Things you should not be concerned about when planning your wedding

geebee908

Reading some of the threads lately has made me think about what is and isn't important in the grand scheme of things with regard to wedding planning. What are some things you would tell couples not to worry about?

I'll start off by saying I don't think you should be concerned with your BP's footwear. That's a personal choice and no one is really looking at people's feet that closely.

lembaslover

Totally agree! I have no clue what shoes my BMs wore and I really doubt any other guests did either! I remember being so confused when my MOH was like "Are you sure you don't mind me wearing flats?" I was like why on earth would I care? I like subjecting my feet to 5" heels, I certainly don't expect anyone else to though!

I want to add their hair and makeup is also something you shouldn't worry about. Even if you are paying for it professionally let them choose how they wear their hair and how much makeup and what colors of makeup they wear. I think it looks a lot better to see them as individuals than just a bunch of clones. 

Also picking the dress. I wish I had just given my BMs a color and said get whatever dress you want in this color. I didn't realize that was even an option before coming on here and had already ordered the dresses by then... In the grand scheme of things it doesn't matter, let them wear what they will be comfortable in and what they might wear again.

thefanciestbeckler

Do not be concerned with your how your BP will wear their hair or makeup, unless you are willing to pay for it to be done a certain way.

nerdwife

Definitely the stuff about the BP, including things like whether someone is pregnant, also engaged, etc. I cannot understand when people complain about those things. No one's life stops for your wedding, and you shouldn't want it to! One of my BMs is pregnant and will have a two month old at the wedding (well, it's up to her and my brother if the baby is present, but you know what I mean) and fully three of my BMs are engaged and will be getting married in the months following my wedding. And guess what? I am excited for all of them.

Also, I didn't even know that people cared about what MOB and MOG wears. That kinda blew my mind.

Turns out I also don't care too much about flowers, as hardly anyone will notice centerpieces.

Really, the only things I do care about are marrying my FI, having good food and plenty of drink, and then dancing. 

lyndausvi

If you are talking the act of getting married all you need is a license, officiant and witness(s) (depending on your location's rules).    Everything else is fluff.

If you plan on inviting guests.  Then you need enough food for the time of day, beverages, seat for your guest in comfortable climate. eta - WITHOUT YOUR GUESTS OPENING THEIR WALLETS!  Again everything else is fluff.


Personally speaking a good photographer and good music were important to US, but not necessarily important to others.

ShesSoCold

Other people's appearances in any way (except bridal party, if you care, and that's just dresses/suits).

Other people's actions (i.e. - My MIL said she doesn't like tulips! My friend might *gasp* take a picture! What if dude gets too drunk!).

What's "typical" or "always done". You don't like flowers but have never seen BMs carry anything else? Who the fuck cares? Give 'em a balloon! Never seen a head table with dates? Who the fuck cares? Let 'em sit with their people.

holyguacamole79

Ditto others.

Additionally, don't stress about colors matching just right.  When I was picking out stuff for my centerpiece, I was wondering which shade of purple matched the bridesmaid dresses the best.  The vendor said to me, "you're going to be walking into this room less than an hour into your married life ... do you think you'll really notice the shade of purple on the tables?"

She was right.

[Deleted User]

marriedhamstermom said:

Totally agree! I have no clue what shoes my BMs wore and I really doubt any other guests did either! I remember being so confused when my MOH was like "Are you sure you don't mind me wearing flats?" I was like why on earth would I care? I like subjecting my feet to 5" heels, I certainly don't expect anyone else to though!

I want to add their hair and makeup is also something you shouldn't worry about. Even if you are paying for it professionally let them choose how they wear their hair and how much makeup and what colors of makeup they wear. I think it looks a lot better to see them as individuals than just a bunch of clones. 

Also picking the dress. I wish I had just given my BMs a color and said get whatever dress you want in this color. I didn't realize that was even an option before coming on here and had already ordered the dresses by then... In the grand scheme of things it doesn't matter, let them wear what they will be comfortable in and what they might wear again.

When I was a bridesmaid once, the MOB paid for our hair appointments.  The woman doing my hair decided on her own what she'd be doing.  I had super long hair, almost down to my waist.  I just told her I wanted it up off my neck since it was the middle of July.  She ended up having all kinds of fun putting tons of curls into my hair.  Then she sheepishly asked me if she could leave it mostly down since it looked so great.  I told her that as long as it was up off the back of my neck, it could otherwise be down.  We were all thrilled with the outcome.

