Reception for Family & Bridal party only?

Knottie56578649

I'm having a destination wedding in Bahamas in a couple of months. We are still debating on the location of the reception and cost is a huge factor for the reception. As private dinner requires additional cost per person and site rental fee, we are considering a semi-private dinner at one of their restaurant. HOWEVER, the semi-private dinner at the restaurant can only accommodate up to 40 people max. We have about 42-45. 

My question is, would it be "inconsiderate" (or whatever word you want to use) if we were to have cocktail hours/reception for all our guest and dinner with our family and bridal party only? 

kimmiinthemitten

Knottie56578649 said:

I'm having a destination wedding in Bahamas in a couple of months. We are still debating on the location of the reception and cost is a huge factor for the reception. As private dinner requires additional cost per person and site rental fee, we are considering a semi-private dinner at one of their restaurant. HOWEVER, the semi-private dinner at the restaurant can only accommodate up to 40 people max. We have about 42-45. 

My question is, would it be "inconsiderate" (or whatever word you want to use) if we were to have cocktail hours/reception for all our guest and dinner with our family and bridal party only? 

Yes, your reception needs to be immediately after the ceremony and include everyone who attended.

If you want to host a dinner for your immediate family and bridal party only you may do so the night before or the night after, but to do it the same evening is unfair and hurtful to the people who traveled to see you get married but don't "qualify" for the formal meal.

A cocktail reception or cake and punch reception following is fine, just make sure it isn't over a meal time or your guests will expect to be fed.

Have you talked to this restaurant and asked if they can accommodate 2-5 more people?  It's such a small overage I can't imagine them saying no.

frenchiekin

kimmiinthemitten said:

Knottie56578649 said:

I'm having a destination wedding in Bahamas in a couple of months. We are still debating on the location of the reception and cost is a huge factor for the reception. As private dinner requires additional cost per person and site rental fee, we are considering a semi-private dinner at one of their restaurant. HOWEVER, the semi-private dinner at the restaurant can only accommodate up to 40 people max. We have about 42-45. 

My question is, would it be "inconsiderate" (or whatever word you want to use) if we were to have cocktail hours/reception for all our guest and dinner with our family and bridal party only? 

Yes, your reception needs to be immediately after the ceremony and include everyone who attended.

If you want to host a dinner for your immediate family and bridal party only you may do so the night before or the night after, but to do it the same evening is unfair and hurtful to the people who traveled to see you get married but don't "qualify" for the formal meal.

A cocktail reception or cake and punch reception following is fine, just make sure it isn't over a meal time or your guests will expect to be fed.

Have you talked to this restaurant and asked if they can accommodate 2-5 more people?  It's such a small overage I can't imagine them saying no.

Under normal circumstances I would agree with the bolded, but I feel differently with DWs.  I'm going to guess that literally all of your guests are flying in for this and spending a shit ton of money to do so.  I think serving dinner is bare minimum for a DW in the islands.

CMGragain

You are talking about having a tiered reception, which is totally rude.  No!  Every guest should get the same dinner.

Maggie0829

OP, if you are going to post the same thing on multiple boards it is polite to put "XP" in the subject line.

banana468

I posted this on the E thread but I want to make sure that I understand you correctly.   

You don't live in the Bahamas right?   And your guests don't live in the Bahamas?  And your wedding is in a few months?   So we're talking about a wedding that requires flights and hotels during the major travel season?   And this means that your guests are each going to be spending upwards of thousands of dollars to travel to watch you get married? (Please tell me that it will be legal too.)

So they're going to spend a ton of money to travel to this destination and will have to potentially miss work to see you tie the knot.

And in all of this, you want to avoid feeding them one FUCKING MEAL?? 

Quite frankly, if you ask me to go to the Bahamas to see you tie TK, I'd expect you to pick up the cost of more than one meal.   If you only wanted to feed me a snack, I'd probably send you to have your head examined.     

nerdwife

Knottie56578649 said:

I'm having a destination wedding in Bahamas in a couple of months. We are still debating on the location of the reception and cost is a huge factor for the reception. As private dinner requires additional cost per person and site rental fee, we are considering a semi-private dinner at one of their restaurant. HOWEVER, the semi-private dinner at the restaurant can only accommodate up to 40 people max. We have about 42-45. 

My question is, would it be "inconsiderate" (or whatever word you want to use) if we were to have cocktail hours/reception for all our guest and dinner with our family and bridal party only? 

I'm not an expert on destination weddings by any means, but if you're wedding is in a couple months (so, March?), isn't it a little late to still be figuring out the location of the reception? Also, have you sent invitations yet? Save the dates? You need to fully host every single person you have invited, which means everyone who got a save the date, went to a pre-wedding party, etc.

Also, of course cost is a huge factor - that is how weddings and money work. You need to plan accordingly, which means hosting everyone who has traveled and, like PPs said, are spending a ton of money and taking time away from their lives to celebrate your wedding. But planning accordingly means planning what you can afford.

