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Budget Weddings

Divorced parents...no money

Hey everyone.

So I have been engaged for 2 years now and have been saving up with my fiancée the best I can, but with the other bills I have and having to work around my school schedule, I still need help. I have been talking to my mother constantly about it, and she acts like I'm overreacting..by the way my wedding is in June 2016..less than 5 months away. I have tried my best to go cheap with things and am staying under a $6,000 budget. I have pretty much everything planned, but there are just those big ticket items that have to be paid for. The deposit for the DJ and caterer is coming up in the next week...

So my mother is currently panning a trip to New York in March...yet she says she doesn't have extra money to help me.

My father is recently remarried(parents divorced in 2012), and he acts like he has no money.(He just put in a new pool and bought a new car).

It makes me really sad that my parents don't seem to want to help me because I feel I have been a good daughter and have never asked for big or fancy things before. I have even down-sized my wedding and have made it more casual to help with costs.

My fiancée and I have started selling things we don't use to get extra money and I put us on gofundme.com. I just don't know what to do and am hurt because my mother has always been my best friend.

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Re: Divorced parents...no money

  • ShesSoColdShesSoCold bend over and I'll show ya mod
    Moderator 5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its

    I agree with PPs. Your wedding is your (you and your FI)'s responsibility and if no one can/will/wants to help you, you pay for it yourself. H and I paid for our wedding 100% and my parents were both financially okay. I actually just realized now that my mom bought a brand new car while I was wedding planning. And I was happy for her because she'd never had a new car before.

    Get over yourself. And delete that gofundme - that's disgusting.

    Image result for someecard betting someone half your shit youll love them forever
    OliveOilsMom[Deleted User]KristenLovesScottKnickerGold
  • Could you cut the DJ?  We rented speakers for about 1/10th of the price of a DJ in our area and used a Spotify playlist.  We had dancing the whole time through.  It was more work for us, but definitely worth it. 

    Also, with the caterer, did you look at local restaurants as well as more typical caterers?  We used a local Italian restaurant and it came out to $15 per person for apps and dinner, and was very, very tasty.  And we got married in a very expensive area of the country.

    Are there any other non-essentials you could downsize/cut?  Decorations, flowers, programs, rental cars, etc?

    I think PP covered the asking for money well enough.  But you and your FI might want to look into learning about budgeting more for the future.  You don't want to have this problem again with your next large purchase/expense.
    [Deleted User]wink0erinshort+sassy
  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Your parents are under no obligation to pay for your wedding. Did they spend 18 years raising you, feeding you and providing you with a roof over your head? Then their job is done. Call them both and thank them. And then apologize for treating them like a bank you can withdraw from whenever you want. 

    And an Go Fund Me? Are you kidding? How disgusting. Pay for your own wedding. 

    [Deleted User]KristenLovesScottkkcc2015KnickerGold
  • I am not trying to be rude, but the PPs are correct.  From the parental guilt trip to the gofundme account, you sound very entitled and immature in your assumption that other people should have to pay for a very expensive and OPTIONAL party on your behalf. 

    If you want to have a wedding, you must go in with the assumption that you will pay for everything yourself and not expect any assistance from third parties.  If you receive help or someone offers, then it will be very welcome!  If not, you will have everything covered because you are an adult with responsibilities who understands budgeting and the significance of proper planning. 

    Learning to live within your means is an important lesson that it seems you have not learned, or else you would not be planning a party that you are not able to afford. 

    hellohkb
  • jacques27jacques27 member
    Knottie Warrior 500 Love Its 1000 Comments 5 Answers
    edited January 2016
    If you aren't adult enough to figure out how to pay for things you want, perhaps you aren't adult enough to get married. No one is owed a wedding. You are the exact same amount of married for the cost of a license and a JOP wedding as you are with a catered dinner and a DJ. If you want all the extras, it is your responsibility to pay for it by yourself. So you can postpone until you can afford what you want or cut everything until it costs what you can afford. Those are your two options. You are not entitled to anything else from anyone else.
    lc07InLoveInQueenshellohkb
  • Wedding = couple who is legally able to be married, officiant, marriage license, legal witnesses.  You can't afford this yourself?
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    tigerlily6[Deleted User]
  • flantasticflantastic The Midwest member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Has anyone contributed to the GoFundMe? No? That's because no one else sees it as their responsibility to make sure you have the wedding you want. Because it isn't their responsibility.

