Fiance's Student Loans

OwlNurse

I've been enjoying all the financial talk on here lately!  It's nice to see how other couple handle these things.

Recently FI and I had a fight about his student loans.  FI has considerable student loans from going to an out-of-state graduate program.  I mentioned that maybe we should make a lot of changes to our budget and aggressively pay them off.  But this is because I'm thinking about getting debt free before we start TTC, and while we've both agreed we'd like a child we're not quite on the same page yet.

So, ultimately I hurt his feelings by making it seem like I don't trust him to pay them off.  He's currently making a lower income, and he's on the Pay As You Earn plan so he doesn't have monthly payments... but it still gathers interest.  

On one hand, it's his debt and he can be in control of it.  But on the other hand, we're getting married soon and I feel that we'll share the debt.

How do you guys handle student loans?  Together or separate?

kimmiinthemitten

OwlNurse said:

I've been enjoying all the financial talk on here lately!  It's nice to see how other couple handle these things.

Recently FI and I had a fight about his student loans.  FI has considerable student loans from going to an out-of-state graduate program.  I mentioned that maybe we should make a lot of changes to our budget and aggressively pay them off.  But this is because I'm thinking about getting debt free before we start TTC, and while we've both agreed we'd like a child we're not quite on the same page yet.

So, ultimately I hurt his feelings by making it seem like I don't trust him to pay them off.  He's currently making a lower income, and he's on the Pay As You Earn plan so he doesn't have monthly payments... but it still gathers interest.  

On one hand, it's his debt and he can be in control of it.  But on the other hand, we're getting married soon and I feel that we'll share the debt.

How do you guys handle student loans?  Together or separate?

We handle ours separate, but I probably have 4x the debt he has. We also handle everything that is not joint separately as well. My sister and her husband have about the same each in student loans, and handle 100% of their finances together. 

I I think it's probably time to have the finances talk about everything and find a plan that works for your situation. 

labro

We handled ours jointly after we got married because we were able to. Yes, his loans were significantly more than mine, yes his loans are HIS debt and my loans are MY debt....but by using all of my income we were able to aggressively pay off our loans in less than 2 years. Getting that paid off letter in the mail was seriously the most amazing thing in the world.

It concerns me that his feelings were hurt because you suggested changing the budget so you could focus on debt repayment. That just seems like an odd reaction because everyone I know wants their debt gone sooner rather than later. Have you ever read Clark Howard? He's written some great books and has an entire website dedicated to personal finance and becoming debt free. Maybe he'll also have some strategies on having the budget discussion with your spouse so he doesn't feel attacked.

Money discussions are definitely that hard thing in my relationship with H. I like to spend and he likes to save. For us it means coming up with a budget that gives me some freedom but still meets our financial goals.

OwlNurse

Thanks @kimmiinthemitten!  I've given it a few days of space but it's time to talk about money again.  It's by far the hardest conversations we have.

@labro,  Part of our fight was definitely how I brought things up, I came off as lecturing and condescending, since I managed to pay off my loans.  But money is an incredibly sensitive topic, because my FI has all this grad school debt but hasn't landed a job in his career.  That's the hard part for us, balancing hopefulness for the future and reality checks with the now.  It bums him out that he's not using his degree.  

charlotte989875

So I would recommend talking to a financial counselor. I have considerable student loan debt, H has debt but not nearly as much as I do. We met in graduate school, both have PhDs so we knew going into our marriage this required seriously planning. We both have public and private loans. We also have no other debt at this point. H also currently makes less money than I do. I can tell you what works for us, but every situation is unique. 

We make the minimum payment on my public loans because I work for a public university and qualify for the loan forgiveness program for public employees. So it makes sense for us to use income based repayment and make the minimum payment because most of my loans will be forgiven in the future. We make interest+principle payments on both of our private loans because these will never be forgiven. So we try to pay the private ones down as much as possible while making minimum payments on public loans. After we were married H's income was factored into my repaymen calculation and vice versa. 

I do think this can be a tough thing to talk about. I used to get defensive about my loans and my payments because he had so much less student loan debt that I did and I felt bad that it would affect our future plans. For me it helped having him say that he wasn't criticizing my spending or my choices but that we needed to figure out what repayment plan made the most financial sense. Approaching it as having a conversation about long term goals might be a better way to go about it than asking/telling him to make larger payments.

