Destination 3rd wedding

laurahamond

My sister is sixty years old and getting married for the third time.  She is planning a destination wedding at an expensive resort and will be really hurt if I don't attend.  I realize she can have any kind of wedding she wants, but is it right for her to expect my husband, my children, and their spouses to attend.  I will cost us a fortune.  I don't feel compelled to witness her vows, but would be happy to attend a party back home.

MobKaz

laurahamond said:

My sister is sixty years old and getting married for the third time.  She is planning a destination wedding at an expensive resort and will be really hurt if I don't attend.  I realize she can have any kind of wedding she wants, but is it right for her to expect my husband, my children, and their spouses to attend.  I will cost us a fortune.  I don't feel compelled to witness her vows, but would be happy to attend a party back home.

Whether her first or fifth, happening in your backyard or Timbuktu, no one has a RIGHT to expect anyone to attend their event.  Wait for her to send you an invitation and then send in your decline.  It would be rude of her to ask for your reasoning as to why you are declining.

Couples make choices when they make their wedding plans.  Some choose to marry on week nights, others choose to marry on holidays, and yet others choose expensive destination weddings.  A couple has the right to choose whatever wedding they desire.  What they need to realize is that what they choose may impact the attendance at their wedding.  Guests have a right to choose whether they attend.

Jells2dot0

The number of marriages should be irrelevant but regardless, an invitation is not a summons. She cannot make anyone go to her wedding. If she really wants you there, she needs to either pay for everything for you (of course, you can still decline) or she needs to take your opinion on location into account and make sure the location works for all VIP guests. She is being selfish is she thinks people will do anything to attend her wedding, first or third time.

I was remarried in 2012 and chose a really remote destination for my vows. We had the right to get married wherever we wanted, but we did not even bother inviting anyone because asking people to spend close to $10K to witness our wedding would have been pretentious and selfish. Had we felt strongly about having people present at our wedding, we would have gladly changed the venue to accommodate our nearest and dearest (and paid for their travel.)

SP29

Agree with the above. No bride or groom has the right to demand anyone's presence at their wedding, regardless of which marriage it is, or where it is being held.

You can tell your sister, "I am very happy for you, but this is an expense my family cannot take on."

Of course you don't have to tell her anything- simply RSVP "no", but I imagine with it being your sister, an explanation will be required. 

Your sister can get married wherever she wants, but she has to realize that it doesn't mean all her guests will attend. 

CMGragain

I think your sister will just have to be disappointed.  When someone schedules a destination wedding without first checking with their V.I.P. guests, they shouldn't be surprised when many people decline the invitation.

What does the fact that this is her third wedding have to do with anything?  Don't judge.