MairePoppy

Don't worry about a theme for your wedding. Your wedding doesn't need to be Elegant Rustic, Upscale Casual, or Seaside Chic. 'Marriage' is a good enough theme.

lnixon8

Programs, even bridal party sides, SIGNS

TNDancer

nerdwife said:

Also, I didn't even know that people cared about what MOB and MOG wears. That kinda blew my mind.

Yes. This is weird. My mom was looking at dresses while the bridesmaids were shopping, otherwise I would not have seen a thing she tried on. My MIL brought her dress to my shower (from a different state) to show me what she would be wearing to the wedding. Very pretty, but IDK

MyNameIsNot

marriedhamstermom said:

Totally agree! I have no clue what shoes my BMs wore and I really doubt any other guests did either! I remember being so confused when my MOH was like "Are you sure you don't mind me wearing flats?" I was like why on earth would I care? I like subjecting my feet to 5" heels, I certainly don't expect anyone else to though!

I want to add their hair and makeup is also something you shouldn't worry about. Even if you are paying for it professionally let them choose how they wear their hair and how much makeup and what colors of makeup they wear. I think it looks a lot better to see them as individuals than just a bunch of clones. 

Also picking the dress. I wish I had just given my BMs a color and said get whatever dress you want in this color. I didn't realize that was even an option before coming on here and had already ordered the dresses by then... In the grand scheme of things it doesn't matter, let them wear what they will be comfortable in and what they might wear again.

I just want to amen this.

I was a BM once where the bride paid for and dictated our hair (and told us about it the morning of the wedding.) She chose a style that just didn't work well for my fine, straight hair. In order to force it, the stylist had to do a ton of teasing. My hair was so damaged that even after professional treatments, I ended up cutting most of it off.

Yes, there is probably a stylist out there that could have done the style without all that damage, but the whole thing could have been avoided by just letting me pick my own hairstyle. I know what works well on my hair!

LD1970

The list of what brides should be concerned with is a lot shorter:

Proper climate control, whether indoor or out, for everyone to be comfortable
Adequate seating
Good and plentiful (and fully hosted) food and drink
Good music
Good photographer

Everything else?  Eh.  Yes, a pretty room is nice, pretty flowers are nice, favors are nice, clothing and all that is fun, and yes, you may want a theme or a "look" or something.

But a good party means good music, drink, and food, and happy guests.  Done.  And then a good photog to capture it all for you.

Heffalump

The whole unplugged thing. 

SP29

Centerpieces.

The design on your cake/cupcakes. 

What anyone wears. 

monkeysip

The look of your head table, or having a head table at all even.

kimmiinthemitten

LOVE this topic!

What anyone watching your ceremony is thinking.  What if they're thinking "that dress makes your ass look big?"  Do you really want to make sure they're present then?

thisismynickname2

Great suggestions above. I'll point out that while I didn't give two shits about my centerpieces, some people who adore flowers just might. Just for example's sake, if aesthetics of a party are your thing, then you have to be selective about what you care about. Your flowers should not show up half wilted- happened to my friend and the florist had to scramble to fix it. But, you should not care if the flowers don't show up the exact shade of purple you wanted. That happened to my coworker and she still obsesses about it. Purple is fucking purple. Get over it. 
Should you care if the DJ plays a couple songs you had on your DNP list? No. Should you care if the equipment breaks and they didn't bring back-up equipment? Not enough to ruin your wedding, no, but worth getting financial recourse for. 
I think good contracts can help ensure you get what you pay for so you don't have reason to be "concerned" but nothing- short of your spouse-to-be not showing up- should "ruin" your wedding. 

BouxRadley

TNDancer said:

nerdwife said:

Also, I didn't even know that people cared about what MOB and MOG wears. That kinda blew my mind.

