Help!

QOTC2016

Hi, Everyone.

I'm usually much more of a lurker than a poster but I need some help. It's been a long couple of days for me. Friday night it was decided that things between my then FI and I would not work and I needed to walk away for myself. It's been rough but I'm managing. My question is, since we had just sent the Save-The-Dates two weeks ago, my Mother wants me to send a formal card to announce that there will be no wedding but should I do that or call everyone individually? Or both? What is the etiquette on this? I'd be more comfortable with the cards but I'm willing to do either, whichever is more appropriate. 

If I do send out these cards, what exactly do I say on them?  

glasgowtolondon

I'm so sorry you are going through this, but well done for being strong enough to take this step for yourself. It takes a lot of guts to make a decision like this and I wish you well.

I think that if you are more comfortable with sending cards so that you don't have to explain to everyone (guessing that is the reason), then it would be fine and certainly people would understand. Perhaps your mum or a friend/close family members could also spread the message via word of mouth just to make sure everyone is 100% aware that the wedding will not take place, if you don't feel comfortable doing this yourself.

QOTC2016

Thank you. You've definitely hit the nail on the head for the reason why, that and the few I have called (godparents, aunts and uncles, other family members I am close to, etc.) tend to want to spend 20-30 minutes discussing it and it's not really comfortable for me, I try to redirect the conversation but I'm apparently not very good at it. It is exhausting and I can't image making another 80 phone calls like that. My Mother has begun spreading the word around also, I just want to do everything so that a couple months from now, no one is asking me about a wedding. I've already contacted all of my vendors except the venue (this will get done Monday) and I've taken down the wedding website we had left.

Do you have any idea what the wording should be? I'm at a loss for what to say/how to explain it.

glasgowtolondon

I'm sure your friends and family are being kind and trying to make sure you are okay, but I'd be like you I wouldn't want to discuss it unless it was with either my mum or my best girlfriends. Focus on taking care of yourself, you don't need to worry about chatting and rehashing the whole situation with great aunt susan and your mums friend from college etc. Send the cards and leave the word of mouth to mum/family/close friends - everyone will understand.

I'm not great with wording for these kind of things and I wouldn't want to give you poor advice, but from what I've seen on here @CMGragain seems to have a good grasp on wording and could probably give you the ideal template to use. I'm sure when she see's this she will be happy to help.

QOTC2016

Thank you so much. I really appreciate it.

AddieCake

I would prefer to send cards b/c I wouldn't want to talk about it. I'm sorry you're going through this; vibes that what's best for you is what will be!

ETA: The usual suggested wording is "The wedding of Sally Smith and John Doe will not take place as planned."

kimmiinthemitten

No advice, just wanted to say i too am sorry you're experiencing this, but glad you were able to take this likely necessary step for your own well being and happiness.

Eta: I wouldn't want to call everyone either. If there are any other phone calls you think should be made, ask your mom to do it for you.

MobKaz

AddieCake said:

I would prefer to send cards b/c I wouldn't want to talk about it. I'm sorry you're going through this; vibes that what's best for you is what will be!

ETA: The usual suggested wording is "The wedding of Sally Smith and John Doe will not take place as planned."

I agree that this wording is appropriate.  In my mind, however, it is just vague enough to leave me wonder if it will take place under another plan.  I would be more definitive and state,  "The wedding of Sally Smith and John Doe has been cancelled."

Good luck to you, QOTC2016. 

QOTC2016

Ugh, stuck in a box. But, thank you everyone. I will definitely take that advice on the wording. Word of mouth has already begun to circulate, I'm just going to do the formal cards as well so everyone knows what they're hearing is the truth.   

softkittywarmkitty

I'm sorry you are going through this. I wouldn't want to talk to everyone either. I found this on a Google search.

CMGragain

The wedding of

Bride's Full Name

and

Groom's Full Name
will not take place.

Hang in there, honey.  You may have just dodged a bullet.  It is so easy to fall in love with the wrong man.  We have all been there.  If I had married the man I was in love with when I was 22, I would have been divorced a long time ago.  DH came along a couple of years later, and we have been married almost 40 years.

tigerlily6

Also wanted to send hugs and support. You did the right thing. A good friend of mine was engaged to be married several years ago, and went through the same thing and broke everything off two months before the wedding was scheduled. I was going to be one of her bridesmaids and remember it was a very difficult time for her having to wade through announcing the wedding's cancellation (she ended up calling everybody and it was pretty draining). I agree that sending cards would probably be much easier on you.

If it helps to hear, my friend moved past the struggle of that break up and is doing fantastic now with a wonderful job, good friends, and a new boyfriend. She is so glad she made the decision when she did, and so are all her friends and family. I wish the same for you and have a feeling it will be so. 

100yroldblinddog

More love and support for you, OP! I can't imagine how horrible this all feels, but I have so much respect for you and your ex to recognize that this is the right thing for you when it's much easier to just keep going with plans.

downtondiva

Just wanted to send you a hug and say how sorry I am that you're going through this. You've gotten very good advice here about the cards to send out, and remember, you don't have to explain any of this to anyone you don't feel comfortable talking to about it. Good luck to you.

drunkenwitch

I also just want to add my hugs and support. Go with card, any person with an ounce of compassion will understand.

[Deleted User]

More hugs and support here. I know this must be incredibly hard for you, but it was also incredibly brave.  

Jen4948

More hugs and support for you.

ohmrs2014

I agree with the wording that everyone else has given you, but I want to send you internet hugs.  I can't imagine how difficult this time is and I myself wouldn't want to spend time calling people and having to constantly answer the same questions.  Sending cards is something I would do as well.

QOTC2016

Thank you, Everyone. I'm just waiting on one more email and a cancellation form to sign and then it's just these cards on my list. It's amazing how something that takes so long to plan takes a handful of emails and a phone call or two to erase. Thank you @CMGragin for the help with the wording. I truly appreciate it.