Bridal Shower for a Cross Country Bride

Knottie17698614

I am planning a bridal shower in New Jersey for a bride that lives in California.  The bride grew up in NJ and is having the wedding there.  The bride does not want to register because she can't bring everything back to California with her.  I know the point of a shower is to open gifts, but it is not practical for her to receive kitchen appliances, baking pans, etc. when she has to fly back to California.  Is it possible to do a gift card shower?  Any help would be appreciated, thank you! 

Viczaesar

Knottie17698614 said:

I am planning a bridal shower in New Jersey for a bride that lives in California.  The bride grew up in NJ and is having the wedding there.  The bride does not want to register because she can't bring everything back to California with her.  I know the point of a shower is to open gifts, but it is not practical for her to receive kitchen appliances, baking pans, etc. when she has to fly back to California.  Is it possible to do a gift card shower?  Any help would be appreciated, thank you! 

No, a gift card shower is not appropriate.  She could register for just small or easily packable things like towels, she could return gifts and rebuy them in her home state (NOT register for things and just return them for cash), she could have a recipe shower.  Showers are for physical presents, and it's always rude to ask for cash (under which gift cards would fall).

SP29

Agree with the above.

I had a shower as an OOT bride. I had a registry. I received a few small items- such as a cookbook- those were easy to pack in my suitcase. One person bought an item off my registry, shipped it to my house, and then gave me the receipt in a card at the shower. Most of my guests did give cash (which I used to buy from my registry)- but I did not ask for this, nor did I suggest that guest to ship the gift. Nothing on the invite said anything about gifts. I was prepared to handle any gifts given.

Returning the gifts to a local store and then re-buying them once the bride is in her hometown is an option. If she were to go to the OOT store where her registry is at and explain, they might offer to "ship" the gifts to her local store (or essentially let her return the gifts to the store and have the same items ready for pick up at her local store). 

charlotte989875

My experience was the same as @SP29 I had an OOT shower and most people shipped the large gifts to my home in NC (shower was in NY) and either printed out a pictures and/or included a very small complimentary gift (someone bought us large mixing bowls and sent them directly then gave us collapsible measuring cups at the shower). Also, guests shipped the majority of our China right to our house so we didn't have to worry about packing it safely. Many people chose to give us cash or gift cards as well. 

What we didn't do was tell people to do any one to do this. It was our responsibility, since we accepted a shower thrown in a mother state, to get our gifts back. We shipped some, we left some at my sisters house until we came back for the wedding, we returned and rebought some. Remember these are the brides guests who are taking time and spending money to celebrate with her. It's not ok to tell them how to spend their money on her. 

lyndausvi

I lived in the islands and my shower was in the states.  It was my responsibility to get the gifts back home, not my guests.

Some guests shipped directly to my home.   I took an extra suitcase with me.   Then I shipped a box home.  I took some items out of their orginal packaging to making packing more efficient. 

Some items like wine glasses and heavier stuff and such I took back to BB&B and then re-purcased them and had them shipped to my house.     No BB&B where I l lived, otherwise I would have just re-purchased them at my local store.

sunshineontherun

I planned one in the exact same situation. The bride flew Southwest which allowed them 2 free checked bags each, so they were able to get a lot of the small appliances, non-breakable items (like pans and baking sheets), towels and sheets home.

For larger and fragile items most guests had the gift shipped to the bride's home in California. A lot of people did this on their own, but when somebody asked us what to do with their gift, we would tell them to do what they felt most comfortable with brining it or having it shipped and I'm sure it spread via word of mouth. She did get a stand mixer at her shower, and she went to fed-ex the next day and had it shipped to her house.  

So her shower we hung up pictures for people who printed out a pictures of what they had sent to California and she opened all the physical gift that were there and figured out how to get them home.

levioosa

No, a gift card shower is not appropriate, for the reason PPs stated above.  An alternative idea that is not rude is to throw a "Bridal Luncheon," where the bride can get together with family and friends to celebrate.  It is not a gift giving occasion.  

Jen4948

Throw a non-gift-giving party for the bride when she's in NJ.  But don't throw her a "gift-card shower."

MairePoppy

I attended a shower for a bride who lived on the other side of the country. Many of the guests were aware of the situation and chose their gifts accordingly, small gifts, lingerie, linens, gift cards. Some of the guests had larger gifts shipped and brought pictures of their gifts. The MOB gave her an old suitcase to pack the gifts and paid the airline fee for the extra bag. The bms gift to the bride was packing and shipping of the rest of the gifts - it was a huge shower, so that was greatly appreciated by the bride.

MesmrEwe

There is always the option to ship gifts via USPS/UPS/FedEx/DHL/etc.  This is one of those things that you/bride can either budget for or she buys a first-class ticket and that gets her 2 checked 70lb. bags along with carry on and purse via Delta... 

I agree - either not a "shower" but a luncheon or figure out a way to ship gifts to her home...

southernbelle0915

Everyone else has it covered - it's rude to ask for gift cards or cash. People have given lots of good ideas as far as making this work. The only other thing Id throw out is that there are cheap shipping methods (ground) that cost a lot less for big/heavy items. They take a lot longer but she probably doesn't need this stuff immediately anyway.

Heffalump

I'm another bride who had an OOT shower.  Some guests shipped gifts ahead, and I actually brought another bag to transport gifts.  My mom and I were going to UPS anything that I couldn't carry back, but it ended up not being an issue.  Totally doable. 

kmmssg

Not appropriate. When DD came home to Michigan from Salt Lake City she knew it was on her to get her gifts back home. Her then FI came to the shower towards the end, and stayed after to pack everything. On their way to meet friends after the shower they stopped at Kinkos/FedEx and shipped things home. I do love the idea of the BMs covering shipping and packing as a gift to the bride. That is brilliant.

princessleia22

I had my bridal shower across country.  I took an extra suitcase with me.  Even though shower is supposed to be tangible gifts, most people still gave me gift cards, because they knew I had to travel. 

I did registry at Bed, Bath & Beyond, because they have awesome return policy and are easy to work with.  They also have wide selection of items.  After the shower, I took all large and/or breakable items back to the BBB near my shower and they did a return and reordered of all items to be shipped to BBB near my home. Then I just went in and picked them up when I got back home. This is a great solution for the long distance shower.

The extra suitcase came in handy for items I couldn't return, like a handmade quilt my aunt made.

MandyMost

If you call it a "shower" you expect the bride to receive, and open, boxed gifts at the event. No exceptions. It's up to the bride to figure out how to get the gifts home. A "shower" is to "shower" the bride with gifts. Physical gifts. It's a whole event centered around watching the bride open physical gifts. That's the definition of a shower!

If you call in ANYTHING ELSE then guests may or may not bring gifts, and nothing needs to be opened at the event itself. If there's no registry, most of the gifts will likely be cash, gift cards, or smaller more personal things. It can essentially be exactly the same guest list and party plans you're already thinking, just with a different name. Call it a party, celebration, whatever. Just don't call it a shower.