Guest List Etiquette

Brittknee0408

Hello fellow brides-to-be,

Im not getting married until October 2017 but I am trying to get a guest count that way I can determine venue and get that on lock down. I will start out by saying my father's side alone is 4 uncles, 3 aunts, 7 of their spouses/significant others and 21 cousins..so this is not even including my mother's side or fiance's father's side immediate family and friends. When determining the "plus 1", what is the "rule of thumb" or  guest etiquette? We both have cousins and friends that are married, so we will address the invitations as a family to them but how do I go about the others? Does everyone over the age of 18 get the option of plus 1? Im really confused and stressed about the guests.

CMGragain

People who are in a relationship should be invited together.  No one else needs to have a plus one.  However, relationships change over time, and some people will expect that their significant others will be invited when the time comes to send out invitations.
Choose a wedding style and venue that is flexible enough to include extra people.  Be flexible.

ILoveBeachMusic

All people who are in a relationship (doesn't matter how long) have their significant other invited by name. If you don't know their name, find out what it is. A true plus one is a person your guest invites, and you have no say in who it is. There is no rule about plus ones. You can offer them or not. It is totally up to you and your budget. At DD's wedding, no plus ones were extended, but most people had SOs.

banana468

Brittknee0408 said:

Hello fellow brides-to-be,

Im not getting married until October 2017 but I am trying to get a guest count that way I can determine venue and get that on lock down. I will start out by saying my father's side alone is 4 uncles, 3 aunts, 7 of their spouses/significant others and 21 cousins..so this is not even including my mother's side or fiance's father's side immediate family and friends. When determining the "plus 1", what is the "rule of thumb" or  guest etiquette? We both have cousins and friends that are married, so we will address the invitations as a family to them but how do I go about the others? Does everyone over the age of 18 get the option of plus 1? Im really confused and stressed about the guests.

If anyone is in a relationship that person needs to be invited with his/her SO.

Since you're this far out, I'd budget that all your adult single guests could be with a SO by that time.   It may not be likely but you could have guests fall in love and get married by the time you walk down the aisle.

When you're addressing a married couple, make sure that you're inviting them by name.

Another way to cut down on guests is to invite in circles.   That can work well - especially if you're welcoming some children.   Our cousins' children were invited to our wedding but not the children of our friends.   It sounds like you're on the right track.  Figure out your guest list and THEN figure out where you're having the reception. 

frenchiekin

Everyone who is in a relationship (18+) must have their significant other invited.  Whether or not they are in a relationship is determined by them, not by you (i.e., if your 25-year-old cousin has been dating someone for 4 months, and you haven't met her, but he considers her his girlfriend, then she must by invited by name on the invite.  Things like length of time/seriousness of relationship is not up to you to determine).  This is different than a plus one.

A plus one is given to a truly single guest (i.e. your other 25 year old cousin who is not dating anyone... 100% single).  If you have the space and $$, you can give them a plus 1, meaning you'd include "and Guest" on their invitation.  This means they can bring anyone they want... a date, a friend, whomever.  These are totally optional and you do not have to accommodate plus ones if you don't want to or cannot.

One word of advice since you are so far out... once you make your list, add in a "placeholder" guest for all of your single family and friends.  By the time next year rolls around and you are ready to send invites, the people who are truly single now could be in a relationship by then, and you will have wanted to give yourself a cushion so that you aren't scrambling to figure out how to add them at the last minute.  This mostly evened out for us... some of our single friends were in relationships at invite time, and some of our couples had broken up by then.  You may end up with a lower guest count in the end if a lot of your singles remain single, but it means WAY less stress for you and you could also end up a little under budget at the end, which can't be a bad thing.