As for not using his degree I can relate. Our degrees are in the same field and I've gotten two great jobs now and H hasn't. So he's leaving the field, going back to school to change fields and pursue a different industry. It sucks. He's angry he had to do that. I would say to try and be patient. Try not to come off like you have all the answers because you paid off your loans and have a career in your field and he doesn't. I think that might only make him feel worse about it. 

Finally (sorry this is so long!), if you have financial counseling either through your job, church, bank, etc (especially if it's free!) I would completely recommend it. It helped us talk about what our long term financial goals are and have an expert explains the best strategy for getting there. You might be right about him paying things down quicker, but it might be easier for him to take coming from a planner. Good luck! Feel free to PM if you want to chat more specifics, I unfortunately have way too much experience with student loan debt. 

luckya23

Thankfully, we had agreed to combine everything before we got married, and even took Financial Peace University this past fall.  We were just starting to attack my student loans (our only debt) when I was laid off, so now DH is "paying" the majority of the bills.  I say it that way because even though he is earning the money, it's ours, and I do all of the budgeting, bookkeeping, and actually send in payments. 
Sitting down to do a budget is a good practice.  When you see how much you "should" have left over after expenses, it can be very eye opening!

justsie

I found out pretty quickly that my FIs debt was a sore spot for him, and he sounds a lot like your FI right now. He isn't working in the field he went to school for and it was pretty depressing for him, he has recently gotten a better outlook on the current job he has but it took a while. Currently FI has student loan, car payment and a tad bit of credit card debt. I do not currently have any debts and don't have plans to take on any debts in the near future. 
When we moving in and started sharing finances we had a conversation about who was going to pay what, I think the biggest eye opener for FI was me sitting down and calculating his interest for the debts he had. It's sad to say, but I don't think he ever actually did this and it was a big wake up call for him. I think he just saw 20k in debt and didn't think about what that 20k really meant if he was just making minimum payments. So that helped to light a fire in his but about paying it all back.
Right now we are living way below our means, I am able to pay all of the housing costs and pick up 75% of our grocery bill. In return, I tell FI what his half of rent/utilities would have been that month and he takes that amount and applies it as extra for his debts, whichever one we are working on getting rid of at the moment. It helps me to feel like he is really able to start paying off his debts and I don't feel like I'm paying for a brunt of the living costs even though I am because he is paying his half another way. We are also snowballing his debts, so he knows that until they are all paid off what he has after paying the debts is going to be it for a while until they are all done, were looking at early 2019 if our incomes stay the same right now. Focusing on the smaller debts (which happened to be the ones with higher interest rates) helped to motivate him upfront, it felt good to say something was paid off for him. 
Sorry that was so long, about 7 months ago I was asking the same question so I understand where you are coming from!

redwoodoriginal

I would talk to a financial advisor. We had access to one through my job and were debating whether we should be paying off my loans aggressively or be putting the extra money into savings for a down payment. Ultimately our advisor advised us to do the down payment route because of the specifics to us. So, while for some paying off loans aggressively is the answer, for others it may not be. Does it sometimes make me cringe to see the interest I'm paying? Sure, but we also need to save for a home, so I know for us, this is the right choice. I do, however, think there's a huge difference between students loans vs credit card debt over poor spending habits, as well as paying off student loans based on their interest rates- I very quickly paid off a fed grad student loan whose interest rate was 9% and said f it to the ones that have a 2.4% interest rate.

Bottom line? talk to a financial advisor. 

ernursej

I think financial conversations can be the hardest conversations to have with your significant other. Money is often a reason why couples split up! I think you have great self awareness to recognize that they way you presented to your Fiancé may not have been the best approach. I think it might be good to plan ahead with your Fiancé for a financial talk and have each of you come to the table with three things that you would like to achieve (financially) and timelines for each item. It might give you a really good idea of priorities and where they differ. I agree with PP that talking with a financial counsellor could be a good plan. They might find money from rejigging the budget and provide both of you with a neutral party providing guidance and advice. Good luck!

