Vent: "It's her day"

monkeysip

There were also a thread about being a bridesmaid a while back, and someone said bridesmaids are supposed to do all these things, hence why they're called "maids".

Ummm... NO.  People apparently have lost the understanding of what a maiden was.  It had nothing to do with being a "maid", as in being the personal servant of someone.  Gross.

spockforprez

kittykyat said:

This would be me walking in 5" heels.



Is this really her "vision"? 

Exactly. Also, I would tell any friend that I'm close enough to that she asked me to be a bridesmaid to go fuck herself. Preferably with the 5" heel of the shoe she was asking me to wear.

spockforprez

MobKaz said:

levioosa said:

I wear 5 inch heels all the time (I'm 5' 1"), but I'm very picky on which 5 inch heels they are and wouldn't take kindly to being forced to wear a pair that is uncomfortable (relatively speaking).  I would never force my friends to wear heels that large though.  There's a reason they don't wear them in their daily lives, just as there's a reason I like to wear them in mine.  When did friendship become about forcing your friends to sacrifice their safety and comfort?  It literally makes zero sense. 

I know this is rhetorical, but there does seem to be an answer.  It appears that for many brides-to-be, the minute they "honor" someone with the title "bridesmaid", they forget that they are being honored for their friendship.  Friendship is all but forgotten, and is replaced with "me/myvision/myday". 

I feel like I say this all the time, but to me it seems to be this sense of entitlement caused by a history of being treated this way.

"Well, I had to buy a $200 dress, wear sparkly silver high-heeled shoes, pay $150 for hair and makeup, wear a skimpy robe embroidered with the word bridesmaid, shell out $500 for a 5-day bachelorette extravaganza, etc., etc., for the last ten of my friends.... SO NOW IT'S MY TURN BITCHES!!!!!!"

Someone has got to break the cycle. Someone has to stop the madness. I want all TK brides, myself and others included, to do our parts. "Wear any dress in this color family! Pick shoes that you feel comfortable wearing. No, no, you do your hair and makeup however you like! Thank you for offering to throw me a b-party, let's keep it simple and sweet with a dinner and some bar-hopping! Thank you for buying my drinks, that was so nice of you! Here is a handwritten, heartfelt card with a gift I picked out just for you, to say thank you for standing up with me and being my friend."

The goal is to leave the other women blinking going, "Wow, that such a good experience. I don't feel used and abused! I didn't feel like a pawn in an elaborate 15-month long photo shoot! It was all so fun and easy... hmm. Maybe all that extra stuff doesn't matter. I think I'll act the same way at my wedding!"

We can do it, people!!!! I believe in us!

JBee85

Growing up in a Catholic parish and doing several roles during masses, heels are strongly discouraged. They are loud walking up and down the aisle. 5 inch heels do look like stripper heels, and it is frowned upon in a conservative environment.

This is not a Catholic thing. This is a premadonna bride issue.

Sherbie25

frenchiekin said:

CMGragain said:

5 inch heels?  We used to call those things "hooker heels".  My 6'3" son wore a pair of them when he dressed in drag for a homecoming gender-bender day.  He got a round of applause in the cafeteria when he slinked across the room (wearing a black cocktail dress and MY PEARLS!) without spilling his tray.
He didn't win the prize.  A black football player who wore his cousin's hot pink satin bridesmaid's dress with a tiara won.

Why?

She makes me sick

Sherbie25

CMGragain said:

frenchiekin said:

CMGragain said:

5 inch heels?  We used to call those things "hooker heels".  My 6'3" son wore a pair of them when he dressed in drag for a homecoming gender-bender day.  He got a round of applause in the cafeteria when he slinked across the room (wearing a black cocktail dress and MY PEARLS!) without spilling his tray.
He didn't win the prize.  A black football player who wore his cousin's hot pink satin bridesmaid's dress with a tiara won.

Why?

Because he was hilarious!  He had a very hairy chest and it stuck out above the 1990's style pouffy dress.  He was a lovely guy, and very popular.  That hot pink color really looked good on him, I must admit.  He was also HUGE!

She means why mention he is black? What bearing does that have on anything?

CMGragain

Oh, for heaven's sake.  It is just a part of the mental picture.  Chill.

SP29

I can appreciate a beautiful heel- but 5 inches? You need practice and experience wearing those! I have weird feet, and they hurt easily, so while I would LOVE to wear many of the heels I see in stores, when I try them on, it doesn't go so well.... or they last an hour.

