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XP Pre-nups: yay or nay?

edited January 2016 in Chit Chat
I was just thinking about this today for the first time. It just crossed my mind randomly (or not so randomly since I work as a legal assistant and read about other peoples' legal issues regularly, mostly real estate disputes and bankruptcy). I am not wealthy and neither is my FH. We don't have kids from previous marriages. We did just buy a house together. We do have joint accounts and we put all or most of our income into them. I see us growing old together and loving each other until we die. But of course, no one gets married thinking they'll divorce - at least I hope not! So, what is it with pre-nups? I feel like I've gotten the impression somehow that it's the responsible thing to do before you get married. I have questions though:

If neither one of us has an estate or a large income or large bank accounts, do we still do it? Or is it silly? Like literally would a lawyer laugh at us (in their head I hope at least)?

Have you gotten a prenup or are you going to? Why or why not? What stipulations and such are important to think about? 

Any other thoughts?

p.s. Cross posted because I didn't know where to start this topic.
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Re: XP Pre-nups: yay or nay?

  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    We didn't sign a prenup.   Although I think it's a good idea to have one in a lot of situations.   

    You do not know what the future will bring.  If you have known inheritances in the future then it's a good idea.   Is anyone planning on opening their own business? Another reason to get one.       Either of you entering the marriage with a great deal of debt?  Another reason to get one.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
    vikinganna87
  • I think that pre-nups are for when one person is coming into the marriage with significant assets that they earned previous to the relationship, that they wish to protect should their be a divorce. I could see there potentially being a benefit to having one if one partner earns SIGNIFICANTLY more money than the other.

    DH and I do not have a pre-nup. We dated many years before we got married, thus started out "poor" from our parents homes with student debt, and have grown financially together. We have each other listed as beneficiaries on things like benefits and our big financial savings- though that is more to do with death than divorce. While DH makes more money than I and has more money saved up, I feel like neither of us has anything we really need to protect. Since most of the financial gains have occurred since we've been living common law, that would get split up equally anyway. I like to think *IF* we ever divorced (obviously this is something I can never imagine happening!), we would do so amicably and be reasonable. I know this is not always the case, and even if it isn't, though DH makes more money than I, I still have a good job with a good wage, so it's not like I'd be able to "take him for everything he's got" in court. 

    I also do not know of any friends or family members who have signed pre-nups. 

    Pre-nups are weird to me. In some ways, I get it- like if partner A has a family farm (s)he inherited, and then A and B get divorced, I don't think partner B should be entitled to half the farm, or be able to make A sell the farm for half the money. Or if partner A was already very wealthy owning his/her own business and partner B works for minimum wage and while married, B enjoyed a lavish lifestyle; I don't think that B is necessarily entitled to continue to enjoy this lavish lifestyle at partner A's expense even after the divorce, or have some sort of claim to the company profits/shares. 

    But at the same time, if a family home was bought together, that is a shared asset and should be divided. Or, if partner A was the bread winner and partner B was a SAHM- and that is something A and B decided together, because that is how they chose to raise their family. If a divorce happens, I do think B is entitled to half the assets earned once the marriage happened and is entitled to some sort of spousal support. It's not partner B's "fault" that she gave up her career and is now out of the field/ has no experience because A and B decided it was important their children have a parent at home. Partner A was essentially earning the wage for two in order to support the way he (only saying he since I'm using the SAHM example) wanted to raise his children. 
    Pinksatin91016
  • My uncle, who gets rather paranoid about money, has bothered me about getting a pre-nup. It's a bit annoying, but I know it comes from a good place in his heart. And, independently, I have not completely ruled out trying to get something signed, even though FI and I are both pretty broke students and don't own much in the way of assets for splitting at this point (except our dog -- if anything happens, I am totally claiming the dog -- you all are my witnesses here). My main concern with a pre-nup? That the cost of getting one drafted would be worth more than our fair shares of stuff anyway. 
                        


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  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    edited January 2016
    My daughter and her husband got a pre-nup.  It was a wedding gift from her attorney friend.  He offered, and they accepted.
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  • lyndausvi said:
    Is anyone planning on opening their own business? Another reason to get one.       Either of you entering the marriage with a great deal of debt?  Another reason to get one.
    These are good things to consider. 

