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Bridesmaids' gifts.. is this enough?

Knottie55076812Knottie55076812 member
First Comment First Anniversary
in Wedding Party
Hi! I have 4 bridesmaids and 2 MOH's. 

At the rehearsal dinner, I am giving them matching satin robes on a personalized hanger, a bottle of nail polish they will wear, the jewelry they will wear and a note saying that i will be paying for their hair and make up.

That adds up to be almost $200 a girl so in total I will be spending over a grand on them. 

Are more gifts expected? I want to show them my gratitude. I was thinking getting my MOHs something additional since I know they are doing much more for the shower, but I don't want the maids to be insulted.

Would maybe treating them to dinner or having a spa day be a better option than thinking of another generic gift?

Or are these things with a heartfelt note more than enough?
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Re: Bridesmaids' gifts.. is this enough?

  • redoryxredoryx member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    I gotta agree with the PPs: these are gifts for you, not gifts for them. 

    Take your wedding out of it. What would you buy these women for their birthdays? That's how you should be shopping for this.
    image
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  • redoryxredoryx member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    Knottie55076812 said:
    Hi! I have 4 bridesmaids and 2 MOH's. 

    At the rehearsal dinner, I am giving them matching satin robes on a personalized hanger, a bottle of nail polish they will wear, the jewelry they will wear and a note saying that i will be paying for their hair and make up.

    That adds up to be almost $200 a girl so in total I will be spending over a grand on them. 

    Are more gifts expected? I want to show them my gratitude. I was thinking getting my MOHs something additional since I know they are doing much more for the shower, but I don't want the maids to be insulted.

    Would maybe treating them to dinner or having a spa day be a better option than thinking of another generic gift?

    Or are these things with a heartfelt note more than enough?
    JIC
    image
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  • sparklepants41sparklepants41 member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    banana468 said:
    These are nice but they're really all things for your BMS to make your event and photos look nice.   The gesture is lovely but they're gifts with strings.   If you gifted jewelry, a gift card to a salon and a nice bathrobe with no stipulation it's one thing.   But all of the things you're giving are required by you to be used. 

    Think of it this way,  if your in laws gifted you a DJ who only played music that your in laws liked, would you think it was a great gift?
    This is a fantastic comparison!
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  • lnixon8lnixon8 member
    500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 500 Comments Name Dropper
    You've been on this site for over a year and you're asking this? 


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  • JediElizabethJediElizabeth member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    lnixon8 said:
    You've been on this site for over a year and you're asking this? 
    To be fair, I signed up for TK as a BM long before I got engaged, and didn't even look at the forums until a few months after.  That date has nothing to do with the forums, and everything to do with TheKnot as an online publication. 

    That said, yeah. If I got that gift, I would be sighing inside while I graciously accepted it. I don't like getting my nails or make-up done professionally (I do it myself), and I'm allergic to most jewelry, so I'll only wear precious metals or something hypoallergenic - especially earrings, but including necklaces and bracelets.

    I'd skip the $200 worth of *BM* stuff & spend like $50-$100 each on things they'll enjoy more.
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  • SP29SP29 member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Don't go for a dollar amount, buy each of them something that is personal for them.

    Shop for them like you would if it were their birthday or Christmas.

    As for the hosts of any pre-wedding parties you had, if you would like to buy them a gift, do this separate from the WP gifts.
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  • lnixon8lnixon8 member
    500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 500 Comments Name Dropper
    JediElizabeth said:
    lnixon8 said:
    You've been on this site for over a year and you're asking this? 
    To be fair, I signed up for TK as a BM long before I got engaged, and didn't even look at the forums until a few months after.  That date has nothing to do with the forums, and everything to do with TheKnot as an online publication. 

    That said, yeah. If I got that gift, I would be sighing inside while I graciously accepted it. I don't like getting my nails or make-up done professionally (I do it myself), and I'm allergic to most jewelry, so I'll only wear precious metals or something hypoallergenic - especially earrings, but including necklaces and bracelets.

    I'd skip the $200 worth of *BM* stuff & spend like $50-$100 each on things they'll enjoy more.
    Gotcha. It's just a question that's asked a lot, and usually has the OP backpedaling and saying how nice the quality of the robes are, no one is FORCED to wear the jewelry etc.