Yes. This is weird. My mom was looking at dresses while the bridesmaids were shopping, otherwise I would not have seen a thing she tried on. My MIL brought her dress to my shower (from a different state) to show me what she would be wearing to the wedding. Very pretty, but IDK

When Fi's brother and SIL got married, his mother found out that she and the MOB had chosen similar color blue dresses, and she spent a full two days with scratch paper and a pen trying to rough draft and compose a "please change so people don't think we're in any way connected" text message. It was petty and childish and to this day no one cares.

charlotte989875

Welcome bags. I did them for two hotels and while some people mentioned they appreciated them at the end of the day it was so not important. 

princessleia22

thisismynickname said:

Great suggestions above. I'll point out that while I didn't give two shits about my centerpieces, some people who adore flowers just might. Just for example's sake, if aesthetics of a party are your thing, then you have to be selective about what you care about. Your flowers should not show up half wilted- happened to my friend and the florist had to scramble to fix it. But, you should not care if the flowers don't show up the exact shade of purple you wanted. That happened to my coworker and she still obsesses about it. Purple is fucking purple. Get over it. 
Should you care if the DJ plays a couple songs you had on your DNP list? No. Should you care if the equipment breaks and they didn't bring back-up equipment? Not enough to ruin your wedding, no, but worth getting financial recourse for. 
I think good contracts can help ensure you get what you pay for so you don't have reason to be "concerned" but nothing- short of your spouse-to-be not showing up- should "ruin" your wedding. 

Our DJ played most of the songs on our DNP list. We strictly said none of the choreographed songs (Gangham Style, YMCA, etc.)... yep, he played them all.  Our guests danced to them, whatever.  Didn't ruin our wedding.  Although, then he started playing some profanity filled rap (most of our guests were over age 50)... that one led to us sending our wedding coordinator to have a talk with him about the music choices. I let her handle it, I didn't get mad.  It didn't ruin my wedding.

One of our groomsmen (DH's nephew) had a suit that was slightly different color than the rest. And it was 3-button instead of 2-button. Didn't matter at all.  The only reason I know there is any difference is because MIL was freaking out over not being able to find an exact matching suit in his size, and I told her not to worry about it and buy whatever navy blue suit was cheapest. Didn't ruin my wedding.

DH forgot to wear the cufflinks I bought him.  I didn't even notice until he mentioned it that night.  Didn't ruin my wedding.

They failed on decorating my cake as ordered (like completely different design).  It tasted great.  Didn't ruin my wedding.

I didn't care about decor on my wedding day.  I couldn't tell you what shoes any of my wedding party wore. I don't know what outfits my BM's wore while getting ready. MOB & MOG independently picked out their own dresses with no input from me (I saw them for first time at the wedding) and they looked great.  I couldn't tell you what any of my guests wore.

I had all these plan for making my own bouquets (we did fake Real Touch bouquets).  I bought a bunch of supplies for them.  In the end, I put them off until last minute then simplified it.  My bouquets cost about $10 each with materials I put into them... I took about $200 worth of unused flower material to Goodwill after the wedding. I got a lot of compliments on the bouquets. I put a lot of needless stress and money into that one.

Invites.  They need to be proper wording and display the feel of the wedding.  But, after that, they all end up in the garbage.  Same with STD's.  People loved my DIY invites, which I spent a shit ton of time designing and making... but they still all ended up in the garbage.  Invites need to tell people when and where... after that it's just extra, unnecessary fluff.

Stamps.  I also did custom designed stamps with our photos & wedding date through Stamps.com.  People don't pay much attention to stamps.  I bet most people didn't even notice our custom stamp. I don't think USPS even makes a pretty stamp for a 2 oz. non-machinable (non-bendable) invite. Nobody will judge you for using a non-romantic stamp or putting 2 stamps on there. It's not worth stressing over. (Although, if you do really care about stamps, doing custom stamps through Stamps.com is MUCH cheaper than Zazzle.)

DarthV8r

princessleia22 said:

thisismynickname said:

Great suggestions above. I'll point out that while I didn't give two shits about my centerpieces, some people who adore flowers just might. Just for example's sake, if aesthetics of a party are your thing, then you have to be selective about what you care about. Your flowers should not show up half wilted- happened to my friend and the florist had to scramble to fix it. But, you should not care if the flowers don't show up the exact shade of purple you wanted. That happened to my coworker and she still obsesses about it. Purple is fucking purple. Get over it. 
Should you care if the DJ plays a couple songs you had on your DNP list? No. Should you care if the equipment breaks and they didn't bring back-up equipment? Not enough to ruin your wedding, no, but worth getting financial recourse for. 
I think good contracts can help ensure you get what you pay for so you don't have reason to be "concerned" but nothing- short of your spouse-to-be not showing up- should "ruin" your wedding. 

