Wedding Invitations & Paper

RSVP timeline

So I'm trying to get dates together when I should be ordering invites/RSVP's, sending them out and having them returned to me.  We are getting married 9/17/16.  Our caterer needs a final count 30 days prior to the wedding, so that would be about 8/18.  I've seen so many different suggestions as to when everything should be sent out, I'm starting to get very confused.  

Re: RSVP timeline

  • Most caterers can handle a final count 1-2 weeks prior to the wedding. I would push the caterer on their timeline. The fresh food usually can't be ordered until 1-2 weeks in advance so it is really silly to need that much time for ordering.
  • Invitations should be sent 8 weeks prior to the wedding, with RSVPs requested about a week prior to the date you need to give final numbers (this will give time for late mail and for you to call up any guests who have not RSVP'd).

    I'd push back on that month date from your caterer... that's pretty far out to be ordering food. Often some will request soft (an idea of how many) numbers earlier and then hard numbers not until right before.

    I have also seen where venues request a minimum number by X date, but will let you add to the count still. 
  • Invitation should be sent 8 to 10 weeks before the wedding. RSVPs should be due about 2 weeks before the wedding - 3 max to give you time to phone anyone who hasn't responded. Ask your caterer to accept an estimate at 30 days out and the final headcount at 2 weeks. 
                       
  • ernursej said:
    Most caterers can handle a final count 1-2 weeks prior to the wedding. I would push the caterer on their timeline. The fresh food usually can't be ordered until 1-2 weeks in advance so it is really silly to need that much time for ordering.
    Our caterer needs the number 30 days out because we are having a pig roast and the farmer that he gets his hogs from needs the 30 days notice to prepare everything.  So I understand the needing 30 days out.  
  • I can see that situation, but my point was most caterers can handle 1-2 weeks. It might be convenient for them to have 30 days but it would always be something I would push on. Often, even if they need something farther out, it is usually a rough estimate. I find that most businesses and even people leave room for negotiation and so it is usually worth the effort to at least try for something else.
  • ernursej said:
    Most caterers can handle a final count 1-2 weeks prior to the wedding. I would push the caterer on their timeline. The fresh food usually can't be ordered until 1-2 weeks in advance so it is really silly to need that much time for ordering.
    Our caterer needs the number 30 days out because we are having a pig roast and the farmer that he gets his hogs from needs the 30 days notice to prepare everything.  So I understand the needing 30 days out.  
    Ask him if you can give him "soft" numbers at 30 days with HARD numbers at 14 days.  Soft numbers are, "we invited 100 people, 60 are definitely coming, 20 are definitely not coming, we haven't yet heard from 20."  This will let him know he needs to have food for at least 60, at most 80.  I'm pretty sure he pick the right size pig for those kinds of numbers.
  • adk19 said:
    ernursej said:
    Most caterers can handle a final count 1-2 weeks prior to the wedding. I would push the caterer on their timeline. The fresh food usually can't be ordered until 1-2 weeks in advance so it is really silly to need that much time for ordering.
    Our caterer needs the number 30 days out because we are having a pig roast and the farmer that he gets his hogs from needs the 30 days notice to prepare everything.  So I understand the needing 30 days out.  
    Ask him if you can give him "soft" numbers at 30 days with HARD numbers at 14 days.  Soft numbers are, "we invited 100 people, 60 are definitely coming, 20 are definitely not coming, we haven't yet heard from 20."  This will let him know he needs to have food for at least 60, at most 80.  I'm pretty sure he pick the right size pig for those kinds of numbers.
    I agree.  And if he needs more definite numbers than that, I would just tell him, "I understand your farmer's concerns, but this is the best we can do."
  • I get why your vendor wants hard numbers 30 days out, but you have to remember how people function. If you try to force people to commit 5-6 weeks out, you risk last minute cancellations or additions. The reason it's generally considered rude to ask for an RSVP more than a month in advance is that a month is generally how far people can make a firm commitment.

    Push back with the hard/soft to buy a few weeks so that you don't risk paying for a lot of cancellations or scrambling to add on at the last minute. 
  • adk19 said:
    ernursej said:
    Most caterers can handle a final count 1-2 weeks prior to the wedding. I would push the caterer on their timeline. The fresh food usually can't be ordered until 1-2 weeks in advance so it is really silly to need that much time for ordering.
    Our caterer needs the number 30 days out because we are having a pig roast and the farmer that he gets his hogs from needs the 30 days notice to prepare everything.  So I understand the needing 30 days out.  
    Ask him if you can give him "soft" numbers at 30 days with HARD numbers at 14 days.  Soft numbers are, "we invited 100 people, 60 are definitely coming, 20 are definitely not coming, we haven't yet heard from 20."  This will let him know he needs to have food for at least 60, at most 80.  I'm pretty sure he pick the right size pig for those kinds of numbers.
    This.

    I think the caterer needs to push back a little on the farmer - 30 days seems excessive.  If the caterer routinely refers business to the farmer, I'd anticipate he would want to keep the relationship and negotiate the days notice, especially if soft numbers are provided at 30 days out.
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