Wedding Customs & Traditions Forum

Father-Daughter Dance Dilemma!

Hey all!

So my dad and mom divorced when I was 2.  We haven't had the best relationship (poor choices on his part) however he is still (somewhat) in the picture.  When I say somewhat, I basically see him (maybe) once a year, and I'll get a phone call on my birthday.  My mom dated someone for 13 years who basically helped raise me.  They are no longer together.  Anyway.....I'm in a dilemma as to who I want to dance with.  I don't want to hurt my father's feelings by nixing him out of the wedding details (my mother is walking me down the aisle), and I don't want to hurt my mother's ex by nixing him out either.  Any advice would be appreciated!!

Re: Father-Daughter Dance Dilemma!

  • I thought about cutting it out completely.  My father hasn't once asked about how our wedding plans are going (and we've been engaged for over two years).  My mother's ex, on the other hand, is telling everyone how excited he is to dance with me.  A loooooong time ago we talked about him walking me down the aisle, but I had made no decisions at that time.  I think he was still expecting that to be the case, and when it wasn't, this was the next best thing he could remember.

    It's more of a moment of hurting my father's side of the family.  My grandfather is still alive, and I would hate to hurt him in any way.  It's definitely stressing me out hardcore.

  • Lots of people don't have the special dances at the wedding.  The bride and groom dance is the only one people care about, anyway.  Just skip the other dances.
  • You can always dance with your mother's ex, to a song that means something to the two of you without making it a "spotlight dance". Have the DJ play it early in the night and have your mother's ex be ready. You can even tell your photographer (and videographer if you have one) what song it is so they are ready. It will be a special moment between the two of you, but not announced where it will hurt your father's side of the family. Other people will be up and dancing and not know what is going on, but the two of you will.

    I definitely thought of this as well.  I was thinking a few songs after our first dance, the DJ making some sort of announcement of an "honorary" dance dedicated to my mother's ex.  I would still want everyone else on the dance floor dancing to it, but it wouldn't be just the two of us, which seems like less of an insult to my father's side.  Still honoring him in a special way, without the spotlight.
  • I'm dealing with a similar situation and have almost completely (90ish% sure) decided not to have a father/daughter dance. My only worry is that it will be noticeable/talked about when my fiancé has his mother/son dance, but I don't have a father/daughter dance... Could you maybe dance with your father for part of a song, and stepfather cut in halfway?
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