Our DJ played most of the songs on our DNP list. We strictly said none of the choreographed songs (Gangham Style, YMCA, etc.)... yep, he played them all.  Our guests danced to them, whatever.  Didn't ruin our wedding.  Although, then he started playing some profanity filled rap (most of our guests were over age 50)... that one led to us sending our wedding coordinator to have a talk with him about the music choices. I let her handle it, I didn't get mad.  It didn't ruin my wedding.

One of our groomsmen (DH's nephew) had a suit that was slightly different color than the rest. And it was 3-button instead of 2-button. Didn't matter at all.  The only reason I know there is any difference is because MIL was freaking out over not being able to find an exact matching suit in his size, and I told her not to worry about it and buy whatever navy blue suit was cheapest. Didn't ruin my wedding.

DH forgot to wear the cufflinks I bought him.  I didn't even notice until he mentioned it that night.  Didn't ruin my wedding.

They failed on decorating my cake as ordered (like completely different design).  It tasted great.  Didn't ruin my wedding.

I didn't care about decor on my wedding day.  I couldn't tell you what shoes any of my wedding party wore. I don't know what outfits my BM's wore while getting ready. MOB & MOG independently picked out their own dresses with no input from me (I saw them for first time at the wedding) and they looked great.  I couldn't tell you what any of my guests wore.

I had all these plan for making my own bouquets (we did fake Real Touch bouquets).  I bought a bunch of supplies for them.  In the end, I put them off until last minute then simplified it.  My bouquets cost about $10 each with materials I put into them... I took about $200 worth of unused flower material to Goodwill after the wedding. I got a lot of compliments on the bouquets. I put a lot of needless stress and money into that one.

Invites.  They need to be proper wording and display the feel of the wedding.  But, after that, they all end up in the garbage.  Same with STD's.  People loved my DIY invites, which I spent a shit ton of time designing and making... but they still all ended up in the garbage.  Invites need to tell people when and where... after that it's just extra, unnecessary fluff.

Stamps.  I also did custom designed stamps with our photos & wedding date through Stamps.com.  People don't pay much attention to stamps.  I bet most people didn't even notice our custom stamp. I don't think USPS even makes a pretty stamp for a 2 oz. non-machinable (non-bendable) invite. Nobody will judge you for using a non-romantic stamp or putting 2 stamps on there. It's not worth stressing over. (Although, if you do really care about stamps, doing custom stamps through Stamps.com is MUCH cheaper than Zazzle.)

My stamps had Ingrid Bergman on them in black and white. lol That's all they had or American flags. 

kvruns

princessleia22 said:

 

Invites.  They need to be proper wording and display the feel of the wedding.  But, after that, they all end up in the garbage.  Same with STD's.  People loved my DIY invites, which I spent a shit ton of time designing and making... but they still all ended up in the garbage.  Invites need to tell people when and where... after that it's just extra, unnecessary fluff.

Stamps.  I also did custom designed stamps with our photos & wedding date through Stamps.com.  People don't pay much attention to stamps.  I bet most people didn't even notice our custom stamp. I don't think USPS even makes a pretty stamp for a 2 oz. non-machinable (non-bendable) invite. Nobody will judge you for using a non-romantic stamp or putting 2 stamps on there. It's not worth stressing over. (Although, if you do really care about stamps, doing custom stamps through Stamps.com is MUCH cheaper than Zazzle.)

That was my argument on invites - they end up in the trash so I'm not spending much time or effort (we went the Vistaprint route). And as for stamps, I'm fairly certain we used leftover Christmas stamps and then probably Flags or whatever the basic Forever stamp is

Jen4948

Having even sides in the wedding party:  It's totally unnecessary.

How to "incorporate" small children in wedding parties:  If they're three or younger, just have them as guests and take photos with them.  Between about 3 and 8, have them as ring bearers and flower girls.  Older than that, have them as grooms/bridesmen or brides/groomsmaids, or as readers.  If they're your children and are okay with it, they can also escort you down the aisle.

How to ask anyone to be in your wedding party: Just ask.  No "popping the question" or silly gimmicks.

