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Wedding 911

The "Bride" Stands Alone

My wedding is two weeks away and about two weeks ago my dad told me that he would not be contributing the money he agreed to over two years ago, when my fiancée and I got engaged. It came as a shock and left us with almost $8,000 in contracts we have to fulfill in two weeks. 

Through borrowing and scraping and credit cards there will be enough money but it gave me a concrete example of what I have been trying to vocalize for a while now. No one cares!

No one offered to throw us an engagement party, bridal party or anything. Almost 50% of our guest list declined, and if they even RSVPed it was accompanied with comments saying that it was "inconvenient", "too far(2 hr plane ride for the farthest guest)" or my personal favorite, "we're going to Las Vegas instead because that will be more fun." I haven't gotten to do any fun "bride" things and even planned my own bachelorette party. My sister got engaged 3 weeks ago and is already in the midst of celebrations and I feel that part of why my dad did not fulfill his promise was because of her upcoming wedding. In a nutshell, I am hurt, broke, jealous and exhausted. 

I have not enjoyed this engagement at all. Is it normal to just want to get the wedding over with?  Does anyone have words of wisdom or any advice on how to get my family to pretend for just a few days that this is important to them or how I handle them after the wedding?

Re: The "Bride" Stands Alone

  • I'm not counting on any bridal stuff either, my bests live in far away states and i don't have  lot of friends here. My dad paid for quite a bit of my sisters wedding a year and a half ago (bitched the entire tie but that's a different story) and my mom I'm 90% positive paid for my sisters entire wedding. But they can't help me. Mind you I didn't ask them to, I don't expect anything from them. 

    However... I get it. it sucks. But please enjoy your engagement. Do something fun with your love and focus on the two of you. That's all your marriage is about...you two. Personally I'd be glad if someone told me they were going somewhere more fun on my wedding day. One less person I need to waste time on, cause that was a dick move. 

    I've traveled more then 2 hours by plane to go to weddings, its not terribly fun, but I'd never complain to my friend or family getting married. I love them, I want to celebrate with them, I go. Or i simply say I cannot make it. 

    Maybe you need to reevaluate the people in your life, cause your people make me mad, not that they can't go, but for just complaining about it. 

    I haven't gotten much sleep lately so I've been rather blunt. I a m not tying to be offense I and I hope you have an amazing wedding with the people who come. Honestly, Id be heartbroken if people didn't come to my wedding, but as long as FI and I end up married, I'm good. 

    Internet hugs. 

    SP29OliveOilsMommadamerwinguilletskichuk
  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    edited January 2016
    My wedding is two weeks away and about two weeks ago my dad told me that he would not be contributing the money he agreed to over two years ago, when my fiancée and I got engaged. It came as a shock and left us with almost $8,000 in contracts we have to fulfill in two weeks. 

    Through borrowing and scraping and credit cards there will be enough money but it gave me a concrete example of what I have been trying to vocalize for a while now. No one cares!

    No one offered to throw us an engagement party, bridal party or anything. Almost 50% of our guest list declined, and if they even RSVPed it was accompanied with comments saying that it was "inconvenient", "too far(2 hr plane ride for the farthest guest)" or my personal favorite, "we're going to Las Vegas instead because that will be more fun." I haven't gotten to do any fun "bride" things and even planned my own bachelorette party. My sister got engaged 3 weeks ago and is already in the midst of celebrations and I feel that part of why my dad did not fulfill his promise was because of her upcoming wedding. In a nutshell, I am hurt, broke, jealous and exhausted. 

    I have not enjoyed this engagement at all. Is it normal to just want to get the wedding over with?  Does anyone have words of wisdom or any advice on how to get my family to pretend for just a few days that this is important to them or how I handle them after the wedding?
    Many brides do not have a happy experience planning their weddings.  Your family and friends will not change just because this is your wedding.  They are who they are, and if you expected them be any different, you were not being realistic.

    I am sorry that your Dad welshed on the money he promised you.  This is why we always advise brides to not count on any money for the wedding unless it is in your savings account.  Am I correct in assuming that your parents are divorced?  Your Dad did not break his promise to you because of your sister.  He broke his promise because he is not a trustworthy person.

