Moms and Maids

MOH is inviting her sister to things, am I being a brat?

One of my MOH's is flying up to visit and we're going dress shopping. When she asked if it was a good time for a visit and do some wedding planning, I said "Great, I'll see if other MOH is around and grab Mom, FMIL, and FSIL, and we'll look at dresses."

When we're going over logistics and carpooling to appointments, she tells me her sister is super excited and is coming, but may only be able to make it to one appointment so they will meet us there and she'll jump in the car with me afterwards. I'm pretty annoyed (trying not to get all-out pissed off) because I never invited her sister along, and I've wanted to keep this small and private. I'm bringing my mom, FMIL, FSIL (who's also a bridesmaid) and this MOH to this round of appointments, and I've had to tell several really close friends "Sorry, I"m keeping dress shopping appointments to our moms and bridal party." 

I never had any intention of asking her sister to join us; we get along but we're not friends, and I only see her when MOH is around because she usually stays with one of us when she visits. 

Am I overreacting here? I feel like she could have at least asked if her sister could tag along instead of telling me she's coming.

Re: MOH is inviting her sister to things, am I being a brat?

  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    One of my MOH's is flying up to visit and we're going dress shopping. When she asked if it was a good time for a visit and do some wedding planning, I said "Great, I'll see if other MOH is around and grab Mom, FMIL, and FSIL, and we'll look at dresses."

    When we're going over logistics and carpooling to appointments, she tells me her sister is super excited and is coming, but may only be able to make it to one appointment so they will meet us there and she'll jump in the car with me afterwards. I'm pretty annoyed (trying not to get all-out pissed off) because I never invited her sister along, and I've wanted to keep this small and private. I'm bringing my mom, FMIL, FSIL (who's also a bridesmaid) and this MOH to this round of appointments, and I've had to tell several really close friends "Sorry, I"m keeping dress shopping appointments to our moms and bridal party." 

    I never had any intention of asking her sister to join us; we get along but we're not friends, and I only see her when MOH is around because she usually stays with one of us when she visits. 

    Am I overreacting here? I feel like she could have at least asked if her sister could tag along instead of telling me she's coming.
    To me it seems like your MOH didn't want to travel alone so she is travelling with her sister. Now was it wrong to assume that she could just bring her along dress shopping?  Sure.  Should she have asked?  Yes.  But it sounds like her sister will be at only one appointment and then go off and do whatever while the rest of you continue on with your planned day.  You could always say something to your friend like "I can't wait to see you.  I didn't realize your sister would be coming too.  She is welcome to tag along but in the future ask me first."  I mean you and she are besties seeing as she is your MOH so you should be able to talk to her about this.

  • holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 a taco truck in Houston member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers

    One of my MOH's is flying up to visit and we're going dress shopping. When she asked if it was a good time for a visit and do some wedding planning, I said "Great, I'll see if other MOH is around and grab Mom, FMIL, and FSIL, and we'll look at dresses."

    When we're going over logistics and carpooling to appointments, she tells me her sister is super excited and is coming, but may only be able to make it to one appointment so they will meet us there and she'll jump in the car with me afterwards. I'm pretty annoyed (trying not to get all-out pissed off) because I never invited her sister along, and I've wanted to keep this small and private. I'm bringing my mom, FMIL, FSIL (who's also a bridesmaid) and this MOH to this round of appointments, and I've had to tell several really close friends "Sorry, I"m keeping dress shopping appointments to our moms and bridal party." 

    I never had any intention of asking her sister to join us; we get along but we're not friends, and I only see her when MOH is around because she usually stays with one of us when she visits. 

    Am I overreacting here? I feel like she could have at least asked if her sister could tag along instead of telling me she's coming.

    Is the sister flying in, too?
  • Thanks ladies!

    She actually travels internationally by herself on a regular basis, and her sister lives about 20 minutes from me.

    Thinking it through a bit more, I think this was a combination of she herself being so excited and her feeling of "I want my sister to get out of the house and socialize"; she's a stay-at-home mom who never leaves the house unless forcibly dragged and usually tags along when we go out to dinner so she probably thought nothing of inviting her along.

    We're definitely close enough that I planned on just mentioning that I hadn't expected her sister to come along and asking her to ask next time, just wanted to make sure I wasn't being an absolute ass first, and I've lurked long enough to know the regulars on here will have no problem being blunt about it, which I really appreciate  :)
    OliveOilsMom
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Thanks ladies!

