Bridesmaid Accessories

tigerlily6

I was talking with my MOH earlier today, going through our list of planning items, and one item on the "to do list" (which was from an online checklist) was to pick the bridal party accessories. I kind of dismissed it, since I felt there were bigger fish to fry on the list, but my MOH brought it to my attention. 

Now, I know we have discussed the topic ad nauseum here at TK, and I am happy to say I think I'm following the rules pretty well: I have actual gifts (either already bought or intended) for the bridesmaids, which are in no way related to the wedding but instead are things I think they will genuinely like and use for themselves. I am not dictating they wear any specific jewelry or shoes -- they can pick what they like and are comfortable in, and I trust their fashion sensibilities. 

BUT, I got the impression from MOH that she expects some wedding-day accessories. For example, personalized hangers or robes and stuff like that. I wasn't actually intending on getting anything like that, because honestly, I wasn't planning on getting myself anything of that sort -- it's not really my style, and if I can save some extra $$ by not getting that stuff and put it towards music, food, or booze instead, then that's where it will go. However, am I being stingy, here? It doesn't bother me not to have some of the extra frills, but if my wedding party is expecting them, am I wrong to be not planning any "accessories" beyond bouquets for my BMs?

ETA clarity

geebee908

I don't think you need to worry about it. Your MOH doesn't know what you have planned for the BM gifts, so I think she'll be pleasantly surprised to get a more personal gift than she's probably expecting. It's going to take a while for the wedding culture to change and those kind of expectations to go away, but you're doing what you can by showing that things can be done a different way.

kvruns

Just bean dip her. I'd just remind her that she can accessorize her dress however she chooses because you're not dictating a certain look. All she will need is to show up at the right place/time to get ready or show up ready to go and she will be great.

There are no required or expected accessories - the only "expected" ones are in her head.

charlotte989875

Totally not wrong. I told my BMs that they could (and should) wear whatever they wanted. They all have different tastes and I honestly can't remember what most of them wore. You're not expected to provide jewelry and I really do think they will be happier what they get personalized gifts. 

ernursej

She probably thinks that it is normal to have her accessories dictated and maybe why she brought it up. I think you are doing the right thing and I wouldn't be concerned with that item. In fact, you can check it off since you've told your party to wear what they would like to wear!

flantastic

I know my MOH expected to have such accessories dictated and was prepared to be the relayer of information/enforcer with the BMs, to make things "easier" on me. She thought it was part of her role. As soon as I said, "oh, you'll be wearing whatever shoes and jewelry you want" she was all, "oh, awesome" and moved on.