I agree- stop the madness that BM are supposed to be slaves and submit to every demand of the bride. 

And how do 5'' heels create the bride's perfect vision? Ok, I can see the temptation of perfection and a vision, but when I think of my perfect wedding vision, I see something like my ceremony site in the mountains draped with exotic flowers, myself looking like a model in a Maggie Sottero dress, and a reception at a 5 star hotel banquet room with 7 course meal. Yes, this is a real vision- mountain ceremony followed up by reception at the Fairmont Lake Louise- if you know, I was loaded- but I'm not. I don't see "bridesmaids in 5 inch heels"- Yes, that DEFINITELY completes my day!! Eck...

Lala9414

monkeysip said:

I'm in a Catholic women's forum online, and one of the members posted about how she was asked to be a bridesmaid in her brother and his fiancee's wedding.

The bride already sounds like a bridezilla from other things, but now she's demanding they all wear 5 inch heels.  As in, if they don't wear the heels, they're out of the wedding party.

That alone is so rude to me I can't stand it.  But the member who posted about this will be like 8 months pregnant at the time.  The bride doesn't care--wear the shoes.  I'm not pregnant and I would NOT be able to wear shoes like that.  Pregnant?  Forget it.  

To make things worse, some of the other people in the group were taking up for the bride because "it's the brides' day" and "it's not your wedding" and "every bride deserves her dream wedding".

You know, because when I was dreaming about marrying my husband, part of that dream was that all my bridesmaids wear 5 inch heels.  And I'm entitled to this dream.  UGH.

I just have no patience for a bride who's big problem is that her BMs don't want to wear ankle breaking shoes all day.  STOP treating your bridesmaids like props, and START treating them like human beings, or, you know, people you supposedly LOVE.  

Some people were even saying that it's wrong, but she should just be the bigger person and wear the shoes.  Eff that.  I think we need to stop enabling peoples' narcissism.  

Sigh.  Thanks for the vent.

HA! i wonder if we are in the same wedding?! im a BM with a bride wanting me to wear 5" heels as well and im going to be dropping out. I have sprained my ankles in the past and told the bride i couldnt do anything higher than 3" and she told me i NEED to wear the shoes

classyduck

spockforprez said:

MobKaz said:

levioosa said:

I wear 5 inch heels all the time (I'm 5' 1"), but I'm very picky on which 5 inch heels they are and wouldn't take kindly to being forced to wear a pair that is uncomfortable (relatively speaking).  I would never force my friends to wear heels that large though.  There's a reason they don't wear them in their daily lives, just as there's a reason I like to wear them in mine.  When did friendship become about forcing your friends to sacrifice their safety and comfort?  It literally makes zero sense. 

I know this is rhetorical, but there does seem to be an answer.  It appears that for many brides-to-be, the minute they "honor" someone with the title "bridesmaid", they forget that they are being honored for their friendship.  Friendship is all but forgotten, and is replaced with "me/myvision/myday". 

I feel like I say this all the time, but to me it seems to be this sense of entitlement caused by a history of being treated this way.

"Well, I had to buy a $200 dress, wear sparkly silver high-heeled shoes, pay $150 for hair and makeup, wear a skimpy robe embroidered with the word bridesmaid, shell out $500 for a 5-day bachelorette extravaganza, etc., etc., for the last ten of my friends.... SO NOW IT'S MY TURN BITCHES!!!!!!"

Someone has got to break the cycle. Someone has to stop the madness. I want all TK brides, myself and others included, to do our parts. "Wear any dress in this color family! Pick shoes that you feel comfortable wearing. No, no, you do your hair and makeup however you like! Thank you for offering to throw me a b-party, let's keep it simple and sweet with a dinner and some bar-hopping! Thank you for buying my drinks, that was so nice of you! Here is a handwritten, heartfelt card with a gift I picked out just for you, to say thank you for standing up with me and being my friend."

The goal is to leave the other women blinking going, "Wow, that such a good experience. I don't feel used and abused! I didn't feel like a pawn in an elaborate 15-month long photo shoot! It was all so fun and easy... hmm. Maybe all that extra stuff doesn't matter. I think I'll act the same way at my wedding!"

We can do it, people!!!! I believe in us!

