Thought about sharing this in the annoyances thread but it goes a bit farther. It is very complicated so I will try to be succinct but I usually have little success at that, ha.
My brother is married and legally separated from his first wife. He met her and they got pregnant within a week of knowing each other. He was in the military at this time and could not be geographically present with his wife and they were also not sure if they were going to pursue a relationship. After my niece was born, they reconciled. She flew to where he was stationed and they got engaged.
During this trip, she got accidentally pregnant with their second child, my nephew. They got married three months later. They lived together overseas for a couple of years, then broke up when he came back to the states. Then got back together, then broke up. And then again, one last time, after he separated from the military and moved in with my parents (so yes, they and their two children were living with my parents).
They have now been separated emotionally and geographically for 1.5 years. She is living with another man and has full custody of their children. They are finally starting divorce proceedings thanks to my grandparents agreeing to pay for it...
...just in time for my brother to have another accidental pregnancy with his girlfriend of four months. Who also lives with her mother.
I am so beyond frustrated and I just am having a hard time with it. I am not the morality police but I think it's better to bring up a child with someone you're intending to be a partner with. I don't understand how he's contributed to three
accidental pregnancies. Does he not know how this shit works by now? He is in his mid 30's. She is in her late 30's. They are both smokers and drinkers (he is an alcoholic with two DUIs on his record, a long story I don't have room for here). They are not independent; he basically lives with her in her mom's house. He works, but never has any money (recall that he couldn't even pay for his divorce). She recently got a job at a daycare after being a part-time waitress. Their financial situation is ridiculous.
I'm mostly angry because if TWO accidental pregnancies and an ill-advised marriage was not enough to make my brother grow up, I have no confidence this one will. (Because I know he will marry her as soon as the judge lifts his pen from his divorce decree.) And my parents will bear the responsibility for raising the child, as they have done at least partly for the first two (another long story, I'm trying to be succinct remember?). My dad will be 78 when this kid graduates from high school. My parents both had heart attacks in 2015. I'm just... I can barely process it.
I live 2 hours away and so I want to wash my hands of it, but I love my niece and nephew and I will love this baby just as much. And I have spent nearly 8 years sucking up to my bitchy soon-to-be-former SIL so that she won't get pissy and not let my parents see the kids. So I worry I will have to do the same for this one. I mean, she's a nice enough girl, but damn, so freakin irresponsible. I met her at Christmas and I wasn't a big fan (long story #3) so I was hoping she'd be gone by the time of my wedding, but instead she will be in our lives forever.
And maybe it will work out great. Maybe they are a great match and he will get his shit together and get divorced and they will get an apartment and have this baby and raise it with love as responsible parents. I'm trying to be positive, but jeez. On top of my own current struggles with unemployment, anxiety and depression, and wedding planning, it's just hard.
Any advice on attitude adjustments or coping or just distraction would be helpful. Thanks TK friends