    If you want to be married, pay for the sort of celebration that you and your FI can afford with the money you've saved. Or save it for something else and go to the courthouse. You will be married either way.


  • Seriously, take down the GoFundMe page now. Hopefully you haven't sent it to friends/family or posted it on social media yet. Save yourself the embarrassment. (not embarrassing that you are struggling for money, but embarrassing that you're crowd funding for a party)  It's nobody's job to pay for your wedding but you and your FI. 
    --

    glasgowtolondonbohobrideCA
  • What the actual fuck?

    I've always thought the gofundme brides were just urban legend. Thanks for proving me wrong. If it weren't so easy to actually see your gofundme page I might have thought you were just here to start drama, but no. You actually are that tacky. 


                 
    ScottishSarahInLoveInQueensKristenLovesScott
  • Hey everyone.

    So I have been engaged for 2 years now and have been saving up with my fiancée the best I can, but with the other bills I have and having to work around my school schedule, I still need help. I have been talking to my mother constantly about it, and she acts like I'm overreacting..by the way my wedding is in June 2016..less than 5 months away. I have tried my best to go cheap with things and am staying under a $6,000 budget. I have pretty much everything planned, but there are just those big ticket items that have to be paid for. The deposit for the DJ and caterer is coming up in the next week...

    So my mother is currently panning a trip to New York in March...yet she says she doesn't have extra money to help me.

    My father is recently remarried(parents divorced in 2012), and he acts like he has no money.(He just put in a new pool and bought a new car).

    It makes me really sad that my parents don't seem to want to help me because I feel I have been a good daughter and have never asked for big or fancy things before. I have even down-sized my wedding and have made it more casual to help with costs.

    My fiancée and I have started selling things we don't use to get extra money and I put us on gofundme.com. I just don't know what to do and am hurt because my mother has always been my best friend.

    Ok I haven't read any other comments but here goes...your parents are allowed to spend their money however they want. Its theirs. 

    Gofundme is tacky, sorry. If you can't afford to get married and can't save 6000 in 2 years, don't have a big wedding. Go to a courthouse simple ceremony.

    Posts like this irritate me. I work 2 full time jobs to help pay for our wedding since FI cannot right now. I get everyone's situation is different but seriously if you cant afford to get married....Don't.

    tigerlily6SP29InLoveInQueens
  • What the actual fuck?

    I've always thought the gofundme brides were just urban legend. Thanks for proving me wrong. If it weren't so easy to actually see your gofundme page I might have thought you were just here to start drama, but no. You actually are that tacky. 


    Here's hoping she's just a very elaborate, thorough troll...
    kimmiinthemittencrowsgirl15
  • kimmiinthemittenkimmiinthemitten Detroit, MI member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    missfrodo said:
    What the actual fuck?

    I've always thought the gofundme brides were just urban legend. Thanks for proving me wrong. If it weren't so easy to actually see your gofundme page I might have thought you were just here to start drama, but no. You actually are that tacky. 


    Here's hoping she's just a very elaborate, thorough troll...
    Because if not, engagement photos were in the budget, and higher priority  than the venue.
    image
    glasgowtolondon
  • If you haven't sent out invites or STD yet, review your guest list. Is there anyone you can cut? How many people on your guest list are people you have regular interactions with and how many are maybe old high school friends that you only communicate with through facebook. Go through your list & start figuring out who are your VIP/would be sad if they weren't there and then who are the list but you don't have a regular relationship with. Then figure how many people you can afford to host. Then you can tell your parents each (if you want) based on our budget this is how many people each of you can invite. If they aren't happy with the amount of guests you are allowing them, then you can tell them, then if they would like to invite more, they would need to pay for the additional guests. But remember, when you figure out a person price, it isn't just the price the venue gives you. Each guest will cost you dinner, invite, postage for invite, thank you card & postage for thank you card, the need for larger cake, more seating & the more tables you add, the more linens & centerpieces you'll need and if you have favor, those too.
    thecabreras
  • jacques27 said:
    What the actual fuck?