    Once you marry, you take on your spouse's debt. I would hope financial matters are discussed prior to marriage, including how to handle the debt, but if it's something unable to be paid off in a reasonable period of time, it would be worth considering the pre-nup...

    DH and I both came into the marriage with school debt (well we were living common law while accumulating this debt), but we've both paid off our student loans within 1.5 years of being married. 

  •  Our prenup just spells out the contractual part of our marriage- how we plan to keep our finances, file our taxes, purchase real estate, etc. We even sealed the deal with a postnup- a document that we signed AFTER our wedding to reaffirm our wishes. Just like getting a will or living trust (which we also have), it just details our wishes on paper and makes them official.
    Can you explain this a bit more?

    Similar to CMGragain's situation, how does this differ from a living will?

    My dad is getting re-married. Both he and his FI have children and their own finances (his FI more than he). They have a living will, regarding what happens should one pass ($X to spouse, $Y split between the deceased spouse's children, things like that). They have done this pre-marriage, but I understand it as a living will. 

    InLoveInQueens
  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    edited January 2016
    SP29 said:
    I think that pre-nups are for when one person is coming into the marriage with significant assets that they earned previous to the relationship, that they wish to protect should their be a divorce. I could see there potentially being a benefit to having one if one partner earns SIGNIFICANTLY more money than the other.

    DH and I do not have a pre-nup. We dated many years before we got married, thus started out "poor" from our parents homes with student debt, and have grown financially together. We have each other listed as beneficiaries on things like benefits and our big financial savings- though that is more to do with death than divorce. While DH makes more money than I and has more money saved up, I feel like neither of us has anything we really need to protect. Since most of the financial gains have occurred since we've been living common law, that would get split up equally anyway. I like to think *IF* we ever divorced (obviously this is something I can never imagine happening!), we would do so amicably and be reasonable. I know this is not always the case, and even if it isn't, though DH makes more money than I, I still have a good job with a good wage, so it's not like I'd be able to "take him for everything he's got" in court. 

    I also do not know of any friends or family members who have signed pre-nups. 

    Pre-nups are weird to me. In some ways, I get it- like if partner A has a family farm (s)he inherited, and then A and B get divorced, I don't think partner B should be entitled to half the farm, or be able to make A sell the farm for half the money. Or if partner A was already very wealthy owning his/her own business and partner B works for minimum wage and while married, B enjoyed a lavish lifestyle; I don't think that B is necessarily entitled to continue to enjoy this lavish lifestyle at partner A's expense even after the divorce, or have some sort of claim to the company profits/shares. 

    But at the same time, if a family home was bought together, that is a shared asset and should be divided. Or, if partner A was the bread winner and partner B was a SAHM- and that is something A and B decided together, because that is how they chose to raise their family. If a divorce happens, I do think B is entitled to half the assets earned once the marriage happened and is entitled to some sort of spousal support. It's not partner B's "fault" that she gave up her career and is now out of the field/ has no experience because A and B decided it was important their children have a parent at home. Partner A was essentially earning the wage for two in order to support the way he (only saying he since I'm using the SAHM example) wanted to raise his children. 
    My late mother's divorce from my ex-step father was a nasty one.  There was no pre-nup.  After four years of marriage, he wanted half of her house because he had added an addition on to it to allow for his kids to have rooms.  He tried to force the sale of her house, which she had owned for 8 years.  He didn't get it.  A pre-nup would have prevented a lot of legal fees.  The big jerk got married again as soon as the divorce was final, and that marriage didn't make it, either.  His poor kids!
    When we sold the house after Mom went to a senior adult community, she took a $30,000 cut in the value of her house because that damn addition was falling apart.
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  • edited January 2016
    Thank you guys for your replies. I am curious to hear how common or uncommon it is too so thank you for sharing. @SP29 , your post was educational, thank you for the examples. [eta: a lot of posts that were added while I was typing this were also educational to me] We have little in the way of assets now and I don't think too much debt. I've paid my students loans all off but he is still in school and still has loans (was in the army first so is an older student). We plan on keeping our incomes combined and I also also plan on taking on his debt when we're married.

    I think the only situation I'd have to worry about if we divorced is if I became a SAHM after he graduates if he makes a good enough income for that and then I'm left with no career. I guess I'd live. Which would also suck because at this point in our relationship, my finances are in way better condition than his (no debt, excellent credit, etc., even though I'm not wealthy). I guess I don't see us being divorced so I shouldn't need to worry at all, but I think you are supposed to be prepared for the worst? I don't know... are you? But then, I think we are both such good reasonable people that neither of us would throw the other under the bus in the case of divorce and we'd want to make sure the other is taken care of I think. 

