Groomsman Not Following Through

VicTim328

We are officially less than 4 weeks away from our wedding.  My cousin, who gets along great with FI, is a groomsman.  He got a huge promotion and had to move out of state over the summer. It's been a huge undertaking, and he now travels a lot for work.

FI and the other groomsmen got fitted over the Christmas holiday.  He had communicated to my cousin all of the details, and that he would need to go to Mens Wearhouse to be fitted.  End of January, FI asked me to remind him.  I did, as did my sister.  Only my sister got a response.  I texted again last week, asking if there was a mix up at Mens Wearhouse and maybe he had been fitted.  He said he meant to go, but got called out of town.  He asked if it was too late, and I said no, but he may need to transport it with him. 

Today, he has still not been fitted.  FI is ready to kick him out, and is saying that because he doesn't respond right away and he hasn't made it a priority, cousin doesn't care.  I don't think that is the case.  I don't want to kick him out, but I need to figure out how to put the pressure on cousin.

How should I approach this?  Is there a way to word everything firmly, but allow for a step down if he's too busy?

Jen4948

I think both you and your FI need to back off this one and let your cousin pick up the outfit from Men's Wearhouse on his own schedule.  As long as he has it on your wedding day and shows up in it on time, sober, and in good spirits, he's fulfilling his role.  Kicking him out would be a friendship-ending move.

levioosa

VicTim328 said:

We are officially less than 4 weeks away from our wedding.  My cousin, who gets along great with FI, is a groomsman.  He got a huge promotion and had to move out of state over the summer. It's been a huge undertaking, and he now travels a lot for work.

FI and the other groomsmen got fitted over the Christmas holiday.  He had communicated to my cousin all of the details, and that he would need to go to Mens Wearhouse to be fitted.  End of January, FI asked me to remind him.  I did, as did my sister.  Only my sister got a response.  I texted again last week, asking if there was a mix up at Mens Wearhouse and maybe he had been fitted.  He said he meant to go, but got called out of town.  He asked if it was too late, and I said no, but he may need to transport it with him. 

Today, he has still not been fitted.  FI is ready to kick him out, and is saying that because he doesn't respond right away and he hasn't made it a priority, cousin doesn't care.  I don't think that is the case.  I don't want to kick him out, but I need to figure out how to put the pressure on cousin.

How should I approach this?  Is there a way to word everything firmly, but allow for a step down if he's too busy?

You need to stay out of this.  If he doesn't get his suit by the date of the wedding, then he has taken himself out of the wedding.   He just moved, and now he travels all the time. I'm sure his promotion came with a lot of new responsibilities that he's learning how to juggle.  Your wedding is not a priority right now, which is perfectly okay. I'm sure he'll get the suit in time.  If not, it's okay and nothing changes on the wedding day.  You and FI still get married.  The reception still happens.  

It would be very rude to pressure him, or suggest he step down. He already knows he has to get the suit.  Back off.  

AddieCake

Back off. If it doesn't get done, he has removed himself from the wedding. Oh, well.

holyguacamole79

VicTim328 said:

We are officially less than 4 weeks away from our wedding.  My cousin, who gets along great with FI, is a groomsman.  He got a huge promotion and had to move out of state over the summer. It's been a huge undertaking, and he now travels a lot for work.

FI and the other groomsmen got fitted over the Christmas holiday.  He had communicated to my cousin all of the details, and that he would need to go to Mens Wearhouse to be fitted.  End of January, FI asked me to remind him.  I did, as did my sister.  Only my sister got a response.  I texted again last week, asking if there was a mix up at Mens Wearhouse and maybe he had been fitted.  He said he meant to go, but got called out of town.  He asked if it was too late, and I said no, but he may need to transport it with him. 

Today, he has still not been fitted.  FI is ready to kick him out, and is saying that because he doesn't respond right away and he hasn't made it a priority, cousin doesn't care.  I don't think that is the case.  I don't want to kick him out, but I need to figure out how to put the pressure on cousin.

How should I approach this?  Is there a way to word everything firmly, but allow for a step down if he's too busy?

** I'm naming your cousin "Joe" to make this easier to type **

First off, if he is standing on your FI's side, your FI should've contacted him instead of going through you.  If FI comes to you again asking for you to intercede, I would tell him that you understand that "Joe" is your cousin; however, it is more appropriate for FI to contact Joe. 

