Wedding Customs & Traditions Forum

Bridesman?

My fiance and I are getting married May 13, 2017.
I have 1 Maid of Honor and 2 bridesmaids.
He has 1 Best Man and 1 groomsmen.
I've become okay with the idea of having an uneven number but I have a weird situation.

I have a male best friend who I really would love to be a "bridesman," we'll call him J.
My fiance has already expressed that he isn't really close with J like I am so he wouldn't necessarily make him a groomsman.
Would it be weird to have him be a bridesman but walk on my fiance's all male side (for the sake of even numbers) but take part in all of my activities that he wants?

____

I didn't mean to make this a big gender thing. I was more asking opinions if it would look odd, 4 people on my side and 2 on his, and mixed genders. I know ultimately it's my and my fiance's wedding so it's our choice but I just thought I'd post. Thanks for everyone's input!

Re: Bridesman?

  • That makes no sense to me. If he is a bridesman have him on your side. Why are you hung up on even numbers?
    InLoveInQueensSTARMOON44levioosa
  • thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 City By The Lake member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    My fiance and I are getting married May 13, 2017.
    I have 1 Maid of Honor and 2 bridesmaids.
    He has 1 Best Man and 1 groomsmen.
    I've become okay with the idea of having an uneven number but I have a weird situation.

    I have a male best friend who I really would love to be a "bridesman," we'll call him J.
    My fiance has already expressed that he isn't really close with J like I am so he wouldn't necessarily make him a groomsman.
    Would it be weird to have him be a bridesman but walk on my fiance's all male side (for the sake of even numbers) but take part in all of my activities that he wants?
    He should walk on your side, as you friend. Assigned genitalia do not mean someone must stand on one side or another in a wedding.  
    My DH wanted me to have his female best friend stand for my side (as he was initially uncomfortable going against "tradition") and I refused. Not because I don't love her, I do, but having her walk as a bridesmaid in lieu of several other women I could have asked felt really wrong. Ultimately she did stand up- on his side. He's really glad he did that. 
    ________________________________


    OurWildKingdomlc07
  • My fiance and I are getting married May 13, 2017.
    I have 1 Maid of Honor and 2 bridesmaids.
    He has 1 Best Man and 1 groomsmen.
    I've become okay with the idea of having an uneven number but I have a weird situation.

    I have a male best friend who I really would love to be a "bridesman," we'll call him J.
    My fiance has already expressed that he isn't really close with J like I am so he wouldn't necessarily make him a groomsman.
    Would it be weird to have him be a bridesman but walk on my fiance's all male side (for the sake of even numbers) but take part in all of my activities that he wants?
    He should walk on your side, as you friend. Assigned genitalia do not mean someone must stand on one side or another in a wedding.  
    My DH wanted me to have his female best friend stand for my side (as he was initially uncomfortable going against "tradition") and I refused. Not because I don't love her, I do, but having her walk as a bridesmaid in lieu of several other women I could have asked felt really wrong. Ultimately she did stand up- on his side. He's really glad he did that. 
    I love this! Thank you for the story. :)
    thisismynickname2
  • My fiance and I are getting married May 13, 2017.
    I have 1 Maid of Honor and 2 bridesmaids.
    He has 1 Best Man and 1 groomsmen.
    I've become okay with the idea of having an uneven number but I have a weird situation.

    I have a male best friend who I really would love to be a "bridesman," we'll call him J.
    My fiance has already expressed that he isn't really close with J like I am so he wouldn't necessarily make him a groomsman.
    Would it be weird to have him be a bridesman but walk on my fiance's all male side (for the sake of even numbers) but take part in all of my activities that he wants?

    ____

    I didn't mean to make this a big gender thing. I was more asking opinions if it would look odd, 4 people on my side and 2 on his, and mixed genders. I know ultimately it's my and my fiance's wedding so it's our choice but I just thought I'd post. Thanks for everyone's input!
    Nobody cares about numbers.  You pick your closest friends, he picks his.  Though if your wedding isn't for another 15 months, you have asked them to be in your wedding far too early.  You should wait to ask everyone around 6-9 months before your wedding.  Relationships change.
    InLoveInQueensSTARMOON44
  • Even sides do not matter.

    If he is your bridesman, he walks in as your BMs would, and stands on your side.

    You can have the groomsmen already at the front (they walk in from the side), and then your side of the WP (including bridesman) walks in single file. Or, you can pair up the groom and bride's sides to walk in together- it's totally cool if two guys walk in beside each other, they don't need to hold hands. 

    Or, you could have your bridesman walk in escorting a bridesmaid on each arm. 
  • It'd be weird to have him standing up on your FI's side if he's not close to him. There's nothing wrong with having him on your side. My brother stood on my side without a problem.

    "There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness." -Friedrich Nietzsche, "On Reading and Writing"
    InLoveInQueens
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    My husband had a groomswoman. She walked with him and stood with him because she was HIS wedding party member. 

    Any time someone wants to do something for the sake of even sides, I roll my eyes and have trouble taking them seriously. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
  • CharmedPamCharmedPam Chicagoburbs member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited February 2016

    yup, we're doing this too.  I've got 2 men on my side (bro and cousin) and he's got two ladies.  His sisters.  nbd.

    edit:  we also have uneven sides. Oh the shame!


    InLoveInQueens
  • yup, we're doing this too.  I've got 2 men on my side (bro and cousin) and he's got two ladies.  His sisters.  nbd.

    edit:  we also have uneven sides. Oh the shame!

    How scandalous!!!  I'll bet your marriage won't be legal since  your sides aren't equal.
    spockforprez
  • bohobrideCAbohobrideCA San Diego, CA member
    100 Love Its Second Anniversary 10 Comments Name Dropper
    edited February 2016
    I'm having a bridesman, FI has a "best woman" and a "groomswoman". Sides will be uneven and there will be way more women in the bridal party altogether, 7 women and 3 men total. I'm so excited we will not exclude any of the people we love and want to share this day with and more than happy not to include people we're not as close to for the sake of even sides or balanced genders. 

    If it really bothers you just let your bridal party sit in the front row after they walk. I think is kind of unnecessary to have the bridal party stand and pose during the entire ceremony anyway. 
    SP29
  • kmmssg said:

    yup, we're doing this too.  I've got 2 men on my side (bro and cousin) and he's got two ladies.  His sisters.  nbd.

    edit:  we also have uneven sides. Oh the shame!

    How scandalous!!!  I'll bet your marriage won't be legal since  your sides aren't equal.
    That means you get a redo! Is it approved to start planning the redo before the actual event happens?? /sarcasm
    image
    [Deleted User]InLoveInQueensspockforprez
  • LondonLisaLondonLisa London, UK member
    Eighth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    What kind of wedding ceremony are you having where attendants are required to use their genitiles, let alone have specific ones to stand in certain areas?!
    OurWildKingdomSP29InLoveInQueensemmaaa
  • What kind of wedding ceremony are you having where attendants are required to use their genitiles, let alone have specific ones to stand in certain areas?!
    Can this be the default response on all these questions?
    I vote "yes."
    OurWildKingdomcharlotte989875
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