    I don't know what to say. this makes me feel gross and selfish to think about but I think it's probably important to at least consider. I just never hear people talk about pre-nups (except like, with regard to celebrities and that's not most people), it makes me curious. It seems like it's taboo to talk about, but it's something I think needs to be more easy to talk about!
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  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    edited January 2016
    The reason DH's parents wanted me to sign a pre-nup was that they were afraid that I was after his potential inheritance.  This was a great deal of money.  We were married in 1976.  He didn't inherit until last year.  His step-mother is still sitting on all the family mementos, and we aren't even allowed into the house.  FIL didn't get a pre-nup when he remarried after MIL's death.  Huge mistake!
    We are spending the money with the lawyer to be sure that our children will never have any issues with our estate.  The will is written so that any subsequent spouses will not have access to the money, only his income.  No gold digger is gonna take my DH for a ride!
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    SP29
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    Pre-nups are used for death too.  For example, if you had some money you can put in the prenup that any kids get whatever asset and not the spouse.  That way it's up front and the spouse not getting anything can't go back and say they didn't know or they were flat out surprised.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
    SP29
  • SP29SP29 member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited January 2016
    I think the only situation I'd have to worry about if we divorced is if I became a SAHM after he graduates if he makes a good enough income for that and then I'm left with no career. I guess I'd live. Which would also suck because at this point in our relationship, my finances are in way better condition than his (no debt, excellent credit, etc., even though I'm not wealthy). I guess I don't see us being divorced so I shouldn't need to worry at all, but I think you are supposed to be prepared for the worst? I don't know... are you? But then, I think we are both such good reasonable people that neither of us would throw the other under the bus in the case of divorce and we'd want to make sure the other is taken care of I think. 

    **BOXES**

    We've talked about combining finances, but we still keep ours separate. And I'm cool with that. I suggested we have a joint account for household expenses as well as our individual accounts, but we haven't that yet ;). So far it's worked out, because even though our money is separate, we work together. It's not "well this is MY money so I'm not paying for YOUR expense".... which was part of the problem in my parent's marriage. They had split finances and they split up the bills- dad paid A,B,C and mom paid D,E,F. But the problem was when dad's expenses went up, mom didn't want to contribute. Not to put this all on her- my dad is also more liberal with his money, where as my mom is thrifty, so I imagine she probably felt his money issues were "his fault"- blame on both sides I think!

    Anyway... my point being, DH and I are very not like that. All the expenses are ours. At the same time, IF we ever divorced, we still have our own savings, so it's not like one of us would be shit out of luck or fighting for half of the other's.

    Regarding your SAHM comment... this can be tricky. Unfortunately this happened to MIL when she and FIL divorced. MIL worked as a bank teller. She gave up her job when she married FIL to be a stay at home mom. FIL owned his own company (which she did help out with, though she didn't get paid). When they divorced, MIL had main custody (FIL got every other weekend). Around this time FIL's company went bankrupt; I'm not sure of the exact time frame on all of this, but essentially FIL was not paying spousal or child support. There was also other drama regarding the way the split happened and MIL leaving with the kids. So, here is MIL, essentially single mother of two, no savings, no job (and she had been out long enough she did not have the updated skills needed to return to the same position), now living off welfare. She did eventually end up getting a minimum wage job (unfortunately she did not start out with a lot of training/education/skills to start with). DH and his siblings grew up fine (well I think DH grew up more than fine! ;) ), but they grew up living below the poverty line. 

    Granted, FIL did lose his company and had a bunch of debt, so even if MIL had pushed it in court, it's not like she would've gotten much support out of him, because he didn't have much to give.

    So I am not entirely sure what the point of my story is! Just something to think about. Fortunately my parents separated amicably and figured out finances and raising the children between themselves (my parents both always worked full time, but they split the house and who would pay for what regarding us kids). 

