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Sister is trying to get pregnant and is my MOH!

My sister just told me she and her husband are trying to get pregnant. I'm happy for them, but my wedding is in Vegas in November, and she basically said she wouldn't be able to travel if she is beyond 7 months pregnant. She is my MOH and now I'm stuck with the "what if" parts of the situation....What if she gets pregnant from now or in the next 4 months? I can't just have a "backup" MOH. Am I being selfish or is it reasonable to consider removing her from the bridal party? Also, my wedding is on the rooftop of an upscale hotel, and in the event her and her husband can't go I am spending an extra $1,000 for 2 people who won't be there (I'm paying for all inclusive on a per person basis). Thanks!!
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Re: Sister is trying to get pregnant and is my MOH!

  • spockforprezspockforprez Virginia member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Third Anniversary Name Dropper
    It can take people awhile to get pregnant, especially if she's just coming off birth control to try for the first time. Try to relax. 

    Agree with PPs about the selfish factor, though. Kicking her out of the WP would really hurt her and is immature. If she can't make it, you just don't have a MOH, no backup required, and no biggie. And for the most part you don't need to pay the rest of the money to the venue until the month of, you'll definitely know by then if she's coming. 
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
    [Deleted User]SP29OurWildKingdom
  • spockforprezspockforprez Virginia member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Third Anniversary Name Dropper
    Get excited if it happens ... being an aunt is so much fun!!!
    True that! Proud member of the Auntie Brigade!
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    holyguacamole79short+sassy
  • edited January 2016
    Being an aunt is the best! You should be thrilled at the addition to the family.

    Though personally I think you should just tell your sister how you feel about her ttc and the impact on your OMG special day. That way she knows how selfish you are and can remove herself from your wedding party. Win win. Or, you know, be a good sister and support her instead of worrying about one day. Plus it might never happen.

    Eta: I was actually going to be more snarky than this, these posts are the worst.
                 
    [Deleted User]OurWildKingdom
  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Are you being selfish? Yes. How would you feel if the situation was reversed - you wanted to have a baby, but a relative wanted you to wait because of their wedding. 

    InLoveInQueensPrettyGirlLost
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    Yep, selfish.


  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    This is a non-issue.  If your sister can't make your wedding, then she can't make it.  Will it stink if she can't be there?  Sure.  Can you be bummed that your sister won't be at your wedding?  Of course.  But her not being there won't change anything.  You will still get married.  Other people's lives should not be put on hold just because you are having a wedding.  Be supportive of your sister and happy/excited for her if she gets pregnant.

    As for what you are planning, is there a way to wait and add two additional people at a closer date?  That way you will know more once the wedding gets closer.

    [Deleted User]
  • Well thanks for the sarcastic ass hole comments. I thought the reason for this community was for advice? I haven't made any decisions, the reason I asked! I appreciate those who are being sincere and I am excited to be an aunt! it's crazy how people comment about it being "your big day so screw what anyone else wants" but when it comes to children it's a whole different story. I want a MOH...period. Her life choices take precedence over mine or atleast my want for a MOH on my big day? I just don't understand how some of you say "oh no MOH no big deal"...it is a big deal because it's my wedding...
  • This is your future neice or nephew! And yes your wedding is important, but please look at the big picture. She will be there if she can travel, she will obviously know well in advance when she is due.

    Take a step back and re-read your post. You're seriously considering kicking your sister out of you wedding party on the chance she gets pregnant between now and your wedding. Please tell me you can see how crazy this sounds. If you do kick her out just know this will have lasting effects on your relationship with her and possible other members of your family.
    [Deleted User]SP29Liatris2010
  • spockforprezspockforprez Virginia member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Third Anniversary Name Dropper
    It can take people awhile to get pregnant, especially if she's just coming off birth control to try for the first time. Try to relax. 

    Agree with PPs about the selfish factor, though. Kicking her out of the WP would really hurt her and is immature. If she can't make it, you just don't have a MOH, no backup required, and no biggie. And for the most part you don't need to pay the rest of the money to the venue until the month of, you'll definitely know by then if she's coming. 
    That's a myth. Plenty of women get pregnant the first month after stopping birth control.

    It's still a non-issue, though.
    Ah, sorry. I had heard the "6 months for hormones to recombobulate" thing so many times. Thanks for the correction!
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    artbyallie
  • frenchiekinfrenchiekin member
    Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 100 Comments First Answer
    edited January 2016
    Well thanks for the sarcastic ass hole comments. I thought the reason for this community was for advice? I haven't made any decisions, the reason I asked! I appreciate those who are being sincere and I am excited to be an aunt! it's crazy how people comment about it being "your big day so screw what anyone else wants" but when it comes to children it's a whole different story. I want a MOH...period. Her life choices take precedence over mine or atleast my want for a MOH on my big day? I just don't understand how some of you say "oh no MOH no big deal"...it is a big deal because it's my wedding...

    Why is having a MOH so important on your wedding day?  Asking honestly and sincerely, to see what you are imagining she will do on that day that would be devastating if you didn't have a MOH with you.

    It sounds like this is more about just having a MOH, and less about your sister specifically.

    Edited to include quote, and again for words.


    InLoveInQueensmadamerwinSP29
  • cupcait927cupcait927 Western NY wine country member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    Guess my wedding isn't valid because I didn't have a MOH...do I get a do-over?