STARMOON44

I mean, I think you need to do some thinking here. Personally I graduated with 140k in student loans. Telling me you want to get them all paid off before TTC would have seemed punitive and delusional. Paying off student loans should be part of a wholistic conversation about how we will manage finances once we are married, not a lecture about how he needs to be doing better. 

charlotte989875

STARMOON44 said:

I mean, I think you need to do some thinking here. Personally I graduated with 140k in student loans. Telling me you want to get them all paid off before TTC would have seemed punitive and delusional. Paying off student loans should be part of a wholistic conversation about how we will manage finances once we are married, not a lecture about how he needs to be doing better. 

This. I will likely not pay off my loans until I'm in my 40s (or later). Does that mean I shouldn't have a child? Does that mean H and I shouldn't buy a house? 

redwoodoriginal

STARMOON44 said:

I mean, I think you need to do some thinking here. Personally I graduated with 140k in student loans. Telling me you want to get them all paid off before TTC would have seemed punitive and delusional. Paying off student loans should be part of a wholistic conversation about how we will manage finances once we are married, not a lecture about how he needs to be doing better. 

100% agree with this. My H has a tiny amount of loans compared to mine from undergrad & grad. If he said we had to pay my thousands upon thousands of dollars of debt before TTC, well we'd be poor, have zero savings, and never have a kid bc I'd be done with menopause by the time that happened.

Also, OP, it's not like your FI isn't paying his loans off- he's on a payment plan designed by the govt that said hey, you don't make a lot so this is what we're going to suggest so you can be a responsible adult, pay your loans back, and still be able to live off of what's left of your salary. It's pretty condescending to lecture him and make him feel bad for following a payment plan catered to his salary. 

tigerlily6

charlotte989875 said:

So I would recommend talking to a financial counselor. I have considerable student loan debt, H has debt but not nearly as much as I do. We met in graduate school, both have PhDs so we knew going into our marriage this required seriously planning. We both have public and private loans. We also have no other debt at this point. H also currently makes less money than I do. I can tell you what works for us, but every situation is unique. 

We make the minimum payment on my public loans because I work for a public university and qualify for the loan forgiveness program for public employees. So it makes sense for us to use income based repayment and make the minimum payment because most of my loans will be forgiven in the future. We make interest+principle payments on both of our private loans because these will never be forgiven. So we try to pay the private ones down as much as possible while making minimum payments on public loans. After we were married H's income was factored into my repaymen calculation and vice versa. 

I do think this can be a tough thing to talk about. I used to get defensive about my loans and my payments because he had so much less student loan debt that I did and I felt bad that it would affect our future plans. For me it helped having him say that he wasn't criticizing my spending or my choices but that we needed to figure out what repayment plan made the most financial sense. Approaching it as having a conversation about long term goals might be a better way to go about it than asking/telling him to make larger payments.

As for not using his degree I can relate. Our degrees are in the same field and I've gotten two great jobs now and H hasn't. So he's leaving the field, going back to school to change fields and pursue a different industry. It sucks. He's angry he had to do that. I would say to try and be patient. Try not to come off like you have all the answers because you paid off your loans and have a career in your field and he doesn't. I think that might only make him feel worse about it. 

Finally (sorry this is so long!), if you have financial counseling either through your job, church, bank, etc (especially if it's free!) I would completely recommend it. It helped us talk about what our long term financial goals are and have an expert explains the best strategy for getting there. You might be right about him paying things down quicker, but it might be easier for him to take coming from a planner. Good luck! Feel free to PM if you want to chat more specifics, I unfortunately have way too much experience with student loan debt. 

As somebody who is going through some of this right now, let me thank you, @charlotte989875for sharing your experience. It's nice to know others have made it through the same struggles! FI and I met in grad school, but thankfully were both on fellowships with stipends and didn't take on barely any debt. I quit after my masters, but after working a job I disliked the past few years, I made the big decision to go to law school, and have now taken out some big loans. FI is set to graduate with his PhD this May in a field that has zero job prospects (except maybe teaching high school, which he really dislikes the idea of -- I think if he did this, it would be a Walter White story where he would settle for a career he didn't really love, and always resent it), so in addition to finishing his dissertation right now he is also studying the LSAT and plans on starting law school, too. Even tho taking on extra loans will not be fun, he is so much happier at the thought of being able to getting a professional degree for a job he has interest in. 

