bridesmaid dresses

kylexo

In the grand scheme of things I'm sure this isn't actually a big deal, but I'd love some advice from you ladies if I should bother addressing this at all and if so, how to address it.

I have 6 BM, ranging from sister, childhood friends, college friends and FSIL. When I chose what they'd be wearing, I decided to keep it very open so that they could all wear something they'd feel beautiful in, only specifying 3 things: color (and since they'd likely be getting the dresses different places I said that a range of colors would be ok), length (I'm wearing a tea length dress, so didn't want them in anything longer than that), and for the dress to be a gauzy material (chiffon or similar.) They are choosing their dresses now, some of them checking with me for approval (not required!) and 2 of them have come back with lace dresses, which I'd really prefer they not choose, as it doesn't really fit the feel of the venue or anyone elses attire. Is this worth addressing with them, or should I not bother and just let them wear what they want? How should I talk to them about it if it's worth addressing?

STARMOON44

"I'd rather you wear chiffon than lace, thanks". 

artbyallie

kylexo said:

In the grand scheme of things I'm sure this isn't actually a big deal, but I'd love some advice from you ladies if I should bother addressing this at all and if so, how to address it.

I have 6 BM, ranging from sister, childhood friends, college friends and FSIL. When I chose what they'd be wearing, I decided to keep it very open so that they could all wear something they'd feel beautiful in, only specifying 3 things: color (and since they'd likely be getting the dresses different places I said that a range of colors would be ok), length (I'm wearing a tea length dress, so didn't want them in anything longer than that), and for the dress to be a gauzy material (chiffon or similar.) They are choosing their dresses now, some of them checking with me for approval (not required!) and 2 of them have come back with lace dresses, which I'd really prefer they not choose, as it doesn't really fit the feel of the venue or anyone elses attire. Is this worth addressing with them, or should I not bother and just let them wear what they want? How should I talk to them about it if it's worth addressing?

Did they already buy the dresses? IMO lace has a similarly 'open' feel to chiffon, so I don't feel like they didn't follow the guidelines. And, if you're really serious that your approval is not required, then you can't veto. You shouldn't anyway if they're abiding by your other requests, but especially since you noted the above.

SP29

Personally, I don't think the material should matter. Why does it need to be chiffon? Do your BM's know where the venue is/ what it looks like? For sure I wouldn't wear a sparkly satin dress to an afternoon wedding at a country club, but does it matter if the dress "matches" the venue?

I'm not a chiffon person, it's probably not a dress I'd wear again. On the other hand, I LOVE lace, so I get it, and as a BM I would very much try to find a dress in your colour requirements that I could wear again.

At the same time, I will concede that it is a traditional the WP wears attire that is matching to some sort of theme and agreed upon by the B&G, so in that case, if you don't want lace, I would go with Starmoon's wording.

MesmrEwe

If you wanted matchy-matchy you had that as an option and you chose this route instead.  If they love the lace dress, don't get in the way.  OTOH, you can say "I was hoping for more of a chiffon type look" - and it could just be that it's difficult for her to come up with something that fits that parameter in her budget and where she's been to shopping..

ernursej

I think you had the right idea to let your BMs choose within a few parameters. I do think that you are splitting hairs with the type of material. I'd let this go.

glasgowtolondon

Have they already bought the lace dresses? If not then @STARMOON44 nailed it. If they've already bought the dresses I would let it go. You gave them loose guidelines when, in fact, you had more specific requirements. You asked for a gauzy fabric, chiffon or similar, but what you meant was chiffon. It's not their fault you weren't specific enough, and you risk sounding unreasonable.

Fwiw, I think the mix of lace and chiffon will be fine.

short+sassy

When you use the phrase "came back with lace dresses", do you mean they sent you pics of dresses they are thinking about and asked your opinion?

If they are asking for your opinion anyway, than I think it's fine to say either, "I'd really prefer chiffon," or, if you want to give your opinion but still stay a little flexible, "I'd really prefer chiffon but, if you can't find any dresses you like in chiffon, it's okay if you choose this lace one."

kylexo

glasgowtolondon said:

Have they already bought the lace dresses? If not then @STARMOON44 nailed it. If they've already bought the dresses I would let it go. You gave them loose guidelines when, in fact, you had more specific requirements. You asked for a gauzy fabric, chiffon or similar, but what you meant was chiffon. It's not their fault you weren't specific enough, and you risk sounding unreasonable.

Fwiw, I think the mix of lace and chiffon will be fine.

Only one of them has bought a dress so far, and hers is chiffon. I guess interpretation is everything, to me personally chiffon or similar means just that, gauzy either chiffon, silk chiffon or the polyester whatever that has the same look. Lace is a totally different thing, and I guess I was just peeved that they interpreted what I'd said in such a different way than I'd intended. Obviously that's my own hang up, so I'll just do what PP have stated and let them know what I meant more specifically.