I didn't want to post this on Etiquette but it's been gnawing at me.
I absolutely expect a wedding to be fully hosted. My cost as a guest is travel and a gift. I absolutely expect a shower to be fully hosted. My cost as a guest is travel and a gift.
When friends 'host' parties (or let's say invite people to spend a few hours at their house), I never mind if it's BYOB or BYOSDTS (bring your own side dish to share). Also, the only other way to get a big group of people together these days is to say, "It's my birthday! Let's all meet at X Bar/Restaurant," and everyone automatically knows it's pay their own way. No one "hosts" birthday parties for the birthday person; it's just a convenient excuse for a night out.
So this brings me to the fact that there's been a lot of debate lately about bachelorette parties. By past observation, it seemed to me that most people were like me and expected to, as a guest, pay their own way (own dinner, own bar tab, own show ticket or sports event ticket, whatever). The women who plan / "host" usually coordinate the events, cover the cost of the bride (within reason, cough, plane tickets), and notify all guests in advance of expected costs. But now I'm seeing more people say that the hostesses should be actually hosting and they as guests shouldn't be expected to contribute anything. By personal observation, the hostesses may cover all the costs incurred of having anything at a home-- like, I've bought food and booze for all the guests to share when they come to a home. But, once we leave and go to dinner and bars, the guests are paying their own way. I honestly don't see a single thing wrong with this. And, in fact, if hostesses (usually the bridesmaids/MOH) are on the hook, etiquette wise, for entirely hosting a bachelorette party, I could see no one ever offering a party again because it would be so darn expensive. More expensive than a standard at-home bridal shower, that's for sure.
Thoughts?
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