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  • Knottie55076812Knottie55076812 member
    First Comment First Anniversary
    Yes. I have been engaged for over two years since my fiance was deployed over seas for a year. We are now planning the wedding now that he is home. Is that okay with you?
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  • Knottie55076812Knottie55076812 member
    First Comment First Anniversary
    This is my first post on The Knot and seems like Everyone is an insensitive asshole !!!!! I appreciate the honesty, but some of you are just down right NASTY. Aren't these boards here to support and help other brides? Jesus christ.. I'm going back to the Weddingbee boards. Those woman are great- honest, supportive, and respectful. Screw you people!!!!!
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  • glasgowtolondonglasgowtolondon member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    Knottie55076812 said:
    This is my first post on The Knot and seems like Everyone is an insensitive asshole !!!!! I appreciate the honesty, but some of you are just down right NASTY. Aren't these boards here to support and help other brides? Jesus christ.. I'm going back to the Weddingbee boards. Those woman are great- honest, supportive, and respectful. Screw you people!!!!!
    Lol! By honest I assume you mean they are willing to validate your bad ideas? From your poor idea of gift giving I see only one asshole here. 
                 
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  • banana468banana468 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Knottie55076812 said:
    This is my first post on The Knot and seems like Everyone is an insensitive asshole !!!!! I appreciate the honesty, but some of you are just down right NASTY. Aren't these boards here to support and help other brides? Jesus christ.. I'm going back to the Weddingbee boards. Those woman are great- honest, supportive, and respectful. Screw you people!!!!!
    A bunch of people gave advice and your response is to call us insensitive assholes??  

    LOL at the irony...
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  • RomanceManagedRomanceManaged member
    250 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper
    You got honest feedback, with advice on how to shop for your BM's. When I joined TK I had a whole Pinterest board filled with matchy gifts that would be soooo cute, and other weddings I've been in were such the same. But it's not a good idea. These are your nearest and dearest, you should give them a gift that expresses your thanks for sharing your day. Not something you want pictures of.

    Furthermore, I would never wear a robe out in public. Ever. Not if you paid me my weight in gold. I rarely leave my home in less than a done face, hair, and after i spent some time considering my outfit. If someone wanted me to wear a robe in a salon for pictures I would not be happy. And would likely show up in my own clothes anyways.

    I would suggest reading some other posts about BM gifts on this board to help you out. You don't have to spend a lot of money to give a nice gift. I think mine are about $30 for each girl. Etsy has a lot of great stuff that wont break the bank, or be ridiculous.



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  • lembasloverlembaslover member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Third Anniversary First Answer
    Knottie55076812 said:
    This is my first post on The Knot and seems like Everyone is an insensitive asshole !!!!! I appreciate the honesty, but some of you are just down right NASTY. Aren't these boards here to support and help other brides? Jesus christ.. I'm going back to the Weddingbee boards. Those woman are great- honest, supportive, and respectful. Screw you people!!!!!
    This is why we recommend lurking. Or at least searching first. If you type bridesmaid gifts in the search box you will see dozens of posts just like yours all with the same advice - don't buy matching wedding gifts buy them things they will actually like! 

    I myself posted a similar question at first and I realized people were right and on a now limited budget, since I'd already blown it on stupid things, I was still able to get my friends gifts they loved. 
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  • Knottie1452565096Knottie1452565096 member
    Ninth Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment

    I've been a bridesmaid more than 10 times. Almost each time the gift has been the jewelry to wear and something small ( I now have 3 makeup bags with my name on them, lol). Granted, I have given away most of the jewelry after the wedding, but I was OK with wearing it for her pics, etc. I would have loved it if the bride had covered hair and nails! But really, it never occurred to me to expect more or be disappointed.

    It's possible we're in a different socioeconomic sphere (I’d say I’m solidly middle-class), and expectations are different, but man, these special gifts seem to just add stress and cost to the wedding. Every time I see a photo of bridal parties in matching robes I think “All that money, just for a few likes on a Facebook photo.”

