Etiquette

S/O on hosting your own party

sort of a spinoff from the thread about hosting your own engagement party. We received an invite to a Baby Shower BBQ for a friend and his wife. The invites were mailed with a return address and RSVP to one of their friends but the party is being held at our friend's house (the couple having the baby) and if it is a bbq I'm sure he will be the one cooking, etc. 

is it weird to have a baby shower at your own house even though someone else is the host? To me if it is at my house I'm hosting?

thoughts?
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Re: S/O on hosting your own party

  • tigerlily6tigerlily6 member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited February 2016
    For me, I think it would depend on the parties involved. For example, I don't plan on hosting my own bachelorette party (as that is inappropriate), but since all the wedding party is from OOT all over the country, one of the venues suggested is my house so everybody can convene there right before the wedding. Practically, it makes sense. I think it would be the same even if somebody lived nearby but didn't have a lot of space (like a small apartment) to host a party. In that case, if they wanted to host, but chose to do so at the couple's house, I think I'd be okay with that. 

    BUT, if it's clearly the couple masquerading as guests of honor, but actually being hosts, then yeah, it would seem off and I'd be all:


                        


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  • WinstonsGirlWinstonsGirl The Cold North member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Not necessarily.  My MOH/Best Friend lives 22 hours away from me.  She offered to host my shower/stagette, and organized everything for it, but the dinner portion was at my house cos she had no where else to host it at.  We used her parents for the afternoon/shower part, but she didn't want them to give up their house of the entire day.  It was just the best venue for her to host in.  
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  • Agreed with PP's. Maybe the couple (whose having the baby) just has more space. Also it might be more comfortable for the mom-to-be. I know when my aunt was pregnant with my cousin two years ago it was a hard time to get her to the venue because she was easily fatigued, so that could also play a factor. 

    VicTim328
  • For a baby shower it would just be plan easier to have it at their house. I wish we did for mine. Being hugely pregnant and having to move presents from a third location. No Bueno  
    poodledoodleooo
  • I may be biased, since I hosted my friend's shower at her mom's house, but I think it's fine, especially when the host's house is too far away or too small (if the homeowner offers).  But I did all of the cooking/food buying, mailed invites and received rsvps, did most of the decorating and cleaned up after (of course!).  

    I did also host my own birthday party once, before I knew that wasn't a thing you should do.  It was my 21st, and I couldn't drink due to my antidepressants, and I wasn't comfortable broadcasting that then.  I knew if I let someone else host, they'd take us out to a bar, so I invited people to my apartment and I cooked for us.  Thankfully, nobody brought gifts.  I think one person brought a card.  I would've been mortified if someone had brought a gift.

    I am curious, if it's a low key thing, is it wrong to have people over for your birthday?  I enjoy cooking for people, so I do it for other occasions, and no reason at all, but I really had fun cooking for my birthday.  And as a kid, the parents always hosted the birthday parties.  To me that seems really similar.  Really not trying to justify things here, I'm just confused.
  • I see no problem with inviting people over for your birthday, or inviting them out to celebrate. As long as you're a good host, I say enjoy. 
    JediElizabethadwksPrettyGirlLost
  • kimmiinthemittenkimmiinthemitten Detroit, MI member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    It's improper to invite people to celebrate your birthday?
    image
  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    AddieCake said:
    Lots of parties are AT a person's or couples house simply for space or convenience, and it doesn't mean they are throwing themselves the party. That's not weird at all. 
    Agreed.  The wedding and baby shower for my daughter were both held in my home (her childhood home.)   My sisters-in-law were official hosts of the wedding shower.  All offered to host it in one of their homes.  Having it in my home made the most sense.  It was centrally located for all invited guests, and every guest in attendance had been to my home on multiple occasions over the years. 

    It did not make sense to have guests travel further or in an unfamiliar area for the sake of propriety. 

