Moms and Maids

What to do with the Bridesmaids Guys while we get ready

Ok I'm mostly having bridesmaids that don't know each other.  I have one who is bringing her boyfriend with her.  I'm concerned on what to do with him.  I wanted to go do nails and have dinner two nights before and than the night before was hoping to have the girls all do a slumber party type of deal.  We are all staying in a family house on the water.  Then the morning of I really just want it to be girls only... however what do I do with this boyfriend who knows no one and is from out of town? 

Re: What to do with the Bridesmaids Guys while we get ready

  • levioosalevioosa Southern California member
    Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Please don't make your BMs do a slumber party the night before.  Especially don't guilt the BM who is bringing her BF.  I wouldn't stay with you the night before your wedding if BF and I had traveled together.  That's too much to ask, and, if I'm being honest, two nights of events and a morning of is too much to ask as well.  

    InLoveInQueenspeachy13[Deleted User]SP29
  • I'm a BM in a wedding this summer and bringing FI, who doesn't know anybody else. I fully expect there will be some girl time, and I know FI can entertain himself for a few hours if we need some girl time. We are even kind of doing a sleepover thing... but we got a suite at a hotel with several bedrooms, and we are each getting one. The ladies have been good sports and are giving me and FI our own room, plan on letting him hang out in the suite with us (we'll probably all just be drinking anyway -- he knows how to do that), and are looking forward to meeting him. 

    Two weeks after that, the bride in that wedding will then be one of my BMs. Since she will just be married, there is no way that I'm planning on asking her to not spend time with her new H. A few of my BMs have serious boyfriends, too, so I'm thinking it might just be easiest to invite everybody out to dinner, and then those that want a girls' night are free to continue out to the bars/ crash at my place. But nobody, single or not, has to party more than they're comfortable with. Sometimes it's nice to have some breathing space. And hey! The whole point of weddings is to celebrate the love between two people, right? Seems like I should honor my friends' relationships since they are honoring mine. 

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    [Deleted User]SP29
  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Has your BM even committed to attending all those days?  How far OOT is your wedding for her?  Is it possible her BF will arrive on a different day?  They may decide that it is easier for them to arrive the night before your wedding rather than days before the wedding. 
  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom South Jersey member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers

    Make sure all of these pre-wedding things you are planning are optional for all involved.  If I were in your BMs situation, I'd probably go with you to get my nails done and have dinner (if BF was invited to dinner - otherwise we would have dinner somewhere together).  I wouldn't sleep over, but I would be at your room early enough to get ready with everyone else.  It would be rude of me to leave my BF alone for so long without knowing anyone. 

    But on the wedding day, that is the day when I have to "work" as a BM.  So I would leave BF to get ready and probably not expect to see him again until after pictures were finished.  That's just typically how weddings work.  H & I have had to do that a few times now with weddings and its just what we expect to have to do.  But all of these weddings have been generally local to us, it might be different if it were an OOT wedding and I can't arrive until the day of the ceremony.

  • That's a lot of time to request.   The only time DH and I spent more than just the day before a wedding in town was when we drove 8 hours for my BIL's wedding.   Even then, we got into town for dinner on a Thursday and then spent Friday doing girl stuff.   By that point I was married and DH and I were in the same bed at night.   
  • peachy13peachy13 in my cubicle, doing very important work member
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    I agree with others about not making your bridesmaids commit to three days of bonding and slumber parties. Asking if any of them want to join you for manicures the day or two before your wedding is fine, but I don't think a sleepover is a good idea -- especially since, as you've said, they don't really know each other and some have significant others who are traveling with them.

    As far as day of wedding goes, your bridesmaid's boyfriend can keep himself busy I'm sure. One of my bridesmaids had her husband with her who doesn't know anyone except for me and DH, but he managed fine on his own and even ventured out to the local restaurant for lunch where he met some of our other guests. One thing I did do though was invite him back to the room me and the wedding party hung out at during the cocktail hour, so he wouldn't be lonely. 
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  • I don't like people that much.  I can do manis and dinner with people I don't know.  But I will not have a slumber party with strangers no matter how much I love my friend.  Especially not if I 'm paying for a comfy bed with my boyfriend at a nearby hotel.  I might consider staying at the slumber party until about 10pm and showing up again in the morning for my hair appointment, but I'm not bunking with strangers just for bonding time with the bride.
  • I was really worried about what the guys would do the night of the bachelorette (mine was the day before rehearsal dinner) too but it turns out it I didn't need to worry. Most of this was because I left the events optional.

    My MOH's bf couldn't make it so she brought her sister and they accepted my offer of staying in my hotel room for that night and the night before the wedding. I left the offer open to any girls who wanted but all of the other girls stayed with their SO which I totally understand. I'd rather sleep next to DH than in a room of girls I don't know so well. It gave me some time to hang out with just my MOH who I don't see much since she lives across the country. The girls got ready mostly on our own that morning and we all met just to put our dresses on and finishing touches at the wedding site. I liked it that way, it made it less stressful than other weddings I've been in where we're all scrambling to use the same space.

    I think if you leave these events optional you'll find it's no big deal, you'll still get a few friends who hang out with you the whole time and others might just participate in certain events. 
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  • I think that since BF is coming in from out of town, you can either invite him to everything you invite his GF to (he may decline anyway), or expect your BM to decline your pre-wedding events.  Are they both out of town, or just him?  If they're long distance, they probably see this as a great opportunity to hang out with each other, knowing that much of the wedding day she'll be busy with wedding stuff.  Let her know that everything before the wedding is optional, and if she still wants to do mani/pedis or whatever, her BF can entertain himself for a few hours.  Is there a sports bar nearby you can recommend where he can relax and have a few drinks while she's busy?  
    I want to echo PPs in that a slumber party the night before a wedding seems like a rough idea, especially if not everyone knows each other.  You are going to need to be rested up for your wedding, so even if everyone ends up staying in the same house you'll probably want to turn in relatively early.  It can also get really emotional before your wedding, so I understand wanting to have some support, but honestly that's what your FI is there for.  Maybe promise each girl/group of girls to have a girls' night in in a month or so, once the craziness from the wedding has died down?
  • While you can invite your BMs to these events (yes, I'm talking all of them, not just the one with the BF), these are optional and should not be required. Expect one, or all, to decline some or all of the events.

    Dinner and nails would be fun, not a huge time commitment (BF can keep himself busy- if he and BM are even in town at this point?).

    I think a sleep over a is a bit much, for most people (yes, I have had a sleepover as a married adult- with 3 other of my very closest friends). I very much like to sleep in my own bed, unless I'm travelling. In which case, I would be sleeping in the hotel bed with DH, not the floor, couch or a random bed, possibly shared with someone I don't know. 

    When I got married, one of my BMs came in from OOT. She stayed at my mom's her whole stay, because my mom has an extra room, thus no hotel costs. I did hang out with my friends the night before the wedding, but we all went our separate ways after. I did also stay at my mom's the night before the wedding (DH and I came from OOT too), but BM and myself slept in separate beds- got up when we needed to. The day of, my other BM did her own hair and make up, so she came to my mom's house with a bit of time to eat some lunch with us and put on her dress so we could do a few photos before heading to the ceremony. 
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