Wedding Etiquette Forum

Brunch wedding - only work when guests are mostly local?

Hello! Long time lurker - this board has been a huge help in past during my many stints as a bridesmaid.  I'm looking for honest advise regarding my own wedding plans.  My family and friends are kind to say "it's your wedding, do whatever you want!"  But I'm wondering if I am getting too attached to an idea that will be mostly inconvenient for our guests.

My FI and I are not really big party-dance people, but are very much morning and weekend brunch people, so we've really come around to the idea of having a Saturday morning brunch wedding in the town where we live.  Ceremony 11 or 11:30am, no gap, and straight on to host a brunch for a couple hours.  We would really like to make our wedding as low key and convenient as possible to our people.  

But - as much as we both love this idea, the vast majority of our guests live out of town.  Ranging from the closest, a 2.5 hour drive, to cross country flights. A lot of our friends have young children, under 5, and babies.

The more I think about this, I'm wondering if our plan of a brunch wedding is just going to be a logistical hassle for everyone.  While the families and friends are supportive and are quick to say that it's our day and to do what we want, I really want to be mindful of them.  Am I getting too caught up in a vision of something that would be good for only us?  Should we scrap the idea and instead have a traditional evening ceremony and dinner with no dancing?  Or evening ceremony, dinner, and dj- dancing so the kids can run around?

Thank you!

Re: Brunch wedding - only work when guests are mostly local?

  • I'm unsure what makes you think it would be inconvenient for OOT people.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • If you were looking at a 9am ceremony I'd see more of an issue, but 11 or 11:30 isn't early.

    I think it is the same issue these guests might have if you had the wedding at 6pm, just the time crunch is before the wedding (ie either early morning drive or stay the night before) vs. issue after an evening wedding (ie do I drive home at midnight or have to have a hotel room bc my flight is next day).

    My thought is you're concern lies in some people not being morning people or wanting/being able to take a long drive before the wedding leaving early morning. That is for the guests to decide if they are ok or if they would want to get a hotel the night before and drive home after the wedding.

  • I don't see any problem at all. Yeah, I prob need to fly in Friday night, but I'd likely be doing that anyway. 
  • I think it sounds like fun; I love brunch!  

    Your friends with kids will have such different schedules that it's likely impossible to find a time that works for everyone and your traveling guests have to travel regardless of what time of day you host your wedding.

    I think it's great that you're not just taking their word for it because if it was a bad idea, they'd still tell you it was fine. However, I think you're on the right track!
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  • Okay, perhaps I was getting overly concerned.  Our guests are adults and who can make decisions that are best for them and their families. Who know an invitation is not summons.  

    I suppose was worrying about guests needing to take off work on Friday in order to travel, or if they were traveling the morning of, it would be a total drag to be dressed up and in the car for three hours.  Or driving in Friday night after work would be a long day.  We lived in our current town for several years and don't often have visitors. I tend to travel around a lot, so for me driving several hours for a wedding or to visit a friend for a day isn't a big deal.  But I know that isn't the case for everyone and wanted to be conscious of that.  

    Maybe I was getting worked up over something that really isn't an issue.  I just wanted to make sure that I wasn't being rude by hosting something that I know isn't going to be the most convenient.  But, I think that the original plan for brunch will be okay.  Those who are able and want to come, will, and those whose can't attend, we'll catch up with after the wedding.

    Thank you for your input! 
  • In theory I think it's fine.  I would probably prefer a Sunday brunch instead of a Saturday brunch though.  Then I could fly in Saturday at my leisure instead of rushing after work or taking off early Friday and then just fly back Sunday afternoon/night after the wedding.  But I guess this might be location dependent - I live near an international airport with multiple flights per location per day.  If you or your guests are limited in flight options, that might play into which day is more convenient.

    One thing to think about is for people flying, if they aren't renting cars and planning to say cab it to the airport after the reception - are the nearby hotels ok with late check-outs?  Do they have a concierge service willing to hold on to their bag if they have to check-out before?  Does your venue have a place where these items could be held?  Granted, most people will be able to get by with a carry-on, but toting that around to the wedding and reception is kind of unwieldy. Ultimately, it's not your problem to solve, but if you at least check into it with any hotels you set up room blocks with or your venue, it will be more convenient for your guests who are flying. 

    But ultimately, there is nothing rude about your plan.  Lots of people have brunch weddings.
  • That's a good idea, I didn't consider Sunday morning.  We can ask around and see if there is a preference.  

    The location of the brunch (in a hotel) is amount an 8 minute walk from ceremony site.  Of course we will provide transportation to and from the ceremony. 

    I don't think anyone flying in would rent a car, however I suppose some may.  Our airport is a short distance, 15 minutes, and were we live is very accessible walking, cab, uber, bus system.  We would have a room block at this hotel (and maybe another in the area) but the hotel would hold luggage, late check-in/check-out, often you are able to check in early as well.  