  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    It's improper to invite people to celebrate your birthday?
    'Fraid so.  Just invite guests without mentioning the occasion.
  • kimmiinthemittenkimmiinthemitten Detroit, MI member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    I'm with @AddieCake.  And is there a difference in inviting people over to celebrate a birthday or just inviting people out?  I'm still not sure I understand the offense either way?
    image
    glasgowtolondonSTARMOON44
  • Jen4948 said:
    It's improper to invite people to celebrate your birthday?
    'Fraid so.  Just invite guests without mentioning the occasion.
    "Hey, wanna come out drinking with me this Friday?...Great!.... What did you say? It's the anniversary of the day my mom gave birth to me? Huh, I hadn't noticed. What a coincidence." 
    image
    tigerlily6kimmiinthemittenspockforprez
  • thefanciestbecklerthefanciestbeckler Chattanooga, TN member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    AddieCake said:
    Lots of parties are AT a person's or couples house simply for space or convenience, and it doesn't mean they are throwing themselves the party. That's not weird at all. 
    I agree with this. My MOH hosted my bachelorette party at my house because it was most convenient.

    tigerlily6
  • I agree with PPs. For space and convenience it is ok. However, as I posted on another thread, I was invited to a shower by the mom to be. She was hosting and it was at her house. She even sent several reminders to RSVP (I had already done so). That is NOT ok.
    tigerlily6SP29
  • My baby shower was at my house but my sister hosted it. There was no way I was going to get all that stuff home from anywhere else. I could barely walk. So I don't have a problem with it being AT the mom to be's house if someone else hosts.
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    AddieCake said:
    I honestly don't care if people throw themselves their own birthday party. 
    Me neither, but etiquette is not about what you or I or anyone personally cares about. 

    It's poor form to ask people to honor you, regardless of the occasion. But, like the engagement party situation, it's perfectly fine to have an "everything is awesome" party whenever. 
    lc07
  • I agree with everyone else. I hosted my sister's bachelorette at her house. It would be ridiculous for me to expect all her local friends to drive to my house 3 hours away.

    However, hosting at someone else's house also includes the boring crap like dishes. Be a hood hostess!

    scrunchythiefSP29
  • flantasticflantastic The Midwest member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    AddieCake said:
    I honestly don't care if people throw themselves their own birthday party. 
    Me neither, but etiquette is not about what you or I or anyone personally cares about. 

    It's poor form to ask people to honor you, regardless of the occasion. But, like the engagement party situation, it's perfectly fine to have an "everything is awesome" party whenever. 
    DH and I wanted to invite our friends over on my birthday, to share in the celebration. I couldn't think of a way to invite them that mentioned my birthday that didn't also sound like I was being an AW. I think it's a situation where "if you're having trouble wording it, it's probably not polite."

    We still invited people over, but did not mention my birthday.
    [Deleted User]SP29MyNameIsNotlc07
  • AddieCake said:
    I honestly don't care if people throw themselves their own birthday party. 
    Me neither, but etiquette is not about what you or I or anyone personally cares about. 

    It's poor form to ask people to honor you, regardless of the occasion. But, like the engagement party situation, it's perfectly fine to have an "everything is awesome" party whenever. 
    DH and I wanted to invite our friends over on my birthday, to share in the celebration. I couldn't think of a way to invite them that mentioned my birthday that didn't also sound like I was being an AW. I think it's a situation where "if you're having trouble wording it, it's probably not polite."

    We still invited people over, but did not mention my birthday.
    I feel like if you're good friends with someone, they at least have any idea of the month your birthday is, so they know what's going on- you don't need to say.

    In my group of friends, sometimes people celebrate their birthdays, sometimes they don't. And if it is celebrated, usually it's "Bar. Sat. 8pm." or "Would anyone like to join us for dinner Friday?" or "Come over Sat for drinks and snacks". The invitation is casual, just like the "party" is (I use quotations because the party is no different formality or style than any other time we would hang out with a group of our friends). Gifts not given. Likewise, no one sings Happy Birthday, nor is a cake usually presented (though I wish it was...).
    [Deleted User]thisismynickname2PrettyGirlLostcharlotte989875
  • flantasticflantastic The Midwest member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    SP29 said:
    AddieCake said:
    I honestly don't care if people throw themselves their own birthday party. 
    Me neither, but etiquette is not about what you or I or anyone personally cares about. 

