Ex's !!!

Knottie1453437824

Hello everyone! So I am getting married in less than 5 months and I recently had an issue arise. My fiance and I agreed we did not want his ex there. I know it's common sense. But let me give you some background. His family and his ex's family are friends, they are actually best friends and have known each other since he was young. When his dad found out we did not want the ex there he got very upset. He said that by saying that the family was invited and not the ex that would cause the two families to become distant and lose their friendship. Regardless I believe she should still not be there. This is my day and I feel like I should be happy. Like I said my fiancé and I were already in agreement that we did not want her there. But now he doesn't want to say anything because of everything his dad told him. This is causing a big stress. I need advice on what to do..

STARMOON44

His ex is currently his bf? And you're ok with that but don't want her at the wedding? I vote get over it. It just won't matter. It's only a big drama if you want it to be.

ericasm0703

In the grand scheme of things, her relationship with your FI isn't that big of a deal. If they're best friends, you should've known that from the start. This is hardly an issue I'd be stressing about.

Knottie1453437824

Sorry should have been more clear. His family and her family are best friends. My FI and the ex don't even speak to each other.

ericasm0703

Still doesn't change my statement; it's hardly an issue I'd stress about. There's plenty of families that our parents are friends with that aren't invited to our wedding. The ex's family's lack of invitation doesn't mean they can't be happy for you, nor should it be a friendship ending move.

STARMOON44

Knottie1453437824 said:

Sorry should have been more clear. His family and her family are best friends. My FI and the ex don't even speak to each other.

In that case, I'd invite her parents but not her. If they don't speak she just doesn't need to be there, and if the families insist on making drama over it that's on them.

lyndausvi

have your FI talked to his dad that she will not be invited, case closed.

I have to think your FFIL is projecting feelings that just are not there.   If your FI and ex do not even talk, I doubt she is hoping for an invite.   Sure there are some crazy people who want to be invited to an ex's wedding, but they are the exception.  Most do not.      I doubt the ex's parents would except her to be invited either.

thefanciestbeckler

Chances are she won't come if you invite her. I wouldn't. But regardless, this is an issue that your FI should handle with his father if it is that big of a deal to you.

holyguacamole79

Knottie1453437824 said:

Hello everyone! So I am getting married in less than 5 months and I recently had an issue arise. My fiance and I agreed we did not want his ex there. I know it's common sense. But let me give you some background. His family and his ex's family are friends, they are actually best friends and have known each other since he was young. When his dad found out we did not want the ex there he got very upset. He said that by saying that the family was invited and not the ex that would cause the two families to become distant and lose their friendship. Regardless I believe she should still not be there. This is my day and I feel like I should be happy. Like I said my fiancé and I were already in agreement that we did not want her there. But now he doesn't want to say anything because of everything his dad told him. This is causing a big stress. I need advice on what to do..

We actually had the parents of one of my exes at our wedding. I dated him briefly in high school (he was my first kiss). They've been our neighbors for years. There was no awkwardness, and my ex was not invited (although he did send his congrats via Facebook).

I imagine your situation is a bit different, though. FI needs to let his dad know that the guest list is not up for debate and that the ex will not be invited.

tigerlily6

Honestly, looking at things from the other way around, too, the ex may not want to go if her and your FI have distanced a lot, but be feeling the same pressure from her family. I had a friend who kind of felt compelled to attend an ex's wedding since they shared a friend group. And even though she had moved on and very happy with her own new SO, watching her ex get married was still really awkward for her. So yeah, I vote that you and your FI stand your ground and say she's not invited. It would probably make life easier for both you AND her. 

AddieCake

If your fiancé doesn't want her there, he should tell his dad NO.