    But, in summary, I know I’m in the minority, but that gift seems more than generous. Weddings have always cost me a bunch of money, and it would have been nice to have that alleviated. I’ve never expected my friend to reflect on our friendship and get me some thoughtful gift. We have the rest of our lives to do that instead of a time they’re probably drowning in debt anyways. 

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  • flantasticflantastic member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    moosechickang said:

    I've been a bridesmaid more than 10 times. Almost each time the gift has been the jewelry to wear and something small ( I now have 3 makeup bags with my name on them, lol). Granted, I have given away most of the jewelry after the wedding, but I was OK with wearing it for her pics, etc. I would have loved it if the bride had covered hair and nails! But really, it never occurred to me to expect more or be disappointed.

    It's possible we're in a different socioeconomic sphere (I’d say I’m solidly middle-class), and expectations are different, but man, these special gifts seem to just add stress and cost to the wedding. Every time I see a photo of bridal parties in matching robes I think “All that money, just for a few likes on a Facebook photo.”

    But, in summary, I know I’m in the minority, but that gift seems more than generous. Weddings have always cost me a bunch of money, and it would have been nice to have that alleviated. I’ve never expected my friend to reflect on our friendship and get me some thoughtful gift. We have the rest of our lives to do that instead of a time they’re probably drowning in debt anyways. 

    If she's paying for extra things that she wants for her wedding ("alleviating your cost"), then that's no credit to the bride. The dress should have been your only cost, other than travel and time. However, since a dress and travel and time are a lot, a thank you gift (even if a token) that's actually meant for the BM should be given. It doesn't have to be a total friendship retrospective - just something they'd like, for them and not the bride or her wedding.

    I gave my friend a fair trade sushi set because fair trade is important to her, she and her husband like sushi and aspire to make their own, and it's probably too expensive to be a thing she'd ever buy herself. It's not that hard.
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    To be honest with you, even though some of the people in this thread expressed themselves more harshly, I have to agree with them that what you have in mind doesn't make a good "bridesmaid's gift."  It sounds more like props for a photo-op, using (emphasis on using) your bridesmaids as models.

    Because those aren't "gifts" to me.  They don't take into account what I like or what I'm interested in.  Plus, I refuse to let others dictate for me what color nail polish to wear, and I don't wear robes to take photos in.


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  • lembasloverlembaslover member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Third Anniversary First Answer
    moosechickang said:

    I've been a bridesmaid more than 10 times. Almost each time the gift has been the jewelry to wear and something small ( I now have 3 makeup bags with my name on them, lol). Granted, I have given away most of the jewelry after the wedding, but I was OK with wearing it for her pics, etc. I would have loved it if the bride had covered hair and nails! But really, it never occurred to me to expect more or be disappointed.

    It's possible we're in a different socioeconomic sphere (I’d say I’m solidly middle-class), and expectations are different, but man, these special gifts seem to just add stress and cost to the wedding. Every time I see a photo of bridal parties in matching robes I think “All that money, just for a few likes on a Facebook photo.”

    But, in summary, I know I’m in the minority, but that gift seems more than generous. Weddings have always cost me a bunch of money, and it would have been nice to have that alleviated. I’ve never expected my friend to reflect on our friendship and get me some thoughtful gift. We have the rest of our lives to do that instead of a time they’re probably drowning in debt anyways. 

    I think that's the case for most people. I'd only been given jewelry as well so I thought that's just what was done. So did all of my BMs but when they opened their gifts and found individual stuff that was just for them they were all really pleasantly surprised. 

    So you're right a lot of us probably wouldn't be disappointed to be getting the stuff OP mentions however wouldn't it be nicer to surprise your BMs and give them stuff they will love rather than just "not disappoint" them?
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  • VicTim328VicTim328 member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper
    Many moons ago, my grandma gave me a birthday gift.  It was bad. I received a corduroy jumper with teddy bears and the coordinating dickie  for my sweet 16. While she may have wanted to do something nice, it didn't take into consideration anything about me.... my cousin also got a matching one 6 weeks later...

    I'll say that they are still gifts, as I've had it drilled into my head since birth that anything someone does for you is a gift, but they aren't good gifts. They won't be appreciated, and took no effort on OP's side for thoughtfulness for what they'd enjoy... But, being honest, I wouldn't be upset if my BFF gifted me hair and nails for her wedding, but it's something she would also do for my birthday, and she would never dictate a color or style.