    It's poor form to ask people to honor you, regardless of the occasion. But, like the engagement party situation, it's perfectly fine to have an "everything is awesome" party whenever. 
    DH and I wanted to invite our friends over on my birthday, to share in the celebration. I couldn't think of a way to invite them that mentioned my birthday that didn't also sound like I was being an AW. I think it's a situation where "if you're having trouble wording it, it's probably not polite."

    We still invited people over, but did not mention my birthday.
    I feel like if you're good friends with someone, they at least have any idea of the month your birthday is, so they know what's going on- you don't need to say.

    In my group of friends, sometimes people celebrate their birthdays, sometimes they don't. And if it is celebrated, usually it's "Bar. Sat. 8pm." or "Would anyone like to join us for dinner Friday?" or "Come over Sat for drinks and snacks". The invitation is casual, just like the "party" is (I use quotations because the party is no different formality or style than any other time we would hang out with a group of our friends). Gifts not given. Likewise, no one sings Happy Birthday, nor is a cake usually presented (though I wish it was...).
    Yep, they figured it out. Some of my friends brought a cake. AWing my birthday was not needed.
    SP29
  • SP29 said:
    AddieCake said:
    I honestly don't care if people throw themselves their own birthday party. 
    Me neither, but etiquette is not about what you or I or anyone personally cares about. 

    It's poor form to ask people to honor you, regardless of the occasion. But, like the engagement party situation, it's perfectly fine to have an "everything is awesome" party whenever. 
    DH and I wanted to invite our friends over on my birthday, to share in the celebration. I couldn't think of a way to invite them that mentioned my birthday that didn't also sound like I was being an AW. I think it's a situation where "if you're having trouble wording it, it's probably not polite."

    We still invited people over, but did not mention my birthday.
    I feel like if you're good friends with someone, they at least have any idea of the month your birthday is, so they know what's going on- you don't need to say.

    In my group of friends, sometimes people celebrate their birthdays, sometimes they don't. And if it is celebrated, usually it's "Bar. Sat. 8pm." or "Would anyone like to join us for dinner Friday?" or "Come over Sat for drinks and snacks". The invitation is casual, just like the "party" is (I use quotations because the party is no different formality or style than any other time we would hang out with a group of our friends). Gifts not given. Likewise, no one sings Happy Birthday, nor is a cake usually presented (though I wish it was...).
    FH went to poker night on Saturday to celebrate a friend's 30th birthday.  30 year old sent out the invitation email to 'the boys' saying he wanted everyone to get together at his brother's house because he's turning 30.  Since he was the one sending and accepting RSVPs, he was the host, even though the event was at his brother's home.  FH bought a bottle of the birthday boy's preferred booze as a gift.  No idea if they ordered food (it started at 8pm) and split the bill or if there were apps and snacks Hosted.  This is a pretty standard party in our circle; both invitation and gift-wise.
    SP29
  • AddieCake said:
    I honestly don't care if people throw themselves their own birthday party. 
    Me neither, but etiquette is not about what you or I or anyone personally cares about. 

    It's poor form to ask people to honor you, regardless of the occasion. But, like the engagement party situation, it's perfectly fine to have an "everything is awesome" party whenever. 
    I'd rather people be honest with me, to tell the truth. I think this scenario borders on more rude.

    I'd feel like my friends were lying to me or being shady or something if they hosted a "everything is awesome" party that just happened to fall on the weekend of their birthday. I'd be weirded out at least, and feel like they were insulting my intelligence at worst (depending on how it was presented). And if I were close enough to go to their birthday party, I'd be close enough to call them out on it. My meaner friends would probably do so with lots of "Happy Birthday" confetti. 