    I can absolutely see the benefit of one if one person has an inheritance or other large assets such as real estate or a business. Or to protect an inheritance directed towards children. 
  • Jells2dot0Jells2dot0 Cowtown mod
    Moderator Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited January 2016
    SP29 said:
     Our prenup just spells out the contractual part of our marriage- how we plan to keep our finances, file our taxes, purchase real estate, etc. We even sealed the deal with a postnup- a document that we signed AFTER our wedding to reaffirm our wishes. Just like getting a will or living trust (which we also have), it just details our wishes on paper and makes them official.
    Can you explain this a bit more?

    Similar to CMGragain's situation, how does this differ from a living will?

    My dad is getting re-married. Both he and his FI have children and their own finances (his FI more than he). They have a living will, regarding what happens should one pass ($X to spouse, $Y split between the deceased spouse's children, things like that). They have done this pre-marriage, but I understand it as a living will. 

    Our prenup mentions nothing about what happens beyond death or incapacitation. It only pertains to what happens during our marriage or upon divorce. Example- in our prenup, we have designated all of my h's asses or debts to be solely his, with the exception of our primary residence. However, upon his death, it all goes into a trust that gets split- 50% to me and the other half to his kids. The prenup does not mention directions upon death and the living trust does not mention what happens during the marriage or upon divorce.  

    ETA- a living trust does not typically separate what would typically be community property in a marriage. It just spells out who can make decisions of the trustee becomes incapacitated or dies and how the estate- community property or not, is to be dispersed. Our living trust gives directions upon death, power of attorney, and division of the estate. But, if you want to legally separate finances and avoid community property rules, you have to have a separate legal document. 

     







    SP29
  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    edited January 2016
    SP29 said:
     Our prenup just spells out the contractual part of our marriage- how we plan to keep our finances, file our taxes, purchase real estate, etc. We even sealed the deal with a postnup- a document that we signed AFTER our wedding to reaffirm our wishes. Just like getting a will or living trust (which we also have), it just details our wishes on paper and makes them official.
    Can you explain this a bit more?

    Similar to CMGragain's situation, how does this differ from a living will?

    My dad is getting re-married. Both he and his FI have children and their own finances (his FI more than he). They have a living will, regarding what happens should one pass ($X to spouse, $Y split between the deceased spouse's children, things like that). They have done this pre-marriage, but I understand it as a living will. 

    A Living Will controls what happens to you when you are still alive, but not able to make your own decisions.  Our attorney is drawing one up for each of us.  This is completely separate from the Last Will and Testament that controls what happens to our assets after one, or both of us die.

    I am having some minor surgery in March, and I will be unconscious during it.  I will bring the Living Will with me when I check into the hospital.  If something goes wrong (It shouldn't.) then the living will gives the power of decision making to my husband.  He decides if and when to pull the plug on life extending medical equipment, such as a respirator. 

    My life is coming to and end, and I need to make plans for this.  I do not want to be a hunk of warm meat with a beating heart.  If my brain is gone, pull the plug!  He will also be able to order a DNR if things go wrong.  If we were to be in an accident together, and both of us would be incapacitated, then our daughter is designated the person with this medical power of attorney.  You really need to think ahead.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    Pinksatin91016
  • @CMGragain Thanks for explaining the difference. 

    I am sorry this is something you have to think about in your daily life, but you are definitely being smart about it! I work in a hospital, so I'm familiar with with guardianship/trustee/POA, and most people do not have these things established. It can be very sad even being a healthcare provider watching from the outside to see a patient's family fighting over what the goals of care are, or a spouse who now has to make the decision on when to "pull the plug". 
  • I'm not a lawyer, but you need to consult one to find out whether a pre-nup is enforceable in your area. I know a couple of people who have had pre-nups only to have them superceded by fair marriage laws during divorce proceedings.
    Pinksatin91016InLoveInQueens
  • kimmiinthemittenkimmiinthemitten Detroit, MI member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    FI and I plan to have a prenup.

    First, technically he owns our house (mortgage) but we're both on the land deed.  It I pay 60% of the mortgage and this can be backed up with bank statements. As of right now, in divorce in MI a shared home is automatically divided in half but what if that law changes?

    Secondly, FI has a state sponsored pension, a 403B and could possibly be named in 2 trusts. If we get divorced, depending on the amount of time we've spent together, I could fight for half of his pension and trusts and that's just not fair. Heaven forbid we ever get divorced and even worse we are  *that* couple divorcing; he works hard and deserves his pension.