I LOVE EVERYTHING! You said! And I agree completely. I actually just opted to SKIP a wedding party when I got married because I was too afraid that societal expectations of what a "bridesmaid" was "supposed to do" would outweigh my directives. I would tell them, wear what you want, they would say, "But at least tell me a color." I would say, "No wedding shower / no Bachelorette shower." They would feel obligated to throw one anyway.

I wanted the people I loved the most, to have a great time at my wedding, so they were hosted as best as I could, as guests, like everyone else, without any extra "duties" attached.

My ONLY eensy weensy gripe about your post is that you suggest they should still have to follow a color scheme. Ick. Color theory is not alien to fashion, and there really are certain colors that are great or horrible on certain complexions, hair colors, etc. Just let them be. You want the person, not the image. They can wear what they want, not a dress of a color shade they hate or they'd prefer not to wear ever again.

TrixieJess

Lala9414 said:

monkeysip said:

I'm in a Catholic women's forum online, and one of the members posted about how she was asked to be a bridesmaid in her brother and his fiancee's wedding.

The bride already sounds like a bridezilla from other things, but now she's demanding they all wear 5 inch heels.  As in, if they don't wear the heels, they're out of the wedding party.

That alone is so rude to me I can't stand it.  But the member who posted about this will be like 8 months pregnant at the time.  The bride doesn't care--wear the shoes.  I'm not pregnant and I would NOT be able to wear shoes like that.  Pregnant?  Forget it.  

To make things worse, some of the other people in the group were taking up for the bride because "it's the brides' day" and "it's not your wedding" and "every bride deserves her dream wedding".

You know, because when I was dreaming about marrying my husband, part of that dream was that all my bridesmaids wear 5 inch heels.  And I'm entitled to this dream.  UGH.

I just have no patience for a bride who's big problem is that her BMs don't want to wear ankle breaking shoes all day.  STOP treating your bridesmaids like props, and START treating them like human beings, or, you know, people you supposedly LOVE.  

Some people were even saying that it's wrong, but she should just be the bigger person and wear the shoes.  Eff that.  I think we need to stop enabling peoples' narcissism.  

Sigh.  Thanks for the vent.

HA! i wonder if we are in the same wedding?! im a BM with a bride wanting me to wear 5" heels as well and im going to be dropping out. I have sprained my ankles in the past and told the bride i couldnt do anything higher than 3" and she told me i NEED to wear the shoes


If not and this is a trend, then to any lurker brides: No.

kvruns

spockforprez said:

 

I feel like I say this all the time, but to me it seems to be this sense of entitlement caused by a history of being treated this way.

"Well, I had to buy a $200 dress, wear sparkly silver high-heeled shoes, pay $150 for hair and makeup, wear a skimpy robe embroidered with the word bridesmaid, shell out $500 for a 5-day bachelorette extravaganza, etc., etc., for the last ten of my friends.... SO NOW IT'S MY TURN BITCHES!!!!!!"

Someone has got to break the cycle. Someone has to stop the madness. I want all TK brides, myself and others included, to do our parts. "Wear any dress in this color family! Pick shoes that you feel comfortable wearing. No, no, you do your hair and makeup however you like! Thank you for offering to throw me a b-party, let's keep it simple and sweet with a dinner and some bar-hopping! Thank you for buying my drinks, that was so nice of you! Here is a handwritten, heartfelt card with a gift I picked out just for you, to say thank you for standing up with me and being my friend."

The goal is to leave the other women blinking going, "Wow, that such a good experience. I don't feel used and abused! I didn't feel like a pawn in an elaborate 15-month long photo shoot! It was all so fun and easy... hmm. Maybe all that extra stuff doesn't matter. I think I'll act the same way at my wedding!"

We can do it, people!!!! I believe in us!

The bolded paragraph describes my wedding to a T and it was sooo hard to get my BM's to understand I was serious! We ended up dress shopping together and they wanted to get matching or very coordinating dresses (had 2 BMs), I was like seriously I don't care if they coordinate, just a black dress and call it a day. They ended up getting the same dress because for them it just didn't seem right to not match/coordinate after having done it for years with other weddings. Then when it came to shoes they're like ok what shoes, "I don't care", then getting sent pictures of multiple pairs and asking which ones to get. I was like wear some you already have if you want, or if you want to buy new ones then get ones that you will wear again don't just buy something for the wedding because I just don't care.

sparklepants41

If I were being forced to wear 5" heels, I would be 6'3". And in the Emergency Room. 

