Moms and Maids

I'm a bridesmaid how do I...

So it's a long story but I'll try to keep it condensed lol. I'm  a bridesmaid in an upcoming wedding. The bride is my FI's future aunt (his uncle is the one getting married) and I was flattered when she asked me to be a BM but I was under the impression FI was going to be a GM for his uncle, well that's not the case he was never asked (which is fine I've I was just surprised since he is actually blood related). She never asked about a budget and she said she knows everyone has financial restrictions so she picked the dresses of eBay (it's a prom dress) now I had no problem with this but other maids did. Well we all bought the dresses and now she wants us to have matching heels. I do have an issue with this because the shoes are quite tacky and tasteless not to mention they are 5 inch heels. The dresses are floor length and I don't really understand why we need to have matching shoes when no one will see them. But my biggest issue is, I can't wear 5 inch heels. I have sprained my ankles a lot and when I wear heels higher than 2 or 3 inches my ankles will roll and I will ulitmately sprain them again. I brought this up to her and she seems to not care, she told me that I need to buy the shoes and I can just wear them for the ceremony and the pictures and that after that "I'm free to whatever the hell i want". Normally I would say okay fine, but in all honesty she has been a less than accommodating bride. She's been very demanding and not willing to help out other maids. With all the things she's done I'm thinking about withdrawing myself from the WP. I don't really know her, and I don't feel like I should have to injure myself and spend the money on these shoes that I will never wear again. She wants me to buy the shoes and other accessories and I have a feeling she's going to want me to pay for professional hair and make up. I guess my whole thing is, does anyone have any advice?? If I decide to withdraw how should I tell her? Or am I being totally out of place and should just suck it up? 

Re: I'm a bridesmaid how do I...

  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom South Jersey member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    So it's a long story but I'll try to keep it condensed lol. I'm  a bridesmaid in an upcoming wedding. The bride is my FI's future aunt (his uncle is the one getting married) and I was flattered when she asked me to be a BM but I was under the impression FI was going to be a GM for his uncle, well that's not the case he was never asked (which is fine I've I was just surprised since he is actually blood related). She never asked about a budget and she said she knows everyone has financial restrictions so she picked the dresses of eBay (it's a prom dress) now I had no problem with this but other maids did. Well we all bought the dresses and now she wants us to have matching heels. I do have an issue with this because the shoes are quite tacky and tasteless not to mention they are 5 inch heels. The dresses are floor length and I don't really understand why we need to have matching shoes when no one will see them. But my biggest issue is, I can't wear 5 inch heels. I have sprained my ankles a lot and when I wear heels higher than 2 or 3 inches my ankles will roll and I will ulitmately sprain them again. I brought this up to her and she seems to not care, she told me that I need to buy the shoes and I can just wear them for the ceremony and the pictures and that after that "I'm free to whatever the hell i want". Normally I would say okay fine, but in all honesty she has been a less than accommodating bride. She's been very demanding and not willing to help out other maids. With all the things she's done I'm thinking about withdrawing myself from the WP. I don't really know her, and I don't feel like I should have to injure myself and spend the money on these shoes that I will never wear again. She wants me to buy the shoes and other accessories and I have a feeling she's going to want me to pay for professional hair and make up. I guess my whole thing is, does anyone have any advice?? If I decide to withdraw how should I tell her? Or am I being totally out of place and should just suck it up? 


    Your health and safety are the most important thing in this.  Since you have already told bride that you can't wear those shoes you have three choices: buy the shoes and wear them, don't buy the shoes and show up in your own (it will be too late for anything footwear related to be changed, but it could cause some drama with bride), or withdraw from the wedding.

    Based on your post, I would withdraw from the wedding.  It does sound like this bride will be asking you to foot the bill for hair & makeup as well.  And I too do not wear heels and I feel you on not wanting to purchase something you won't use again.  And to be technical, if the bride wants to demand certain footwear and H&MU, then it should be the bride who pays for it.  As a BM all you have to do is buy the dress and show up.

    Call the bride or do it face to face.  I would do it soon and just get the band aid ripped off, you will feel so much better afterwards.  "Bride,  I have been thinking further about being a BM in your upcoming wedding.  And while I am really honored that you chose me to stand up with you, I just can no longer be a BM.  As I said before, my ankles truly cannot handle 5 inch heels, even for just a short time period.  I don't want to interrupt your wedding vision at all.  So I'm just going to step down as a BM.  I can't wait to attend your wedding as a guest!  You will make a beautiful bride."  If you can throw some compliments out at her,  it might make backing out of the wedding easier on you.

    Don't be surprise that she asks for your dress so she can try to give it to a replacement BM.  I have a feeling that you were asked to be a BM to make even sides, since it seems you don't really know the bride all that well.  If she does want your dress, make sure you get the money for the dress prior to handing it over to her. 

    [Deleted User]
  • Thanks ladies, i just feel it was completely ridiculous of her to dismiss my health in order for her to have her wedding vision. I think I'm just going to step down because I really don't want to have to deal with the hair and make up, on top of everything else. I do think she just asked me to even out the sides. It didn't even cross my mind that she would ask for the dress! So thank you for bringing that up, I will definitely make sure I get money back if she does that.

    CMGragainfloridabride44zitiqueen
  • levioosalevioosa Southern California member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Health and safety trumps a wedding vision, every fucking time.  


    image
  • The snarky B in me really wants to see photos of the dress and the shoes.  OP, you are doing the right thing by removing yourself.  Fuck all of that.


    OliveOilsMom
  • Lala9414 said:

    Thanks ladies, i just feel it was completely ridiculous of her to dismiss my health in order for her to have her wedding vision. I think I'm just going to step down because I really don't want to have to deal with the hair and make up, on top of everything else. I do think she just asked me to even out the sides. It didn't even cross my mind that she would ask for the dress! So thank you for bringing that up, I will definitely make sure I get money back if she does that.

    Sounds like you are doing the right thing. I'd bet money that it'd start with the shoes but get worse and worse. Lucky escape!
                 
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