Snarky Brides

Mom pestering me to ask SIL to be bridesmaid

My mom is trying to convince me that I should ask my  younger brother's wife to be a bridesmaid. She and I are not that close - she's nice, but we don't have a lot in common.

I told my mom a) I don't want to have a bigger wedding party because the 5 bridesmaids I have are already close to being too many, imo b) it would be awkward to invite someone to be a bridesmaid months after you have already established your wedding party. 

I pointed out that neither of my sisters' husbands are in the wedding party, but  told my mom I would find another way for her to be involved in the wedding somehow. It's a non-religious ceremony tho, I'm not sure what a meaningful role would be. 

It's annoying because I am the "nice" sibling who gives in on almost everything so my mom is doing her best to guilt me - because my SIL doesn't have sisters she keeps saying how meaningful it would be, blah blah blah. 

am I being unreasonable? 9/10 times I give in on things so it's hard for me judge if I am being a bitch. 



Re: Mom pestering me to ask SIL to be bridesmaid

  • flantasticflantastic The Midwest member
    Eighth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited October 2016
    My mom is trying to convince me that I should ask my  younger brother's wife to be a bridesmaid. She and I are not that close - she's nice, but we don't have a lot in common.

    I told my mom a) I don't want to have a bigger wedding party because the 5 bridesmaids I have are already close to being too many, imo b) it would be awkward to invite someone to be a bridesmaid months after you have already established your wedding party. 

    I pointed out that neither of my sisters' husbands are in the wedding party, but  told my mom I would find another way for her to be involved in the wedding somehow. It's a non-religious ceremony tho, I'm not sure what a meaningful role would be. 

    It's annoying because I am the "nice" sibling who gives in on almost everything so my mom is doing her best to guilt me - because my SIL doesn't have sisters she keeps saying how meaningful it would be, blah blah blah. 

    am I being unreasonable? 9/10 times I give in on things so it's hard for me judge if I am being a bitch. 



    Your wedding party is no one's business but your own, and you should only include those you're close to. So you're being very reasonable.

    You're right that it would seem like an awkward afterthought to ask your SIL now anyway (although any number of bridesmaids is fine in general).

    **Quote Edited by Mod to Update Change in Quoted Username**
    [Deleted User]holyguacamole79levioosa
  • Just tell you Mom, "No."
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    [Deleted User]InLoveInQueens
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Ninth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    You're not being unreasonable.  It's not up to your mother who is in the wedding party.  Tell her that the subject is closed.
    [Deleted User]
  • JaxInBlueJaxInBlue member
    Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 1000 Comments Name Dropper
    edited October 2016

    I pointed out that neither of my sisters' husbands are in the wedding party, but  told my mom I would find another way for her to be involved in the wedding somehow. It's a non-religious ceremony tho, I'm not sure what a meaningful role would be. 

    Ughh.. boxes...

    Agree with PPs.  Your wedding party, your call.  

    To the meaningful role part, the best thing to do would be to ask her to do a reading.  It's really the only other honor role.  Things like program person or guest book attendant are more jobs than honors.  But reader, or musical soloist if she is talented, would be appropriate roles to consider and don't require that you have a religious service. 

    **Quote Editted by Mod to Update Change in Quoted Username**
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  • climbingsingleclimbingsingle NYC 'burbs member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    You are 100% in the right. Don't ask her. You could have her doing a reading during the ceremony if you really want. I had one of my best fdrie
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    CMGragain said:
    Just tell you Mom, "No."
    This.  And I wouldn't include her in another way.  You don't want her in your wedding.  Period.  There is nothing wrong with that.  

    [Deleted User]
  • CMGragain said:
    Just tell you Mom, "No."
    "No." is a complete sentence.  

    "Mom, if it's so important to let SIL be a bridesmaid, why don't you divorce and remarry dad and have her be YOUR bridesmaid?  She is not mine."
    scrunchythiefInLoveInQueensJackie_Jormpjompspockforprez
  • HeffalumpHeffalump member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited October 2016
    Jackie_Jormpjomp said:

    It's annoying because I am the "nice" sibling who gives in on almost everything so my mom is doing her best to guilt me - because my SIL doesn't have sisters she keeps saying how meaningful it would be, blah blah blah.

    If someone has to explicitly tell you that something would be meaningful, then it's probably not that meaningful.

    Your instincts are correct, I would shut this down.
    levioosaShesSoColdegirl2015
  • I agree with PPs, but also, her having or not having sisters is immaterial to her being in your party. If she were your blood sister, you would not be obligated to have her in the party. If she has close friends who are married, she's probably already found herself in at least one bridal party for them. 

    But even if not, being in your bridal party is not a consolation prize for being in the bridal party of someone she's actually really close to. 
    [Deleted User]
  • Nope, nope, nope.

    My SIL (older brother's wife) has been hinting at the fact that I haven't asked her to be in my wedding yet, according to my mom. It will stay that way. I don't want her in my wedding.

    If you don't want your SIL in yours, you shouldn't ask her to be in your wedding. Don't feel bad about that. Just because she has no sisters doesn't mean she'll never be in a wedding. Only one of my BMs is a sister. The other two are longtime friends.





    Jackie_Jormpjomp
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    Tell your mom no and that the subject is closed. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
  • adk19 said:
    CMGragain said:
    Just tell you Mom, "No."
    "No." is a complete sentence.  

    "Mom, if it's so important to let SIL be a bridesmaid, why don't you divorce and remarry dad and have her be YOUR bridesmaid?  She is not mine."
    Love this response. I had DS when I was 33. Years before that my mom kept telling me how much she wanted another baby to snuggle (meaning I should have one). My response was similar - get pregnant and have your own then. 
    [Deleted User]
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