I know you're going to be super mad about these responses, but this is a pretty ridiculous thing you are considering.

climbingsingle

Yes, it would be hugely inconsiderate to ask your guests to fly to your DW and then host only a cocktail hour for them. And then to take off for dinner with your family and bridal party?! I can't believe someone would even consider doing this.

RomanceManaged

This would be a realtionship ending move for me, and likely your guests.

VicTim328

Would it be more cost effective to rent a shuttle and go to another restaurant?

Also having a destination wedding, and am constantly trying to make sure we are doing enough for everyone. 

I second calling the restaurant about the minimal overage.

lyndausvi

At DH's place if you have 20 or more people it's considered a banquet.  No exceptions.  

  Reason?   Putting out dinner for 20+ people  while feeding regular restaurant guests requires more staff.  Which equals more expenses.  

Of course she can ask, but adding 1-5 people has a domino effect in a restaurant.  Hence why they have the limits.   As a regular guest you DO NOT want to be behind a 45 top.  You might be waiting a long time for your food.

kimmiinthemitten

lyndausvi said:

 

Of course she can ask, but adding 1-5 people has a domino effect in a restaurant.  Hence why they have the limits.   As a regular guest you DO NOT want to be behind a 45 top.  You might be waiting a long time for your food.

Totally agree, but I wouldn't want to be behind a 40 top either.  I assumed it was probably a special accommodation at that point, so if arrangements are already being made, it doesn't hurt to ask about 2-5 more people.  But I'm of the belief that you should always ask, worst case scenario is you're in the same position you were before you asked.

lyndausvi

kimmiinthemitten said:

lyndausvi said:

 

Of course she can ask, but adding 1-5 people has a domino effect in a restaurant.  Hence why they have the limits.   As a regular guest you DO NOT want to be behind a 45 top.  You might be waiting a long time for your food.

Totally agree, but I wouldn't want to be behind a 40 top either.  I assumed it was probably a special accommodation at that point, so if arrangements are already being made, it doesn't hurt to ask about 2-5 more people.  But I'm of the belief that you should always ask, worst case scenario is you're in the same position you were before you asked.

doesn't hurt, but like DH, they have limit for a reason.     DH knows he is able to get out 19 dinners at the same time, while handling other diners.    Over that it becomes a shit show for everyone involved.

Also the semi-private area might just have a occupancy limit.  Our private dining room only holds 14 people.  You literally can not fit an extra person.  If you bring in 15 or more people then you have to sit in the regular dinning room with everyone else.



ETA - I will admit I'm a little sensitive on this topic.  I just had some leave a message this morning that said "I see your limit is 6 people in the room.  We have 8-10, is that okay?"     NO! We have limits for a reason (in our case fire code).    

lembaslover

Yea I am also of the mindset that it doesn't hurt to ask (we did a lot of that with our venue and were usually happily surprised that they went above and beyond to make it work for us) but I always went into it expecting they'd say no and had a backup plan if that was the case. 

Also I feel like 40 max means it's a fire code and they just can't hold any more people in that room for safety reasons. If that's the reason I highly suggest OP find another venue to host all of your guests.

I would be very hurt if I flew to an island and then found out I wasn't important enough to have dinner just cocktails and apps. I'd be even more hurt if I found out the reason was because you picked a venue that couldn't host all of your guests and rather than give that up you chose just a few people to have dinner. To clarify I'd be grumpy if EVERYONE got just cocktails and apps since I spent a lot of money to get there but I would probably not be your friend anymore if some people got dinner while I didn't.

kittykyat

Just for some perspective, I just looked up flights from my area to the Bahamas and it would cost me and FI $1200 to fly to the Bahamas, plus we would both need to get passports (another $180), plus a hotel for a few days, and a present for you. I don't know where you or your guests are from so flights may vary slightly, but the point is that it is not only expensive for you to host your guests, but also expensive for guests to come and be there to witness your wedding. 

I am having a DW also and I know it can get expensive, but I knew that would be the case before I decided on having a DW. In my situation, it's about $130 pp for our dinner. But when I think about how each person could be spending close to $1,000 or more (my DW isn't international) to come and see FI and I get married, I don't think twice about it. 

Obviously, I don't know your financial situation, BUT, I just wanted to throw that out there. Please find an option that can accommodate all of your guests. I just can't even imagine being in one of your guests shoes if you were to do that to me. 

onefootinthebayou

Knottie56578649 said:

I'm having a destination wedding in Bahamas in a couple of months. We are still debating on the location of the reception and cost is a huge factor for the reception. As private dinner requires additional cost per person and site rental fee, we are considering a semi-private dinner at one of their restaurant. HOWEVER, the semi-private dinner at the restaurant can only accommodate up to 40 people max. We have about 42-45. 

My question is, would it be "inconsiderate" (or whatever word you want to use) if we were to have cocktail hours/reception for all our guest and dinner with our family and bridal party only? 

Yes, it would be "inconsiderate" but the word(s) I would want to use would be "fucking inconceivable".  

Sorry for the snark but you got some really good answers from PPs.  I'm sure that your idea is the result of a temporary lapse of sanity.  Yes, you must at a minimum feed the guests who attend your DW.  All of them.