Second, there is no reason to involve your sister.  This is between FI & "Joe". 

Third, don't kick him out.  When is the absolute latest Joe needs to get his suit?  Many here will say that if he doesn't get his suit by then, he has essentially taken himself out of the wedding.  This is an UO around here, but I personally think that if this person is close to your FI, a suit shouldn't stop him from standing by him.

Lastly, as someone who used to travel cross-country 4 days/week for work (while engaged and as I was a bridesmaid for my brother's upcoming wedding) - cut Joe some slack!!!!  I spent ~16 hours / week in airplanes / airports / shuttles.  It is draining.  It sucked seeing the manager of the Residence Inn more than I saw my FI ... and stepping onto the hotel elevator wondering if you were on the 3rd floor this week or last week.  Go easy on him.

climbingsingle

I think you both need to chill out and get off his back. If he doesn't get fitted in time, then he's removed himself from the wedding. Oh well. It's not the end of the world! 

geebee908

holyguacamole79 said:

VicTim328 said:

We are officially less than 4 weeks away from our wedding.  My cousin, who gets along great with FI, is a groomsman.  He got a huge promotion and had to move out of state over the summer. It's been a huge undertaking, and he now travels a lot for work.

FI and the other groomsmen got fitted over the Christmas holiday.  He had communicated to my cousin all of the details, and that he would need to go to Mens Wearhouse to be fitted.  End of January, FI asked me to remind him.  I did, as did my sister.  Only my sister got a response.  I texted again last week, asking if there was a mix up at Mens Wearhouse and maybe he had been fitted.  He said he meant to go, but got called out of town.  He asked if it was too late, and I said no, but he may need to transport it with him. 

Today, he has still not been fitted.  FI is ready to kick him out, and is saying that because he doesn't respond right away and he hasn't made it a priority, cousin doesn't care.  I don't think that is the case.  I don't want to kick him out, but I need to figure out how to put the pressure on cousin.

How should I approach this?  Is there a way to word everything firmly, but allow for a step down if he's too busy?

** I'm naming your cousin "Joe" to make this easier to type **

First off, if he is standing on your FI's side, your FI should've contacted him instead of going through you.  If FI comes to you again asking for you to intercede, I would tell him that you understand that "Joe" is your cousin; however, it is more appropriate for FI to contact Joe. 

Second, there is no reason to involve your sister.  This is between FI & "Joe". 

Third, don't kick him out.  When is the absolute latest Joe needs to get his suit?  Many here will say that if he doesn't get his suit by then, he has essentially taken himself out of the wedding.  This is an UO around here, but I personally think that if this person is close to your FI, a suit shouldn't stop him from standing by him.

Lastly, as someone who used to travel cross-country 4 days/week for work (while engaged and as I was a bridesmaid for my brother's upcoming wedding) - cut Joe some slack!!!!  I spent ~16 hours / week in airplanes / airports / shuttles.  It is draining.  It sucked seeing the manager of the Residence Inn more than I saw my FI ... and stepping onto the hotel elevator wondering if you were on the 3rd floor this week or last week.  Go easy on him.

I'm with you on the UO, @holyguacamole79, what a person is wearing should not be more important than the person with regard to being able to participate in a wedding.

MesmrEwe

Yep - guys get fitted for Prom the Monday before Prom and they still have a suit to wear that matches his date's attire.  DH got fitted for a suit to wear at his Dad's Saturday funeral on Thursday at MW...  Cut the guy some slack, remind him he can go into any Men's Warehouse location in the country to get the fitting done, then DROP IT!

lnixon8

The fact that your name is victim has got me feeling realllllly snarky.

banana468

It's Men's Warehouse.   They can handle it. 

MairePoppy

This is one of those 'problems' that will work itself out, at the latest, on your wedding day. He will either have the suit and will be a gm or he won't. 

If you ask him to step down, you will create more problems.

short+sassy

We got married OOT from where my H and I live.  H and his BM went to a local Men's Warehouse just 10 days before the wedding to get fitted, with the tuxes being picked up at a MW near the city we were getting married in.  It all worked out fine.

I did nag my H a bit as the time started getting to close, but finally said to myself, "Well, I'm not reminding him anymore.  If he ends up having to get married in one of his suits (he wanted a tux) or khakis and a dress shirt, that's on him.  We'll be married either way, so it's all good in the end."