I get pretty frustrated sometimes feeling upset that we didn't have our lives and careers figured out better earlier in our 20s, but I guess it was a process we had to go through, and better late than never.  Law itself isn't the most successful market right now, but we are both interested in doing small town general practice, which offers pretty good employ-ability, so I think we both have a good, practical goal we're working towards now.

We are planning on paying off our loans together, but that is because we are taking them on together in hopes of finding satisfying jobs that can support our future family. I agree with PPs that OP should talk to a financial adviser, but I think it's good and important she is working through the difficult discussions with her FI too. They aren't fun conversations, but if you can plan current and future finances together, it really builds the relationship in a strong way. 

SP29

I get where you are coming from OP. I am also of the belief we shouldn't have any debt except for our mortgage- debts give me stress, makes me feel not in control. But our debts coming out of school were reasonable, and were in a position to put a lot of money toward debt repayment. 

I think student debt is a necessary evil. Sometimes you have to acquire a lot of it in order to achieve the career that would eventually give you some financial freedom. I don't look at a person with student as someone who has poor money management skills. 

I think though, that the conversation needs to be more balanced, and include everything- what do we bring in? What are OUR debts? (Yes, his debt becomes yours) What are we spending currently? What are our goals? (house, kids, new car, whatever) Then create a plan to balance from there. It should definitely be a  "we" vs. "you" conversation.

DH and I keep our finances separate, but we work together. I had more student debt than DH did graduating, and while I started working a few months before he did, DH makes more money than I do. 

The first year we were working, when tax season rolled around we both got big returns due to our education credits. We put that return fully towards our loans. DH was able to pay his off in full. I still had a few thousand left. DH paid that off using his line of credit, as the interest rate for his line of credit was less than that of my student loan. I then worked towards paying off that money on DH's line of credit. 

Similarly, when I needed to buy a new car, half the money came from my savings, and half came from DH's savings. 

So to summarize: Yes, we pay off debts together. Even though our finances are separate, our household and goals are one. DH makes more money, thus he pays for more things, but we both contribute to savings (some months I put a higher percentage of my income towards savings than DH does). 

OP- If you have a goal that you want to have all debt paid off before having children, first, is that achievable? And if so, then yes I think you should help him pay off his debt, because it's your goal too. Any interest saved by him is money saved for the family. 

MyNameIsNot

We pay ours together. Anything that is a monthly bill or payment comes out of our joint account, but I contribute more to the joint because I earn more. 

I have some 6 figures in student loan debt while H has a much smaller amount. His should be gone in the next 5 years, but I joke that I'll be paying mine until I retire. I hate having that debt, but the interest rates aren't awful, and getting them paid off just isn't the priority right now. I'm much more interested in a large down payment for our next house and retirement planning.  

banana468

Ditto @STARMOON44.  Paying off the loans can take time.  Talk to a financial counselor.   

I think it also depends on the amount of debt.   DH had to take as many loans as he could all in his name but went to our state University and graduated with a BS in a degree that had pretty instant job placement in field.  We had his loans paid off during the first year of our marriage (thanks in part to wedding gifts) .

My BIL on the other hand had the same loan requirements from my ILs but went to a private college and then law school.   He and SIL had a house and kids and his aren't done.  

I think a financial advisor may help you figure out the best way to go about this.  

thefanciestbeckler

We handle ours jointly. DH doesn't have any student loans (lucky him!) but I have a lot from my undergrad and also from the graduate degree I'm pursuing. 

We really handle all debt or bills jointly, even if the debt/bill is only in one person's name. 

OwlNurse

Thanks everyone for all the responses and advice!  It makes me feel better to know that it's hard to wade through this conversation about finances, and that there's different ways it can go.  The most important thing is that we figure this out together and make goals (instead of me charging in headfirst like a jerk.)

I would love to talk to a financial counselor, but I have no idea how to go about talking to someone.  Phone book?  Yelp?  Maybe through my bank (though mine is a smaller credit union)?

