My twin brother is not a groomsman?

Knottie1441570718

Okay so....back when we first got engaged in September 2015 we decided not to put family in the wedding party because I have so many  female cousins/a step sister etc. and he has siblings who are older blah blah... But now that it's too late, I'm really regretting not at least making my twin brother a groomsman since he doesn't seem to have a role in the wedding. When I brought this up to my fiancé he said he wasn't close to my brother and that it would have been weird. But he's my twin? I don't know what to think but I feel guilty. 

JediElizabeth

Knottie1441570718 said:

Okay so....back when we first got engaged in September 2015 we decided not to put family in the wedding party because I have so many  female cousins/a step sister etc. and he has siblings who are older blah blah... But now that it's too late, I'm really regretting not at least making my twin brother a groomsman since he doesn't seem to have a role in the wedding. When I brought this up to my fiancé he said he wasn't close to my brother and that it would have been weird. But he's my twin? I don't know what to think but I feel guilty. 

You're right, it is too late. However, I think if you did want your brother in the wedding party, you should have him on your side. I don't want my FI's sister in my bridal party any more than he wants my twin sister in as a groomsperson. 

Can you ask him to be a reader, or even officiant if it's not a religious wedding? FI & I have a good friend who's going to be our officiant, and we're treating him as part of the wedding party. 

spockforprez

You and your FH are both right. The groomsmen are the groom's men - the guys your FH feels closest to and wants to stand up with him on the day of. If he's not close with your brother, he does not have to include him.

However, wedding parties do not have to be gender segregated. For example, if your FH had a close female friend or cousin, you would not be obligated to include them, but your FH could feel free to do so. 

And likewise, you can have a bridesman. Include your twin in your wedding party by asking him to stand up with you, on your side. I saw a wedding on reddit, I think it was today actually, where a bride had two bridesmaids and a best man (her brother). It looked great, not weird at all.

I totally agree he should be in your WP... my cousins are twins and if you two are half as close as they are, it's unthinkable he wouldn't stand up with you!

ETA I disagree it's too late. I think saying to your brother, "I didn't think about having a guy on my side, but I realized how much I want you to be a part of my day so I'm saying screw it to all that traditional nonsense. None of that matters anyway. Please stand up with me." would completely and truthfully explain the delay in asking him without mentioning the awkward "Well FH said he didn't want to have you, so..." stuff.

Knottie1441570718

Wow! I'm understanding things a lot better already. I didn't really think about having him on my side. I'm going to consider that but also was thinking of having a dance with him instead of my dad? I'm not close to my dad and I'm not sure if he'll even be there. Heck I would ask my brother to walk me down the aisle if that's the case. 

spockforprez

Knottie1441570718 said:

Wow! I'm understanding things a lot better already. I didn't really think about having him on my side. I'm going to consider that but also was thinking of having a dance with him instead of my dad? I'm not close to my dad and I'm not sure if he'll even be there. Heck I would ask my brother to walk me down the aisle if that's the case. 

That sounds like an awesome idea! IMO that's more symbolic than standing up in the WP and would really be an honor for him. You don't have to do the whole "give away" thing, btw, he can just escort you.  

Knottie1441570718

Ohh.. That's even better because giving me away might be a little weird. 

spockforprez

Yep! Just give you a hug, or whatever, and you take FH's hand and he pops into his seat. No awkwardness needed. I hope that works out for you guys! 

drunkenwitch

I was a groomswoman at my brother's wedding, everyone thought it was a great. Also, I think it would be lovely if your brother walked you down the aisle. In 90% of the weddings I've been to, the father/mom/uncle/brother simply gives the bride a hug and a kiss on the cheek and sits down.

Jen4948

Knottie1441570718 said:

Okay so....back when we first got engaged in September 2015 we decided not to put family in the wedding party because I have so many  female cousins/a step sister etc. and he has siblings who are older blah blah... But now that it's too late, I'm really regretting not at least making my twin brother a groomsman since he doesn't seem to have a role in the wedding. When I brought this up to my fiancé he said he wasn't close to my brother and that it would have been weird. But he's my twin? I don't know what to think but I feel guilty. 

I would have your brother stand on your side or be a reader.  It's okay for you to have mixed or uneven sides, and it's not up to you to decide on who should stand on your FI's side, just as it's not up to your FI to decide who should stand on your side.

[Deleted User]

Knottie1441570718 said:

Wow! I'm understanding things a lot better already. I didn't really think about having him on my side. I'm going to consider that but also was thinking of having a dance with him instead of my dad? I'm not close to my dad and I'm not sure if he'll even be there. Heck I would ask my brother to walk me down the aisle if that's the case. 

I think asking your brother to walk you down the aisle is probably the best idea.  That way he's not an afterthought bridesman (though I like the way the previous poster worded it if you decide to go that direction) and he still gets a pretty important part in the ceremony. 

thefanciestbeckler

My brother wasn't in the wedding party, but he and my mom walked me down the aisle. That was such a special moment for he and I. I bet your brother would feel honored!

holyguacamole79

Like @thefanciestbeckler , my brother was not in the wedding party.  There was discussion about him walking my mom down the aisle, but he said he just wanted to be a guest.  It all worked out fine.