I'm such a klutz naturally that I really cannot wear heels over 3.5" tall unless I am a) going to be sitting down and not moving all day or b) trying, for some bizarre reason, to break my ankles, my knees, and probably my nose as well.

I just don't get the selfishness of some brides.

indigo26

Uh yea - I never walk in heels. Ever. My shoes have maybe a one inch heel on them? They're sandals, which considering I'm usually in flats or barefooted, they're pretty fancy for me. I'm a klutz and I have to walk down stairs. In a dress. Add heels and I'm faceplanting. 

I had the same problem with my bridesmaids wanting me to give them explicit instructions on their dresses and I'm sitting over here going "Blue, not strapless, and at least knee length. Have fun." Now they want to know what kind of shoes. I told them "Whatever is comfy. No flip-flops please until after pictures, other than that Idgaf." They're flabbergasted that I just really don't feel the need to micromanage them when it comes to the wedding. I keep telling them, its ONE day, quit stressing over it. Show up and have a good time and I'll be happy. 

MyNameIsNot

In 5" heels, I'd be 6'6". I'm sure everyone needs a bridesmaid the size of an NBA player.

I hope one of her bridesmaids trips in her stilts and knocks this bride flat on her face. But not the pregnant one. She would get hurt. 

short+sassy

I'm 5'0" tall, so really high heels just make me an average height, lol.  I love them, but they don't love me.

Here is me in one of my few pairs of extra high heels.  I strut my stuff into the room with those high heels flashing and making my legs look almost normal long.  While half clinging onto my H's arm because I'm worried I'm going to teeter on those tiny heel points and fall.

First five minutes.  "Yeah!  I look good!"  After that...OMG, get me to a chair.  Must sit down.  Must sit down.  Feet are screaming.

redoryx

CMGragain said:

Oh, for heaven's sake.  It is just a part of the mental picture.  Chill.

Honestly, the rest of your description regarding the hairy chest and 90s dress did far more to paint a mental picture than the fact that the guy was African American. If he was white would you have said the "white football player?" 

I'm gonna guess no. 

climbingsingle

redoryx said:

CMGragain said:

Oh, for heaven's sake.  It is just a part of the mental picture.  Chill.

Honestly, the rest of your description regarding the hairy chest and 90s dress did far more to paint a mental picture than the fact that the guy was African American. If he was white would you have said the "white football player?" 

I'm gonna guess no. 

Of course not. And as many times as people here have tried to point this out to her, she still does not get it. At least she makes it easy to see her true colors. 

Sherbie25

redoryx said:

CMGragain said:

Oh, for heaven's sake.  It is just a part of the mental picture.  Chill.

Honestly, the rest of your description regarding the hairy chest and 90s dress did far more to paint a mental picture than the fact that the guy was African American. If he was white would you have said the "white football player?" 

I'm gonna guess no. 

climbingwife said:

redoryx said:

CMGragain said:

Oh, for heaven's sake.  It is just a part of the mental picture.  Chill.

Honestly, the rest of your description regarding the hairy chest and 90s dress did far more to paint a mental picture than the fact that the guy was African American. If he was white would you have said the "white football player?" 

I'm gonna guess no. 

Of course not. And as many times as people here have tried to point this out to her, she still does not get it. At least she makes it easy to see her true colors. 

I'm so glad other people see the ignorance. It frustrates me when people have their ignorance pointed out to them and instead of simply accepting what they said is inappropriate they try to defend themselves or insinuate the offended are being precious. 

Do you get this @CMGragain

pinupbride6189

I hear you on this. I recently had a heart to heart with my sister about similar antics regarding her PPD. First of all, she's having a PPD that she's not being honest about, she's dictating long, yellow dresses that really don't flatter people with my body shape/hair color, she didn't check with anyone for budgets on the dress, and then she dictated brown wedges for shoes, which means I had to go out and buy two new pairs of shoes (the first pair I bought 'wasn't exactly what she had in mind,' but they were on sale so I couldn't return them), and when discussing my wedding and how I didn't care what shoes or jewelry the BMs wore, or how they did their hair because the pictures are about the people in them, not their physical appearance, she said, and I quote, "Nope. You can go be ugly somewhere else."