    OP - yes, you're being selfish. Your sister can do whatever she wants. If she can't be there on your wedding day, of course you can be sad that she's not there to share in the day with you, but don't try to control her life. And certainly don't replace her. Not that I believe any of this is real but just in case...
    switSwoo00
  • thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 City By The Lake member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    You were given advice to get over your selfishness and be happy for your sister.

    All a MOH really does is stand next to you, hold a bouquet perhaps, and sign a marriage license. All things someone else can do. Not saying you replace your sister as MOH, but a parent or best friend could do those things without the honor title. You can even still list your sister as MOH in the program (if you're having them) but everyone will be aware she's not there because she's having a baby. 

    Is "ass hole comments" a TOS? I'm not sure. Regardless, using those words makes you sound even more immature and selfish. 
    ________________________________


    SP29
  • You were given advice to get over your selfishness and be happy for your sister.

    All a MOH really does is stand next to you, hold a bouquet perhaps, and sign a marriage license. All things someone else can do. Not saying you replace your sister as MOH, but a parent or best friend could do those things without the honor title. You can even still list your sister as MOH in the program (if you're having them) but everyone will be aware she's not there because she's having a baby. 

    Is "ass hole comments" a TOS? I'm not sure. Regardless, using those words makes you sound even more immature and selfish. 
    Even this doesn't apply everywhere.  In some states (like MA) you don't even need a witness.

    My MOH stood next to me and held my bouquet and gave a toast because she wanted to.  Literally nothing else happened with her specifically that didn't happen with my bridesmaids.  I called her my MOH because she's my BFF.  It's a title, period.


    thisismynickname2madamerwinSP29
  • My sister just told me she and her husband are trying to get pregnant. I'm happy for them, but my wedding is in Vegas in November, and she basically said she wouldn't be able to travel if she is beyond 7 months pregnant. She is my MOH and now I'm stuck with the "what if" parts of the situation....What if she gets pregnant from now or in the next 4 months? I can't just have a "backup" MOH. Am I being selfish or is it reasonable to consider removing her from the bridal party? Also, my wedding is on the rooftop of an upscale hotel, and in the event her and her husband can't go I am spending an extra $1,000 for 2 people who won't be there (I'm paying for all inclusive on a per person basis). Thanks!!
    I can see how this could make you sad that she may miss your wedding. I'm fortunate that my sister-in-law and brother opted to try their best to plan around mine and my other brother's wedding (which is two months after mine), and are due two months before my wedding. However, they were very lucky to get pregnant basically exactly when they wanted to - many people are not so lucky. Would I have been disappointed if they couldn't make it to my wedding? Yes. But I'M GOING TO BE AN AUNT AND THAT IS SO EXCITING.

    This is also the time in their lives when they've decided they are ready to start a family. The fact that this is also the year when my brother and I are getting married is a coincidence, and everyone cannot change their life plans for other people.

    Try to understand that the same is true for your sister - she is ready to start her family and this happens to coincide with when you are ready to get married. It would be hurtful to replace her as MOH, and I don't think you should do so. You will have plenty of notice, so I don't think you're going to have to pay for them if they know they aren't going past a certain point in her pregnancy.

    So there's my advice: you can be bummed, but remember that this is how people's lives work. Take a deep breath and remember you are getting married and may get to be an aunt, too! That's exciting stuff. 
    wink0erinOurWildKingdom
  • Guess my wedding isn't valid because I didn't have a MOH...do I get a do-over?

    OP - yes, you're being selfish. Your sister can do whatever she wants. If she can't be there on your wedding day, of course you can be sad that she's not there to share in the day with you, but don't try to control her life. And certainly don't replace her. Not that I believe any of this is real but just in case...
    My brother couldn't make it to my wedding because he only gets a certain amount of leave and he wanted to come home for Thanksgiving, he was supposed to be one of our witnesses (my SIL was the other, we only needed one but could have two so we said both siblings would do it), I didn't have a MOH either.

    Do I get a double do over so I can have my brother there and a MOH to do shit for me that the wedding industry tells brides their bridal party has to do to show they're good friends?

    I mean, we're still married despite no MOH and a missing sibling, but it's not ~fair~
    cupcait927VicTim328SP29
  • It can take people awhile to get pregnant, especially if she's just coming off birth control to try for the first time. Try to relax. 

    Agree with PPs about the selfish factor, though. Kicking her out of the WP would really hurt her and is immature. If she can't make it, you just don't have a MOH, no backup required, and no biggie. And for the most part you don't need to pay the rest of the money to the venue until the month of, you'll definitely know by then if she's coming. 
    That's a myth. Plenty of women get pregnant the first month after stopping birth control.

    It's still a non-issue, though.
    I was on Birth Control pills when I got pregnant and had been for almost 20 years. So there's that...

    You're being selfish, and you won't get any support or sympathy here. 
    SP29
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    My sister just told me she and her husband are trying to get pregnant. I'm happy for them, but my wedding is in Vegas in November, and she basically said she wouldn't be able to travel if she is beyond 7 months pregnant. She is my MOH and now I'm stuck with the "what if" parts of the situation....What if she gets pregnant from now or in the next 4 months? I can't just have a "backup" MOH. Am I being selfish or is it reasonable to consider removing her from the bridal party? Also, my wedding is on the rooftop of an upscale hotel, and in the event her and her husband can't go I am spending an extra $1,000 for 2 people who won't be there (I'm paying for all inclusive on a per person basis). Thanks!!
    YES!!!!


    If that makes my comment an asshole comment, well so be it.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
    YogaSandySP29
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