    Maybe it's a know your circle thing, but in my circle, that just wouldn't fly. 
    poodledoodleooospockforprezPrettyGirlLost
  • I don't think I've ever had to invite friends to do anything for my birthday. Granted, I don't usually HAVE birthday parties -- I can think of three times it's happened as an adult. But when a party of some sort has occurred, it has usually resulted from either (a) friends being so close they know my birthday, so they put something together, or (b) my co-workers or roommate figure out day of or near it that it's my birthday, and we've grabbed dinner and a drink or two at the end of the day -- which we probably would have done anyway, but they give me my pick of where to go. Sometimes it's the small gestures like that which mean the most, actually. 
                        


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  • I didn't want to start a new thread but now I have another question related to etiquette of parties.

    If you're throwing a PPD (or a semi PPD, there won't be a ceremony re-enactment but it will be traditional wedding dress, cake, first dance, etc) what is the thought on pre-wedding parties? Is it ok to have a bridal shower or bachelor/bachelorette parties when you're not inviting people to the actual wedding, just the PPD or wedding celebration? 

    Of course this is one of those where I will go (if I'm free that day) regardless of how it falls on the etiquette scale but I'm curious what people think. I'll admit I'm annoyed by it, mostly because I know the plans for the "wedding" although it isn't common knowledge.

  • kvruns said:

    I didn't want to start a new thread but now I have another question related to etiquette of parties.

    If you're throwing a PPD (or a semi PPD, there won't be a ceremony re-enactment but it will be traditional wedding dress, cake, first dance, etc) what is the thought on pre-wedding parties? Is it ok to have a bridal shower or bachelor/bachelorette parties when you're not inviting people to the actual wedding, just the PPD or wedding celebration? 

    Of course this is one of those where I will go (if I'm free that day) regardless of how it falls on the etiquette scale but I'm curious what people think. I'll admit I'm annoyed by it, mostly because I know the plans for the "wedding" although it isn't common knowledge.

    There's going to be so much to say....I think you should make a new thread for this one. ;)
    poodledoodleoooPrettyGirlLost
  • flantasticflantastic The Midwest member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    kvruns said:

    I didn't want to start a new thread but now I have another question related to etiquette of parties.

    If you're throwing a PPD (or a semi PPD, there won't be a ceremony re-enactment but it will be traditional wedding dress, cake, first dance, etc) what is the thought on pre-wedding parties? Is it ok to have a bridal shower or bachelor/bachelorette parties when you're not inviting people to the actual wedding, just the PPD or wedding celebration? 

    Of course this is one of those where I will go (if I'm free that day) regardless of how it falls on the etiquette scale but I'm curious what people think. I'll admit I'm annoyed by it, mostly because I know the plans for the "wedding" although it isn't common knowledge.

    No. The "actual wedding" is rather key.
    PrettyGirlLostInLoveInQueens
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    edited February 2016
    kvruns said:

    I didn't want to start a new thread but now I have another question related to etiquette of parties.

    If you're throwing a PPD (or a semi PPD, there won't be a ceremony re-enactment but it will be traditional wedding dress, cake, first dance, etc) what is the thought on pre-wedding parties? Is it ok to have a bridal shower or bachelor/bachelorette parties when you're not inviting people to the actual wedding, just the PPD or wedding celebration? 

    Of course this is one of those where I will go (if I'm free that day) regardless of how it falls on the etiquette scale but I'm curious what people think. I'll admit I'm annoyed by it, mostly because I know the plans for the "wedding" although it isn't common knowledge.

    No.  What you're saying to these people is "you weren't important enough to us to make the cut to our 'actual wedding' but here's a consolation prize."

    If you can't include people in the "actual wedding," then it's not appropriate to try to "include" them by inviting them to wedding-related side events.  And if those events are gift-giving events, such as showers, then the invitations seem particularly gift-grabby.

    Sometimes you just can't "include" everyone in your wedding.
    [Deleted User]PrettyGirlLostInLoveInQueens
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