OwlNurse

@justsie  Thank you for your comment.  Our fiances do sound similar!  I'm happy you were able to tighten your budget and enjoy putting that money to good use.  That's my dream, honestly, but I live in Denver, CO and rent makes me want to cry.  That was our conversation, actually: 'Hey honey, do you want to live in a much crappier apartment for a year so we can pay off this loan?'  But I am way too into the Mister Money Mustache brand of finances, aggressively tackling debt and punching it until it's gone.  I don't blame him for looking at me like I grew a third eye.

His debt is about $60,000 which was 4x more than mine, and I think that's why I'm eyeing it so nervously.  But.  We're doing ok, and no one will die if we take some time to pay this off.  Huge thank you @STARMOON44 for reminding me that this could be a lot higher and it doesn't change how neat a person is.  

Money also doesn't affect my uterus, but try telling my mind that.  Stupid brain.

ernursej

OwlNurse said:

Thanks everyone for all the responses and advice!  It makes me feel better to know that it's hard to wade through this conversation about finances, and that there's different ways it can go.  The most important thing is that we figure this out together and make goals (instead of me charging in headfirst like a jerk.)

I would love to talk to a financial counselor, but I have no idea how to go about talking to someone.  Phone book?  Yelp?  Maybe through my bank (though mine is a smaller credit union)?

Try researching a fee for financial planner. They are NOT tied to specific investments. If you go through a bank, they are usually trying to sell you on items you may not need. A fee for financial planner will charge by the hour or by your total portfolio percentage and provide great advice. I went through one and he helped me evaluate my priorities. While I didn't have debt, one of my friends used a fee for and he helped him decide how to tackle the debt. You could also try googling "free credit counselling in _____) and you might find a local group that helps people look at their finances.

charlotte989875

@OwlNurse do you or FI work for a company that offers financial counseling as part of your benefit package? Or do you have retirement benefits? You should have a planner tied with that account that you could talk to about your financial plans. We have a retirement planner who comes to the campus every month and we can discuss our accounts or other financial issues. Also, if you're near a university with a graduate program in business many offer free or low cost financial advice from advanced grad students (especially if there is a PhD program many students will already have their MBAs, be CPAs, or accountants). If you don't have those services free or low cost through your employer I agree with @ernursej and look for a financial planner that chargers a small fee. It will be worth it to help you two have these discussions.

No problem @tigerlily6, happy to. It can be really frustrating to be in your late twenties/early thirties (I'm 30, H is 31) and just starting in your career. We both spent 7 years in grad school and during that time our friends were working, saving, buying houses, taking vacations, etc. and we were studying. Compound that with not actually landing a career in your field is hard to take. We're just now working on buying our first home, and sure it will be smaller/with less amenities than if we didn't have student loans. We're also planning out when we're going to TTC, not in the next year, but probably the following. This plan may have been different had we not chosen the careers we did, but that's where we're at.

I get not want to go into major life changes/decisions with debt, but sometimes that's the reality. Your FI has student loan debt (as do many, many people in the United States) and I assume you knew that about him when you decided to get married. This is just one thing you'll have to work out in the course of your marriage.

lembaslover

OP I'm a little late to this but I was just in the situation you FI is in where I was the one with a bunch of student loan debt and DH graduated and had a pretty big savings. We decided to join everything when we got married but letting go of my student loans and considering it was OUR debt not MY debt was really hard for me.

It might sound stupid but I struggled with DH's offer to use our savings, which were really his savings in my eyes at that point. It's not that I disagreed that we should pay them off but I felt bad like I was a failure because while we both went to school for similar degrees he managed to have no debt and I had a ton. (We went to different schools and had very different situations). It felt wrong to take money I hadn't earned to pay for something that I had responsibility for. 

DH was really understanding and kept gently reminding me it was OUR money and that this is what he wanted to do but he also gave me the time to get over my feeling like I had somehow failed by having debt. At first we got through it by him taking on all of rent/utilities and then I put the same amount into loans. This was probably key to me finally understanding how shared finances worked. That to me felt better than just taking money.

