Doesn't anyone talk to their friends anymore?

glasgowtolondon

I keep reading threads on this forum where there is some issue or another with someone's friend. Simplified example: 'my BM is acting weird or uninterested' or even just something like 'I'm worried my friend will be upset if I do x/y/z'. It kind of bothers me when I read these posts, why don't they just pick up the phone or have a chat over a bottle of wine with these women? I mean, if my bf was acting in a way I considered out of line I'd say 'friend, I love you but I think you are acting crazy here, what's going on?'. And if I was being selfish or out of line she'd tell me straight. I get that some people have closer relationships than others, but I feel like surely you are only asking people to be in your WP that you are super close to, not just someone you like.

What do you guys think?

kimmiinthemitten

glasgowtolondon said:

I keep reading threads on this forum where there is some issue or another with someone's friend. Simplified example: 'my BM is acting weird or uninterested' or even just something like 'I'm worried my friend will be upset if I do x/y/z'. It kind of bothers me when I read these posts, why don't they just pick up the phone or have a chat over a bottle of wine with these women? I mean, if my bf was acting in a way I considered out of line I'd say 'friend, I love you but I think you are acting crazy here, what's going on?'. And if I was being selfish or out of line she'd tell me straight. I get that some people have closer relationships than others, but I feel like surely you are only asking people to be in your WP that you are super close to, not just someone you like. What do you guys think?

My best friend and I were talking about this last night over dinner ironically.   

I luck out, my best friend and I have been friends since her freshman year in college (holy shit, that's 17 years now!).  My 3 other closest friends and I are the type who don't speak daily or even weekly sometimes  but we're always there.  And we're always honest with each other.  I feel bad for people who don't have relationships like that.  Unequivocally, they have all made me a better person.

thefanciestbeckler

I completely agree. Then again, my best friend and I have been best friends for over 15 years now. So we shoot straight with each other all the time, and have basically vowed not to get our feelings hurt because we both have the other person's best interest at heart. We never, ever have drama.

Maybe that's where the issue lies? There are lots of special snowflakes out there who get their feelings hurt if somebody even looks at them wrong. I don't know (grandma statement alert) but I kind of feel like reality TV has fueled a lot of the way friends act towards each other now. Like, suddenly, it's normal to get jumped all over if you try to confront your friend about a problem.

ETA- or at least TV gives the idea that confrontation = friendship ending fights and screaming. Your friends may respond perfectly reasonably, but we are given lots of reasons to believe that that wouldn't be the case.

glasgowtolondon

I never have drama with my friends, but maybe its because I have a few very close friends and the rest are people I like a lot but would socialise with rather than invite them to be in my WP. I read some of these posts and two things occur to me regularly: 1) talk to your friend, maybe this huge 'issue' that you just have to 'vent' about doesn't actually exist, and 2) do you even like your friend, there doesn't seem to be a whole lot of respect. I think I'd be pretty gutted if one of my best friends were moaning on an internet forum about me instead of just, you know, speaking to me about it.

thisismynickname2

I never have drama with my friends either, but, it could also be the benefit of being in my 30s now. When I was younger, I did have a drama-llama friend that always got under my skin or lied or guilt-tripped me into stuff, whatever. It took until I was 29 or 30 but I finally got rid of that friendship.
It also appears, by my observation, that many of these so-called friends in these angsty posts are friends that were born of convenience. Friends from childhood that you "owe" something to because it's been "so long" and friends from college that bonded with you in some very formative years. It takes a long time to both realize and accept that people change and can grow apart and that's ok.

The true friends are the ones that don't judge, just accept. Throughout life's challenges and changes, the friends accept each other's personalities and care about them anyway.   

jacques27

I don't have drama with my friends either. Most of my friends have no problem approaching me when I seem a little "off" (I have a tendency to withdraw if something is bugging me, even if unrelated to them). They point it out to me, offer to listen, sometimes give me the swift quick in the pants I need telling me to suck it up if it's something I'm being unnecessarily angst-ridden about or understand and give me the space I need or the help I don't even realize I need/want. I do the same for them. I really can't imagine not being able to have that kind of trust and honesty in my relationships with them. I think anything less isn't friendship, it's "being friendly" and there's a huge difference between that and true friendship.

Maggie0829

glasgowtolondon said:

I keep reading threads on this forum where there is some issue or another with someone's friend. Simplified example: 'my BM is acting weird or uninterested' or even just something like 'I'm worried my friend will be upset if I do x/y/z'. It kind of bothers me when I read these posts, why don't they just pick up the phone or have a chat over a bottle of wine with these women? I mean, if my bf was acting in a way I considered out of line I'd say 'friend, I love you but I think you are acting crazy here, what's going on?'. And if I was being selfish or out of line she'd tell me straight. I get that some people have closer relationships than others, but I feel like surely you are only asking people to be in your WP that you are super close to, not just someone you like. What do you guys think?

Your logic has no place here!

PrettyGirlLost

IMO, from what I have seen over the few years I've been a member here, a majority of the people who post issues on these boards don't seem to have any concept of how to communicate with people or functionally resolve conflict, as evidenced by their posts.

They all seem to think confrontation as a concept is bad and will automatically lead to a blow out fight.  They also seem to think being direct is automatically being rude.

kimmiinthemitten

Those posts make me thing of when Chandler and Monica had their first fight in Friends!

