How to Make Mom Feel More Involved

anidorikiladra

My mom lives far from me, and she's feeling kind of left out from the wedding planning. She didn't get to be there for when I bought my dress (although we did FaceTime me wearing it in the store). She wants to feel more involved but I don't really know how to. My fiancé and I have done all the planning together so most things are in place already.

Beyond letting her know how it is going, how can I involve her more? How did you involve your parents?

tigerlily6

My mom also lives away from me, and so has not been able to be there for things like buying the dress or picking venues or anything. However, my mother also gets overwhelmed by wedding planning really easily, so in some ways it has been good to have some space.

Does your mom use the internet capably? Perhaps have her join Pinterest or Trello or something similar and share ideas/ photos/timelines with you -- this is one thing my mom and long distance MOH have done, and it has been helpful and fun. 

anidorikiladra

tigerlily6 said:

My mom also lives away from me, and so has not been able to be there for things like buying the dress or picking venues or anything. However, my mother also gets overwhelmed by wedding planning really easily, so in some ways it has been good to have some space.

Does your mom use the internet capably? Perhaps have her join Pinterest or Trello or something similar and share ideas/ photos/timelines with you -- this is one thing my mom and long distance MOH have done, and it has been helpful and fun. 

Yes she's a huge Facebook fiend actually. She could probably figure out Pinterest, thanks for the suggestion!

MobKaz

anidorikiladra said:

My mom also lives away from me, and so has not been able to be there for things like buying the dress or picking venues or anything. However, my mother also gets overwhelmed by wedding planning really easily, so in some ways it has been good to have some space.

Does your mom use the internet capably? Perhaps have her join Pinterest or Trello or something similar and share ideas/ photos/timelines with you -- this is one thing my mom and long distance MOH have done, and it has been helpful and fun. 

Yes she's a huge Facebook fiend actually. She could probably figure out Pinterest, thanks for the suggestion!

You said you have done all the planning.  Have any purchases been made?  If your mom is internet savvy, she could save you a lot of time by helping to find products you need at the best prices.  I did that a lot for my DIL.  She and my son married in their final year of med school, so time was very precious for them.  They would inform me of needs, such as mason jars, a certain fabric print, or Everclear, and then I spent time finding the best deals for them.

ILoveBeachMusic

If you have already done all the planning it will be really difficult to get her involved at this point. I like @MobKaz idea but don't make it busy work. My daughter sent me an email once saying if you really want to do something look for X. Well I did that but she didn't use what I found or even acknowledged I did it. Later on I did find candles and votive holders for her to use. One of the things I wish my daughter had talked to me about was photos, as in what photos are usually taken, and where are we going to take photos. We did not do that (even though she asked for a list from me) and now I don't have any pictures from her wedding. Actually talk to your Mom about plans (photos in my case) don't just send emails asking for a response.

anidorikiladra

MobKaz said:

anidorikiladra said:

tigerlily6 said:

My mom also lives away from me, and so has not been able to be there for things like buying the dress or picking venues or anything. However, my mother also gets overwhelmed by wedding planning really easily, so in some ways it has been good to have some space.

Does your mom use the internet capably? Perhaps have her join Pinterest or Trello or something similar and share ideas/ photos/timelines with you -- this is one thing my mom and long distance MOH have done, and it has been helpful and fun. 

Yes she's a huge Facebook fiend actually. She could probably figure out Pinterest, thanks for the suggestion!

You said you have done all the planning.  Have any purchases been made?  If your mom is internet savvy, she could save you a lot of time by helping to find products you need at the best prices.  I did that a lot for my DIL.  She and my son married in their final year of med school, so time was very precious for them.  They would inform me of needs, such as mason jars, a certain fabric print, or Everclear, and then I spent time finding the best deals for them.


We don't really have much that needs to be purchased, as our venue is doing the centrepieces for us. To be honest I'm not sure if anything needs to be purchased beyond our outfits. Good suggestion though!

anidorikiladra

ILoveBeachMusic said:

If you have already done all the planning it will be really difficult to get her involved at this point. I like @MobKaz idea but don't make it busy work. My daughter sent me an email once saying if you really want to do something look for X. Well I did that but she didn't use what I found or even acknowledged I did it. Later on I did find candles and votive holders for her to use. One of the things I wish my daughter had talked to me about was photos, as in what photos are usually taken, and where are we going to take photos. We did not do that (even though she asked for a list from me) and now I don't have any pictures from her wedding. Actually talk to your Mom about plans (photos in my case) don't just send emails asking for a response.

This is also a good suggestion for my mom, as she's a photographer so I've kept her in the loop with how that's been progressing. I sent her a link to a veil I'm considering and she seemed to like that for being included.

randomslove

I live in NC and my mother lives in FL. I got my dress in MN, where my FMIL held the phone to FaceTime my mother while I tried everything on. We also used FaceTime when looking at venues. I have a Pinterest board both my mom and FMIL are on.

I also talk to my mom about wedding planning when she asks, to include letting her help plan aspects she's interested in. She helped me find a photographer, who is awesome. She typically links me to everyone she's found herself and my FI and I make the final decision, contact the vendor, and get everything set up.

And I'm wearing her veil.

thisismynickname2

Is there anything you can give her to do? I had an all-inclusive venue so DH and I did the vast majority of planning with the coordinator and other vendors. His mom was mostly left out. But, she found a cake topper and since I didn't have any kind of dream topper, we agreed she could get it for us (it was super cute!). She also found our favors. Again, since I didn't have any dream favors, this was a huge help and she was spot-on in her choice. We had both our parents at the final food tasting, which they enjoyed (long distance, could she provide input on an appetizer selection?). Programs? Card box? Maybe are there some songs she wants played during the reception? 

princessleia22

My mom wasn't too involved in my wedding plans either, since she lives across country from me. She made a trip out to dress shop with me and I facetimed when I went dress shopping without her. 

Maybe just sending ideas her way to get her opinion on things.  I communicated with her on several items, just to get her opinion. I think having her involved in choosing photo options and music are good areas that can still be added to until the day of wedding. If you want her more involved during the ceremony, ask if she wants to do a reading and let her spend time choosing that.  We actually had both our moms sign our wedding license as witness, instead of BM and MOH, to have them more included in the event.  It meant a lot to them and it meant a lot to DH and I to have that show of support from them.

anidorikiladra

thisismynickname said:

Is there anything you can give her to do? I had an all-inclusive venue so DH and I did the vast majority of planning with the coordinator and other vendors. His mom was mostly left out. But, she found a cake topper and since I didn't have any kind of dream topper, we agreed she could get it for us (it was super cute!). She also found our favors. Again, since I didn't have any dream favors, this was a huge help and she was spot-on in her choice. We had both our parents at the final food tasting, which they enjoyed (long distance, could she provide input on an appetizer selection?). Programs? Card box? Maybe are there some songs she wants played during the reception? 

Thanks, these are all great suggestions! I hadn't thought about having her pick the cake topper and stuff like that. She also could help with our selection of hor d'oeuvres for the cocktail hour. I think the issue she's having is I've never been one to open up a lot with my mom. I'm more private so I think she's suddenly wanting me to share more because it's a wedding, when I'm just not normally like that.

Christmasbride2017

I was having trouble with this too, my mother lives close but she's disabled and can't go with me to do a lot of things such as look at venues and she's feeling like I'm not including her and valuing my families opinions more than hers.