Pre-Wedding BBQ

Username100108

My question is Would it be considered tacky to have a pre-wedding BBQ/celebration with those we didn't invite to the wedding?

Now before anyone goes off the handle--Let me explain what I mean by this...

We are BIG on BBQ's. We have one almost every weekend in the summer at my mom's house. My younger sisters are very into basketball, so my mom has become friends with a bunch of the teams parents (Let's call them "BBall Families". The BBall families come to a bunch of the BBQ's at my mom's over the summers, so my fiancé and I have gotten to know them pretty well, and we really like them (we also see them at cookie swaps at my mom's, Halloween parties, etc)-that being said, we are having a small-ish wedding, less than 90 people, so the BBall Families will not be invited to the wedding. I know of a few in particular that have mentioned they still would like to be a part of the celebration in one way or another. My mom and one of the BBall mothers came up with the idea of having a big pre-wedding BBQ where we invite everyone-Bball families, extended family we see once in a blue moon, old family friends, etc. She would like to do this just like any other BBQ we have had, where everyone brings a little something (pasta salad, chips, drinks, whatever) but decorate the outside of the house different than every other BBQ so everyone knows it's a pre-wedding celebration. No one will be expected to bring gifts (obviously) or anything of that nature-it would just be a way to celebrate with those that aren't invited to the wedding...

I know for a fact that the majority of guests my mom is thinking of inviting would be excited about this as it is a way to celebrate with us even though they won't be there for the big day, and she really is doing it with the best intentions--I am just worried others will think it's ridiculous/tacky? So I was wondering what everyone though of this... Do I say okay, let's do this, or skip it?

[Deleted User]

Username100108 said:

My question is Would it be considered tacky to have a pre-wedding BBQ/celebration with those we didn't invite to the wedding?

Now before anyone goes off the handle--Let me explain what I mean by this...

We are BIG on BBQ's. We have one almost every weekend in the summer at my mom's house. My younger sisters are very into basketball, so my mom has become friends with a bunch of the teams parents (Let's call them "BBall Families". The BBall families come to a bunch of the BBQ's at my mom's over the summers, so my fiancé and I have gotten to know them pretty well, and we really like them (we also see them at cookie swaps at my mom's, Halloween parties, etc)-that being said, we are having a small-ish wedding, less than 90 people, so the BBall Families will not be invited to the wedding. I know of a few in particular that have mentioned they still would like to be a part of the celebration in one way or another. My mom and one of the BBall mothers came up with the idea of having a big pre-wedding BBQ where we invite everyone-Bball families, extended family we see once in a blue moon, old family friends, etc. She would like to do this just like any other BBQ we have had, where everyone brings a little something (pasta salad, chips, drinks, whatever) but decorate the outside of the house different than every other BBQ so everyone knows it's a pre-wedding celebration. No one will be expected to bring gifts (obviously) or anything of that nature-it would just be a way to celebrate with those that aren't invited to the wedding...

I know for a fact that the majority of guests my mom is thinking of inviting would be excited about this as it is a way to celebrate with us even though they won't be there for the big day, and she really is doing it with the best intentions--I am just worried others will think it's ridiculous/tacky? So I was wondering what everyone though of this... Do I say okay, let's do this, or skip it?

No.

Of course you can throw a party whenever you want for whatever reason, but it cannot be affiliated with your wedding if you're inviting people who won't be invited to your wedding.

LondonLisa

Username100108 said:

My question is Would it be considered tacky to have a pre-wedding BBQ/celebration with those we didn't invite to the wedding?

Now before anyone goes off the handle--Let me explain what I mean by this...

We are BIG on BBQ's. We have one almost every weekend in the summer at my mom's house. My younger sisters are very into basketball, so my mom has become friends with a bunch of the teams parents (Let's call them "BBall Families". The BBall families come to a bunch of the BBQ's at my mom's over the summers, so my fiancé and I have gotten to know them pretty well, and we really like them (we also see them at cookie swaps at my mom's, Halloween parties, etc)-that being said, we are having a small-ish wedding, less than 90 people, so the BBall Families will not be invited to the wedding. I know of a few in particular that have mentioned they still would like to be a part of the celebration in one way or another. My mom and one of the BBall mothers came up with the idea of having a big pre-wedding BBQ where we invite everyone-Bball families, extended family we see once in a blue moon, old family friends, etc. She would like to do this just like any other BBQ we have had, where everyone brings a little something (pasta salad, chips, drinks, whatever) but decorate the outside of the house different than every other BBQ so everyone knows it's a pre-wedding celebration. No one will be expected to bring gifts (obviously) or anything of that nature-it would just be a way to celebrate with those that aren't invited to the wedding...

I know for a fact that the majority of guests my mom is thinking of inviting would be excited about this as it is a way to celebrate with us even though they won't be there for the big day, and she really is doing it with the best intentions--I am just worried others will think it's ridiculous/tacky? So I was wondering what everyone though of this... Do I say okay, let's do this, or skip it?

Rule #1 of pre wedding parties: everyone invited must be invited to the wedding.

What you have planned is incredibly rude and tacky. 

Jen4948

Skip it.

You can have the BBQ, but not a "pre-wedding BBQ" if not everyone there will be invited to the wedding.  It doesn't matter how many other people there know you're getting married, aren't invited, and don't care - it's very rude and tacky.

AddieCake

You can have a BBQ any time you want, but it's not appropriate to throw one as a pre-wedding consolation prize for those not invited. 

artbyallie

I promise you these people do not consider your wedding so desperately important that they will be falling over themselves to attend a consolation prize event. Plus, it's terribly rude to invite anyone to a wedding-related event and not the actual wedding. Skip it.

tigerlily6

My parents would like to have a big BBQ or some sort of shindig at their house later in the summer after I'm married, and look forward to having some of their friends who aren't invited to the wedding being able to meet me and FH as a married couple. BUT it will just be an end-of-the summer event (my parents usually hosts something like this), not in any way wedding related, and my FH and I will just be regular guests among other regular guests. Maybe your mom can do something like this either before or after you get married -- a party is fine so long as it's not a pre-wedding party. 

CMGragain

Have your barbecue after you come back from your honeymoon.  It won't be wedding related, but you can show off your wedding photos. 

jacques27

Yes, rude and tacky even if you are "BBQ people".  Why must the party be associated with your wedding at all?  If you're such big BBQ people, why can't you just throw a non-wedding related party at any other time of the year?  Parties can exist outside the context of weddings.  I think you are grossly overestimating the number of people just falling all over themselves to celebrate your wedding and itching to have a consolation party (they may express fleeting disappointment, but they'll be over it in like 90 seconds tops).  Most people understand that most weddings have size/budget restrictions.

Username100108

Thanks for the responses.

MandyMost

Just because it's not billed as a wedding-related party doesn't mean people won't be focusing on you and your wedding since they're excited for you. Personally, I think a post-wedding BBQ makes more sense and avoids the awkwardness of talking about a big event to people that they're not invited to. Don't mention it has anything to do with the wedding, but I guarantee you people will be asking about the wedding and congratulating you anyway! 

Think of it like when you got engaged--if you had an engagement party of course the people there were all "Congrats! We're so excited for you!". But chances are when you saw other people NOT at your engagement party they were also like "Congrats! We're so excited for you!". You didn't have to throw them a party for them to congratulate you.