Finally we had the tough conversation that if we wanted to buy a house and start TTC we needed to get rid of the debt and we were able to. I agree with PP that it's not always possible or the best thing to get rid of student loan debt first, it's a case by case basis. We knew we'd be too stressed to have multiple payments so even though we could have used our savings on a down payment we decided to postpone a year and pay off the loans in full.

I think seeing a financial planner is a great idea and if you are able to do that you definitely should. I also think that you should give him a little bit of time as sharing ownership of debt that you took responsibility for as a single person is difficult. You could perhaps try small steps like taking over a bit more of the living expenses and then he can apply that amount to his loans.

short+sassy

Lots of great advice given!  But I also wanted to let you know about the Money Matters (MM) forum on The Nest.  It's a sister site of The Knot.  It's an active forum that is primarily about finances.  A lot of folks on there have student loan debt.  It's a friendly group and we also occasionally venture off and talk about non MM stuff also.

I would focus more on creating a budget/plan together, where his SL debt is part of the equation, but not the only thing discussed.  Especially when it comes to money, there will be compromises involved.  For example, you want to pay off all the debt before TTCing, but maybe he doesn't feel that is necessary.  Maybe you want to focus on saving for a house down payment, but he wants to focus on retirement savings instead.  I'm just giving examples of a few money topics that you all should discuss and formulate a game plan together.

nerdwife

Just wanted to add that we also pay all our bills together, which includes our monthly student loan payments, since we moved in together. We both have huge student loan debt (sadly), and will definitely not be paying it off before we have a child. FI is in the 10 year public service loan forgiveness program, which is great, and I use income based repayment to deal with mine (his plan is also income based).

To us, paying our loans is important, but we understand it's a very long term program, while buying a home and having children is much shorter term. So, it's more important to us to keep up our monthly payments while saving as much as possible for our future. This is probably also true for us since there is literally no way (short of winning the lottery) that we could pay off our debt before we start a family.

I really liked the books Young, Broke, and Fabulous by Suze Orman (despite the lame title) and the Millionaire Next Door. We're also looking into financial planning with a professional.

All of this is really to say that what you and your FI decide to do with loan payments is definitely individual to you, but you should definitely consult with someone who knows more about these things before you decide that being debt free is the most important thing for you right now.

banana468

nerdwife said:

Just wanted to add that we also pay all our bills together, which includes our monthly student loan payments, since we moved in together. We both have huge student loan debt (sadly), and will definitely not be paying it off before we have a child. FI is in the 10 year public service loan forgiveness program, which is great, and I use income based repayment to deal with mine (his plan is also income based).

To us, paying our loans is important, but we understand it's a very long term program, while buying a home and having children is much shorter term. So, it's more important to us to keep up our monthly payments while saving as much as possible for our future. This is probably also true for us since there is literally no way (short of winning the lottery) that we could pay off our debt before we start a family.

I really liked the books Young, Broke, and Fabulous by Suze Orman (despite the lame title) and the Millionaire Next Door. We're also looking into financial planning with a professional.

All of this is really to say that what you and your FI decide to do with loan payments is definitely individual to you, but you should definitely consult with someone who knows more about these things before you decide that being debt free is the most important thing for you right now.

So much this.   We can all talk about what we have done but a pro would give you a lot of help.

This is like the BC thread in that we can all share what works for us but we're not doctors and even if we are, no one on the thread is our patient. 

lovesclimbing

I don't have and have never had student loans. We consider all our finances joint, so the payment for H's comes out of our joint bank account.

I am a little annoyed at H right now with his student loans. As far as loans go, his were and are pretty small. He only has a couple thousand left. However, what he's done as long as I can remember is he would pay a large sum of like $500-$600 and then not pay anything for several months and forget about it until he got a notice saying it was past due. He told me it didn't matter and it only mattered on his credit score if he actually defaulted on it. I don't even have a credit history (never had a credit card, loans, nothing), and even I know credit scores don't work that way, but I got tired of bugging him about it, so I just let it go.  

Well, we're planning to get a vehicle loan, we pull his credit reports, and at least half of the months on his student loan are red and orange with "30," "60," "90," and "120" days past due listed. We haven't actually paid to get the credit score yet, but I'm worried about it.