    Finally, and likewise, I make 30-50% more than FI in any given year and I deserve to keep my income (especially because I don't have a pension, just a 401K).

    And if we never get divorced, none of this matters.  So why not set the terms of the breakup when you still love each other and want the best for each other. 
    image
    MyNameIsNotanjemonwink0erin
  • My uncle, who gets rather paranoid about money, has bothered me about getting a pre-nup. It's a bit annoying, but I know it comes from a good place in his heart. And, independently, I have not completely ruled out trying to get something signed, even though FI and I are both pretty broke students and don't own much in the way of assets for splitting at this point (except our dog -- if anything happens, I am totally claiming the dog -- you all are my witnesses here). My main concern with a pre-nup? That the cost of getting one drafted would be worth more than our fair shares of stuff anyway. 
    Just because I know (pretty sure I've read) you and your FI are Catholic, make sure you check with your priest before getting a pre-nup. There are exceptions, but a lot of them are not allowed in our church.  Most of the exceptions have to do with children from previous marriages or splitting assets in the event of death.  But they can make a Catholic marriage invalid. (The above is not to the OP, unless she's having a Catholic wedding).

    To OP, PPs are much more knowledgable about this topic than I am, but you mentioned being worried about what would happen if you became a SAHM and then you divorced.  I'm not in the legal profession at all, but I've heard of similar cases where spousal support is paid in cases like that as part of the divorce settlement, especially if the spouse had been out of the workforce for a long time.  But if you're concerned a prenup might help spell that out a bit better.

    Another thing that would help with that particular concern would be to talk more in depth with your FI about what you being a SAHM would look like (if you haven't already).  I currently am one, but I plan to go back to get my masters, and eventually back to work part, then full time, as DD gets older. My mom also said she wished she worked part time when we were younger, for her own personal fulfillment. 
    holyguacamole79Pinksatin91016
  • I'm not a lawyer, but you need to consult one to find out whether a pre-nup is enforceable in your area. I know a couple of people who have had pre-nups only to have them superceded by fair marriage laws during divorce proceedings.
    The biggest mistake people make is not getting separate attorneys. Each person needs their own attorney to represent them if they want a hope of it being upheld if needed.
    short+sassy


  •  Our prenup just spells out the contractual part of our marriage- how we plan to keep our finances, file our taxes, purchase real estate, etc. We even sealed the deal with a postnup- a document that we signed AFTER our wedding to reaffirm our wishes. Just like getting a will or living trust (which we also have), it just details our wishes on paper and makes them official.
    ^^^ THIS 


    Pinksatin91016
  • thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 City By The Lake member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    I was concerned about a prenuptial agreement for our student loans. We also had separate property going into our marriage. Look at your state laws on marriage before going for a prenuptial because marriage laws may already protect you. If DH dies, his student loans die with him. And he just confirmed he'd never make me pay them if we divorced ;)
    ________________________________


  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    I was concerned about a prenuptial agreement for our student loans. We also had separate property going into our marriage. Look at your state laws on marriage before going for a prenuptial because marriage laws may already protect you. If DH dies, his student loans die with him. And he just confirmed he'd never make me pay them if we divorced ;)
    You can move to another state during your marriage and laws change. 

    @jells2dot0 moved from AZ to TX (and hopefully back to AZ soon).   I've lived in LA, IN and CO.    You never know what the future holds.  So saying your state protects you now doesn't mean it will 20 years from now.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
    MyNameIsNotPinksatin91016kimmiinthemittenshort+sassy
  • thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 City By The Lake member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    @lyndausvi that's a great point.
    ________________________________


  • Jells2dot0Jells2dot0 Cowtown mod
    Moderator Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    lyndausvi said:
    I was concerned about a prenuptial agreement for our student loans. We also had separate property going into our marriage. Look at your state laws on marriage before going for a prenuptial because marriage laws may already protect you. If DH dies, his student loans die with him. And he just confirmed he'd never make me pay them if we divorced ;)
    You can move to another state during your marriage and laws change. 

    @jells2dot0 moved from AZ to TX (and hopefully back to AZ soon).   I've lived in LA, IN and CO.    You never know what the future holds.  So saying your state protects you now doesn't mean it will 20 years from now.
    OMG I really hope I move back soon!!!

    The comment above about having separate lawyers- so important! Even though we drafted the prenup together, I had a different lawyer than our family lawyer review it. We also worked with our lawyer to understand laws between the different states.

