Wedding Customs & Traditions Forum

SOS anyone else's hubby have a hyphenated name?

I'm just curious here. Soon-to-be FI has a hyphenated name, and neither of us can figure out what to do with it. The easiest option would be to leave it as-is and just have me take it, but both of us have agreed that we're not a fan of the hyphen thing and definitely don't want to pass it on to our children. I also really don't want a lifetime of people immediately assuming my maiden name is the first half of my new, hyphenated last name. I'm not sure why the idea of that bothers me, but it does. Eh.

My favorite idea thus far: dropping one name from the hyphenated last name, and both of us just taking that one name.

What did you ladies do, if anything? 

Re: SOS anyone else's hubby have a hyphenated name?

  • Oooh, I had never thought of this situation before, but I agree with you. I think I would get annoyed by assumptions that one of the names in a hyphenated last name was mine, when it wasn't at all. But I really would not want a three-part last name, either. The way I see it, there are three options: 

    1) Your proposed plan. It is the most traditional of the options. The only snare I see is potentially offending one of your FI's parents if you ditch their part of the name. 

    2) You keep your last name as is, and he keeps his as is. If you have kids, though, you would still have to figure out how you want to do names -- maybe give them yours?

    3) You and he both give up your last names and pick a brand new one completely to share and pass on to children. No parents are offended (or they all are equally, at least). No hypens. You can start over with a clean slate and be creative together. 

    3.5) Okay, a modified version of option 3 that is a twist on option 1. If you would like to keep things traditional and take his name (it kind of sounds like you do, apologies if I read too much into your post), one thing he could do is take the two names he currently has and merge them into one. So if he is "Flinstone-Rubble", he could change his name to "Flinstubble" or "Rubstone". And then you and any kids would take that name. 

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  • First, your FI needs to decide if he wants to keep his hyphenated name, or to have it legally changed to the traditional one - his choice.
    Second, you need to decide if you want to take his name - your choice.

    I am not a fan of hyphenated names for this very reason but many people do like them.
  • Some women drop their middle names and keep their maiden name as their new middle name and take their husbands last name. Maybe your husband could do that so he doesn't offend one of his parents, then you could use the single last name. Ex: he is John Allen Smith-Jones. He becomes John Smith Jones.
  • @ThxSugar THANK YOU that is an idea that I really hadn't thought of!!!!!!!!!!
  • My fiance has a hyphenated last name that is very hard to pronounce for English speakers (just the second name-- it's German and uncommon). The first half is his mom's name. She has three sons. All three of them were supposed to have her last name. However, when she was out of it after giving birth to FI (the youngest, who has a different father), his father added his last name to the certificate, hyphenating it.

    She kept it that way. My FI is the only male child in the current generation on his father's side. He is the only grandchild of his grandparents, so that's including distant cousins. They recently found a cousin in Germany with a common ancestor ten generations back. She's a woman.

    While women can keep their names, men can take the women's names, hyphenating happens, traditionally women and children still typically get the man's last name.

    We've discussed what to do. He wants me to take the entire hyphenated name. Both names are important to him. My last name, while a little odd, is short, and most people get decently close to a proper pronunciation (or are easily corrected). I've slowly grown accustomed to his name, and kind of like the idea of having a last name no one other than our little family will have.

    The only change I consider now is maybe dropping the hyphen and spelling it all as one word with odd capitalization. 

    TLDR; yes, but I've come to appreciate it.

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