OwlNurse

@marriedhamstermom
Thank you for sharing!  I can see your side of things, and I suspect it's very close to how my FI feels.  In my head, my money is our money, and he knows that but feels uncomfortable about it sometimes.  We both have budgets, and I have the lion's share of utilities and groceries, since I make more.  Maybe we'll pick a day of the month to compare budgets and see if we're on track.  

@lovesclimbing
Student loans are nicely tied into credit.  I had good credit for a year or two before getting a credit card from paying loans every month at the same time. I think that skipping around and not being consistent may cause problems.  It sounds like this debt is very manageable, so if you check his credit score and it's lower than you want, you may actually decide to pay off the loan across a longer time, the same amount at the same time of the month.  That can improve credit slowly but surely.

spockforprez

lovesclimbing said:

I don't have and have never had student loans. We consider all our finances joint, so the payment for H's comes out of our joint bank account.

I am a little annoyed at H right now with his student loans. As far as loans go, his were and are pretty small. He only has a couple thousand left. However, what he's done as long as I can remember is he would pay a large sum of like $500-$600 and then not pay anything for several months and forget about it until he got a notice saying it was past due. He told me it didn't matter and it only mattered on his credit score if he actually defaulted on it. I don't even have a credit history (never had a credit card, loans, nothing), and even I know credit scores don't work that way, but I got tired of bugging him about it, so I just let it go.  

Well, we're planning to get a vehicle loan, we pull his credit reports, and at least half of the months on his student loan are red and orange with "30," "60," "90," and "120" days past due listed. We haven't actually paid to get the credit score yet, but I'm worried about it.

Federal student loans have to go 90 days before they are reported as past due, but when that happens, it reports the 30 and 60 mark, too, if that makes sense. Basically if he had paid them before 90 days, nothing would get reported, but because he let them get to 90 and beyond, all the delinquencies were reported. So yeah, if he was letting them go 3-4 months between payments then I'm not surprised you're seeing that on his report. I'm really sorry, that sucks!

kvruns

@lovesclimbing you can get a free credit score with credit karma - you don't have to pay or anything, you can do it once per year I believe.  Your bank or credit card company (if you had one) may also have it.

julieanne912

I agree you need to sit down and have a frank discussion about your finances in general, without it turning into a lecture from you.

In our case, we don't combine hardly anything.  What's his is his and what's mine is mine.  That may change in the future but for now it works for us.  We do have a joint credit account from purchasing our bed, but I make the payments on that. He pays all his own debt bills (he has more consumer debt, higher car payment etc, but I have a big student loan), and stuff like the mortgage.  He also foots the majority of the bill for stuff like hockey tickets, trips, concerts, anything that I can't afford to pay for but he wants to do.  I pay our utilities and groceries (in addition to my own bills), and also give him a set amount every month so he can put it towards whatever he wants... right now it's paying off our landscaping.  We also have one combined savings/checking account, but that's more to make transferring money between us easier.

Part of why we do this is we have some different spending habits, and he makes significantly more than me.  He's still working on self control when it comes to spending, and so if we had combined finances, I'd be pretty pissed if he spent some of our combined money on something silly.  I don't mind as much when it's his own money.  That being said though, he's very responsible about paying down debt and not letting it get out of control.

I too have a hard time asking him to be responsible for my expenses/debts, just like I don't feel like I have to be responsible for his expenses/debts.  We are also a bit older (almost 33 and 34) and didn't get married til last year, so we were somewhat established.

MissKittyDanger

As someone with student debt and works in the personal finance field here is my 2 cents:

Figure out what your budget is. We look at our income as one now that we're married - and would at this point after living together for almost 5 yrs also - but that doesn't mean I pay his debt or he pays mine. He doesn't have student loan, but he has credit card. We balance what our incomes are and what we pay.

Being debt free should be a goal whether TTC or not, but don't let something like that stop you if you can afford it.

Before wedding, sit down and look at your entire budget. Your bills, his bills, debt, etc. Look a the everything as one - even though his debt is NOT your debt - and it'll give you a clearer picture on the situation.

Check out Dave Ramsay's financial advise with "the snowball effect" and it'll help!