So I finally got tired of it and told her that I was feeling more like a photo prop than a sister, and that while yes, it's ok to have a vision, it's not ok for that vision to trump other people's comfort, especially the people you claim to be nearest and dearest to, and that she needed to start thinking about how her decisions affected other people.

She apologized and said she was sorry that she'd made me feel that way, etc. Two days later, I get a text message with a picture of a hairstyle asking how I liked it, because she was thinking that that's how all the bridesmaids should have their hair done. -.- Sigh. At least she's checking opinions now, I guess.

cowgirl8238

pinupbride6189 said:

I hear you on this. I recently had a heart to heart with my sister about similar antics regarding her PPD. First of all, she's having a PPD that she's not being honest about, she's dictating long, yellow dresses that really don't flatter people with my body shape/hair color, she didn't check with anyone for budgets on the dress, and then she dictated brown wedges for shoes, which means I had to go out and buy two new pairs of shoes (the first pair I bought 'wasn't exactly what she had in mind,' but they were on sale so I couldn't return them), and when discussing my wedding and how I didn't care what shoes or jewelry the BMs wore, or how they did their hair because the pictures are about the people in them, not their physical appearance, she said, and I quote, "Nope. You can go be ugly somewhere else."

So I finally got tired of it and told her that I was feeling more like a photo prop than a sister, and that while yes, it's ok to have a vision, it's not ok for that vision to trump other people's comfort, especially the people you claim to be nearest and dearest to, and that she needed to start thinking about how her decisions affected other people.

She apologized and said she was sorry that she'd made me feel that way, etc. Two days later, I get a text message with a picture of a hairstyle asking how I liked it, because she was thinking that that's how all the bridesmaids should have their hair done. -.- Sigh. At least she's checking opinions now, I guess.

I know you already have the dress and shoes (two pairs apparently), but there is no way I would stick out that wedding party...sister or otherwise!!! What a nightmare.

short+sassy

pinupbride6189 said:

I hear you on this. I recently had a heart to heart with my sister about similar antics regarding her PPD. First of all, she's having a PPD that she's not being honest about, she's dictating long, yellow dresses that really don't flatter people with my body shape/hair color, she didn't check with anyone for budgets on the dress, and then she dictated brown wedges for shoes, which means I had to go out and buy two new pairs of shoes (the first pair I bought 'wasn't exactly what she had in mind,' but they were on sale so I couldn't return them), and when discussing my wedding and how I didn't care what shoes or jewelry the BMs wore, or how they did their hair because the pictures are about the people in them, not their physical appearance, she said, and I quote, "Nope. You can go be ugly somewhere else."

So I finally got tired of it and told her that I was feeling more like a photo prop than a sister, and that while yes, it's ok to have a vision, it's not ok for that vision to trump other people's comfort, especially the people you claim to be nearest and dearest to, and that she needed to start thinking about how her decisions affected other people.

She apologized and said she was sorry that she'd made me feel that way, etc. Two days later, I get a text message with a picture of a hairstyle asking how I liked it, because she was thinking that that's how all the bridesmaids should have their hair done. -.- Sigh. At least she's checking opinions now, I guess.

It's not enough you all have the same matchy-matchy dresses and almost matchy-matchy shoes?  Your hairstyles have to be matchy-matchy also?  That's awesome, because of course all women have exactly the same hair and face shapes to take the style the same way and look great on everyone (sarcasm).

I'm laughing at a hypothetical bride telling me my hair has to have curls in it.  If I'm lucky, I can keep a curl in my hair for maybe one hour.

[Deleted User]

short+sassy said:

pinupbride6189 said:

I hear you on this. I recently had a heart to heart with my sister about similar antics regarding her PPD. First of all, she's having a PPD that she's not being honest about, she's dictating long, yellow dresses that really don't flatter people with my body shape/hair color, she didn't check with anyone for budgets on the dress, and then she dictated brown wedges for shoes, which means I had to go out and buy two new pairs of shoes (the first pair I bought 'wasn't exactly what she had in mind,' but they were on sale so I couldn't return them), and when discussing my wedding and how I didn't care what shoes or jewelry the BMs wore, or how they did their hair because the pictures are about the people in them, not their physical appearance, she said, and I quote, "Nope. You can go be ugly somewhere else."

So I finally got tired of it and told her that I was feeling more like a photo prop than a sister, and that while yes, it's ok to have a vision, it's not ok for that vision to trump other people's comfort, especially the people you claim to be nearest and dearest to, and that she needed to start thinking about how her decisions affected other people.