    I've always thought the gofundme brides were just urban legend. Thanks for proving me wrong. If it weren't so easy to actually see your gofundme page I might have thought you were just here to start drama, but no. You actually are that tacky. 


    Nope. They are a real, self absorbed thing.  I really have to wonder what goes through their minds. Maybe if OP comes back she can enlighten us. Because when I go to gofundme, what I see on the main page is a campaign to bring safe drinking water to an entire city being poisoned by theirs, a plea from a mother to raise enough money to bring her cancer-ridden child on a ventilator home to get treatment and most likely die with her family, and a fund to rescue malnourished and mistreated animals who were left to die.  So what is the thought process there that makes you see that and then go "yeah, people should totally give me their hard-earned money for my PARTY that I couldn't figure out how to save and budget for myself. F#ck making sure people have access to clean water necessary to keep living. My party is totally a worthy cause."  How does one get there?
    Here's a good article that laments this sort of thing.

    http://www.usnews.com/opinion/blogs/susan-milligan/2015/07/07/amber-roofs-gofundme-campaign-oversteps-boundaries-of-charity

    lyndausvi
  • Apparently my post was misunderstood. I do not expect anything from my parents. I was simply asking if anyone else has had problems with their parents saying they would help pay and then back out. There is no reason to be rude. Honestly, no one needs to be questioning my immaturity. My fiancée and I do have a budget, by the way and am sticking to it, but we also think ahead in the future.

    There are some really tacky things on this board and some of you need to step back and not judge.

    [Deleted User]
  • missfrodo said:
    What the actual fuck?

    I've always thought the gofundme brides were just urban legend. Thanks for proving me wrong. If it weren't so easy to actually see your gofundme page I might have thought you were just here to start drama, but no. You actually are that tacky. 


    Here's hoping she's just a very elaborate, thorough troll...
    Because if not, engagement photos were in the budget, and higher priority  than the venue.
    Well of course they were! OP deserves all the wedding shit she's dreamed of since she was a little girl, amirite guys?! Paying for it isn't in the dream though, so out comes the begging bowl and away with dignity and any sense of shame.

    Did anyone else see the other couple that came up in the search? They were asking for $2000 dollars for wedding flowers. JUST FOR FLOWERS! One of the necessities listed was a floral archway. Basically my faith in humanity has been shaken today.


                 
    [Deleted User]cowgirl8238kimmiinthemittenInLoveInQueens
  • Erikan73, thank you for a mature and helpful comment. I appreciate your help.
  • Wow. Many people gave good advice. If you don't like the way they said it, maybe you should rethink posting this kind of thing on the internet. You cannot control how others respond, and it's up to you to provide back story, and to know what you can and cannot handle for criticism. I am assuming you're a legal adult. I suggest you re-read this thread when you've had some time to think about it, to take in more of the advice when you're more receptive to it.






    JediElizabeth
  • Alright wow I am appalled by the amount of hate on this thread. This girl is trying to get married and have a wedding- she is asking for advice, not your criticism. By the way, having just been married, hosting a wedding is not really about the bride and groom so much as it is about pleasing the guests. For those who elope or only go to courthouse- it's a self thing. But when you want to invite all your friends and family and the friends and family of your parents as well, I can understand wanting their help (ESPECIALLY if they had led you to believe that they would help pay for your wedding one day). I know that a lot of people lead much harsher lives and have needed to "grow up" quickly. That clearly isn't the case for everyone and there's nothing wrong with that. 

    OP, I have a client who is getting married at the courthouse BUT hosting a reception for all their friends and family. They saved costs on the ceremony which helps a little. Sometimes a simple "party" is much cheaper than a wedding. Photographers, DJ's, even catering will be cheaper when you say it's a party rather than a wedding.  As much as I hate to recommend this- if you or your FI have any friends who work in the industry who will help you out (even for trade if you have something you can offer them) or if you post an ad on craigslist explaining you're trying to keep your wedding low budget- while you will not get the best quality in all your vendors- there are people out there dying to build their portfolio. But these options might be much better than a gofundme. 
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