Weird etiquette questions

kayteekay85

I'm stumped. I know we don't *have* to invite anyone to our wedding, and anyone who has been downright abusive never has to be invited. But if you invite one part of a couple, etiquette dictates you must invite the other. 

I I am in a bit of a predicament. My uncle married the mother of his children when I was little. I was their flower girl. They separated (but did NOT legally divorce) in 2007. 

He he is now living with another woman, who has been not only abusive to my cousins but downright nasty to our family. 

They claim he is divorced, but according to the government, divorce was never filed. They even had a "wedding" in Cuba, but have no legal marriage here in Canada. 

Is there a way to only invite my uncle and not his new lady? I think my only option is to not invite him, for fear she will show up anyways. This sucks, because he will be the only uncle not invited.  

SP29

Unfortunately, this new woman IS his SO.

Lots of people get a legal separation and then live common law in a new relationship. I understand there is a some variety on this in the laws of the US, but in Canada, this is something that is legal and fairly common.

You may still invite your cousin's mother on her own accord, or her with her children (and if you are going to invite her, I'd invite her separately from uncle anyway). Sounds like if you were to ask her, she would consider herself very much NOT with your uncle .

I do think you are in a situation of either invite uncle + his new SO or don't invite either.

Yes, uncle is an adult and can choose to be in a relationship with whom he wants, but he also has to realize there are consequences to any action and if you are in a relationship with an asshat, you may stop getting invited to things.

STARMOON44

Nope. And why do you want to invite a man who has decided to bring someone abusive into his children's lives anyway? Both or neither. But, really? Neither!!

monkeysip

I mean... what kind of abuse are we talking about?  Typically anything violent, and that trumps etiquette rules about always inviting SOs.

But I agree with PPs.... sounds like inviting neither is your best option in this case.

SP29

monkeysip said:

Typically anything violent, and that trumps etiquette rules about always inviting SOs.

I agree, but this uncle is staying with this woman and allowing her to treat his children that way. If it really is abuse, he is no better, and why invite or continue a relationship with him?

kayteekay85

Good points ladies! I think my original inclination to not invite them will be my best course of action. 

I suppose my reason for considering inviting him at all was that he is my only uncle, and I miss the relationship we once had. But as PPs have said, he made he decision to be Ina relationship with an asshat!

CMGragain

kayteekay85 said:

Good points ladies! I think my original inclination to not invite them will be my best course of action. 

I suppose my reason for considering inviting him at all was that he is my only uncle, and I miss the relationship we once had. But as PPs have said, he made he decision to be Ina relationship with an asshat!

She is not an asshat.  She is a fool.