down. A fellow BM is a pushy, guilt-tripping "I know best and it's all for our friend so get on board" type of person. 

    Well, one day the poor bride called me and asked me to verify if a story took place. Apparently the BM made up all these lies about the MOH's planning of the bridal shower. I told the bride, "No, the MOH did not say that. This is the conversation that took place. Other BM is pushing us to do other stuff so she's probably bent out of shape that we're not agreeing with her."

    Frankly OP, this is a huge red flag about your MOH's character (like it was for this BM, who is a now former friend of mine). Unless you are being intentionally thrown off the scent for a surprise party, lying and spreading stories is a huge NO in my friend book. You say you have been becoming distant, and that generally sucks, but it's probably a blessing in disguise and after your wedding you can figure out if you want to permanently drift away. 
    ________________________________


  • I can't tell if you're annoyed with BM for getting involved but I would at least give BM the benefit of the doubt that she is actually trying to help you out. I would be pissed if my MOH made all this up just to "surprise" me.  Wedding planning is stressful enough..anything more than a pretend 5 minute disappointment is mean IMO


  • spockforprezspockforprez Virginia
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    So... I was once a BM in a wedding where something like this went down. A fellow BM is a pushy, guilt-tripping "I know best and it's all for our friend so get on board" type of person. 

    Well, one day the poor bride called me and asked me to verify if a story took place. Apparently the BM made up all these lies about the MOH's planning of the bridal shower. I told the bride, "No, the MOH did not say that. This is the conversation that took place. Other BM is pushing us to do other stuff so she's probably bent out of shape that we're not agreeing with her."

    Frankly OP, this is a huge red flag about your MOH's character (like it was for this BM, who is a now former friend of mine). Unless you are being intentionally thrown off the scent for a surprise party, lying and spreading stories is a huge NO in my friend book. You say you have been becoming distant, and that generally sucks, but it's probably a blessing in disguise and after your wedding you can figure out if you want to permanently drift away. 
    I don't disagree at all. My relationship with MOH is pretty fragile anyway because we only met 3 months before I moved 2 hours away. We were the "instant BFFs" kind of deal but it's been hard to sustain over the distance and it only gets worse as time goes on. I wish I had joined and lurked TK right away because I picked my bridal party the same week I got engaged. *eyeroll* 

    So, not a big deal to do the slow fade after the wedding. Thanks for the counsel. :) 
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  • spockforprezspockforprez Virginia
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    lnixon8 said:
    I can't tell if you're annoyed with BM for getting involved but I would at least give BM the benefit of the doubt that she is actually trying to help you out. I would be pissed if my MOH made all this up just to "surprise" me.  Wedding planning is stressful enough..anything more than a pretend 5 minute disappointment is mean IMO
    No, not at all! She (the bridesmaid) once "lied" to help me get to a surprise birthday party she and a bunch of other people threw for me (basically just told me she was taking me out for dinner but had to stop by other friend's house really quick), but I would be really shocked if, knowing how irritated I was, she kept feeding me MOH's false info. So I'm not putting a lot of stock into the "this is a ruse" idea.

    And she really was trying to help. It was just awkward because she was trying to give MOH the feedback without hinting that she was consulting with me on what MOH had told her, or barging in and taking over the plans.

    Basically, I'm angry with the MOH so I asked the BM to stop intervening because clearly she's going to do whatever the fuck she wants anyway. lol.
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  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall
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    I bet she is lying because SHE doesn't want to do these things and figures if she tells them the bride said no, nobody will question it. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • spockforprezspockforprez Virginia
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    AddieCake said:
    I bet she is lying because SHE doesn't want to do these things and figures if she tells them the bride said no, nobody will question it. 
    I would think the same, except she's the one who suggested the escape room!

    She texted me tonight (maybe because of the convo she had with BM earlier this week?) that she's sending out the invitations soon.  :s Gahhh.... I hope it's just a bluff, but if not, 3 months in advance is so awkward. I told her, "Thanks! I don't think they need to go out until like a month in advance, though!" so hopefully that will stop her, but jeez. 
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