Moms and Maids

Whole Lot of Pregnant at our Wedding - Ideas for Attendants', etc., Comfort?

Hello, all! This is a question about many people's comfort, so bear with the length, please.

So, we knew when we started planning that my MoH was and would be pregnant. When we settled on the date for the wedding, her due date was a month after our wedding date - a little risky, but likely to be ok. At her ultrasound, she found out "the baby" is twin babies! Very exciting! It does also move up her due date, so it's likely she'll miss at least one of the events she's helping plan/ coordinate: the shower, the bachelorette, or the wedding itself. This is fine with me, as she is already super involved - that is, I'll still feel like my best friend was a big part of my wedding, regardless of what she needs to miss. However, (and I think this is going to sound self-involved and crazy, but hear me out) she has expressed several times that being a "good" MoH and part of the wedding is a Big Deal to her. She has literally had a Pinterest board for my wedding since before she started dating her now-husband of almost four years. I can be very type A, so I was a very organized MoH for their wedding, and I think she has been worried that she won't "live up" to my standards - but I don't need another me, I need her, as I have expressed. I'll get to more of the day-of comfort questions below, but when she misses things - what can I do to make sure she feels (a) feels involved and (b) like she is being a GREAT MoH (which she is!)?
My ideas so far are:
(1)If she misses the bachelorette, arrange to EITHER have a girls' night ASAP after the babies come that "mimics" the bachelorette, but with the focus on her, instead, if the twins have already been born OR, if she ends up on bed rest, etc., ask her in-laws or hubby to keep their toddler and come over with photos from the night, a movie we both like, and some faux-trash food (like black bean cheeseburgers and avocado fries? She is very health-conscious but likes to indulge as much as anyone.) and just hang out for an evening.
(2)If she misses the wedding, ask our caterer to make up a plate of our food and ask one of the attendants who lives nearby to drop it by either on their way home or the next morning. Get her bouquet delivered as an arrangement, instead. 
Other ideas???

Next: we have another attendant who will also be pregnant (5-6 mos.). We also have a day-of vendor who will be a little further along.  The vendor seems to have her plan pretty clear, and she's bringing help. But what all can I do to ensure that everyone has the rest and help that they need? AND to keep my MoH comfortable if she is there, either still pregnant or remarkably quickly after a double birth?
I am going to make sure to have chairs set aside in the front row; I could also dress up some chairs that can be set in the line of attendants? Right now, both attendants are saying that if they are there, then they are fine to stand - but I want to make sure they have another plan, too, without babying them. (Our ceremony will be very short and sweet - no readings, no extra ceremonies. Just the I Dos, the ring, and one prayer/song. Should be about 15 minutes.) I was already going to keep photos short, but I will also make sure to have seating arrangements for photos, as well.) I'm also asking another attendant to basically look after each of these ladies (one per pregnant lady) - keep a bottle of water on hand, keep snacks around, etc.  

Other general things: the attendants are choosing from two dresses, both of which the MoH tried on in her current pregnant state and assessed for comfort. The bar will have a variety of mocktail options, too.

I would appreciate any suggestions. I've never had to carry another human being around in my body, so I would love ideas and tips from those who have.

Re: Whole Lot of Pregnant at our Wedding - Ideas for Attendants', etc., Comfort?

  • You are overthinking this.  You can help your MOH by choosing a maternity friendly dress, and by encouraging her to wear low heeled shoes, if not flats.  There are places that make maternity dresses.
    Your MOH does not have to attend your bachelorette party, or anything else except your rehearsal and your ceremony.
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  • flantasticflantastic The Midwest member
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I think you're already pretty aware of everything you can do.

    Since you're mentally prepared for her not to come at all, just be flexible - that's the main thing. Repeat over and over that if pictures, etc are too much, she can call a timeout and sit out and she and her babies will only be a bonus to your day no matter what. (Enlist her husband's help if you think she'll need convincing.)

    You sound like a good friend, but really it's up to her to take care of herself. I imagine any pressure she feels will be self-imposed, so that's why I've got these suggestions to alleviate that.
  • kimmiinthemittenkimmiinthemitten Detroit, MI member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    rebecca+m said:

    (2)If she misses the wedding, ask our caterer to make up a plate of our food and ask one of the attendants who lives nearby to drop it by either on their way home or the next morning. Get her bouquet delivered as an arrangement, instead. 
    Other ideas???


    I think this is really nice.  You could always have a guest Skype or Facetime with her so she can watch the ceremony from home.
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    nerdwifeJediElizabethInLoveInQueensILoveBeachMusic
  • It sounds like you're doing as much as you can to take care of their needs. I'm actually in a similar situation with my bridesmaids. One is due within a few days of the wedding and the other is due about a month and a half after the wedding. I'm trying to make sure they're comfortable without making them feel like a inconvenience (so many times I ask people for their opinions and all they say is "it's your day, do what you want!)

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  • You're so sweet to think of them, and I love most of the ideas you brought up.  The only one I would stay away from is the post-wedding "bachelorette" party.  Just after having one little human, I had little to no interest in hanging out with people for more than a quick visit.  So it's a really nice idea, but I can't imagine that, especially with twins, she would truly be up for it in the first few months.  

    The only other thought I had if by chance she has the twins before the wedding is making sure there is a place (and plenty of time) for her to breastfeed or pump, if she decides to try BFing.  It would need to be every two to three hours, and she would need probably need 30 minutes each time (maybe longer if BFing twins?)  And if she's pumping, she'll need somewhere to store the milk.  This is all stuff she might just figure out herself, but I've very much appreciated friends who understood and acknowledged knowing that I was going to be dipping in and out to pump. 
  • ILoveBeachMusicILoveBeachMusic Indiana member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    saric83 said:
    You're so sweet to think of them, and I love most of the ideas you brought up.  The only one I would stay away from is the post-wedding "bachelorette" party.  Just after having one little human, I had little to no interest in hanging out with people for more than a quick visit.  So it's a really nice idea, but I can't imagine that, especially with twins, she would truly be up for it in the first few months.  


    I've never had twins so I can only speak as a mom who had a single but I would've been up for a GNO within a few months. Daddy can stay with the baby. Of course this would differ from person to person, so just ask her if she would be up for a GNO (if she is breastfeeding it wouldn't be a late night).
  • Thank you all - especially for pointing out that she'll need time to pump if the twins come early enough that she is there; I had just blanked on the need to build in times for things like that, and she did and will BF. 
    General feedback has been more pro-girls night in than girls night out, and that makes sense to me. I appreciate hearing from mamas who have been particularly worn out. The struggle here is that, based on the last round, it will actually be really important that sometimes she leave the kids at home with dad or arrange for later care and even just sit around and watch Netflix, with other adults, away from the bebes. So that will already be part of just friending - providing a space, now and then, for that kind of break. I'm not sure if it will matter, though, if one of those nights is "special" or not - I bet that some of the things that seem like a big deal to her now will not seem like a big deal once the twins are here. So I may try to do something before they come and before she gets too far along, if she continues to express that this is important. 
    kimmiinthemitten
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