    OP, try to think of what they would appreciate.  What would they enjoy?
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  • laurad75laurad75 member
    250 Love Its Third Anniversary 100 Comments Name Dropper
    I received jewelry for almost every wedding I have been a BM in and probably would have gone that route for my WP if I didn't do a lot of lurking and researching here beforehand.  I think you meant well with the gifts you were planning to give your BMs but the PP make a good point that those gifts aren't very personal and they are really all for your wedding.  

    For my BM's I bought them all tote bags with their monogram and the monogram thread matches the dress color they are wearing (3 different colors) - the gift is not for the wedding but maybe it will remind them of it when they use it.  I also plan to buy each of them something from origins or sephora that is personal to them. I did buy them all wraps that they might use for the wedding if its chilly but I am giving that to them separate from the gifts.

    I think if you stick around and read some more posts you will find that there is great advice on here and the group can be really supportive and helpful with questions.  


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  • MobKazMobKaz member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    moosechickang said:

    I've been a bridesmaid more than 10 times. Almost each time the gift has been the jewelry to wear and something small ( I now have 3 makeup bags with my name on them, lol). Granted, I have given away most of the jewelry after the wedding, but I was OK with wearing it for her pics, etc. I would have loved it if the bride had covered hair and nails! But really, it never occurred to me to expect more or be disappointed.

    It's possible we're in a different socioeconomic sphere (I’d say I’m solidly middle-class), and expectations are different, but man, these special gifts seem to just add stress and cost to the wedding. Every time I see a photo of bridal parties in matching robes I think “All that money, just for a few likes on a Facebook photo.”

    But, in summary, I know I’m in the minority, but that gift seems more than generous. Weddings have always cost me a bunch of money, and it would have been nice to have that alleviated. I’ve never expected my friend to reflect on our friendship and get me some thoughtful gift. We have the rest of our lives to do that instead of a time they’re probably drowning in debt anyways. 

    I agree with this to a certain extent.  Many BM's have their hair and nails done for the wedding whether asked or not.  In that sense, it would be a great gift!  However, if I am forced to wear a particular hair style, or a specific nail color, then the "gift" portion becomes null and void.
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  • SP29SP29 member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    moosechickang said:

    I've been a bridesmaid more than 10 times. Almost each time the gift has been the jewelry to wear and something small ( I now have 3 makeup bags with my name on them, lol). Granted, I have given away most of the jewelry after the wedding, but I was OK with wearing it for her pics, etc. I would have loved it if the bride had covered hair and nails! But really, it never occurred to me to expect more or be disappointed.

    It's possible we're in a different socioeconomic sphere (I’d say I’m solidly middle-class), and expectations are different, but man, these special gifts seem to just add stress and cost to the wedding. Every time I see a photo of bridal parties in matching robes I think “All that money, just for a few likes on a Facebook photo.”

    But, in summary, I know I’m in the minority, but that gift seems more than generous. Weddings have always cost me a bunch of money, and it would have been nice to have that alleviated. I’ve never expected my friend to reflect on our friendship and get me some thoughtful gift. We have the rest of our lives to do that instead of a time they’re probably drowning in debt anyways. 

    The gift doesn't have to be expensive though. No one on here has said that. The fact that the OP has spent $1k on BM "gifts" is not something to be proud of- it's a waste of her money and it doesn't help the BMs in any way (I am not including hair and make up in this- the OP mentioned spending a grand prior to H and MU).

    The point is to give your BMs a thank you for standing up beside you. It doesn't have to be big, or lavish. It could even be homemade! The point is that the giver is taking the time to gift something thoughtful to the receiver- not a gift for themselves.
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  • drunkenwitchdrunkenwitch member
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    Knottie55076812 said:
    This is my first post on The Knot and seems like Everyone is an insensitive asshole !!!!! I appreciate the honesty, but some of you are just down right NASTY. Aren't these boards here to support and help other brides? Jesus christ.. I'm going back to the Weddingbee boards. Those woman are great- honest, supportive, and respectful. Screw you people!!!!!


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