    We live in a college town with a very small airport.  There's usually a good chance that your flight may be delayed or cancelled.  Initially I was thinking that if we wrapped early afternoon on Saturday, our guests would have the rest of the day to travel and have their Sunday at home.  Or for those flying, if something happened with their flight they would have a chance of getting home later Saturday and still have Sunday, or if they had to be rebooked for a Sunday flight they would be home in time for the start of the week.  But our guest list isn't huge, so we can try to get a feel whether there is a preference for Saturday or Sunday morning.  Although I think we may have several family members and friends decide to be in town with us for several days.
  • The cross-country trip people would fly in the day/night before...  So that's a non-issue...  The people that have 2.5 hour drives, if they leave by 8:30, they'll have plenty of time to get there or they'll get a hotel for the night before.  I'd venture to say with a brunch, I'd move it to 10/10:30 ceremony just because it's more of a lunch to have it any later.  And, most people either leave or are at work/school by 8AM (except for those of us night owls!)..

  • MesmrEwe said:

    The cross-country trip people would fly in the day/night before...  So that's a non-issue...  The people that have 2.5 hour drives, if they leave by 8:30, they'll have plenty of time to get there or they'll get a hotel for the night before.  I'd venture to say with a brunch, I'd move it to 10/10:30 ceremony just because it's more of a lunch to have it any later.  And, most people either leave or are at work/school by 8AM (except for those of us night owls!)..

    Nothing wrong with earlier ceremonies, but I actually wouldn't make it any earlier than 11. That would put vision before guest comfort, IMHO.

    If someone's coming in from 2.5 hours away, they need to leave at 8:30 for an 11 am ceremony, and 7:30 for a 10 am one. That's the difference between waking up at 6:30 or 7:30 am on a Saturday morning, if they want time to eat & get all fancied up before the wedding - or having to spend the extra cash on a hotel the night before. 

    I work in a school, so I'm a night owl who has to be up early during the week. Personally, my weekends are precious because I get to sleep in. I would roll my eyes at any weekend invite that asks me to be out the door that early - and probably decline it if we couldn't afford the hotel stay.
  • First, I think a brunch wedding sounds great! I agree with @JediElizabeth though and not start it before 11. If you have people traveling in the night before, give them a little more time the next morning. If I were driving in the morning is have to make sure the dog got walked, made of stopped for coffee for the drive, and gotten dressed up for the event and having the extra hour makes that a lot easier. An hour makes a difference! I also think Saturday or Sunday morning is fine. I'd prefer a Saturday event (I'm OOT from my family and always have to travel) because I like being home Sunday evening to get ready for the week. I wouldn't decline an invitation because of that but I'd definitely prefer Saturday to Sunday. 
  • edited February 2016
    Thank you all for the input, it's really helpful to have an outside opinion that I wasn't blundering something.  I don't think we would start before 11, if anything I would maybe lean toward 11:30am.  The ceremony would be short, 20 minutes, with brunch immediately following.  Giving those who traveled the night the before the following morning to sleep in, go for a walk, whatever. We may have a few in the 2.5 hour traveling group that will want to do all of their traveling the day of - so I would like to make things a little more manageable for them.  However, ultimately, I do understand we may miss a few people who may not want to sacrifice a Saturday morning which is totally fine and I get. (hopefully they wouldn't roll their eyes too hard at me :smile: )

    Just wanted to make sure I wasn't doing anything too nuts, or terrible etiquette wise, before beginning to lock things in. 
  • Sounds great :)

    I agree with sticking to 11/11:30 for your ceremony.

    Personally, if I am flying for a wedding, I would want to fly in the day before anyway, just in case. Unless the flight was REALLY short, a flying day is a long day. Get to the airport, park, check in, luggage, fly, pick up luggage, find transportation to hotel, check in.... etc.

    Thus, I'd fly in Friday for you wedding, choose to stay in a hotel 1-2 nights, but potentially could fly home Sat eve.
  • Thank you all for the input, it's really helpful to have an outside opinion that I wasn't blundering something.  I don't think we would start before 11, if anything I would maybe lean toward 11:30am.  The ceremony would be short, 20 minutes, with brunch immediately following.  Giving those who traveled the night the before the following morning to sleep in, go for a walk, whatever. We may have a few in the 2.5 hour traveling group that will want to do all of their traveling the day of - so I would like to make things a little more manageable for them.  However, ultimately, I do understand we may miss a few people who may not want to sacrifice a Saturday morning which is totally fine and I get. (hopefully they wouldn't roll their eyes too hard at me :smile: )

    Just wanted to make sure I wasn't doing anything too nuts, or terrible etiquette wise, before beginning to lock things in. 
    It's a kind thought, but ultimately, if they want to attend your wedding, they'll do whatever it takes to get there on time, including traveling in the days before the wedding and not the day of.  I wouldn't worry about it.
  • Your long distance guests will have to fly in no matter what time your ceremony is scheduled. If we were invited to an 11:30 am/ 2 1/2 hours away wedding, I'd want to drive in the night before and stay at a hotel. My husband would want to leave home at 8:30 am for the wedding, which is doable. I think you should have your brunch wedding and let your guests figure out their travel arrangements.
                       
  • PPs have it covered, but I just wanted to add "brunch" is my favorite meal time :).

    I got married in the early evening, but had a super fun brunch the morning after with most of my guests.

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