    My daughter didn't get any showers.  My own shower was really a party for my narcissistic mother, and none of my friends were invited.  Showers are not necessary.
    Wait!  What?  You planned your own bachelorette party? NO!  You should have skipped this recently invented-by-the-wedding-industry activity.

    You cannot control your family or guests.  You cannot expect them to be anything other than who they actually are.  I am sorry they have disappointed you.  You should just focus on your new life as a married woman.  The future should look bright to you right now.  Good luck.  If Dad makes any other money promises to you in your future life, don't believe a word he says.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    SP29
  • LondonLisaLondonLisa London, UK member
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    It is rubbish that your father did that. It really is. But he didn't do it because of your sister- she didn't meet your dad and tell him to not give you money.

    Also, anytime you ask guests to get on a plane, you are asking something inconvenient. It may not seem it to you, but there is no way I could pay to fly for every wedding I was invited to this year. That is just the nature of having a wedding farther away than friend groups. It isn't about you- but about finances and time. I had to miss close friends and family weddings because I couldn't leave work at such a busy time. You didn't do anything wrong to plan it that way, and they aren't doing anything wrong by saying they can't go. 

    It is easier said than done, but you need to remember that happiness isn't a zero sum game. I know you are envious of other people's experiences, like your sister-but focus on the positive. She isn't taking your father's money. She isn't taking your parties. She isn't taking your happiness. 

    Most importantly: you don't stand alone (like your subject says). You have a soon to be husband who you can always count on and lean on when you feel down. Focus on that fact. You found someone that you want to spend s lifetime with (I know people that would be envious of that!). This wedding is about you two celebrating your love, and being surrounded by people who can make it. 
    SP29short+sassy
  • kimmiinthemittenkimmiinthemitten Detroit, MI member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    I don't blame you for feeling hurt, I would too, across the board.  Your wedding day is important to you and as such you want it to be important to your nearest and dearest as well.  However it'd be just as important if you were getting married in a courthouse.  The 15-45 minutes where you actually become married are what matters, the rest is just trimmings.  And yes, the trimmings are nice, but look at the declines and negative Nancy's as cutting the fat.  On your wedding day you'll be surrounded by the trimmings that matter. (Hugs)
    image
    cowgirl8238OurWildKingdom
  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom South Jersey member
    Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers

    Feeling hurt is natural after what has occurred during your wedding planning.  The wedding industry builds up the wedding planning process as ZOMG the happiest time in your life!!!!!!  But, unfortunately, that is not always the case and it makes the hurt worse for brides who don't have that happy planning experience.

    Since you are so close to your wedding, just focus on the fact that you will be marrying your best friend.  Don't worry about attendance of your guests, the only other person who matters to you is your FI.  So focus on the happy that you can see right now.

    I would also be evaluating the friendships and family relations with people who would tell you that "vegas is more fun" because that was hella rude and no one needs that kind of assholish-ness in their life.  I would be giving a pass to people who would need to fly in because that can be an expense that not everyone can afford.

    nerdwifeOurWildKingdom
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers

    Feeling hurt is natural after what has occurred during your wedding planning.  The wedding industry builds up the wedding planning process as ZOMG the happiest time in your life!!!!!!  But, unfortunately, that is not always the case and it makes the hurt worse for brides who don't have that happy planning experience.

    Since you are so close to your wedding, just focus on the fact that you will be marrying your best friend.  Don't worry about attendance of your guests, the only other person who matters to you is your FI.  So focus on the happy that you can see right now.

    I would also be evaluating the friendships and family relations with people who would tell you that "vegas is more fun" because that was hella rude and no one needs that kind of assholish-ness in their life.  I would be giving a pass to people who would need to fly in because that can be an expense that not everyone can afford.

    I agree.  I don't know why your dad is suddenly leaving you high and dry unless he has sudden financial problems. But if he doesn't he's being a jerk to you by not following through.  I also would be reevaluating my relationship with the "Vegas is more fun" people.  That's just an inappropriate thing to say when declining a wedding.

    I would stay focused on your marrying your beloved FI and enjoying the company of those who do attend.
    OurWildKingdom
  • I don't know where you live, but if you come to Atlanta (or I'll go to you!) I will take you out for a bride to be night on the town. Even if you're already married by then. WHO IS WITH ME?!?!
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