What to give as wedding party gifts: Whatever your WP would like that fits your budget.  No, it doesn't need your monogram or wedding date; no, it shouldn't be something you expect your WP members to wear or use on your wedding day; no, it shouldn't break your budget to acquire.

Whether or not to have a rehearsal dinner: If you have a rehearsal, yes, but it's not otherwise necessary and doesn't require a big bash.  Just be sure to invite all SOs and parents of minor children participating, serve enough food and drinks, and you're good to go.

Themes/interests.  The theme of your wedding is "marriage." You don't need to "incorporate" every aspect of your life into your wedding.

lembaslover

princessleia22 said:

Stamps.  I also did custom designed stamps with our photos & wedding date through Stamps.com.  People don't pay much attention to stamps.  I bet most people didn't even notice our custom stamp. I don't think USPS even makes a pretty stamp for a 2 oz. non-machinable (non-bendable) invite. Nobody will judge you for using a non-romantic stamp or putting 2 stamps on there. It's not worth stressing over. (Although, if you do really care about stamps, doing custom stamps through Stamps.com is MUCH cheaper than Zazzle.)

I did custom stamps too and I agree probably not worth it. I spent so much time making the invites pretty and used a wax seal on the envelope and stuff so I just couldn't bear to put an ugly stamp on it. I had a few people mention it was cool. Overall I probably shouldn't have worried so much about the invites but when else are you going to get to use a wax seal? 

I wish I'd know about Stamps.com, I used Zazzle. However I waited for a $5 off a sheet of stamps sale. Later they had a $10 off sale (always after I order haha). If you can wait for one of those the price isn't so bad. 

princessleia22

marriedhamstermom said:

princessleia22 said:

Stamps.  I also did custom designed stamps with our photos & wedding date through Stamps.com.  People don't pay much attention to stamps.  I bet most people didn't even notice our custom stamp. I don't think USPS even makes a pretty stamp for a 2 oz. non-machinable (non-bendable) invite. Nobody will judge you for using a non-romantic stamp or putting 2 stamps on there. It's not worth stressing over. (Although, if you do really care about stamps, doing custom stamps through Stamps.com is MUCH cheaper than Zazzle.)

I did custom stamps too and I agree probably not worth it. I spent so much time making the invites pretty and used a wax seal on the envelope and stuff so I just couldn't bear to put an ugly stamp on it. I had a few people mention it was cool. Overall I probably shouldn't have worried so much about the invites but when else are you going to get to use a wax seal? 

I wish I'd know about Stamps.com, I used Zazzle. However I waited for a $5 off a sheet of stamps sale. Later they had a $10 off sale (always after I order haha). If you can wait for one of those the price isn't so bad. 

Yeah, I liked Stamps.com. They do free 30-day trial membership. Then it's $15 a month.  But, if you time it right, you should be able to print all your postage in that free month and cancel the membership.  You can do custom stamps for only $1.99 per sheet of 24 stamps (if you order 5+ sheets).  And you can print whatever value you need on them, so those stamp sheets work for cheaper RSVP stamps or higher value 2-oz. stamps... you just print whatever value you need on them. So, it was nice being able to use my custom stamps on invites, RSVP, thank you, everything. And they also have a deal with USPS to reduce stamp cost by 1 cent.  Which isn't that big of a deal, because even if you did 200 invites, that still only $2 saving, but I still like the idea of it being cheaper.  But, I think the biggest advantage was just the ability to print only the stamps I needed and convenience.  When we decided to add a couple people to the guest list, I just needed to print a couple more stamps at home instead of running to post office. Honestly, if it wasn't for the $15/month membership, I'd probably keep using it for personal use, just for the convenience factor.

short+sassy

The tiny details that only you/your FI will notice.  My florist, who was also a family friend, had some great bridezilla stories.  But most of them were so sad in the grand scheme of things.

For example, she was at a wedding where (about one hour before the ceremony started) the bride was walking through the ceremony area and had a screaming, crying fit because the Sharpie for the guestbook was the wrong thickness.

I know it can be a stressful day.  More than likely something(s) won't go perfectly.  You need to just expect that and let it roll off your back.  Remember to relax and not to be so high strung that it ruins or dampens the day.  Don't cry over Sharpies!