Avoiding splitting up a family

100yroldblinddog

Background: I was planning on a kid-free wedding with the exception of the flower girl and ring bearer.

My MOH's daughter is my flower girl, so of course my MOH, her husband, and her daughter (flower girl) were all invited. Since becoming my MOH, she's had a second baby, which kind of jams up the baby-free wedding situation. I don't want to inconvenience MOH and keep her away from her son, but I also don't want other guests to be upset if they see an infant at the wedding when their kids weren't invited. Any suggestions with how to proceed?  

Jen4948

Just invite everyone you want to invite and leave off the names of those persons you don't from the invitation envelopes.

Hopefully other guests will understand that children at the wedding are limited to those of wedding party members, and if they don't, that's their problem.  You don't have to make it yours.

monkeysip

I think if her daughter is the flower girl, then you need to invite the new baby too.  Just because you allow your MOH to bring her kids doesn't mean you have to invite all kids.  I think people would understand that you wanted to let your MOH bring her new baby.

ernursej

You can pick and choose the children you invite, provided that you invite ALL the children from that particular family unit. Also, many couples will do adults only, but still invite their little nieces/nephews or specific children. I think most guests would understand why their kids were not invited despite the presence of a few specific children.

FYI - never list 'adults only' on an invite or let people know that x or y child is not invited. Just list the names of the invited on the envelope. The only time you can talk about those that are not invited is if the parents add a child to the RSVP when the invitation was not extended in the first place. Then you would have to follow up that RSVP with a phone call to let them know that x or y child cannot be accommodated.

I love adult only weddings (and you are completely allowed etiquette wise), but be prepared for some guests to be upset and/or not attend if their children are not invited.

100yroldblinddog

ernursej said:

You can pick and choose the children you invite, provided that you invite ALL the children from that particular family unit. Also, many couples will do adults only, but still invite their little nieces/nephews or specific children. I think most guests would understand why their kids were not invited despite the presence of a few specific children.

FYI - never list 'adults only' on an invite or let people know that x or y child is not invited. Just list the names of the invited on the envelope. The only time you can talk about those that are not invited is if the parents add a child to the RSVP when the invitation was not extended in the first place. Then you would have to follow up that RSVP with a phone call to let them know that x or y child cannot be accommodated.

I love adult only weddings (and you are completely allowed etiquette wise), but be prepared for some guests to be upset and/or not attend if their children are not invited.

To the bolded: I've lurked long and hard, and wouldn't dare! :-)

I'm very concerned with upsetting my guests and want to avoid conflict over not inviting children, but that's probably unavoidable with some people.

This is all great advice - I'll be moving forward inviting in circles!

madamerwin

A lot of people worry that they will offend guests whose children were not invited, but I think most adults understand that some children will be invited to weddings, while others won't. That said, you definitely need to invite your MOH's baby, as well, since it's not cool to split up families. I would hope that most guests will understand that since the mom and older child were IN the wedding, it makes sense that the infant would be there too. If anyone raises a fuss, THEY are the ones being rude, not you.

SP29

Yup to all the above.

As long as you aren't splitting a family, it is perfectly fine to invite some children but not others.

Since you would never write "Adults only", there is no reason for a guest to say, "But you said no kids!!". The only thing they will know, is that theirs weren't invited.

While you *may* have some guests decline because they cannot/will not leave their children behind, and you *may* have some guests ask if they can bring their kids, no one has the right to expect their children will be invited.

MyNameIsNot

I'm with everyone to just invite the baby. 

But I'm confused. Do you really think people would see the new baby and be upset that their children were excluded, but wouldn't feel the same about the FG and RB? Maybe I'm missing something, but I just don't see the parent who get irrational about this seeing the logic of FG/RB, but thinking the infant sibling crosses the line. 

I'll also say that I fully do not understand having child attendants at an otherwise child-free wedding, but that's neither here nor there.