Change the locks or poison the coffee.

mrsconn23

Dear Prudence,
My husband and I have custody of his three young children, and we also have a 10-month-old girl. Thanks to a healthy divorce settlement, my husband’s ex does not work. The problem is she lives close by and often comes over in the morning to see the kids off to school. She gets in the way as I make breakfast, get the children dressed, and answer calls (I run a business from my home). She helps herself to coffee and makes comments like, “You’re so down-to-earth, living without a hairdresser. I couldn’t do it.” Last week she dropped by on her way to yoga and asked if her new Prada bag was accidentally shipped to my house. She then laughed as my daughter violently dislodged her breakfast all over me. I am so angry about her passive-aggressive tactics. My husband divorced her because of her lying, cheating, and meanness, but he tells me to accept the fact that his kids’ mom will always be around. And I do accept that! But I’m down to my last nerve with her condescending visits. Am I being unreasonable?

—Overbearing and Under Foot

MNNEBride

one word:  Boundries

mrsconn23

More words: 4 men in the world

She really does have a 'husband' problem here.  She's not preventing the kids from seeing their mother, but this bitch does not have the right be up in her house as a belittling nuisance and if her H can't see that...she needs to start with him. 

Also, I don't know a single person who wouldn't shank someone who got in the way of their morning routine, whether it's someone with or without kids.  DH has to only get himself out the door in the morning (at 4am), but if I dare trip up his routine with anything...he about short-circuits (and then whines about how he's trying to 'hurry up and get out the door'. )

OliveOilsMom

There would be a come to Jesus meeting with H over this!  I would tell H that if he wants his ex to come over every morning, then HE can get the kids ready with ex doing nothing but get in the way. 

Unless this exact scenario is outlined in the PSA, where the ex comes over each morning to see the kiddies off to school. I would be telling ex, she can wait on the porch each morning and that she's not allowed inside the house anymore.  If she tries to complain about it to anyone, they are going to tell her to pound sand because ex can't force entry into her ex's home.

Heffalump

Yes.  I am crazy when it's time to leave, full-on rabid.  DH and I were leaving at the exact same time this morning, and he was slowwwwwwly backing out and waving while the kids were waving and yelling "Bye, Mommy! Bye!" and inside I was all



I have questions:  why do the LW and her H have full custody?  Why did the X get so much money if the husband got the kids?  So. Many. Questions.

mrsconn23

Heffalump said:

I have questions:  why do the LW and her H have full custody?  Why did the X get so much money if the husband got the kids?  So. Many. Questions.

Y'know, I just couldn't even get there because of the fuckery with this woman up in her house every morning and being able to insult her in her own home.  This letter is one giant WTF and makes me wonder why she married and had a kid with this man. 

monkeysip

mrs.conn23 said:

Heffalump said:

I have questions:  why do the LW and her H have full custody?  Why did the X get so much money if the husband got the kids?  So. Many. Questions.

Y'know, I just couldn't even get there because of the fuckery with this woman up in her house every morning and being able to insult her in her own home.  This letter is one giant WTF and makes me wonder why she married and had a kid with this man. 

All of this.  This woman doesn't even have partial custody... and has all the money?  And doesn't work?  And comes over every day to see her kids whom she doesn't have custody of?  

And this woman is complaining about the EX?  I'd be complaining about my husband!  WTF is he doing this whole time?  Is he not over the EX or something?

None of this adds up...

levioosa

Boundaries...but there is definitely a husband problem here too and it's the biggest problem she has.  Wtf is he doing while all of this is happening?  Because kids or no kids, my ex needs to stay the fuck out of my house during morning routines.  What's wrong with the ex picking the kids up from school and dropping them off at the house at the end of the day?  Or would that interfere with her afternoon yoga?  

charlotte989875

So there's a big difference between accepting she is part of their lives and letting her walk all over OP. The next time she saunters in (because that's how this works in my mind), I'd be all "Yes x, I'm so down to earth that I actually have to take care of my children and the home without help and you're keeping me from it. So either pitch in or GTFO".

tawillers

Shove a laundry basket in her hands the minute she walks in.  "I'm so glad you are here.  These need to be washed/folded.  Thanks for coming over to help!"

glasgowtolondon

Some people prefer to play the martyr. Its so bloody obvious she isn't being unreasonable but she can't even talk to her H about it? Get down off your cross, lady!

PMeg819

Why would you get the Prada shipped to your house? I would not trust UPS with $2000 bag but that's just me. That is my take away. I'd get a Chanel bag in response and ask if it got shipped to her house by accident.