She apologized and said she was sorry that she'd made me feel that way, etc. Two days later, I get a text message with a picture of a hairstyle asking how I liked it, because she was thinking that that's how all the bridesmaids should have their hair done. -.- Sigh. At least she's checking opinions now, I guess.

It's not enough you all have the same matchy-matchy dresses and almost matchy-matchy shoes?  Your hairstyles have to be matchy-matchy also?  That's awesome, because of course all women have exactly the same hair and face shapes to take the style the same way and look great on everyone (sarcasm).

I'm laughing at a hypothetical bride telling me my hair has to have curls in it.  If I'm lucky, I can keep a curl in my hair for maybe one hour.

And I'm just passive aggressive enough to decide to get a pixie cut two weeks prior to the wedding if a crazy hairstyle is suddenly required.

Ghostie625

What are the odds she will pay for you to have this mandatory hairstyle done?

artbyallie

Ghostie625 said:

What are the odds she will pay for you to have this mandatory hairstyle done?

pinupbride6189

adk19 said:

short+sassy said:

pinupbride6189 said:

I hear you on this. I recently had a heart to heart with my sister about similar antics regarding her PPD. First of all, she's having a PPD that she's not being honest about, she's dictating long, yellow dresses that really don't flatter people with my body shape/hair color, she didn't check with anyone for budgets on the dress, and then she dictated brown wedges for shoes, which means I had to go out and buy two new pairs of shoes (the first pair I bought 'wasn't exactly what she had in mind,' but they were on sale so I couldn't return them), and when discussing my wedding and how I didn't care what shoes or jewelry the BMs wore, or how they did their hair because the pictures are about the people in them, not their physical appearance, she said, and I quote, "Nope. You can go be ugly somewhere else."

So I finally got tired of it and told her that I was feeling more like a photo prop than a sister, and that while yes, it's ok to have a vision, it's not ok for that vision to trump other people's comfort, especially the people you claim to be nearest and dearest to, and that she needed to start thinking about how her decisions affected other people.

She apologized and said she was sorry that she'd made me feel that way, etc. Two days later, I get a text message with a picture of a hairstyle asking how I liked it, because she was thinking that that's how all the bridesmaids should have their hair done. -.- Sigh. At least she's checking opinions now, I guess.

It's not enough you all have the same matchy-matchy dresses and almost matchy-matchy shoes?  Your hairstyles have to be matchy-matchy also?  That's awesome, because of course all women have exactly the same hair and face shapes to take the style the same way and look great on everyone (sarcasm).

I'm laughing at a hypothetical bride telling me my hair has to have curls in it.  If I'm lucky, I can keep a curl in my hair for maybe one hour.

And I'm just passive aggressive enough to decide to get a pixie cut two weeks prior to the wedding if a crazy hairstyle is suddenly required.

If my wedding weren't a month after hers, I would be quite tempted. Honestly, if I weren't military, I'd probably just dye my hair lime green. Especially because when I mentioned my grievances to our mother, she said I was being, "mean," and "angry," and, "tearing people down."

Ghostie625 said:

What are the odds she will pay for you to have this mandatory hairstyle done?

You know, suprisingly enough, she is! She actually seemed really upset that she couldn't swing it to pay for our make up, but I couldn't be more thrilled.

spockforprez

pinupbride6189 said:

I hear you on this. I recently had a heart to heart with my sister about similar antics regarding her PPD. First of all, she's having a PPD that she's not being honest about, she's dictating long, yellow dresses that really don't flatter people with my body shape/hair color, she didn't check with anyone for budgets on the dress, and then she dictated brown wedges for shoes, which means I had to go out and buy two new pairs of shoes (the first pair I bought 'wasn't exactly what she had in mind,' but they were on sale so I couldn't return them), and when discussing my wedding and how I didn't care what shoes or jewelry the BMs wore, or how they did their hair because the pictures are about the people in them, not their physical appearance, she said, and I quote, "Nope. You can go be ugly somewhere else."

So I finally got tired of it and told her that I was feeling more like a photo prop than a sister, and that while yes, it's ok to have a vision, it's not ok for that vision to trump other people's comfort, especially the people you claim to be nearest and dearest to, and that she needed to start thinking about how her decisions affected other people.