    She actually travels internationally by herself on a regular basis, and her sister lives about 20 minutes from me.

    Thinking it through a bit more, I think this was a combination of she herself being so excited and her feeling of "I want my sister to get out of the house and socialize"; she's a stay-at-home mom who never leaves the house unless forcibly dragged and usually tags along when we go out to dinner so she probably thought nothing of inviting her along.

    We're definitely close enough that I planned on just mentioning that I hadn't expected her sister to come along and asking her to ask next time, just wanted to make sure I wasn't being an absolute ass first, and I've lurked long enough to know the regulars on here will have no problem being blunt about it, which I really appreciate  :)
    Yeah she was probably thinking well my sister lives here and so does my friend (you) so I will bring my sister along so that I can hang out and spend time with both of them at once.  Kind of like killing two birds with one stone.

    I definitely don't think it would be ass-like for you to say anything to your friend especially if you do it in a relaxed way.  She was probably just excited to be in town and get to see people she just didn't even think it through.  We have all been there.

    I am sure that you will all have a great time, and hey you never know her sister may just pick out the dress that ends up being 'the one.'

  • Friend, there are already going to be five people there, and at least one of the salons gave me that as my limit.  I may be able to squeeze her in, but I really didn't want a huge audience watching me try to fit into cinderella ball gowns.
    JediElizabeth
  • adk19 said:
    Friend, there are already going to be five people there, and at least one of the salons gave me that as my limit.  I may be able to squeeze her in, but I really didn't want a huge audience watching me try to fit into cinderella ball gowns.
    Holy crap, I completely forgot about the limits at salons! Thanks for pointing that out! 

    Thanks for your responses ladies, I really appreciate it! 
  • I do think it's kind of weird for her to invite her sister, particularly to a dress fitting appointment. Anything else, and I wouldn't care and let it go, but I don't want just anyone watching me try on clothes....

    It's up to you how much this bugs you, whether you choose to suck it up for one appointment or tell your friend that there is already a size-able group going and you don't feel comfortable having sister watch you try on dresses. 
  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    edited January 2016
    I don't understand why you want all those people when you are looking at wedding dresses.  It sounds confusing.
    Your MOH is coming into town.  She probably doesn't have a car.  Have you checked car rental princes lately?  Her sister has probably offered to give her a lift from another activity.  How kind of her.
    I think you should be spending the time looking at dresses for the MOH.  She is flying into town for this?  You can choose your gown anytime, and without an audience.  She will only be in town for a short while.
    It is not your MOH's job to watch you try on wedding dresses.  It is not her job to help you plan your wedding, either.  Why do you need an audience to shop for your dress, anyway?
    When my daughter was married, I flew in from Colorado to Washington, DC.  We spent four days looking at venues and dresses.  Exhausting.  Nobody else came with us, and once she tried THE dress on, the decision was easy.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
  • I don't think it's weird to want your mom, FMIL, and close WP members there with you. I also don't think it's weird NOT to want someone you're not close with there. Dress shopping can be stressful and you're taking your clothes on and off, perfectly acceptable to choose who is present for that. Just be polite and kind and say sister can't come. Maybe off we to have her meet up with you all for a drink/dinner after?
  • Thanks all, I wound up hanging out with the sister the Sunday after the appointments; something came up and she was unable to make it Friday, and it was very sweet of her to offer to drive her while she was in town. Once I thought it through, the issue was really my self consciousness; almost every salon I've been to seems to carry only 6, 8, and 10, whereas I'm more in the 16-18 range. 

    @CMGragain, she flew into town hoping/asking for some wedding planning/shopping activities. She's really excited and wants to be included and involved as much as possible, and I'm very grateful that she was able to come up. 
    They were all invited because they all asked to come dress shopping with me. I'd rather not have an audience and would have preferred going by myself or with my mom, but I know they would have been hurt and upset if I didn't bring them for at least one round of appointments. FSIL started talking about the hypothetical next round of appointments before we finished and told me which days she's available to go! I made sure to make appointments to look at dresses for MOH and SIL, who's also in the wedding party, that day too, I'm happy they're so excited for our wedding. They keep asking what I want them to do for the wedding and actually get a little upset when I tell them that FI and I have it covered and that all I want them to do is choose a dress within the designer/color/fabric I decide on, stand up with us at the wedding, and dance the night away with FI and I.
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