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Gifts for the parents

I have started looking into gifts for our parents as I have always been under the impression that etiquette suggests to do so.

However, I have been reading into it and it seems to be more so if the parents are involved in the planning. My mother and mother in law are both being a big help, and I'm pretty sure already what I want to get them. My father is helping financially, so I think it only fair to include him as well.

My issue is my father in law. He is not involved in the wedding whatsoever, nor does he want to be. Of course he is attending, but he won't be helping in any way, he will not be making a speech, he just wants to be there. Are we still to include him in the gifting? FI doesn't think it's necessary, but I feel like excluding only 1 of the 4 would come off as insulting. He's a bit of a hermit and we only see him on holidays and for his birthday, I don't really see him caring either way.

Maybe just a smaller gift? Not sure how to proceed with this one.

Re: Gifts for the parents

  • labrolabro Hotlanta member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Gifts for your parents and ILs should be a gift from the heart, not just because they are helping out in any way with the wedding. You should absolutely write a thoughtful thank you note to your parents and ILs for any monetary or other help they are providing for sure, but a gift isn't necessarily required.

    With that said, we did notes and gifts for both of our sets of parents. It wasn't just because my parents paid for the wedding, we wanted to give them something that expressed our love for them and our appreciation of them as being such wonderful parents and examples to us while we were growing up. A lot of people will suggest to shop for them like it's their birthday or Christmas but I kind of feel like it's nice in some way to make it more special and in recognition of such a big point in your lives (and theirs). 



  • edited February 2016
    I agree, which is why I immediately started looking for all 4.

    My mother and his mother will be getting gifts from the heart, I can already see them tearing up.

    My father has a "life is business" kind of way of looking at it so I don't think getting him something from the heart will really satisfy him much. I'll need to find something practical, unique and expensive (sucks to say but he likes to compare with other people...). However, I understand the way he is and that is completely fine.

    The issue with father in law is just that he isn't there at all. I wanted to get him a gift from the start, but FI says it's not worth it. He has never bothered to visit us, he barely helped raise his sons, and now that he is divorced and on his own, the three sons are paying for his bills. I'm not sure how to word it so it doesn't sound mean, but FI thinks we've given him enough as it is, it's not a nice watch (or whatever else) that's going to mean anything to him. Not sure if I'm making sense here... 
  • labrolabro Hotlanta member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    If you don't have a relationship with your FIL and your FI doesn't have a relationship with him then yeah, I don't see the point in giving him a gift period. When we presented our parents with their gifts we just did it in private. Nobody was aware of what anyone else got and we didn't make a big to do about it. Don't get him something just because everyone else is getting a gift too. What are they doing to do, go and brag to him about their presents?



  • labro said:
    If you don't have a relationship with your FIL and your FI doesn't have a relationship with him then yeah, I don't see the point in giving him a gift period. When we presented our parents with their gifts we just did it in private. Nobody was aware of what anyone else got and we didn't make a big to do about it. Don't get him something just because everyone else is getting a gift too. What are they doing to do, go and brag to him about their presents?
    This. You don't have to make a big deal over the present-giving. Just give your parents and your MIL their gifts privately and separately and then your FIL won't feel "left out".
    --

  • edited February 2016
    Oh I know, the plan is to do it privately, probably the morning of the wedding... but usually things get heard through the grapevine, right.

    and yes @labro, my dad would be one to go around and ask what they got and then show his off to make sure it's better... sigh... 

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