She apologized and said she was sorry that she'd made me feel that way, etc. Two days later, I get a text message with a picture of a hairstyle asking how I liked it, because she was thinking that that's how all the bridesmaids should have their hair done. -.- Sigh. At least she's checking opinions now, I guess.

I had to wear canary yellow as a bridesmaid in 2009. I usually keep long BM dresses for other formal events, so I still have it. I have worn all my other BM dresses again, but not that one. 

lyndausvi

spockforprez said:

pinupbride6189 said:

I hear you on this. I recently had a heart to heart with my sister about similar antics regarding her PPD. First of all, she's having a PPD that she's not being honest about, she's dictating long, yellow dresses that really don't flatter people with my body shape/hair color, she didn't check with anyone for budgets on the dress, and then she dictated brown wedges for shoes, which means I had to go out and buy two new pairs of shoes (the first pair I bought 'wasn't exactly what she had in mind,' but they were on sale so I couldn't return them), and when discussing my wedding and how I didn't care what shoes or jewelry the BMs wore, or how they did their hair because the pictures are about the people in them, not their physical appearance, she said, and I quote, "Nope. You can go be ugly somewhere else."

So I finally got tired of it and told her that I was feeling more like a photo prop than a sister, and that while yes, it's ok to have a vision, it's not ok for that vision to trump other people's comfort, especially the people you claim to be nearest and dearest to, and that she needed to start thinking about how her decisions affected other people.

She apologized and said she was sorry that she'd made me feel that way, etc. Two days later, I get a text message with a picture of a hairstyle asking how I liked it, because she was thinking that that's how all the bridesmaids should have their hair done. -.- Sigh. At least she's checking opinions now, I guess.

I had to wear canary yellow as a bridesmaid in 2009. I usually keep long BM dresses for other formal events, so I still have it. I have worn all my other BM dresses again, but not that one. 

lucky you.  I've left 2 dresses at hotels because I couldn't be bothered to even fly home with them.

Heffalump

spockforprez said:

pinupbride6189 said:

I hear you on this. I recently had a heart to heart with my sister about similar antics regarding her PPD. First of all, she's having a PPD that she's not being honest about, she's dictating long, yellow dresses that really don't flatter people with my body shape/hair color, she didn't check with anyone for budgets on the dress, and then she dictated brown wedges for shoes, which means I had to go out and buy two new pairs of shoes (the first pair I bought 'wasn't exactly what she had in mind,' but they were on sale so I couldn't return them), and when discussing my wedding and how I didn't care what shoes or jewelry the BMs wore, or how they did their hair because the pictures are about the people in them, not their physical appearance, she said, and I quote, "Nope. You can go be ugly somewhere else."

So I finally got tired of it and told her that I was feeling more like a photo prop than a sister, and that while yes, it's ok to have a vision, it's not ok for that vision to trump other people's comfort, especially the people you claim to be nearest and dearest to, and that she needed to start thinking about how her decisions affected other people.

She apologized and said she was sorry that she'd made me feel that way, etc. Two days later, I get a text message with a picture of a hairstyle asking how I liked it, because she was thinking that that's how all the bridesmaids should have their hair done. -.- Sigh. At least she's checking opinions now, I guess.

I had to wear canary yellow as a bridesmaid in 2009. I usually keep long BM dresses for other formal events, so I still have it. I have worn all my other BM dresses again, but not that one. 

Years ago, my brother was engaged and they called off the wedding about a month beforehand.  After I talked to him and learned that this had been a long time coming and he was actually relieved, my next thought was "Thank god I don't have to wear that yellow empire waist dress that makes me look like a pregnant banana."

spockforprez

lyndausvi said:

spockforprez said:

pinupbride6189 said:

I hear you on this. I recently had a heart to heart with my sister about similar antics regarding her PPD. First of all, she's having a PPD that she's not being honest about, she's dictating long, yellow dresses that really don't flatter people with my body shape/hair color

I had to wear canary yellow as a bridesmaid in 2009. I usually keep long BM dresses for other formal events, so I still have it. I have worn all my other BM dresses again, but not that one. 

lucky you.  I've left 2 dresses at hotels because I couldn't be bothered to even fly home with them.

Ha! I've been lucky to have brides who choose generic David's Bridal dresses in decent cuts/colors (except that damn yellow), or let us pick our own DB dress in whatever cut we liked. (I have never been in a wedding where the BM dresses did not come from David's.)