     







  • We have a common law agreement in place and will be converting it to a pre-nuptial agreement. We do have different financial backgrounds (he has family money, I have a pension) so for us, we wanted both the spirit of an agreement and the actual agreement in place. They can be fought in court but typically, if you have one, it usually stands. To get ours created was a few hundred dollars and we both retained separate counsel to ensure that we both understood the agreement and how it impacted us. Most of my friends have pre-nups and I'm finding it to be more common. Many happy marriages will turn unhappy and lead to divorce. I think it is best to plan for the worst and be pleased if you never need it. It is like insurance ...
    Pinksatin91016
  • We have one, H is the one that wanted it and didn't bring it up until a month before the wedding. Talk about stress. His big thing was protecting  the 2 houses he owned thanks to prior inheritance and also pension type benefits. Cash wise I have more in the bank and he has more in retirement but that's mostly bc he is older and makes more. Basically ours says each person keeps what they came in with. I never would have thought of going after my ex retirement accounts so it really surprised me he was worried (he is divorced but he "won" and kept the house and everything in it, she didn't get anything from it). 

    My my biggest concern was if we had kids and I ended up as a sahm I could be screwed in divorce since I'd have no right to any house and if I stopped earning a paycheck I'd be relying just on what I'd saved in bank accounts when I had worked. 

    To to be honest it still bugs me, but it definitely Factors into how I handle my money. I make sure that I am socking $$ away for the what ifs so that I don't have to worry about it. And if the time comes to be a SAHM he will be contributing monthly to our joint account that I would then use in lieu of using my savings for spending money. 
    SP29
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    kvruns said:
    We have one, H is the one that wanted it and didn't bring it up until a month before the wedding. Talk about stress. His big thing was protecting  the 2 houses he owned thanks to prior inheritance and also pension type benefits. Cash wise I have more in the bank and he has more in retirement but that's mostly bc he is older and makes more. Basically ours says each person keeps what they came in with. I never would have thought of going after my ex retirement accounts so it really surprised me he was worried (he is divorced but he "won" and kept the house and everything in it, she didn't get anything from it). 

    My my biggest concern was if we had kids and I ended up as a sahm I could be screwed in divorce since I'd have no right to any house and if I stopped earning a paycheck I'd be relying just on what I'd saved in bank accounts when I had worked. 

    To to be honest it still bugs me, but it definitely Factors into how I handle my money. I make sure that I am socking $$ away for the what ifs so that I don't have to worry about it. And if the time comes to be a SAHM he will be contributing monthly to our joint account that I would then use in lieu of using my savings for spending money. 
    FWIW, you aren't stuck. If you decided that you being a SAHM was important, part of that discussion could including adding an addendum to your pre-nup to protect you. 

    _________
    We don't have a pre-nup. We bought a condo together a while before we were married. As part of that purchase, we signed a contract that spelled out our rights and obligations related to that property. When we got married, the condo was pretty much our only major asset and debt, so there really wasn't anything else to put in a pre-nup. 
  • My mom just got remarried and she and her hubby had a prenup. Mainly for me and my brother and step brother  (I'm 21 and my brother is 7 and my step brother is 15 lol) it's a short term prenup. If they divorce in either 3 or 5 I can't remember which, then they only divide what's been acquired in the time they've been married. My mom has worked hard and has a lot of savings and other things are specifically for my brother and I so if they were to get divorced she didn't want to worry about what she's saved going to him. If they divorce after the five years then it has a different set of rules and only certain assets get divided while others are left out. It also states that if she were to pass, then I would become a main beneficiary for a few accounts/assets and I would then divide it equally with my brother. She has set aside a certain amount that would go to him to help cover funeral costs and help out with the house until he could find a different living arrangement but the rest of the money goes to us. She also wanted to do it so she wasn't taking away from his son who is like I said 15 and has special needs. She says she has her own money and whatever he has should go to his son and making his life more comfortable which I agree and so does he. They both have good salaries and my mom didn't think that either one of them should take away from us kids and once he took the time to listen he agreed. They are both well off, but my brother is 7 and who knows what could happen in the future and my step brother has special needs, we don't know what his adult life could turn into so it was protection for the children versus protection from each other. (If that makes sense?) 

    Pinksatin91016short+sassy
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