flower girl

Lala9414

So i have a dilemma, my wedding is going to be next year august and I have two siblings. A brother (age 7) on my moms side and then a sister (age 11) on my dads side. My sister has ALWAYS wanted to be a flower girl in my wedding since she was little and my brother "called dibs" on ring bearer. Now that we are in the early stages of planning my FMIL asked who my flower girl and ring bearer is and i said my sister and my brother she told me "aren't they too old? i think it would be cuter if they were younger" now mind you i dont give 2 hoots about "being cute" its what my sister and brother have expressed they wanted, where as my FMIL wants me to have her 3 young nieces to be the flower girl and to find another younger cousin of mine to be the ring bearer. I'm perfectly okay with how it is, however she got me thinking. Is my sister really "too old" to be considered a FG, should i just ask her to be a bridesmaid instead?? I am definitely going to ask my sister what she prefers when we get closer to the wedding date and its appropriate to ask but i just wanted to get others opinions?? 

tigerlily6

I say go with what your sister prefers. If she wants to be a flower girl, let her be if that's something you are happy with. If she is feeling she'd rather be a junior bridesmaid, then you can let her do that. It's between her and you, nobody else -- it's your relationship with her that matters. 

I personally am not having a flower girl or ring bearer, but I do know I'v read here on TK about weddings where people had non-children friends fulfill these roles of honor. I know I read somewhere about having grandmothers be the flower girls, which I thought was absolutely fantastic. Point is, the position IS one of honor, and like any position of honor, should not be filled "just because." Give it because it means something -- to you and to the person you are honoring. Age doesn't matter. 

ILoveBeachMusic

If your sister wants to be a flower girl so be it, if a bridesmaid that is fine too. As for the ring bearer, 7 is not too old. My ring bearer was seven as was my daughter's ring bearer. With little boys, I would err on the side of being older rather than younger.

Lala9414

Thanks ladies! That's what I thought but I guess I just needed reassurance. I will definitely talk to my sister and see what she wants when the time comes and if it comes up from my FMIL I'll just politely tell her it is what it is and quickly bean dip! Haha 

Jen4948

It's not up to your FMIL who your flower girl or ring bearers are.  But I like how you plan to respond to her if she brings it up again.

zitiqueen

Don't call her a "junior" bridesmaid.

SP29

I think their ages are fine. Unless you are planning on having your sister throw petals, she walks down the same as a BM anyway. Though I think it considerate to ask her what she would prefer.

We had our niece as our FG- she was quite young. She carried a flower pomander.

You also choose people to be in your WP because you want to honour them- don't choose people just because they "fit". Thus, even if your sister does end up being a bridesmaid, I wouldn't ask your little cousins to be FGs- that would be asking them to essentially be a prop.

FMIL has no say in this.

Lala9414

oh no i wouldn't call her a "junior" BM i hate the term haha. And thank you @SP29 I agree it makes no difference on her age. If she does want to be a BM instead we just wouldn't have a FG and only a ring bearer. I'm all for treating people as what they are guests or honor and NOT props to make it "look cute or proper".

MesmrEwe

I'd ask what her preference is when it gets time for dress shopping...  Typically a flower girl wears something similar to the bride's dress (NOT a requirement - just what's "traditional") vs. a bridesmaid dress...  That can be the deciding factor.  I think that the "up to her" preference is a good one to take since this is the "Tween" years and it's letting her decide something on a more grown up level.  As for your FI's cousins instead as FG's - the "only if there's money with strings" and that is your and FI's preference if your Sister decides she wants to be the FG. 

SP29

MesmrEwe said:

I'd ask what her preference is when it gets time for dress shopping...  Typically a flower girl wears something similar to the bride's dress (NOT a requirement - just what's "traditional") vs. a bridesmaid dress...  That can be the deciding factor.  I think that the "up to her" preference is a good one to take since this is the "Tween" years and it's letting her decide something on a more grown up level.  As for your FI's cousins instead as FG's - the "only if there's money with strings" and that is your and FI's preference if your Sister decides she wants to be the FG. 

Our FG wore a navy dress like the BMs did. Of course it was a dress for a small child (floaty material skirt with sparkly blue top).

Curious what the tradition is for why the FG is dressed in white vs. BMs not? What makes the difference between a FG and BM?

Cheermom84

Ask what her preference is and go with that. I have two daughters and we asked them if they wanted to be in the wedding and what they wanted to be, they will be 10 and 4 when we get married. The youngest said flower girl but my oldest said someone told her she was to old for flower girl but to little for bridesmaid. We told her she could be whatever she wanted and age wasn't a factor. We also told them they can pick who walks with them. The youngest picked her cousin that her age and so we are having 2 flower girls and no ring barer and my oldest decided she wants her official title to be bridesmaid but she wants to wear a white dress like the flower girls and instead of a bouquet she wants to carry a sign that says Here Comes My Mom that she makes and have her cousin that is her age walk with her with a sign he makes "that is funny" its what they want to do so we said ok.