ETA link

glasgowtolondon

Maggie0829 said:

glasgowtolondon said:

I keep reading threads on this forum where there is some issue or another with someone's friend. Simplified example: 'my BM is acting weird or uninterested' or even just something like 'I'm worried my friend will be upset if I do x/y/z'. It kind of bothers me when I read these posts, why don't they just pick up the phone or have a chat over a bottle of wine with these women? I mean, if my bf was acting in a way I considered out of line I'd say 'friend, I love you but I think you are acting crazy here, what's going on?'. And if I was being selfish or out of line she'd tell me straight. I get that some people have closer relationships than others, but I feel like surely you are only asking people to be in your WP that you are super close to, not just someone you like.

What do you guys think?

Your logic has no place here!

glasgowtolondon

jacques27 said:

I don't have drama with my friends either. Most of my friends have no problem approaching me when I seem a little "off" (I have a tendency to withdraw if something is bugging me, even if unrelated to them). They point it out to me, offer to listen, sometimes give me the swift quick in the pants I need telling me to suck it up if it's something I'm being unnecessarily angst-ridden about or understand and give me the space I need or the help I don't even realize I need/want. I do the same for them. I really can't imagine not being able to have that kind of trust and honesty in my relationships with them. I think anything less isn't friendship, it's "being friendly" and there's a huge difference between that and true friendship.

All of this.

drunkenwitch

I don't have drama with my friends because we're all adults who use our words. Hell, I have had the same best friend for almost 30 years, we joke that we have a mutual assured destruction because we know everything, EVERYTHING, about the each other.

Sherbie25

I think they have these issues because instead of having real friends in their wedding, they have people they don't know that well or aren't that close too for the sake of having a WP. 

Fran1985

It's super confusing that you took my avatar. I was either not as legendary as I imagined or so charming that people are stealing my look. I don't know who this is, and I don't care to find out. 

glasgowtolondon

Fran1985 said:

It's super confusing that you took my avatar. I was either not as legendary as I imagined or so charming that people are stealing my look. I don't know who this is, and I don't care to find out. 

Took your avatar???? I don't recall having seen you on this site in the 6m or so I've been on here so I'm gonna go with not as legendary as you think. I only put it on in order to be recognisable, that obviously won't be the case if someone else has it. You can probably unbunch your panties now and continue on with your day. I don't get the feeling I want to know you either.

Sherbie25

glasgowtolondon said:

It's super confusing that you took my avatar. I was either not as legendary as I imagined or so charming that people are stealing my look. I don't know who this is, and I don't care to find out. 

Took your avatar???? I don't recall having seen you on this site in the 6m or so I've been on here so I'm gonna go with not as legendary as you think. I only put it on in order to be recognisable, that obviously won't be the case if someone else has it. You can probably unbunch your panties now and continue on with your day. I don't get the feeling I want to know you either.

I'm surprised I haven't seen more! Who doesn't love Lucille?!

Fran1985

glasgowtolondon said:

It's super confusing that you took my avatar. I was either not as legendary as I imagined or so charming that people are stealing my look. I don't know who this is, and I don't care to find out. 

Took your avatar???? I don't recall having seen you on this site in the 6m or so I've been on here so I'm gonna go with not as legendary as you think. I only put it on in order to be recognisable, that obviously won't be the case if someone else has it. You can probably unbunch your panties now and continue on with your day. I don't get the feeling I want to know you either.

 You are going to use Lucille Bluth and not even recognize a Lucille quote? For shame. It is confusing to use the same one someone else uses though- I kept thinking I was on a drunk liking spree until I realized it wasn't me. 

glasgowtolondon

You know I realised what you were saying a while after I posted and felt like a heel! I read this when I had just woken up and I just got all defensive for no reason so it completely went over my head - I have hung my head in shame all day! Anyways, all changed. Hopefully no one has Gob......

LondonLisa

glasgowtolondon said:

You know I realised what you were saying a while after I posted and felt like a heel! I read this when I had just woken up and I just got all defensive for no reason so it completely went over my head - I have hung my head in shame all day! Anyways, all changed. Hopefully no one has Gob......

I don't care for GOB...

Heffalump

LondonLisa said:

glasgowtolondon said:

You know I realised what you were saying a while after I posted and felt like a heel! I read this when I had just woken up and I just got all defensive for no reason so it completely went over my head - I have hung my head in shame all day! Anyways, all changed. Hopefully no one has Gob......

I don't care for GOB...

I'm more of a Buster fan, myself.

LondonLisa

Heffalump said:

LondonLisa said:

glasgowtolondon said:

You know I realised what you were saying a while after I posted and felt like a heel! I read this when I had just woken up and I just got all defensive for no reason so it completely went over my head - I have hung my head in shame all day! Anyways, all changed. Hopefully no one has Gob......

I don't care for GOB...

I'm more of a Buster fan, myself.

Yes, love Buster! But I was quoting this:

glasgowtolondon

LondonLisa said:

glasgowtolondon said:

You know I realised what you were saying a while after I posted and felt like a heel! I read this when I had just woken up and I just got all defensive for no reason so it completely went over my head - I have hung my head in shame all day! Anyways, all changed. Hopefully no one has Gob......

I don't care for GOB...

Hmmm. I've made a terrible mistake...

glasgowtolondon

Though we all know that the most important question to ask....

Heffalump

MissKittyDanger

I kind of understand where people are coming from. Regardless how close your friends are, you don't want them thinking you're "bridezilla" if you act too demanding, or if they're acting uninterested you don't want to come off as rude if you ask them "wtf why aren't you happy for me? I would be happy for you" straight out. Not everyone has the confidence or the relationship to be that blunt.

That being said, I don't get why people go to forums to ask the question. I personally ask my spouse-to-be or a family member that I'm close to in order to figure out if it's something to stress over.